IN MY experience the death of the breadwinning spouse often creates three completely different emotional reactions for the remaining spouse:

Grief - dealing with the loss of a loved one;

Guilt - so often, a spouse is left wondering if there will be sufficient funds to pay off debt, educate the children and maintain their lifestyles for the years that lie ahead. Thinking about money when one is grieving does lead to feelings of guilt;

Shock - when faced with a sudden death compared with being more prepared when a sickness lingers on.

I thought it was worth sharing with our readers the comments of a client who lost her husband suddenly some years ago. She was left completely in the dark about their financial position.

For this reason she decided to record all the important information about her current situation in case something suddenly happened to her. She did not want her children to experience the same difficulty.

She made a tape and called it the Doomsday Tape. It comprised a check list of where all the documents relating to education and employment details, finance and banking, insurance and retirement funds, share and unit trust portfolios and other assets could be located.

I think her idea is excellent, but there are numerous questions that need to be addressed:

l Have you revised your will and where is it, together with birth certificates, ID, marriage certificate, ANC contract, burial wishes?

l Who is the executor of the estate?

l Who are your financial advisers?

l To which medical scheme do you belong?

l What are the details of all credit cards and bank accounts?

l What timeshare do you have, and who do you contact about this?

l If you have a safety deposit box, where is the key?

l Where are the contracts pertaining to any offshore assets?

There are annual expenses that will need to be cancelled, such as motor vehicle licence renewals, club memberships and donations to religious institutions, plus other subscriptions.

It has been my experience that most people do leave contact numbers but, when you call them they do not have all the information you require.

What about your domestic workers? Do you have a staff file for them containing all their details? What arrangements are in place for your domestic workers in the event of your death and where are their UIF details?

What about possessions? You might leave jewellery and furniture for children to share, but I've seen enormous conflict arise at the time of distribution. Parents should never leave differing amounts to their children. They should all be treated equally. Parents don't realise that, if you favour one child over another, sometimes quite unintentionally, it can cause rifts all the way down into future generations.

In times of grief, it's often extremely hard for those left behind to have to source information and contact people. Thus, it makes much more sense to lay down all the guidelines so as to alleviate any additional and unwanted stress at this tragic time.

This lady's far-sighted Doomsday tape deals with everything. She has even asked her children, who would like the cutlery, the table, the paintings and, although it might sound trivial, it becomes extremely significant in the broader picture when death comes knocking.

E-mail bryan@bhca.co.zaweb. www.bhca.co.za