Why have a kids outside marriage? That is the problem-there is no commitment. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Ditete
You cannot force love, an IDIOT who leaves his child behind will need that child somewhere in the future its called KARMA
But at the same token minority of mothers play a role in the disappearance of the father by trying to get pregnant without the fathers consent its fact and you know
but those other IDIOT KARMA is coming for you baby yeah!!! Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
mambaaai
@Ann
no.. they are just sper*m donors...
@tpaz
Why have a kids outside marriage? That is the problem-there is no commitment
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when one reads the title ATMS money and fathers not being alowed to see their children....along with your two comments..... makes one wonder if women cant be narrow eyed scheemers............ Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Mar10
@ Ditete
But at the same token minority of mothers play a role in the disappearance of the father by trying to get pregnant without the fathers consent its fact and you know
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How does a woman fall pregnant without a man's consent? it takes 2 to tango... Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
MommaC
Depends on the father. Some are able to provide good role models for their kids and others aren't.
A strong male role model is essential for a child to grow up well adjusted. That doesn't have to be the father but it is best if it is. Women should stop thinking with their hormones and start thinking with their brains. It is, after all, our choice. Chose the right men for the sake of your children. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
somaartakeit
More than half of SA's children live without their fathers? this translates to me that more than half SAn women breed irresponsibly, in other words with losers so that makes them losers too, to the detriment of their children. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
PleaseGetReal1
I would also like to know in this study how many of the father's and mothers had jobs or live on grants. This is what really peeves me when people still scream poverty but they multiply without thinking. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Usernamee
@tpaz
Why have a kids outside marriage? That is the problem-there is no commitment.
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Marriage doesn't guarantee that everything will work. There are so many people who were married but are today divorced and kids are involved.
There is more to this than what meets the eye. Most men out their take their frustrations by refusing to be part of the kids lives whilst we have women that do anything to ensure that these men are not part of the kids lives.
I wish parents could look at the bigger picture and swallow their issues and ensure that the kids are their priorities.
Whe elephants fight, it is the grass that suffers most. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
tpaz
@Usernamee, at least there is legal re-course to support the kids, and besides the kids know their families on both sides, and there are structures to support them.
Ditete
You cannot force love, an IDIOT who leaves his child behind will need that child somewhere in the future its called KARMA
But at the same token minority of mothers play a role in the disappearance of the father by trying to get pregnant without the fathers consent its fact and you know
but those other IDIOT KARMA is coming for you baby yeah!!!
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Dude???? WTF up on a Monday morning? read before making empty comments, they are talking about fathers not being allowed to play an active role in their their kids lives due to many barriers placed by the society Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
k'onana
There are s.perm donors and there are s.emen receptacles...........
For as long you protect irresponsibility under the excuse of "c.ulture", "tra.dition", "re.ligion". "gender role", etc.....all you do is just sp.awning...... Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Ompas
I grew up without a father and I dont know what a fatherly love is.I made it my task not to allow my two boys to live the life i lived,though their mother is not making things easy for me,she is only interested in dollars only,i am not an atm though,i try to make it wirthwhile when they visit me,though she phones constantly to ask kids all sort of questions about me.I force her through legal processes to allow them to visit but she only does when it suits her.believe me its not nice to fights for kids and i sometimes thinks of giving up until this boys are old enough to make their own descitions,i salute all the fathers who takes part in their kids lives,regardless of the challenges they may face. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Buc4life
somaartakeit
More than half of SA's children live without their fathers? this translates to me that more than half SAn women breed irresponsibly, in other words with losers so that makes them losers too, to the detriment of their children.
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G Morning
I think that there are some of our cultural practices that limits fathers` access to their children. Well, the article attests to that- research was done. Granted, some women have children for the wrong reasons, and some men just do not want to care for their children. Also, having children outside of marriage contributes a lot to fathers running away from their children. Basically, in our country, there are many socio-economic factors that creates this problem. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Usernamee
I'm one person not allowed to have my child for weekends.
The mother has conspired with her parents not to allow me to take the child @ least once every month.
I paid the damages, I pay maintenance, go every friday after work to buy him things he needs for the week coming, I buy him clothing, buy him airtime to call me when he wants to.
Ompas
I grew up without a father and I dont know what a fatherly love is.I made it my task not to allow my two boys to live the life i lived,though their mother is not making things easy for me,she is only interested in dollars only,i am not an atm though,i try to make it wirthwhile when they visit me,though she phones constantly to ask kids all sort of questions about me.I force her through legal processes to allow them to visit but she only does when it suits her.believe me its not nice to fights for kids and i sometimes thinks of giving up until this boys are old enough to make their own descitions,i salute all the fathers who takes part in their kids lives,regardless of the challenges they may face.
.................
G Morning.
I agree with u. Some women are so cruel, they use children to get back at men, and this is so wrong. What these women dont realise is that children grow up, they do not stay young forever.
I also salute fathers who play an active role in their children`s lives. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
MsKinkyakaKamaSutra
According to the researchers the emphasis on fathers' financial contribution is also reflected in practices that require fathers to pay damages or lobola before being accepted as parents and allowed access to their children.
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Not all families want "damages" or lobola to be paid................ This is just an excuse for irrisponsible, de.ad beat fathers....... who only know how to "pi.ss" kids but not nurture them.
Any male can make a baby but only a REAL MAN can raise one. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
MsKinkyakaKamaSutra
"These perceptions of fathers solely as providers must be challenged if fathers are to engage more meaningfully with their children and share care responsibilities with mothers," said Desmond Lesejane of Sonke Gender Justice Network.
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You can't force a man to be a father, it has to come from within........ There is no school for parenting
@Usernamee, at least there is legal re-course to support the kids, and besides the kids know their families on both sides, and there are structures to support them.
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I understand what you are saying, but it never work in all the time. Married or not, the reality is two people must take responsibility of their actions. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Papage
If only the attitude of the Courts can change, I dont believe Fathers will be absent for the upbrinking of their Children. Stop blaming Fathers and look at Courts, it is not the Fathers who decided to be ATM Fathers, but the Courts and the so gready, selfish, bitches mothers decided to do. The logis is" if i drive a Golf and Mr Rich comes and promise your wife, girlfriend a Porch, who will she chose? without a bling of an eye she will take Mr Rich and fogetting those kids and their Father, once things go wrong with Mr Rich and the mother is down and poor, only then she will remember the Father of her Children. She will start disturbing peace in the relationship of the Children's Father and that will lead to tears and death at times" so mothers before you do anything stupit, think of the Children first, not yourself. I bow my head to the ATM Fathers, continue to pay, if they want it all, give it to them, be strong and work hard. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Buc4life
MsKinkyakaKamaSutra
According to the researchers the emphasis on fathers' financial contribution is also reflected in practices that require fathers to pay damages or lobola before being accepted as parents and allowed access to their children.
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Not all families want "damages" or lobola to be paid................ This is just an excuse for irrisponsible, de.ad beat fathers....... who only know how to "pi.ss" kids but not nurture them.
Any male can make a baby but only a REAL MAN can raise one.
...............................................
I beg to differ.
In most African communities, a man must pay dagames for the child. When he fails to do that, parents refuse for him to see his child. This is so wrong, because in most instances the man does not want to marry that woman. That is why he ends up not paying damages. So many children grew up and continue to grow up without fathers, because of this practice. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Secretary
FATHERS DAY SHOULD BE CANCELLED,BCOS IT IS THIS DAY WHERE FATHERS ARE ATTACKED ACCUSED OF THIER RENSPOSIBILITIES. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
MGEEZ
Costs related to lobola and damages have become obstacles preventing these men from being involved in their children's lives.
==================================================================================
Why impregnate someone whom according to an African tradition and biblical principles is not yours in the first place!!!! To me as an african who is also a practicing Christian it is clear that which ever way you want to look at this, it is simple immorality that is preventing these men to be part of their children's lives; because in terms of my tradition; a woman is not suppose to sleep with a men before they get married. Our problems are self imposed because we have forsaken our traditions; we have been so westernized that today it is fashionable to have a child outside marriage!!!! Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
MsKinkyakaKamaSutra
@somaartakeit
More than half of SA's children live without their fathers? this translates to me that more than half SAn women breed irresponsibly, in other words with losers so that makes them losers too, to the detriment of their children.
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Hi friend
My baby is one of the more than half million kids........... Im definitely not a loser
@BaleliM
My family and myself do not keep him from being a part of the child's life he decided that on his own accord. I have tried several time (even to this day) to engage so that he can play a part in his child's life but he would rather spend time and money at chilling spots. He is a typical ATM father and to put the cherry on top of the cake he has opened a bank account for the child and linked it to his account. He would rather keep track of sms notifications from the Bank than actually being there for his child. If the money put in the bank is not even a third of the child's expenses.
You can take a horse to the river but you cant make it drink Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Buc4life
Usernamee
I understand what you are saying, but it never work in all the time. Married or not, the reality is two people must take responsibility of their actions.
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G Morning
What you are forgetting is that we are bound by our cultural practices. Some men want to play an active role, but are prevented from doing so because he has not done this or that to the girl`s parents. Women get told that you cannot do this & that because he has not done whatever. The African community is not as culturally free as other races. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
MsKinkyakaKamaSutra
@Ompas
Good luck
It saddens me when mothers use kids as pawns in their warped chess game Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
MsKinkyakaKamaSutra
@Usernamee
Sorry man to hear about what you are going through
Not all women are cruel. In my case the father does not want to be a play his role/share responsibilites. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Prudence!
I seriously believe that the tide of "absent" and difficult fathers is slowly eroding!!
There are some young Fathers out there who are willing and eager to be part of their childrens lives - because they felt the brunt of having absent fathers...not to say all young men feel like this - but I've noticed a new "breed" (for lack of a better word) of Dad's who are breaking their back backwards in trying to be there for their children despite no longer being involved with the Mother!
And then you find the Mothers - the nurturers, who deliberatley use their children as pawns in a cruel game with their fathers!!! And to what gain??? Cause at the end of the day, when that child grows up, and you deliberately kept him away from his child - that child is going to question you as his Mother and be resentful of you for keeping him away from a parent who wanted to be part of their life! It makes no sense at the end of the day - it benefits no one, Moms - especially your child!!! Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Ann
Ompas
I grew up without a father and I dont know what a fatherly love is.I made it my task not to allow my two boys to live the life i lived,though their mother is not making things easy for me,she is only interested in dollars only,i am not an atm though,i try to make it wirthwhile when they visit me,though she phones constantly to ask kids all sort of questions about me.I force her through legal processes to allow them to visit but she only does when it suits her.believe me its not nice to fights for kids and i sometimes thinks of giving up until this boys are old enough to make their own descitions,i salute all the fathers who takes part in their kids lives,regardless of the challenges they may facts
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u sound like my baby daddy, are u? Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Cowgirl
I am thankful daily for the role that my ex plays in our son's life, he is a very present and responsible father, sure we had our differences and we never worked out but we both had to be mature for the sake of our son.
My ex does everything for my son, without me asking. He is the perfect ex when it comes to co-parenting and i hope he never changes even if he marries.
MGEEZ
Costs related to lobola and damages have become obstacles preventing these men from being involved in their children's lives.
==================================================================================
Why impregnate someone whom according to an African tradition and biblical principles is not yours in the first place!!!! To me as an african who is also a practicing Christian it is clear that which ever way you want to look at this, it is simple immorality that is preventing these men to be part of their children's lives; because in terms of my tradition; a woman is not suppose to sleep with a men before they get married. Our problems are self imposed because we have forsaken our traditions; we have been so westernized that today it is fashionable to have a child outside marriage!!!!
