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Machinations of Mr BEE-wannabe's microcosm placed under our microscope

By unknown | Mar 13, 2007 | COMMENTS [ 0 ]

The are certain unwritten rules in the taxi business.

The are certain unwritten rules in the taxi business.

The customers and drivers know how to behave and speak to each other. Most journeys are peaceful and uneventful.

A while back, Taxi's number one fan, Busi, was embarrassed after giving out sweets to other passengers and the driver.

The driver accused her of trying to bewitch him and the men feared she was giving them Staysoft, a love potion.

For the past month our members have been forced to put up with a yuppie-type who was temporarily carless.

The man was a work of art. He did everything he could to show us that he was not used to taxis and, furthermore, that he was several classes above us.

Of course he spoke with a US twang stronger than the real thing.

Every day he would ask us how much the taxi fare was and exclaim that it was too much.

He would tell us that he filled up his car on a Friday - "for R450, you know" - and the petrol would last until the next weekend.

He would twist and turn in his seat after every move the driver made and declare "Oh sweet Jesus" all the way into the Joburg CBD.

He told us umpteen times that he was not used to being driven around because he had his own Jeep.

He complained when he was supposed to squeeze up to allow another passenger into the taxi. He was finicky and every two minutes he would twitch and straighten his clothes. He would look suspiciously at his neighbour and pick lint from his clothes.

Invariably along the route, out would come his cellphone and we would be given an inkling of his superiority.

He helped us to understand that his subordinates were whites who jumped and saluted on command.

He would speak to a Dave or a Mitch about running late. He would also send instructions for his PA to locate a file for an appointment or a meeting. He gave us the impression that his company was paralysed without him.

We often wondered why he did not order these subordinates to fetch him from home or why his company did not hire a Jeep to keep him in the style to which he was accustomed.

He did not make an appearance on the last two trips, which made us relax and examine his every twitch. The combi rang with laughter as we milked his mannerisms to the last drop.

A rumour went round that he was a BEE-wannabe who had not yet cracked the big time, but was hopeful his turn was coming soon.

The driver said he suspected he was the guy who called the taxi association demanding the route's timetable.

We were silenced by this revelation. Perhaps the man has something after all.

Mr BEE should pitch this idea and then tender for the printing job to the taxi association. Whether the timetable will follow is another thing.


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