Mukanya* with Tapiwa Manyati
Mukanya* with Tapiwa Manyati
When I joined Zimbabwe's Padare Men's Forum on Gender my life changed from a women abuser to a gender activist.
This is my story. I was born in 1967 and lived in Highfield, Harare.
I grew up with the belief that to be a man you have to use power in everything you do. As I grew up I developed an interest in music and night- clubbing. I became a womaniser, an abuser. I was also a dagga smoker.
In 1984 I worked for a popular local band as a door attendant. We used to travel to Zambia, London, South Africa, Mozambique and other countries.
As the door attendant I became popular with girls because I was their ticket to the shows.
Some nights I would sleep with five or more women desperate to see their favourite band perform.
I did this while I was married to my first wife. I usually spent nights away from home, leaving her alone with our child. I never gave her room to ask where I was or to complain.
Being a man meant that my word was final. I used to beat her up just to make her realise who was the man.
Neighbours watched helplessly as I beat her up. Once she collapsed I would then walk away boasting about my manhood.
My ill-placed ego made me believe that I was too much of a man to have one wife. I started comparing her with the commercial sex workers I used to hang out with.
The abuse stopped when she scalded me with boiling water and I was hospitalised for five months. We divorced and I got married again.
In 1994, I got sick and it was discovered I had TB and I was also HIV-positive. My health deteriorated and my second wife left me.
My family took me to Mashambanzou centre for the terminally ill.
I thought about committing suicide but I realised that it would only deprive my children of a father.
By the time I went back home I was almost fully recovered from that specific disease. I then joined a network of people living with HIV-Aids. I then committed myself to living positively.
In 2000, I met the director of the Padare/Enkundleni/Mens Forum on Gender at a workshop in Harare. I was impressed by the idea of male involvement in gender issues and when I got back home I started a local chapter of Padare.
I am now happily married and I do no beat up my wife.
l The story is written with the assistance of Tapiwa Manyati as part of the I Story series of the Gender Links Opinion and Commentary Service.
Abuser turns gender activist
Mukanya* with Tapiwa Manyati
Mukanya* with Tapiwa Manyati
When I joined Zimbabwe's Padare Men's Forum on Gender my life changed from a women abuser to a gender activist.
This is my story. I was born in 1967 and lived in Highfield, Harare.
I grew up with the belief that to be a man you have to use power in everything you do. As I grew up I developed an interest in music and night- clubbing. I became a womaniser, an abuser. I was also a dagga smoker.
In 1984 I worked for a popular local band as a door attendant. We used to travel to Zambia, London, South Africa, Mozambique and other countries.
As the door attendant I became popular with girls because I was their ticket to the shows.
Some nights I would sleep with five or more women desperate to see their favourite band perform.
I did this while I was married to my first wife. I usually spent nights away from home, leaving her alone with our child. I never gave her room to ask where I was or to complain.
Being a man meant that my word was final. I used to beat her up just to make her realise who was the man.
Neighbours watched helplessly as I beat her up. Once she collapsed I would then walk away boasting about my manhood.
My ill-placed ego made me believe that I was too much of a man to have one wife. I started comparing her with the commercial sex workers I used to hang out with.
The abuse stopped when she scalded me with boiling water and I was hospitalised for five months. We divorced and I got married again.
In 1994, I got sick and it was discovered I had TB and I was also HIV-positive. My health deteriorated and my second wife left me.
My family took me to Mashambanzou centre for the terminally ill.
I thought about committing suicide but I realised that it would only deprive my children of a father.
By the time I went back home I was almost fully recovered from that specific disease. I then joined a network of people living with HIV-Aids. I then committed myself to living positively.
In 2000, I met the director of the Padare/Enkundleni/Mens Forum on Gender at a workshop in Harare. I was impressed by the idea of male involvement in gender issues and when I got back home I started a local chapter of Padare.
I am now happily married and I do no beat up my wife.
l The story is written with the assistance of Tapiwa Manyati as part of the I Story series of the Gender Links Opinion and Commentary Service.
Would you like to comment on this article?
Register (it's quick and free) or sign in now.
Please read our Comment Policy before commenting.
Trending
Latest Videos