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G Morning.
I agree with you 100%. If you look at other societies, a woman will have children only when she is married. That is why these societies, do not have half the problems we have. I stand to be corrected, but our African men were told by elders to "test the waters" before committing. In other words, men needed to ensure that a woman can conceive before marriage. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Papage
As long as Fathers are being accused of this and that, Guns will always take lives, Courts must change, Fathers continue giving those kids support and food if you can, some of you have retraining orders, not to be 10m of your ex, but now they want you to be there, how so? Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
MGEEZ
tpaz
Why have a kids outside marriage? That is the problem-there is no commitment.
===============================================================================
I agree with you!!! Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Usernamee
@Buc4life
Well if we were living a perfect world where everyone live according the cultural practices.
The reality is that the cultural values will soon be history and this is perpectuated by the govermental roles in this issue (National Grant for kids we have).
People choose to have kids, get money and forget about culture. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Maezizsto4Sure
Heee banna kante di damage santse di patelwa?I always wonder gore why tlameile monna a patele damage if a sa reipa mosade woo.Why basade ba sa patele di damage bona?
Anyhu most children grow without fathers because of some greedy women.Ba sotla ka bana ba nagana gore ba ntshetsa rona.Moth'o o nna le kwaal le wena next thing o gana o bon'e bana.Ke mang a lo safarang nna or bana? Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Buc4life
MsKinkyakaKamaSutra
@Usernamee
Sorry man to hear about what you are going through
Not all women are cruel. In my case the father does not want to be a play his role/share responsibilites.
........................
Lets not protect our sisters. In most instances, they are cruel. They have children to get back at men.
If you dig deep, there is a reason why ure father does not want to share responsibilities. I am not protecting men. Im just saying that women are equally to blame if not more, for fathers not being in their children`s lives. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
MsKinkyakaKamaSutra
@Buc4life
I beg to differ.
In most African communities, a man must pay dagames for the child.
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True, in most families but with mine it is different. It your choice (as a father) to be a part of the child's life.......
With my baby daddy the thing he will not allowed to take the child to visit his family (as they have not made any means to play a role in the child's life) and he also does not play an active role in the chid's life excpet pay a tenth of the child's expenses. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
JuicyJ
i am a father of a 3 year old babygirl, and i am no longer staying with my girlfriend because she's born again and insist that we get married first before sleeping together again. My daughter is always happy to c me and so do i, and as much as i respect God and the bible, dealing with constant erection and sexual desires is very hard. I don't have money to marry her, which is something i would've done long time ago if i had money. I am tempted to cheat but i can't bring myself to do it, because i am staying alone and i might not be able to stop cheating. Now how must i control must desires? please no insults only suggestions. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Ompas
@Ann,maybe i am the babys daddy,give me a backropund check. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
BaleliM
@ MsKinkyakaKamaSutra
you are right. do not force him to do what he does not want to do. I have bby daddy that wants nothing to do with his kids fianacially, emotional and physical. I could be bitter about it but i realised that my kids are the best kids i have ever received and i live each day thanking God for them.
For those that think these kids are losers or the mothers are having kids out of wedlock, do not judge coz you know nothing of what happened. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Usernamee
@MsKinkyakaKamaSutra
Yes not all women are cruel, but in most cases as soon as the child is there and they see your committment to the child, the child is a weapon to settle the scores. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
m'zaco'
@MommaC
""A strong male role model is essential for a child to grow up well adjusted. That doesn't have to be the father but it is best if it is.""
~100% i agree, i observed emotional instability on fellows that grow without their fathers...
** Women should stop thinking with their hormones and start thinking with their brains. It is, after all, our choice. Chose the right men for the sake of your children.""
~ But on this one i believe its a matter of nothing but sheer luck...How could a lady ascertain whether the suitor might be a just a spirm donor or the prospective real father?? ..This might be the difficult one to work on for the sake of a girl's offspring... Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Usernamee
@MsKinkyakaKamaSutra
With my baby daddy the thing he will not allowed to take the child to visit his family (as they have not made any means to play a role in the child's life)
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"Costs related to lobola and damages have become obstacles preventing these men from being involved in their children's lives."
In most cases ralatives demand a lot, they charge all this fees and at the same time still want to have control over custodian of the children, even after paying damage money they would still want the children to remain with them and that you only visite them. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Usernamee
@Tabza325is
In most cases ralatives demand a lot, they charge all this fees and at the same time still want to have control over custodian of the children, even after paying damage money they would still want the children to remain with them and that you only visite them.
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Well if we were living a perfect world where everyone live according the cultural practices.
The reality is that the cultural values will soon be history and this is perpectuated by the govermental roles in this issue (National Grant for kids we have).
People choose to have kids, get money and forget about culture.
.....................
Cultural practices will be history if we start to put our foot down, and start questioning them.
The government has to play its role by offering grants. It is unfortunte that our society is abusing this.
I said before that there are socio-economic factors that make people to want to have children before marriage. Poverty is one of the factors. Ever realised how a poor, poor woman has many children? Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
m'zaco'
@Prudence!
wow! good for you....
BUT there are many people may think you are living in the **cloud cucko land**
@Mgeez & Tpaz
Yes you may be correct from the *perfect world's perspective* but the real issues are that these things do happen and a solution is needed! simply washing off hands brings no way out to this predicament
its very cowardly of men but like sowetan says some men would like to be there for thei children but the pressedure from the girls family gets a bit too much for the guy to stand for and him knowing that he sends money to his beloved in a way to ease the pain in-laws f*ck up relationships thinking that they are practicing culture Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Usernamee
@Buc4life
Cultural practices will be history if we start to put our foot down, and start questioning them.
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I doubt this will change, cultural practices are being over-shadowed by the fact that people are hungry, they need food now, they will do anything to get food now. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Buc4life
MsKinkyakaKamaSutra
@Buc4life
I beg to differ.
In most African communities, a man must pay dagames for the child.
****************************************************************************************************
True, in most families but with mine it is different. It your choice (as a father) to be a part of the child's life.......
..............................
You know, it is not as easy as that. Maybe, in ure case it is. One day, I saw on Khumbulekhaya, how a man was made to see his child on the street. This was so sad cause he came from far. So, even if fathers choose to play a part, girl`s parents make it difficult for them.. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
MsKinkyakaKamaSutra
@Buc4lie
Im not protecting the sisters hence my earlier blog that it saddens me when mothers use kids as pawns in their warped chess game. In the same breath you cannot paint all women with the same tainted brush.
I have tried everything possible to let him be a part of the child's life but everytime I am met with ridicule. My daughter had a mobility problem and I informed him about it and I will even call him to tell him about all the procedures that she needs to do and the relevant specialists that she needs to see (mind you I even tell him the dates in advance). He has never accompanied us to any of the appointments and even when the child was hospitalised he didnt even bother to find out how she is doing...... He is not even willing to help pay for medical expenses not covered by the medical aid.
I have tried and even to this day I still am.............. I just want him to be there for his child. I do not make unnecessary demands.
This is a very emotional topic for me so dont be surprised when I dont comment any further. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Maezizsto4Sure
somaartakeit
More than half of SA's children live without their fathers? this translates to me that more than half SAn women breed irresponsibly, in other words with losers so that makes them losers too, to the detriment of their children.
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Hai somaarkie se sona ke skempe to MsKinky nine nine. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Prudence!
@m'zaco'
@Prudence!
wow! good for you....
BUT there are many people may think you are living in the **cloud cucko land**
^^^^^^^^^^^
"Cloud Cucko land"??? I apologise M'zaco, i've never heard of it!
But back to topic....how so?? Obviously from your rather sarcastic response, you think i"m rather dissillussioned? What from my statement do you think I'm "lost" about?? Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
MommaC
m'zaco'
LOL
Don't tell me they banned you AGAIN !
We have had birth control since the 1950's and condoms since the 1800's - in the case of malfunction, we have abortion clinics. There is no excuse for getting pregnant before you KNOW the man and he knows you. There is also the problem of children having children. An 18 year old boy child is not likely to be ready or able to settle down to being a father. Some try but few succeed. Likewise, a playa is a playa and a baby won't 'change' him.
Women should chose a mate who WANTS to have children and settle down. Not some hunky young bad boy playa who is simply shaggable. Those are just for fun, not for breeding with Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
MGEEZ
@Buc4life
G Morning.
I agree with you 100%. If you look at other societies, a woman will have children only when she is married. That is why these societies, do not have half the problems we have. I stand to be corrected, but our African men were told by elders to "test the waters" before committing. In other words, men needed to ensure that a woman can conceive before marriage.
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G Morning dear: that is a perversion of an african tradition. How would you feel as a woman to know that the only reason this men is proposing to you is your ability to produce children? I would feel very much unloved if I were in such a relationship whether male or female. Just imagine a scenario wherein a woman falls pregnant prior to getting married according to the man's request; then the men decides to marry her because of this. Few months into their marriage; the woman is diagnosed with cancer of the womb; and the doctors say the only way she can be healthy again is for that womb to be removed!!! What would then happen to their marriage; considering that in the first place the men married her because of the womb??? Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Buc4life
Usernamee
@Buc4life
Cultural practices will be history if we start to put our foot down, and start questioning them.
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I doubt this will change, cultural practices are being over-shadowed by the fact that people are hungry, they need food now, they will do anything to get food now.
....................
True. Hence Im talking about socio-economic factors. But, what I meant is that we as the society need to question that "paying damages" practice. Our parents continue to ask for this price, and I think that it is really unfair considering the fact that the man might not be interested in the woman. So, for the sake of the child, a man MUST see his child whether damages have been paid or not. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
m'zaco'
***Cultural practices will be history if we start to put our foot down, and start questioning them***
+++===============
wow! a word of reason...You made my day!! 100%.........you are a star
i dont subscribe to any cultural practice that bear nothing but woes to its subscribers Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
MsKinkyakaKamaSutra
@Usernamee
@MsKinkyakaKamaSutra
With my baby daddy the thing he will not allowed to take the child to visit his family (as they have not made any means to play a role in the child's life)
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Why are you allowing this to happen?
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I have exhausted all means of reasoning with the guy........ until such time that he and his family play a role in the child's life then she will visit them.
I am not bitter that things did not work out hence I always try and reach out to him (for the baby's sake).
Cultural practices are the reason some of us never felt fatherly love,never spent a time with our father and why i lived such a cruel life.the most thing that upset me is the people who did this,were never supportive,never there for me and left me to fend for myself against all odds.i started to look for my father on my own and this culture thing didnt help me with anything. Report Abuse
This lady is twisting the actual facts here from article i read yesterday!
If you have issues with your man let it be between two of you ok! Why can't you women allow men to live? When it's womens day we don't go around telling everyone how women neglect their kids to bonk and sleep with strangers. How many women throw babies in bins, pittoilets,etc? And are men ululating about it?
The challenge here is that man feel pain and rejection of being deprived with opportunity to be fathers to their kids because they are either umemployed or can't keep up with unnecessary demands some evil possessed women want.
Women of South Africa see men as ATMs, they make sure they pull all stunts until you give up so they run to their friends (Social Workers) to claim that you don't take care of your baby.
Black govt has turned our sisters into welfare state products, they get child grants and still demand maintenance, even married women go as far as using their maiden surnamed IDs to access such grants without or with their men's knowledge and for fear of being bewitched you shut up as man. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Maezizsto4Sure
MsKinkyakaKamaSutra-Kante o mo entseng that guy a sa go batle so?
@Somaartakeit some things don't need lossers to comment too you know, other issues are serious and the out come of them may not affect you now but may be later careful of what you say.
