At first I thought my friend was overreacting. I usually advocate that single moms exercise patience and tolerance when it comes to nurturing the relationships between their kids and their exes.

Having witnessed many horror stories of baby daddies and baby mamas from hell who have damaged their children emotionally and otherwise, I think it takes mature parents to co-parent peacefully and contribute to the emotional health and wellbeing of their children.

My friend was frothing at the mouth because after more than 10 years of no contact with his son, the dad decided to resurface all of a sudden.

And boy, is she angry.

"He doesn't even know what the cost of his nappies was.

"When he was young and happening, my ex saw our child as a financial liability and did not want to be associated with us.

"He used to drive fancy cars and made me mad when he told the magistrate when I tried to get him to support his child, that he could afford to pay only R200.

"That's when I realised I had been dealt a devil's hand and concentrated on raising my son on my own."

According to her, her ex would not have claimed their child if he had turned out to be a nyaope-smoking delinquent or a jailbird.

After years of silence without even acknowledging his birthdays or showing up at Christmas, the man says he has now seen the light and wants to reconnect with his son.

My friend thinks the father is only interested in associating with their son because he is about to graduate with a degree in metallurgical engineering.

She says it's quite convenient that he suddenly has a conscience when it comes to doing right for his child and says the whole thing for her smells like a scam.

The father says the child's ancestors have to recognise him and plans to do this big family gathering on his side of the family to welcome him into the fold.

I must say, though I see the issues from a less emotional perspective, this black-tax scam by long-lost baby daddies is quite common in our communities.

These men, and in some instances women, usually come back with a lot of baggage that they foist onto their children.

Some expect their kids to support them financially in their sunset years. It is shameless how, after not supporting their children for decades, they are so quick to stand on a podium and claim their flesh and blood.

When they are at the height of their sophistication, holding important jobs and driving snazzy drop-top cars, these dead-beat dads would either not contribute anything to their children's upkeep or pay paltry amounts as they maintain their high-flying lifestyles.

Since they don't own industries nor are they entrepreneurs, their status normally becomes diminished with age, when they are pushed out by younger professionals. Other responsibilities of life, including their own families, start to take a toll on their lifestyles.

It is when life becomes tough that they suddenly look back and decide to do a khumbulekhaya (reunion) with the children they had neglected.

While my friend is wrong in telling her child that she does not wish him to have any sort of relationship with his dad - because that is her son's call - I deeply sympathise with her.

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