If dead people do turn in their graves, my old man must be turning as I write this.
He raised me to fear the Almighty and never to utter a word that might be construed to cast doubt on His existence, or malign His children.
He also taught me to be ruthlessly honest, hence this piece.
It boggles the mind why many people who are "saved" close their minds and think they are under God's orders to "save" the rest of us.
You get angry and want to tear your hair out when some yobos blast their kwaito music while a church service is on the go in the neighbourhood. That's wrong, alright.
But similarly, it is wrong for a Bible-punching mob to beat drums in your neighbourhood all night long in the name of worship.
Or to pitch up a tent on your doorstep and play live gospel music full blast all weekend.
Worse still is when strangers knock on your door and demand to "share" with you. You feel like the devil himself when you say "no thanks". So you end up with a whole bunch of strangers in your house making a racket, clapping hands and praying for your salvation.
I am reminded of a man who was preaching on a bus I was riding in years back. As he warmed up to his sermon, one Doubting Thomas shook his head in disbelief, smiling with scepticism written all over his face.
The preacher saw red.
Like a cat leading a mouse into a trap, he went on preaching, while nudging closer and closer to his target.
When he was within striking range, he lunged at the disbeliever, grabbed him by the lapels of his shirt and lifted him out of his seat as if he were a rag doll.
The aunties on the bus wailed as men stepped in between preacher man and sinner.
When they had been separated, the alleged man of God wagged his finger at his tiny challenger and threatened in Zulu: "For God's word, I will f*** you up!" Wow.
Not very surprising, though, considering how many wars have been started in the name of religion.
Reminds me of the story of little Nkwesheng, a primary school pupil in Boekenhout in Mabopane.
Before I relate it, I can attest to its veracity because I saw Nkwesh-boyz's script with my own eyes.
The question was: How is rain formed (evaporation, clouds, etc)?
Nkwesheng's succinct answer was: "Ke dilo tsa Modimo." (It's God's things).
I had a good giggle then, and I am having one now.
My old man must be turning full speed.
l Charles Mogale is the editor of Sunday World