In this study how accurate was it i wander and where the any lie detector where are the number and percentages of the so called father ATM's interviewed. how much of a fact is this story and it sound more like a student research for year end marks. I'm a single mom i had been trying to get my daughter 5 and her father to have a relationship for years now and his the one with no time always busy, his friend more important it was never about the money, doesn't even pay maintenance only when he want too and never took him to court either. Man of today just don't want to take responsibility. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Buc4life
MGEEZ
@Buc4life
G Morning.
I agree with you 100%. If you look at other societies, a woman will have children only when she is married. That is why these societies, do not have half the problems we have. I stand to be corrected, but our African men were told by elders to "test the waters" before committing. In other words, men needed to ensure that a woman can conceive before marriage.
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G Morning dear: that is a perversion of an african tradition. How would you feel as a woman to know that the only reason this men is proposing to you is your ability to produce children? I would feel very much unloved if I were in such a relationship whether male or female. Just imagine a scenario wherein a woman falls pregnant prior to getting married according to the man's request; then the men decides to marry her because of this. Few months into their marriage; the woman is diagnosed with cancer of the womb; and the doctors say the only way she can be healthy again is for that womb to be removed!!! What would then happen to their marriage; considering that in the first place the men married her because of the womb???
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Yes, and that`s what Im saying that we need to start questioning the status quo, evenif we will be at risk of being at loggerheads with elders. Culture and traditions need to change otherwise we will continue to do something that is totally irrelevant. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
The_Only_1
Legally the Equality Act, as ammended together with Parental Act recognise either of the parents as holding equal rights in raising the minor child, however it has been regarded that Women have a privileage of residing with a minor child of which is no longer the case. South Africans are confusing the Diversity Act which gives women previleage in a working environment as Parental and Equity Act. The Parental and Equity Act give previleage to either parent based on a number of conditions which include but not limited to Net Income. It is so unfortunate that women and courts still abuse men through Maintenance Courts as they are never given a chance or even evaluate a possibility to reside with minor child, however they are forced to be 'cash cows'. Discrimination based on 'Sexism' is still in existence in South Africa whereby most men are regarded as unfit to raise their minor children. That is why the Fathers end up being ATMs as the courts violates most of these Acts and favours women because of being females (Sexism). Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Buc4life
Ompas
Cultural practices are the reason some of us never felt fatherly love,never spent a time with our father and why i lived such a cruel life.the most thing that upset me is the people who did this,were never supportive,never there for me and left me to fend for myself against all odds.i started to look for my father on my own and this culture thing didnt help me with anything.
Report Abuse
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Thank you for ure statement. U are proof to the research done on this article. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
m'zaco'
@Prudence!
Sisi..look the scourge of absentee father is recurring even at the enormous degree lately given the socio-economic issues ...You may be reasoning from your experience/observation and that could not amount to an the scientifically proven stat...
@mommac
Your point is rather impragmattic__ BOYS lie LIke the devil and girls are gullible enough to believe and be convinced by them.... Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Maezizsto4Sure
Heee wena Shenene ka go dumedisa man keng ka wena o mpapanyana Report Abuse
Of course boys lie. They will say anything to get into a pretty pair of broeks. That is why you take TIME to make sure they are who they pretend to be and don't go into something as irreversible as parenthood BEFORE being sure.
Ironically, those girls who didn't have a strong father figure are the ones who are most likely to fall for the lies. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Prudence!
M'zaco
Thank you!
I'm not basing my statement/comment on any scietifically proven stat!! If i had then i would have gooi-ed in some "stats"!! Hello!
My comment is based entirely on my "oppinion" and my "observation"....sorry that I have not taken any socio-economic issues into account!
And yes, perhaps I am looking at life through "rosy" glasses!!! - thank you for pounting that out. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Ompas
i am saying this from the bottom of my heart,i was failed by my parents preiod!i vowed not to do the same mistake to my kids,all my grand parents and uncles were interested in getting damages money,from there,you will never hear from them.you will hear when you ask for something from them,they will tell you how your father was a coward,failure and less ma he is,cause he didnt pay damages.who benefit from this damages? Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
MGEEZ
@m'zaco'
wow! a word of reason...You made my day!! 100%.........you are a star
i dont subscribe to any cultural practice that bear nothing but woes to its subscribers
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Good morning to you, your statement above about culture sounds very unscientific as well; would you not agree??? Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Usernamee
@MsKinkyakaKamaSutra
True. Hence Im talking about socio-economic factors. But, what I meant is that we as the society need to question that "paying damages" practice. Our parents continue to ask for this price, and I think that it is really unfair considering the fact that the man might not be interested in the woman. So, for the sake of the child, a man MUST see his child whether damages have been paid or not.
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Agree :) Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
19851014
Go ya swana mo. Le ba ba reng ke bana ba bona we are not sure of that. Report Abuse
@Maezizsto4Sure
somaartakeit
More than half of SA's children live without their fathers? this translates to me that more than half SAn women breed irresponsibly, in other words with losers so that makes them losers too, to the detriment of their children.
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Hai somaarkie se sona ke skempe to MsKinky nine nine
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LOL! Maezi I have thick skin, o ska wara ke sharp Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Buc4life
m'zaco'
***Cultural practices will be history if we start to put our foot down, and start questioning them***
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wow! a word of reason...You made my day!! 100%.........you are a star
i dont subscribe to any cultural practice that bear nothing but woes to its subscribers
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You do, if you are African. Maybe sub-consciously. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
MsKinkyakaKamaSutra
@Maezizsto4Sure
MsKinkyakaKamaSutra-Kante o mo entseng that guy a sa go batle so?
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A ka mo etsa niks, ha na nako ya bambino and I think o kwtetse gore ha ke batle gore a sike khekhe
True. Hence Im talking about socio-economic factors. But, what I meant is that we as the society need to question that "paying damages" practice. Our parents continue to ask for this price, and I think that it is really unfair considering the fact that the man might not be interested in the woman. So, for the sake of the child, a man MUST see his child whether damages have been paid or not.
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Agree :)
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There are still irresponsible fathers though? Report Abuse
Happy Belated father's day to all the great dads whoare there for their kids and do not need to be dragged to court so they can support their kids. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Usernamee
@Buc4life
Yes there are, I think we are all the same, The point I'm debating is much more on the fathers who are trying to do right and they are being kept back by irresponsible women who never put the child first but rather their imotions. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
BaleliM
The truth of the matter is that, we have 90% of men that do not want to have anything to do with their kids. We therefore have 90% of mothers that are trying to make these men be part of the kids lives and this is not working. That leaves 10% of men that want to be with their kids and 10% of women that make bby daddy lives hell by not allowing them to see their kids and making them pay through their nose.
In all of this, we have a collective 100% of men and women that do not want to be mature and put aside their petty issues and see the bigger picture, that of the kids. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Usernamee
@Britata
Mostly its black man
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LOL .... where is that coming from now.... Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
2nevvy4u
Usernamee
@Britata
Mostly its black man
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LOL .... where is that coming from now....
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eerrr!!! mmmmmmm!!! behind? Report Abuse
@PleaseGetReal1...............This is what really peeves me when people still scream poverty but they multiply without thinking.
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Thats more than it can get, and i think the government has done less in educating people, and i also think Divorce in South Africa is too close on the lips and this amounts to greedness as parents especially women make ireversible decisions that endanger the culturing of children without a father figure and unfortunately thats the society we live in Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Makhosini0408
Morning All
The greatest valuable gift that my father gave to me, which I still treasure today is his time.
@BaleliM
Well said and I agree with you. Some of us need to be matured and stop using childrens as pawns or bagaining tools, period. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Lehido
There are 2 sides to this saga, I know guys who want to be part of their kids' lives but mothers wont let them, they just want their money....... Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
MsKinkyakaKamaSutra
@Galfrend
Happy Belated father's day to all the great dads whoare there for their kids and do not need to be dragged to court so they can support their kids.
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LOL! Put a smile on my face
Yes there are, I think we are all the same, The point I'm debating is much more on the fathers who are trying to do right and they are being kept back by irresponsible women who never put the child first but rather their imotions.
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Im with you. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
ntshware-ke-yawa
as if women are forced to have kids with men who are not ready to be father-figures in their children's life,its really up to a woman herself to decide,why blaming men. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
BlackRhino
As a black father who is constantly involved with his children, I get so upset reading these articles. It is an indication of how backwards most blacks are and the reason we cant succeed. If we cant look after our children how can we expect them to succeed. Has anyone noticed while walking through a shopping centre for example how many white and Indian fathers are with there families. Or at a school event how many white and Indian fathers are there for there children, even when the student body is 80% black. White and indian fathers will do anything for there children. They are willing to sacrifice everything so there children can succeed in life, and it has nothing to do with money. Most white people I know take out extended loans on there house just so they know there children will get a good education. And those fathers take RESPONSIBILITY for the children. Most black men don't even know what RESPONSIBILITY is.
BaleliM
The truth of the matter is that, we have 90% of men that do not want to have anything to do with their kids. We therefore have 90% of mothers that are trying to make these men be part of the kids lives and this is not working. That leaves 10% of men that want to be with their kids and 10% of women that make bby daddy lives hell by not allowing them to see their kids and making them pay through their nose.
In all of this, we have a collective 100% of men and women that do not want to be mature and put aside their petty issues and see the bigger picture, that of the kids.
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Morning Baleli. U cannot conclude that unless you did ure research. Also you cannot make such gross generalisation without research findings. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
2nevvy4u
MommaC
Depends on the father. Some are able to provide good role models for their kids and others aren't.
A strong male role model is essential for a child to grow up well adjusted. That doesn't have to be the father but it is best if it is. Women should stop thinking with their hormones and start thinking with their brains. It is, after all, our choice. Chose the right men for the sake of your children
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im with you on that one. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Jaquo
@Buc4life................The point I'm debating is much more on the fathers who are trying to do right and they are being kept back by irresponsible women who never put the child first but rather their imotions.
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ITS CALLED WICKEDNESS...........they say so that they can punish the MAN........by playing a trump card in place of kids......this is ignorance at its best Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Buc4life
BlackRhino
As a black father who is constantly involved with his children, I get so upset reading these articles. It is an indication of how backwards most blacks are and the reason we cant succeed. If we cant look after our children how can we expect them to succeed. Has anyone noticed while walking through a shopping centre for example how many white and Indian fathers are with there families. Or at a school event how many white and Indian fathers are there for there children, even when the student body is 80% black. White and indian fathers will do anything for there children. They are willing to sacrifice everything so there children can succeed in life, and it has nothing to do with money. Most white people I know take out extended loans on there house just so they know there children will get a good education. And those fathers take RESPONSIBILITY for the children. Most black men don't even know what RESPONSIBILITY is.
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G Morning. You can only give what you have, the saying goes. Some men do not know responsibility because their fathers were equally irresponsible.
Wh!tes & Ind!ans come from a totally different environment to ours. So, please stop comparing Bananas to Potatoes. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Buc4life
Makhosini0408
Morning M. What`s ure take on this? Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
BRA-MAFUTHA
Having sex outside marriage is a crime. One day people will stand beofre the judge and give an account.. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Bumboklaat
I know of some men who are denied quality time with their children because the mothers are bitter and spiteful! I feel lucky that I am able to spend time with my children and bond with them. There is nothing as precious and fulfilling as spending time with your children! Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Maezizsto4Sure
MsKinkyakaKamaSutra-A ke go bolelle story sa me.My ex neh o nketshetsa papa ka nqozi and ya nkhwata dai ding.Firstly ne a complainer gore njalo ke nna ke ya shopong ko reka dintho tsa ngwana then a suggesta gore ke mo fe zaka,ka gana tjerr ke ga mathata a simolla.
A boa wee gore life ya ka ya progressa whilst yena a dula a tlhokometse ngwana o batla go ya sgila.We made an agreement gore shpa nqozi e tla dula le magriza wa me grand.Small o zwaketse dladleng a na le bo ma 5 months.Nqozi ga e na le bo ma 2 years o batla a jikele ko yena ka mo chaela gore no ways a ka e chuna dai ding.A zwakala a re o tlo mo tseya for weekend then o tla mmusa Sunday jump tyd.
Hai moth'o geen go zwakalisa nqozi gwa jumpa bo ma 3 months ke ga ke thola subpoena gore ke zwakale maintanance court coz ga ke sapote ngwana.I was angry and the thing ne e le gore ga ke reka grocery month end ke reka le dintho tsa ngwana klaar so bo di receipts ne ke sa di tshware.I told them gore ke sapota ngwana ba batla proof ne ke se na yona hai vele ka voma gore ke tla mo fa zaka but not R2500 e ne a e batla coz she couldnt validate gore why a batla zaka eo.
The good part was that she was also asked to pay 50% of the costs go godisa ngwana nou o gana ka nqozi a ke mo kopa gore e nshaele round.Wa bona ga ke thulana le yena o ka re ka mo rema ka peke I hat'e her with a passion. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
DjEp
I think the reason we are regarded as ATM's is because as soon as she leaves me she gets someone else, and that new person wouldnt allow me to spend as much time as i would like with my child becuase he may be jelous. He will think im using the child to get back to the mother. so im better off away than causing more troubles in the her new life.. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Galfrend
Some Women must stop having babies to trap men. When he says he is not yet ready to become a father,dont force him coz you will end up alone with the baby.
But on the other hand I dont really agree with the stats. Black brothers have slowly become proud to be fathers. There is nw a few losers who still do not own up to their actions but I think more black men are beginning to take pride in them being fathers.
Happy bithday to the son of the soil - Thabo Mbeki.
Galfrend
Some Women must stop having babies to trap men. When he says he is not yet ready to become a father,dont force him coz you will end up alone with the baby.
But on the other hand I dont really agree with the stats. Black brothers have slowly become proud to be fathers. There is nw a few losers who still do not own up to their actions but I think more black men are beginning to take pride in them being fathers.
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Hi there G/friend. Fortunately, stats dont lie.
Sharp mfowethu! I feel your pain my man. your story is a classic example of women using children as cash cows! Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
BlackRhino
@Buc4life
Good day. I agree with what you are saying, but black people must change there attitude and copy from the good examples. I am not refering to money in this case, but to time. Have you any idea how important my child feels when I go see a school event or meet with a teacher? That is something money cant buy. Children are a blessing, but Africa, not just South Africa see them a belongings and tools. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
MsKinkyakaKamaSutra
@Maezizsto4Sure
Hate is a waste emotion and never stoop to anyone's level.
Go utlwisa bothloko ge bontate ba bang ba batla go ba a part ya matshelo a bana and then bomme ebe bosatane. How I wish ngawanaka could have that. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Galfrend
Buc4life
G Morning. You can only give what you have, the saying goes. Some men do not know responsibility because their fathers were equally irresponsible.
Wh!tes & Ind!ans come from a totally different environment to ours. So, please stop comparing Bananas to Potatoes.
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Morning my dear, I kind of disagree with you there. Some men who were never brught up by their fathers turn out to be great fathers to their kids because they do not want their kids to experience life without a supportive father. Report Abuse
It would be interesting to see the stats of what the numbers are for fathers who are in marriages and dont or do play an active role in their childrens' lives VS fathers who are unmarried and dont or do play an active role in their childrens' lives (Particularly those fathers who dont children with more than one woman) Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Makhosini0408
Buc4life
Makhosini0408
Morning M. What`s ure take on this?
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Morning Champ
First we must not prescribe to adult and tell them not to have kids before marriage. We need to always put the interests of the kids first, no matter what. We have given some fathers an escape route by introducing the grant system which is another topic and story on its own. If we can help other and men understand that they ned to take responsibility in the upbringing of their children not only in monetary form but avail themselves to spend quality time with their children. It is not quality time if the kids spends time with my mother. That is not quality time.
i would like to see the stats of people-fathers raising kids thought to be theirs, yet they are not! Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
BaleliM
For the people that are commenting on this topic, how many are fathers that are being denied access to their kids and how many are mothers whose kids get no support from their fathers.
It would be very interesting to know as most have never been in any of the said situation and yet they think they know better. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
DeOvi
Morning All
not all women deny their children's fathers to see their children. Some men deny themselves the opportunity to see their children. Report Abuse
@Maezizsto4Sure......how r u 2day n how was ur weekend? i hope 2day me n u will be civil 2 each ada neh,no name callings Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Marawaitse
Children are gifts from God, both parents need to take control of the innocent human beings. No child did ask to be born, what goes around comes around, somewhere it will catch up with the irresponsible one. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
2nevvy4u
BaleliM
For the people that are commenting on this topic, how many are fathers that are being denied access to their kids
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uyaz it beats me when people are saying they are denied access to their kids net net so without a reason?,and the other thing is some guys will hide behind "im denied access to my child BS" knowing ukuthi yena vele vele he is denying himself iskhathi so mtwana.If a woman can go to court for maintance that means you also can go to court for visitation rights.Batho ba ba botlhale net mo blogg. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Maezizsto4Sure
Bumbo-Vele and again ke taba ya gore ba batla go re ntshetsa,problem ke gore o sotla ka ngwana.
MsKinky-Some women are mean out there,and I have learnt my lesson I have even proposed taba ya di paternity tests mara on the back of my mind I keep on asking myself gore why would she say nqozi ke ya me e se ya me? Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
eKapa
Any Man can make a baby but it takes a real Man to be the Father..fact.
Gentlemen, just take responsibility and look after your kids. Stop hiding behind lame excuses like the mother and her relatives do not give me more time with my kid/s. Thats pure nonsence. All my son's friends live with only mothers. Are we saying all these women are bad? South African Black men need to be responsible,period. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
MGIBS
Guys...I DONT HAVE PROBLEM WITH WOMAN,BUT THE WAY THEY DO THINGS TO US AS FATHERS IS ABOSULUTELY NONSENSE, AT 1ST THEY PRETEND TO BE NICE PEOPLE BUT GET MARRIED YOU WILL SEE REAL KAKAS,MEAN REAL KAKAS. Marriage is blessing but kakas is Devil. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Galfrend
MGIBS
Guys...I DONT HAVE PROBLEM WITH WOMAN,BUT THE WAY THEY DO THINGS TO US AS FATHERS IS ABOSULUTELY NONSENSE, AT 1ST THEY PRETEND TO BE NICE PEOPLE BUT GET MARRIED YOU WILL SEE REAL KAKAS,MEAN REAL KAKAS. Marriage is blessing but kakas is Devil.
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whatever issues you have with your partner,dont let them affect your kids. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Maezizsto4Sure
DeOvi
Morning All
not all women deny their children's fathers to see their children. Some men deny themselves the opportunity to see their children.
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Good morning ma love.Weekend was fine thanks for wanting to know and how was yours?
Mara nna I do not get it babes,why would a man deny himself an opportunity go bona ngwana o eleng wa gage?It just doesnt make sense to me coz ke ngwana wa gage he has to take care of the child. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
OFFLIMITS
Is 'The Heat Of The Moment' to blame for all unplanned parenthood? Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
MsKinkyakaKamaSutra
@DeOvi
Morning All
not all women deny their children's fathers to see their children. Some men deny themselves the opportunity to see their children.
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You have said a mouthfull and I am in that situation
Good morning everybody.Some great comments there and some very touching indeed.
Some women subject their kids to so much misery and put the interests of their new boyfriends first before their children.
I cannot believe these women are using kids to score points.
Its not only the women.
Too often the children are used as pawns in the game of pain. The fathers are just as guilty of badmouthing the mothers as the mothers are. Sometimes it is hard to believe some of them are adults Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
MsKR
Thank heavens the crappy father's day has passed.
I dont think there is any logic in a man called "absent father".
I'm a single mom and there is nothing i wouldnt do to be part of my baby's life.
Really u spend ur whole life not being part of ur child's life because of not wanting to pay damage? and yet u have money for alcohol and s*&%t.
Be a real man and live up to ur responsibility. There is no excuse. If the court can grant me maintanance order they sure can grant you visiting rights(If you claim baby mama is denying you rights) Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
DeOvi
Pensulo
Gentlemen, just take responsibility and look after your kids. Stop hiding behind lame excuses like the mother and her relatives do not give me more time with my kid/s. Thats pure nonsence. All my son's friends live with only mothers. Are we saying all these women are bad? South African Black men need to be responsible,period
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i 2nd dat.... i think most men dont wana be responsible nd r hiding with da fact dat mothers dont allow them Report Abuse
Galfrend: Correct my dear i'm father of 2 and I make sure that i put everything on the table, but the only problem she want to be the father in the house which is impossible and she dont appreciate the fact that i'm the fathe. hey i'm talking about something tha happening EVERYDAY. she use kids as excuse that i cant leave her she we'll go to court. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Purity-Wa-Lekhosi
Working together despite the differences, building a good relationship as good parents for a baby's sake. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
BaleliM
2nevvy4u
BaleliM
For the people that are commenting on this topic, how many are fathers that are being denied access to their kids
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uyaz it beats me when people are saying they are denied access to their kids net net so without a reason?,and the other thing is some guys will hide behind "im denied access to my child BS" knowing ukuthi yena vele vele he is denying himself iskhathi so mtwana.If a woman can go to court for maintance that means you also can go to court for visitation rights.Batho ba ba botlhale net mo blogg.
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Thank you for your honesty. I will not speak about what others are probably going through, i will speak about what i am going through. My soon to be ex husband refuses to have anything to do with his kids despite me begging that he sees his kids although there is no cent of maintenance paid (3yrs now). The poor kids made birthday cards and fathers day cards and after begging that he spends a day with them, the kids waited for hours before he called to say that he was busy. This is a man that has not seen his kids since 1st week of December and prior to that, he saw them in April. He is 20 minutes drive from us.
For those that think it does not make sense for a man to deny seeing his kids, think again. Remember am saying seeing his kids not paying for his kids. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Makhosini0408
I think that we should abolish fathers day. It has turned into a day of whining and complaining about truant fathers. We should make it a day where all men even those with impeccable credentials or rare breed who against all odds raised their children must be shamed and vilified, because of other men, who do not want to grow up. Problem solved? Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
m'zaco'
BaleliM
i feel for you!........eish am speechless! hope everything be restored and live happily after...Eish that sounds emotionally painful Report Abuse
Tjo!! Tjo!!! Sad stories indeed from fellow Bloggers.....I hope all of u get sorted one day
I get People sometimes asking me why i don't have a baby at my age but i think i've made the right decision so far---Had one or 2 ex's who tried to force me to have a baby with them but i was just not ready and they didn't wanna respect that so they had to go. Eish i really feel for most of u Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
MGIBS
The problem woman want to hold us hostage: Being a Father of your kids doesnt mean that YOU must disrespect and Use us as ATMS.(OUR RESPOSIBLITY IS TO TAKE CARE OF THE INNOCENT LIFE AND MOVE ON) IF WE AR SEPARETED LETS MOVE ON IF NOT JUST TRY TO BE A GOOD WIFE AND TAKE CARE OF YOUR KITCHEN) Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
MsKinkyakaKamaSutra
@BaleliM
Be strong my sister. They think that by being vindictive they are punishing us and the sad reality is that they doing harm to their own fleash and b.lood. Just like cutting your no.se to spite your face.
My baby daddy has only seen the child 3 times (she is 1 year 7 months). The last time he saw her it was in March and poor thing screamed for dear life when she saw "the stranger". Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Galfrend
BaleliM - yoh that must be hard gal. It must be heartbreaking seeing your kids disappointed with their father's actions. Some fathers mara.
MGIBS
Galfrend: Correct my dear i'm father of 2 and I make sure that i put everything on the table, but the only problem she want to be the father in the house which is impossible and she dont appreciate the fact that i'm the fathe. hey i'm talking about something tha happening EVERYDAY. she use kids as excuse that i cant leave her she we'll go to court.
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But if she can go to court,you can go too for visitation rights. You mean she wants to be the man of the house ? if the parents are not happy,the kids wont be happy too. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
BaleliM
m'zaco'
BaleliM
i feel for you!........eish am speechless! hope everything be restored and live happily after...Eish that sounds emotionally painful
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It is the kids that can not seem to understand what is going on. I feel sorry for bby daddy coz he can never imagine what he is missing. The love of a child is so pure and the hugs and smiles just melt your heart.
I wish both men and women could stop making this about finance and both parties do the best they can for the kids.
my take is, there are a lot of people that need to go for anger management. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
2nevvy4u
@Balemi-thats what im saying phela some prefer to sit on a crate of beers with friends than be with their kids Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Buc4life
Galfrend
Buc4life
G Morning. You can only give what you have, the saying goes. Some men do not know responsibility because their fathers were equally irresponsible.
Wh!tes & Ind!ans come from a totally different environment to ours. So, please stop comparing Bananas to Potatoes.
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Morning my dear, I kind of disagree with you there. Some men who were never brught up by their fathers turn out to be great fathers to their kids because they do not want their kids to experience life without a supportive father.
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I did say some men. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
MsKinkyakaKamaSutra
@MGIBS
The problem woman want to hold us hostage
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My baby daddy wants to hold my pu.na.ni at ransom. He will come see the child when I give it to him. I told him he lost that "privilege" when he decided to part ways with me. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
SeshegoGuY
@Mgibs
U r correct my man. Some Women take this 50/50 thing too far. Some even think they r doing u a favour by being with u. A Man is the head of the house and this does not mean in an autocrat way but to Protect and provide for the family. The Modern Black Man is under siege Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
DeOvi
MsKinkyakaKamaSutra
@DeOvi
Morning All
not all women deny their children's fathers to see their children. Some men deny themselves the opportunity to see their children.
***************************************************************************************************
You have said a mouthfull and I am in that situation
=======================
me 2....every month i call him 2 n ask wen wil he see his son,bt all i get is excises Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Buc4life
BaleliM
For the people that are commenting on this topic, how many are fathers that are being denied access to their kids and how many are mothers whose kids get no support from their fathers.
It would be very interesting to know as most have never been in any of the said situation and yet they think they know better.
////////////////////////////////////
One does not need to be in that situation to comment. You see you commenting from your world, and things are a little different in the bigger world. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
DJ_MONAKZEN011
The research conducted with 40 absent fathers in Alexandra, in Doornkop, Tembisa and Devland in Soweto,
_________________________________________________________________
When was this done in Tembisa ?U met uncaring or those who claim tat they are fathers
while thy are not ..............Call me next tim wen u cum pls...i min rena di REAL fathers pls. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Galfrend
Count your blessings if you have supportive baby daddy who is always there for his kids. Its sad jhat some women go through with these type of men. ayi your stories are touching and my heart is sore :( Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
m'zaco'
@ sis Balilem
Yaaa! i hear you...u sound strong_ as for the kids....My heart is almost in tears especially when u speak of a *pure love and smile*...eish! RELATIONSHIPS can be *^*%*
@seshegoGuy
go byang morena... You can be a good father....Why allow others' experiences dictate the course of your life? ( i may be incorrect in my conclusion) Based on your above post. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
MGIBS
Galfrend: Angel i understand right? But i wish you knew what i'm taliking about hey,I slept 3 am this morning being told how stupid i'm when it comes to my kids,i took everithing form my parents "mmm" sound interesting , Just told my heart tohang on for few days i'm heading for devorce and i need my kinds,why should i have visiting rights to my kids while i'm the bread winner? no no no my Angel it wont work they must give me my kids and i will move on.i hav been taking care of them from day one and I believe they should not be used as a way to get attation or money from the father Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
BlackLion
My view is simply that children belongs to a holy communion between a husband and a wife; and more so, when one dies, the incoming parent should assume the same responsibilities without prejudice
If one cannot subscribe to the above, then one must stay single and never attempt to breed children since one cannot assume the responsibility of a parent.
We should stop believing that it’s compulsory that one has to breed; breeding, just like any other skill, is for those who have the ability to perform such actions without problems.
People should stop living under false pretense; that way, one will be living a lie which can never be sustainable.
run away dads should pay more than the court says they should pay, @BaleliM we all have our frustrations, as woman its hard to have to raise a baby alone knowing that the scam burg is alive living a free life, but at the end of the day awe woman are strong, and can take everything in our Heavenly Father and be healed!!!!!!!!!!! Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
m'zaco'
@monakiz
haahahaha!...Real fathers, Howzit My brother__
i sent a message y'sterday, No response...did you enjoy Father's day??.... Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
SeshegoGuY
@Buc4Life
Absolutely Spot on! @BaleliM This is a really emotonal topic for u and normally ur views are very exceptional without the emotional outburst u r displaying today. I really feel for ur situation right now and hope the guy will eventually come through. I personally know of such many incidences involving both Men and Women-- So lets not make this a Men-Bashing exercise Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
m'zaco'
@nomsa4
They need fasting and prayer....Lol
@Blacklion
I am baffled by your assertions above!! please eludidate some more__
well the thobalano part i agree 100% Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
DeOvi
@BaleliM
am in the same situation n the father of ma son last saw his son on the 22 Dec 2010, i dont deny him the opportunity to see his son..he will call us n make arrangement to see him but on the day he supposed to cum he send an sms saying he's not around town... Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Bumboklaat
@m'zaco'
Guys our cultures are so dom_
------------------------------------------------------------------------
What is that supposed to mean? Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Galfrend
@MGIBS - I get you my brother. Eish all the best but you do know that the law in most cases favours the moither.They prefer that the kids be brought up by the mom and the dad can only have visitation rights. I stand to be corrected though. Maybe it is possible to fight for full custody but that can be time cionsuming,emotinally draining and stressful to the kids. I hate divorce it creates tension and tores familys apart. but at the same time you cant continue to stay with someone who brings the worst in you.If both of you are not happy then the kids wont be happy...eish all the best Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
SeshegoGuY
@Zaco
Ke sharp boss. I will become a father one day when im ready-- Not these Unplannned pregnancies that i see everywhere. No one should make that decision for me--- Both of us should agree
@Monachiess
Homeboy Good on ya for being responsible.Banna ba go tswana le wena ba hlokwa Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
BaleliM
Buc4life
BaleliM
For the people that are commenting on this topic, how many are fathers that are being denied access to their kids and how many are mothers whose kids get no support from their fathers.
It would be very interesting to know as most have never been in any of the said situation and yet they think they know better.
////////////////////////////////////
One does not need to be in that situation to comment. You see you commenting from your world, and things are a little different in the bigger world.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
then kindly school me on how things are in the bigger world that i seem not to exist in. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
SIMSWOP
she took the baby and change names without my consent how stupid can she be, i ask for a b.certificate to update my sons details at work thats when i saw that the names have changed Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
2nevvy4u
Galfrend
Count your blessings if you have supportive baby daddy who is always there for his kids. Its sad jhat some women go through with these type of men. ayi your stories are touching and my heart is sore :(
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
swallow izumbak your heart will feel better. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
BaleliM
SeshegoGuY
@Buc4Life
Absolutely Spot on! @BaleliM This is a really emotonal topic for u and normally ur views are very exceptional without the emotional outburst u r displaying today. I really feel for ur situation right now and hope the guy will eventually come through. I personally know of such many incidences involving both Men and Women-- So lets not make this a Men-Bashing exercise
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
once again you have totally misunderstood my comments. Am not being emotional. Am being very mature about this but it is sad when people that dont know what is going on ground level think they can judge. I for one will never force the bby daddy to pay if he does not want to but it tears me apart when he blatantly ignores the kids that look forward to seeing him. Am not bashing the men, am saying things as they are. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Maezizsto4Sure
Moer there are a lot of single mothers mos hiso.Potso ke gore why banna ba le tlogetse even though o go imisitse?Hai go nkga lefotha I know men leave because of diketso tsa basade.
You cant impregnate someone and then o bo mo tlogela net.Women are responsible for men leaving them.You cant always be the victim in life,you are also a participant. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Bumboklaat
@Maezizsto4Sure
True ne? Basadi ba phela bare banna ke dimpya mara bona ga ba te lebelle go re ba itshwere byang! Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
MGIBS
Galfrend> Thanks Mtwana, We need Healthy life baby not "KAKAS" as i said,"I Respect and Value Woman but if you dont Value us what do you expect" U'll loose evrything in 1day and cant restore.woman you must learn to respect and value the fathers.
m'zaco'
@monakiz
haahahaha!...Real fathers, Howzit My brother__
i sent a message y'sterday, No response...did you enjoy Father's day??....
___________________________________________________________________
No mi friend i saw it late at night...so i didn't want to bother u and your wifey with
sms in te night lol. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
BaleliM
Having said what i said, i still have nothing but love for the men that are their for the kids and i bow down to you.
For the women that continue to single handedly stay up all nyt to bring the fevers down, kiss the bruised knee or wipe them tears or even go to bed hungry so that their child can have their share of food, you are blessed.
For the women that spend grant/support money on hair or clothes, shame on you. For those that play victim every single day, only you can make the inevitable change. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
OFFLIMITS
BaleliM
All you're putting accross is your personal experince with such a situation. Nothing more
I understand were you're coming from Report Abuse
@BaleliM
Damn!! Ur Situation is really heart-breaking. Get some outside help for the both of u, if u have tried already try again on different options available. Ur situation may never get resolved but the 2 of u have to find a common ground-- As for him not seeing his children, God is Watching Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
MsKinkyakaKamaSutra
@DeOvi
***************************************************************************************************
You have said a mouthfull and I am in that situation
=======================
me 2....every month i call him 2 n ask wen wil he see his son,bt all i get is excises
**********************************************************************************************************
I even ask him to fetch her for a day visit but its excuses, excuses. Sometimes he will lie and say he is not around GP and guess what I see his car at "chill spots" in the same area as my parents' house. When I ask him to buy basic things for the baby he tells me flat out he doesnt have money (for baby stuff) but only for his needs. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Spekepeke
Yesterday i was so drunk i send my mom a massage "happy Fathers Day" Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
BaleliM
@ SeshegoGuy
Am ok and i thank God that fiancially, i am able to provide for the kids. I will keep the communication line open for the sake of the kids. Maturity does indeed come at a high price of swallowing your pride. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
m'zaco'
@monakis
kwakwakwa..u really wanna see me with **her...kikikikikiki
Its good if u enjoyed with your lovely Family__ Good Example of fatherhood
@BOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooOOOoooOOOoOOOoOooOooOOoooMBA
HUUUUUUUUuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuzit,,......Bumbisto.....!! ne e le jwang wekent Groootis Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
LESON.1
@Spekepeke
Yesterday i was so drunk i send my mom a massage "happy Fathers Day"
================================
that's why you need to be more than ATM - our Mom can't carry on like this (shame on you) Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
RYE
Spekepeke
Yesterday i was so drunk i send my mom a massage "happy Fathers Day"
******************************************************************************************************************
i see you're still drunk cos you typed massage instead of message...... Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
MsKinkyakaKamaSutra
@SeshegoGuY
This is not a men bashing session.... we never alluded that ALL MEN are de.ad beat fathers, we are relating our own personal stories/journeys Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Maezizsto4Sure
Bumbo-Broe yam basade ba bangwe ba rata go blaimer mara ba sa icheke gore bona ba chunang.
Spekepeke-Why o makala akere o snai thats expected from you Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
BlackLion
m'zaco'
I am not sure if I get you. What is it that you don’t resolve well from my comments? My assertions are very simple; you cannot assume Priesthood if you know very well that you will keep transgressing
Parenthood is a responsibility, not a privilege; hence it is ONLY confined to a Marriage, which is also not for the weak, but for the righteous and those who understands and are able to uphold its principles.
Lack of LOVE collapses other attributes; believe it or not.
Ne ele sharp mfanaka! Wena o e jele byang? Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
m'zaco'
BlackLion
You always solicit intelligence from your them that follow your post: impressed
However, we are confronted by a plaque that requires a careful and pragmatic resolutions that arent biased to a singular belief system given the ramifications. Other humans may lack the spiritual principle that you approach matters on, hence all are required to come with a compromise and curb the scourge...it affects all of us from a tax perspective hence a pragmattic solution is needed.
Besides i concur on the priesthood point spot-on.! People are spiritually indigent, we need men of your calibre to lead the way...People perish due to klack of knowledge Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Buc4life
BaleliM
Buc4life
BaleliM
For the people that are commenting on this topic, how many are fathers that are being denied access to their kids and how many are mothers whose kids get no support from their fathers.
It would be very interesting to know as most have never been in any of the said situation and yet they think they know better.
////////////////////////////////////
One does not need to be in that situation to comment. You see you commenting from your world, and things are a little different in the bigger world.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
then kindly school me on how things are in the bigger world that i seem not to exist in.
.........................
When commenting, never be emotional, cause u lose objectivity. Ur situation, which I realise sympathise with, is clouding ure judgement of the bigger issue.
The bigger issue is that there are absent fathers, some of whom are ATMs, but there are reasons some of which are beyond their control that makes them to be absent. The fact that u are in such a situation does not mean that all fathers are like that. Please dear, we are debating. U will be much more effective if you do no throw tantrums. I never said that you do not exist. I said in your world, that is happening, and that it does not mean that it happens in a bigger world. You need to try to look at a bigger picture to understand. Your life might be about you, but you are part of a bigger scheme of things. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Maezizsto4Sure
m'zaco' -Mara ke ringa nnete.Why would the man leave if the woman is treating him good?
RYE-Wa bona wena RYE le sotla ka bana.Goreng bo ntatago bana bai 3 ba go tlogetse?O ba entseng?
@MsKinky
Yes i read ur story too, also sad indeed. Let this be a lesson to never put ur trust unconditionally to someone else. Some of us are even scared to commit because the things we see outside Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
m'zaco'
@Bumboklaat
Groooootis....nna weekent ne ele mawaza nyana! kar ya me e nale sctratch......lebone le sekame yanong!
@ Bra Maezisto
..vele ke nnete___ its just that basadi le nnete (enemies)!! ba batla ba ntse ba utlwa maaka...then baa thaba Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
DeOvi
Maezizsto4Sure
Moer there are a lot of single mothers mos hiso.Potso ke gore why banna ba le tlogetse even though o go imisitse?Hai go nkga lefotha I know men leave because of diketso tsa basade.
You cant impregnate someone and then o bo mo tlogela net.Women are responsible for men leaving them.You cant always be the victim in life,you are also a participant.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
gape sum guys ba robala le banyana ba sa ba rate but a lady cant do dat...u cant say basadi bana le problem were as monna a sleepa around.....the thing is men dont appreciate wat they have and wat they get.. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Ann
Spekepeke
Yesterday i was so drunk i send my mom a massage "happy Fathers Day
---------------------------------------------
kwakwaaaaaaaaaaaaa, lol o stagwa soo? Report Abuse
Ompas
@Ann,its fine babe,i always take care of my kids,i wont leave my responsibity,i knows how it feels like.
-------------
i believe you and keep up the good work Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Buc4life
@m'zaco'
@BlackLion
You always solicit intelligence from your them that follow your post: impressed
However, we are confronted by a plaque that requires a careful and pragmatic resolutions that arent biased to a singular belief system given the ramifications. Other humans may lack the spiritual principle that you approach matters on, hence all are required to come with a compromise and curb the scourge...it affects all of us from a tax perspective hence a pragmattic solution is needed.
Besides i concur on the priesthood point spot-on.! People are spiritually indigent, we need men of your calibre to lead the way...People perish due to klack of knowledge
..........................
Guys what u saying is ideal. However, we live in a not so perfect world. You need to understand that we are a developing country. All developing countries are faced with these challenges. In a developed country, like America, you wont have as many absent fathers because the society in general understands that they have to be accountable for their actions. This inderstanding comes with education. The lower the level of education a country has, the more these problems with surface. So, the most practical solution is for people to be educated.
@ann
so...wena? Good morning...no stories of run-away dad..... Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Buc4life
MsKinkyakaKamaSutra
@SeshegoGuY
This is not a men bashing session.... we never alluded that ALL MEN are de.ad beat fathers, we are relating our own personal stories/journeys
...................
....but when you relate to your own personal stories, try to think of the bigger picture. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
eKapa
My kidz and thier mother took me out on Saturday we went to restaurant they bought 2 jag of Castle drt
i was so happy ...i told them i love them.... family is very important
LESON.1
@Spekepeke
Yesterday i was so drunk i send my mom a massage "happy Fathers Day"
================================
that's why you need to be more than ATM - our Mom can't carry on like this (shame on you)
~~~~~~~
thats an honest mistake hawu-cant be prosecuted for that
Maezizsto4Sure
Oska mphaphela wena ke rema ke tlhogo Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
m'zaco'
@Buc4life
So for you the solution in the interim is Education!
so morals and education compliment each other....
For @Blacklion is some form of religion...
now its getting even fascinating the solutions we come to....please elaborate some more__ Report Abuse
@Maezizsto4Sure
Moer there are a lot of single mothers mos hiso.Potso ke gore why banna ba le tlogetse even though o go imisitse?Hai go nkga lefotha I know men leave because of diketso tsa basade.
You cant impregnate someone and then o bo mo tlogela net.Women are responsible for men leaving them.You cant always be the victim in life,you are also a participant.
*************************************************************************************************8
Up to this day he does not know or have reasons of why he left. I did not drive him away.
Maezi no matter how heart wrenching the situation was (and still is for the baby) I have decided to come out of it victorious........... I might have been a VICTIM of circumstances but decided to be VICTOR(IA).............
Ann
Spekepeke
Yesterday i was so drunk i send my mom a massage "happy Fathers Day
---------------------------------------------
kwakwaaaaaaaaaaaaa, lol o stagwa soo?
Lol ! Im never gonna drink again i cant remember anything about last night Report Abuse
I never opened up so that anyone can feel sorry for me. I said what i did to give the story on ground level as people were judging.
Not once did i throw a tantrum and not once did i blame all men. If you read my comments, i have blamed both sides and i have said that maturity is the best way to go.
i find your allegations offensive and your judgement off the mark. Each one of these men has their own story to tell and each of the men has theirs and neither of them are wrong but differ in opinions. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Ann
mzacos, i cant reply ur comment sowetan ya gana Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
SeshegoGuY
Yerrrrrr so 80% of women bloggers here are Single Mothers
Eish Go thata ne..@Zaco Wena?? R u also a Baby-Daddy......?? Report Abuse
So for you the solution in the interim is Education!
so morals and education compliment each other....
For @Blacklion is some form of religion...
now its getting even fascinating the solutions we come to....please elaborate some more__
............................
Without education, a person is inclined to make wrong decisions. Education is the basis for good living, and that includes living a spiritual life. An uneducated mind cannot really understand issues. I am not saying that ppl should not be religious, it is part of it. In many instances, it is the uneducated, religious who have horrible challenges. If u compare Africa & Europe for example, Africa is less educated but very spiritual. Europe is very educated, maybe more or less spiritual. Why does Europe not have these challenges; the answer is education;their ppl understand. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
m'zaco'
SeshegoGuY
Yerrrrrr so 80% of women bloggers here are Single Mothers
Eish Go thata ne..@Zaco Wena?? R u also a Baby-Daddy......??
=========
kwakwakwa...how did you arrive at 80%..... ratio!!
wena morena...kikikiki____
Nna i am a responsible individual......! Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Galfrend
eKapa - Im very well thank you. Good to see you are not one of the absent dads. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
PUPU
Usernamee
I'm one person not allowed to have my child for weekends.
The mother has conspired with her parents not to allow me to take the child @ least once every month.
I paid the damages, I pay maintenance, go every friday after work to buy him things he needs for the week coming, I buy him clothing, buy him airtime to call me when he wants to.
BUT I'm not allowed just a simple thing.
_________________________________________________________________________
In case i do everything for my daughter pay school fess, clothing but am not allowed to go fetch her at the creche she says i will disturb her daily schedule it was big issued i wanted to take her TO my place i was told she wont be fine with me.
Spekie - Sawubona nawe, I see you had a lovely weekend. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
DJ_MONAKZEN011
SeshegoGuY
Yerrrrrr so 80% of women bloggers here are Single Mothers
______________________________________________
Mkhaya they are ...phela most of them ke di loose panty.Ba jewa la to cum nyc ! Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
MsKinkyakaKamaSutra
@Buc4life
MsKinkyakaKamaSutra
@SeshegoGuY
This is not a men bashing session.... we never alluded that ALL MEN are de.ad beat fathers, we are relating our own personal stories/journeys
...................
....but when you relate to your own personal stories, try to think of the bigger picture.
************************************************************************************
What "bigger picture" are you talking about???? I have bashed men nor have I painted them with the same tainted brush. I have also admitted that there are women who are selfish and use kids "to settle scores" and that makes me angry. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
eKapa
Galfrend- im also gud sisi,
(father's day)
did you phone yr dad nd tell him you love him and me izolo? Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Buc4life
BaleliM
There is nothing offensive when I say u get emotional. U dont have to say it. Ure comments do. U dont have to throw tantrums- ure stmnts do. I dont think that u understand debate? Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Ann
guys di story tsa lena are depressing Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
MsKinkyakaKamaSutra
@m'zaco'
@kinyakakama..
so your name is VICTOR(IA).............
*******************************************************************
No, was stating that I decided to be a VICTOR the (IA) was just to give the idea feminity
But at the end of the day its all about choices. The choices we make today,willl definatley have an impact in the future. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
m'zaco'
Buc4life
You see i am pessuaded in that argument, However somehow there is a loop hole that education seems to generate>>>PRIDE and lack of moralled living<<<< spirituallity and education Yes for me is the best way to live....( personal view and life)
I feel even our culture gives way/accomodate these unbecoming and inhuman way of life ...so how will education curb such__ even the educated practice these things.....! Education is expensive, a guy earns R5000...is required to pay R20 000 lobola....where is sense there??? Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
SeshegoGuY
@MsKinkyKama
Has ur situation affected how u deal with Potential Suitors??? Also since i believe with every problem everyone is to be blamde somehow, have u acknowledged ur mistake in all of this??
Some of us are even scared to commit because of these stories Report Abuse
Sad stories from bloggers!! Thank the Lord for the GIFTS OF Life he has given You!! Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Dzel
MsKinkyakaKamaSutra
**** You can't force a man to be a father, it has to come from within........ There is no school for parenting
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I think this is the point we need to start this conversation, parenthood is a decision that should be entered into by both parents. Not one party deciding to keep the child for whatever reason.
Children need:
• Financial support,
• Parental love from both parents,
• A loving environment,
• Proper guidance and a role model,
• Support with schooling, life skills, etc.
That one has had sex with the mother does not mean the intention was to have a child, more often than not it is to have fun often by individuals who are otherwise committed and can never be in a position to offer these things. Often the mother sees the pregnancy as means to an end, “if I keep the baby then he is forced to commit to me and I will forever be present in his life”.
Often the guy will not want to keep the baby because he knows he cannot provide all these things and we need to be understanding of these issues and engage more. You can take the father to the maintenance court which is often means to extract revenge against the father; hence you end up with an ATM-daddy syndrome.
Controversial statement: men are blamed for this phenomenon but unless the child is born in a marriage or stable relationship, the father is willing to fulfil the role of fatherhood it is the mother we need to look at and ask these question cause often the mother makes a unilateral decision to keep the baby and then we act surprised when the father does not want to or cannot be there for the kids.
I heard recently that the biggest contributor to crime is not poverty, not drugs or the need to be seen but rather absent fatherhood. Absent fatherhood often is a product of unilateral parenting decisions that is a fact.
You cannot force one to be a father; conception does not amount to willingness to raise a child even if you did not use a condom.
abanye bathengela intanga zabo ama-whiskey we R1000 mara umtwana a ka nayo imali ye transport u ku ya a creche',u qoga very expensive kodwa umama we ngani u ya lasa lasa nge R270 ye mdende ne salary ya se Ackermans ya bo casual.
Bona rona re tlo enwa whikey eo then re ho jwetse gore wena wa diklapa and o na le swagger/swagg then ge e chaile ke cho ge o le down and out rona tla be re tsheha mfana re le kgakala le wena. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Maezizsto4Sure
m'zaco'-Wena o na le problem culture neh.O tla nyala ko skhoeng boss a go na dilo tseo.Mara coming to think of it,o ringa waar.You get told you have to pay R20k because ba isitse ngwana wa bona university or gore ba mo godisitse ka bokete.
Now potso ke gore why should I pay gore ba isitse ngwana wa bona sgela?Whose responsibility is it to take her to school mine or theirs?Didnt they want a better life for the their child?A lot of things ka culture dont make sense really.
DJ_MONAKZEN011-Ga o khenyege mara go rogana everyday?O batla attention ya Annkie ka tsela e rong come on bra.MsKinky kopa o chaele Monakis gore he can also use honey to attract flies and not only sh!t.
week is too long for you to read comments that do not agree with what you believe in or comments of people that do not see the bigger picture.
I suggest you excercise your right to ignore.
By the way, that is my mature way of telling you to get lost. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Galfrend
You dont need an education to own up to your actions. No doctorate,degree nton nton for one to take care and be there for their kids nje qha. You decided to have a child ,now own up!
If only we stick to the bible and its teachings,we wouldnt be having these kind of problems. It states clearly, no sex before marriage.If only we could get married first and then have kids later. #sadly it doesnt happen Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
SeshegoGuY
"Costs related to lobola and damages have become obstacles preventing these men from being involved in their children's lives"
Nna I agree with this Statement 100%. U cannot discount it because it also adds fuel to an already desperate situation. Im not talking about those bastards who refuse to see their Kids But those who want to but are being prevented because they can't afford those things. Life is hard these days people, how do u ask someone to pay R20 000 just like that Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Dzel
MsKinkyakaKamaSutra
What "bigger picture" are you talking about???? I have bashed men nor have I painted them with the same tainted brush. I have also admitted that there are women who are selfish and use kids "to settle scores" and that makes me angry.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Who makes the decision to keep the child; is it the man or woman?
Who do you blame when the father wants nothing to do with a child he did not want to have in the first place?
I dumped him long time ago loyo he was forever drunk ! i want police to arrest my son he drinks too much I can't take it anymore^^^^^^^^^saturday I went fetched him at the park he was so drunk i slapped him infront of his friends Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
SeshegoGuY
@DZEL
U deserve a Bells my Brother. Absolutely Spot on!! People engage in Sex mostly not to have a Baby, But then Women decide to keep the Baby and force the guy to own up....This is the Start of many problems to come Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Maezizsto4Sure
Ann
@Bumblo, hi luv, tla re etse ngwana
````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
Annkie o batla panga neh?Ke tlo go kgaola menwana o tla bona Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Papage
I am going to marry my Girl tomorrow, she has four other kids with different Fathers, must I allow them to come see their children? I will run mad Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Makhosini0408
@Buc4life
I agree with you my sister on the issue of the importance of education. I am sorry but my limited englishhhh is failing me in terms of translating that the is a big difference between ukufunda kanye nokufundiseka. If we can conduct a research, we may be shocked that truant fathers are those that can afford to maintain their children and have degrees but owing to reasons known to them, choose not.
@m'zaco'
I think because we have decided to incalcate the principles of capitalism in our culture, hence the mess ngoba its only faka imali uzobona in terms of lobola negotiations so that the girl's family can profit as if the woman concern is a moveable asset. Regardless of the poor guy's financial position as you highlighted. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Luv2kiss
"More than half of South African children live without their fathers."
Galfrend
You dont need an education to own up to your actions. No doctorate,degree nton nton for one to take care and be there for their kids nje qha. You decided to have a child ,now own up!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
What actions are you talking about, deciding to engage in sex?
Having sex does not mean I want to have a child, if you fall pregnant you DO NOT hold a monopoly on whether to keep the child or not and if you do decide to keep it then be aware of the impact of that decision and if you are in a position to play the role traditionally played by men.
The problem is women think they are entitled to make decisions on all things reproductive, this is where the problem starts.
I dumped him long time ago loyo he was forever drunk ! i want police to arrest my son he drinks too much I can't take it anymore^^^^^^^^^saturday I went fetched him at the park he was so drunk i slapped him infront of his friends
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
that was 1 touch too many. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Bumboklaat
@Ann
@Bumblo, hi luv, tla re etse ngwana
-------------------------------------------
No thank you! Ke sharp ka ba kenang lebona!
Papage
I am going to marry my Girl tomorrow, she has four other kids with different Fathers, must I allow them to come see their children? I will run mad
``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
kikikikikikikikiki ja neh Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Maezizsto4Sure
1TOUCH
eKapa
1TOUCH
ekepeke
ngiyay' zonda indoda ye sdakwa
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
usho kanjani? ubaba wekhaya uyadakwa?
I dumped him long time ago loyo he was forever drunk ! i want police to arrest my son he drinks too much I can't take it anymore^^^^^^^^^saturday I went fetched him at the park he was so drunk i slapped him infront of his friends
``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
But then what will they charge him with if ba mo tshwara? Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
BaleliM
MsKinkyakaKamaSutra
@Buc4life
MsKinkyakaKamaSutra
@SeshegoGuY
This is not a men bashing session.... we never alluded that ALL MEN are de.ad beat fathers, we are relating our own personal stories/journeys
...................
....but when you relate to your own personal stories, try to think of the bigger picture.
************************************************************************************
What "bigger picture" are you talking about???? I have bashed men nor have I painted them with the same tainted brush. I have also admitted that there are women who are selfish and use kids "to settle scores" and that makes me angry.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
apparently yours and my comments are not seeing the bigger picture even though we have both stated that both parties are sometimes to blame. Could be that you have imagined the situation you are in or you brought it on your own accord. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Afrojoy
The South African tragedy:
1. Fatherless children
2. Gogo raised people
3. Incredibly high violent crime Report Abuse
Maezizsto4Sure
Ann
@Bumblo, hi luv, tla re etse ngwana
````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
Annkie o batla panga neh?Ke tlo go kgaola menwana o tla bona
-------------
sori luv i jst wanted ur attention Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Luv2kiss
1TOUCH
eKapa
1TOUCH
ekepeke
ngiyay' zonda indoda ye sdakwa
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
usho kanjani? ubaba wekhaya uyadakwa?
I dumped him long time ago loyo he was forever drunk ! i want police to arrest my son he drinks too much I can't take it anymore^^^^^^^^^saturday I went fetched him at the park he was so drunk i slapped him infront of his friends
``````````````````````
Bring this boy to me for just 2 weeks, only 2 weeks ke tla go sortela yena free of charge Report Abuse
@Purity,
Ke sharp mfanaka.....le wena o se ka Monna sa mot.ho like selo se ba reng Maezsisto ? Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
BaleliM
Papage
I am going to marry my Girl tomorrow, she has four other kids with different Fathers, must I allow them to come see their children? I will run mad
--------------------------------------------------------------------
thanks for making me smile.
Rather allow the kids to go and see their father before you run mad. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Maezizsto4Sure
SeshegoGuY
@DZEL
U deserve a Bells my Brother. Absolutely Spot on!! People engage in Sex mostly not to have a Baby, But then Women decide to keep the Baby and force the guy to own up....This is the Start of many problems to come
```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
I dont get it broer.Your woman is not on contraceptives and you dont use a condom and you claim to be forced to own up?Dont you know what might happen if you engage on unprotected sex? Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Luv2kiss
Papage
I am going to marry my Girl tomorrow, she has four other kids with different Fathers, must I allow them to come see their children? I will run mad
Let them go visit not allow them(fathers) to come to your place Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Galfrend
Dzel
Galfrend
You dont need an education to own up to your actions. No doctorate,degree nton nton for one to take care and be there for their kids nje qha. You decided to have a child ,now own up!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
What actions are you talking about, deciding to engage in sex?
Having sex does not mean I want to have a child, if you fall pregnant you DO NOT hold a monopoly on whether to keep the child or not and if you do decide to keep it then be aware of the impact of that decision and if you are in a position to play the role traditionally played by men.
The problem is women think they are entitled to make decisions on all things reproductive, this is where the problem starts.
_____________________________________________________________________________
If you read my first comment I did indicate that some women must stop being pregnant as a way of holding on to their man. If he says he is not yet ready to be a father,respect that coz if you dont you will end up all one with the baby. - So I agree you. But having said that, you have sex and it happens that the condom burst and she is pregnant, do you still prefer not to be a part of that child you have helped bring on earth. Before engaging into sexual intercourse people should know all the "risks' involved. How do you even live with yourself knowing perfectly well there is a mini you ,flesh and blood out there who needs your care? To me its being irresponsible,selfish,very immature and so not manly to continue living your life without a care in the world knowng fully you have a child somewhere!
But with my comment there I was responding to a comment by one blogger who is of the opinion that only people who are not educated are absent fathers. Education does not gurantee one to be an a good father.Its all about an individual's personality. Some men pretend they are not married and have no kids when they meet you.They promise you heavens,but once you get pregnant,they pretend they never knwe you..how silly! Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Maezizsto4Sure
Luv2kiss-O batla go etsa ngwana eng?O batla go mo shaya ka dozo broer?
week is too long for you to read comments that do not agree with what you believe in or comments of people that do not see the bigger picture.
I suggest you excercise your right to ignore.
By the way, that is my mature way of telling you to get lost.
..........
Fine by me. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Ann
Bumboklaat
Ann
wena ona le ba bakae?
-----------------------------
ke na le 4, ke nya*ka wa bo 5 le wena Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Galfrend
Contraceptions are not 100% effective. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Buc4life
Dzel
Galfrend
You dont need an education to own up to your actions. No doctorate,degree nton nton for one to take care and be there for their kids nje qha. You decided to have a child ,now own up!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
What actions are you talking about, deciding to engage in sex?
Having sex does not mean I want to have a child, if you fall pregnant you DO NOT hold a monopoly on whether to keep the child or not and if you do decide to keep it then be aware of the impact of that decision and if you are in a position to play the role traditionally played by men.
The problem is women think they are entitled to make decisions on all things reproductive, this is where the problem starts.
.............
agree with u 100%. I think us women are missing a point here. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Maezizsto4Sure
Annkie-O batla attention ya me rough mos wena.O offara monna o mongwe marag'o ke le teng?
Monakis-Relaxer ntwanas wena o dom kop san Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
SeshegoGuY
@Maez
Mchana it like this: Sex without a Condom is the Decision of Both Partners. After that, We should sit down and BOTH decide if we want a baby. If one doesn't want it then why hold him accountable afterwards--- If both of u don't want it then go take a pill in the morning. Very Simple Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Buc4life
m'zaco'
Buc4life
You see i am pessuaded in that argument, However somehow there is a loop hole that education seems to generate>>>PRIDE and lack of moralled living<<<< spirituallity and education Yes for me is the best way to live....( personal view and life)
I feel even our culture gives way/accomodate these unbecoming and inhuman way of life ...so how will education curb such__ even the educated practice these things.....! Education is expensive, a guy earns R5000...is required to pay R20 000 lobola....where is sense there???
.......................
...and that loophole, has it been researched or is it based on ppl`s observations? I spoke about challenging our cultural practices. They are out of touch with reality. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Dzel
SeshegoGuY
Absolutely Spot on!! People engage in Sex mostly not to have a Baby, But then Women decide to keep the Baby and force the guy to own up....This is the Start of many problems to come
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Until people understand this we will continue to have this problem. Woman think this is a trap of sorts, once you've made her pregnant then she has you trapped in a web.
Kids are not a trap people, they are a gift and unless parents are on the same page on what to do AFTER conception then you will have phenomenons of abandoned babies and kids growing up without the necessary support they need.
Interesting arguments that everyone is making. We at the newly found (6months already) SaveSAKidz movements aims to adress some of these issues. Lets all move away from name calling and finger pointing, lets grow-up and save our klids. Feel free to engage us on savesakidz@gmail.com or facebook: Save SA-Kidz. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Dzel
Maezizsto4Sure
I dont get it broer.Your woman is not on contraceptives and you dont use a condom and you claim to be forced to own up?Dont you know what might happen if you engage on unprotected sex?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
How many times have you had sex with protection?
Did you intend to impregnate the woman each you had sex without protection?
We do not live in a perfect world, let's stop with these perfect world solutions as reality is not the same as dreamy world. I see little point in the protection debate, what we should be discussing is what happens AFTER she falls pregnant and you now need to make a decision.
sure let's encourage the use of protection but what happens when contraception fails or was not used from the start.
Ann
guys di story tsa lena are depressing
-------------------------------------
which guys are u refering 2?
the 1 for men or the 1 for all plp? Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
m'zaco'
@Buc4life
Yerrrr___ You sound very in touch with real life...yet again i am impressed by your utterance thus far!
i also subscribe to that line of thought! i loothe Blaick cultural practices that arent well researched and taken advantage by the socio-economic crude elements such as greed...
thanks for such views, i am not alone. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
BlackLion
Buc4life
m'zaco
Ants don’t have degrees or any other form of accreditation from a certain society; unless if there are schools in their societies which we do not know of.
Education in my view = knowledge; it is that knowledge that builds ones character. Hence it is important what one learns from infancy through to adulthood because it’s those teachings that form the bases within which one will act or respond.
Life depends on a good teacher. We can use categories like religion, culture and so forth; bottom line is that one will always learn from his/her community since one is only exposed to such culture (way of life); however, there are good and bad norms in every society since people adopt philosophies either by watching movies, going to churches, talking to other people, reading books, etc.
In simpler terms; education can be dangerous too, especially when it’s bad. Please note that I am not talking about Opinions here; I am talking about facts of life e.g. teasing someone will hurt them. You don’t need to go to school to know that.
Fela Kuti has a song called “Teacher don’t teach me nonsense”.
I ONLY subscribe to humanity because I was taught to be one from my infancy; whether those principles were guided by religion or culture, is that what I should concentrate on? I don’t think so.
Being human simply means not seeing the difference between oneself and the next person. Can we do that?
@Buc4life
just out of curiosity...are you married?
would you demand lobola for any of your daughters?...or would you risk them be labeled *vat-en-sit*....
or demand inhlawulo thereof, in case of teen pregnancy?....
Galfrend,
But having said that, you have sex and it happens that the condom burst and she is pregnant, do you still prefer not to be a part of that child you have helped bring on earth. Before engaging into sexual intercourse people should know all the "risks' involved.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The decision to terminate does not end at the point of conception or does it sisi?
Why do we pretend abortion is not an option or is that an option that is purely for potential mothers to make and even then we come up with flimsy excuses like “its my body” as if it has anything to do with your body.
Most people have abortions out of convenience, why is it that we allow women to make this decision and not men; please don’t tell me about whose body it is because that has nothing to do with this debate.
SaveSAkidz
Interesting arguments that everyone is making. We at the newly found (6months already) SaveSAKidz movements aims to adress some of these issues.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
What does your organisation do exactly, what kind of services do you provide?
@Galfriend
There are 3 Stages which Both Partners should make that decision together
1. Use a Condom-- If it burst then don't panic yet
2. Morning Pills-- If u had unprotected sex or condom burst. Most importantly: If 1 or both of u don't want a Baby
3. Termination of pregnancy-- All registered hospitals offer a safe procedure which is also covered by Medical Aid. Lets stop stigmatising this thing
***If u r NOT yet ready for a Baby like me NOW, These Options are for u
Brother "Tau-ntsho di a rora"...Humanity has no stable moral stance, there is an evolution that is taking place cultural and we need to adapt to change. what you were taught in your infancy could have been morally perfect until you grew older and some social dynamics begin to unfold...thence there is a pschological/cultural evolution (which happens all the time) that you will have to embrace and alter what you were told earlier___
***Now Education is a perfect tool to assist one to adapt to that transition( otherwise superstition will assume responsibility of informing your life's perpective)
**Belief sytem is there to keep oneself in a spititual stability in relation to those changes that take place...(in my case is the bible)...
so Education is the key...Bible is The way!
culture-----( definite NO..No..) Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Bumboklaat
@Ann
Bumboklaat
Ann
wena ona le ba bakae?
-----------------------------
ke na le 4, ke nya*ka wa bo 5 le wena
----------------------------------------------------------
Ke tshaba Mazisto aka nkgaola pi.pi Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Afrojoy
The problem is that unlike in other African societies elsewhere....sex is very cheap to get in Mzansi....and if you are a guy, unless you decide by yourself to use a condom, the girl wont even care. Forget about contraceptive pills, only married couples or long term partners are known to use them. And even so, if the woman decides the guy is not forthcoming with marriage plans, she can decide to conviniently forget to take a pill...The most fragile age for a young girl is between 16 and 21...most girls who pass that age without unwanted preggies are most likely to avoid them in future.... Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Galfrend
@DZEL - Oh it has everything to do with this debate. If you dont want the kid there is an option to abort,but it depends on what the mother,YES the mother ,feels about terminating. YES ITS HER BODY! She is the one who has to LIVE with the guilt of killling her baby,so to speak. And in case she gets complications during abortion,she is the one to go through the emotianal and phyiscal pain of all the process while you carry on with your life and most probably pregnanting the next one and suggesting she too terminates!
Be fully aware of all the risks involved when having unprotected sex. Irregardless of all the issues surrounding the conception of the child,fact is,you helped bring the child on earth,now own up and be a man! So would it sit well with you oneday your kids have to search for you via Khumbulekhaya or other avenues simialar to that? How do you even live with yourself not knowing what happens in YOUR child's life?
If you are not ready to be a father,dont have sex ke. A man who runs away from his responsibilities doesnt deserve to be called a man nje qha!
TO ALL ABSENT FATHERS: YOU ARE LOSERS!!!!! Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Bumboklaat
**Belief sytem is there to keep oneself in a spititual stability in relation to those changes that take place...(in my case is the bible)...
so Education is the key...Bible is The way!
culture-----( definite NO..No..)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
WTF?! Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Maezizsto4Sure
SeshegoGuY
@Maez
Mchana it like this: Sex without a Condom is the Decision of Both Partners. After that, We should sit down and BOTH decide if we want a baby. If one doesn't want it then why hold him accountable afterwards--- If both of u don't want it then go take a pill in the morning. Very Simple
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Mfana if you dont want a baby then use protection simple.How can one say ga a batle go thola hangova mara a nwa byala hecticly? Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
m'zaco'
Bumboklaat
kwakwakwakwakwa.......wa bona ke wena o nsokelang...kikikikik9ikiki
eintlik ke eng............o sangoma! kwakwakwa Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Galfrend
SeshegoGuY
@Galfriend
There are 3 Stages which Both Partners should make that decision together
1. Use a Condom-- If it burst then don't panic yet
2. Morning Pills-- If u had unprotected sex or condom burst. Most importantly: If 1 or both of u don't want a Baby
3. Termination of pregnancy-- All registered hospitals offer a safe procedure which is also covered by Medical Aid. Lets stop stigmatising this thing
***If u r NOT yet ready for a Baby like me NOW, These Options are for u
_____________________________________________________________________________
Contraceptives are not always 100% effective!that doesnt hold any water brother! number 3 yena is a personal choice. There is religion, values to consider and my emotinal well being as well. I might terminate to please you the dad, but emotinally I will be damaged for life.Easier for you to say but do you know the guilt women feel after abortion? and in most cases the person who suggest you abort wont be there for you every step of the way - So your point nje kum is invalid! Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
m'zaco'
Bumboklaat
@m'zaco'
Bumboklaat
kwakwakwakwakwa.......wa bona ke wena o nsokelang...kikikikik9ikiki
eintlik ke eng............o sangoma! kwakwakwa
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Ke sangoma e kgolo and ka loya! Ketla o loya wa tswa sebabo mo piping!
===========
kwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
kikiiiiiiiiiiiiiikikikikiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
wena grootman wa mpolaya 9 9........................kwakwakwakwa Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
DJ_MONAKZEN011
Maezizsto4Sure
Monakis-Relaxer ntwanas wena o dom kop san
____________________________________________________________________________
U better behave bcos i will explode like nothing on earth......An u better get a real girlfriend
and start enjoying s*x bcos i can see from a distance tat you are getting any ! Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
m'zaco'
@BoooOOoooOOOoooOOoombaaaaaaaaa
why friday ne o rogakana so??..........yerrrrrrr Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Bumboklaat
@m'zaco'
kikikikikikiki! Ka tshameka nkaseo loye ne mfanakithi? Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Bumboklaat
@m'zaco'
@BoooOOoooOOOoooOOoombaaaaaaaaa
why friday ne o rogakana so??..........yerrrrrrr
----------------------------------------------------------
Gona le bari enngwe e nrogakile ka Thursday so ne ke kwatile! Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Galfrend
Dont try and justify the unjustifiable! You helped bring a life to earth - Own up,PERIOD! Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
m'zaco'
@monakizzz
morenaka....Today boss ha e yooo___ ke blokka to come nice...o sharp mara mfanakithi Report Abuse
O tshabetse kae wena le Maezi? Why okare la mmakatsa so? Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
m'zaco'
Bumboklaat
kikikikikikiki! Ka tshameka nkaseo loye ne mfanakithi?
========
eish...mara ne o ka se loke......Jeso wa protecta....yerrrrrrrrr! balotsana ha ba fihla ba kreya lewatle dladleng...then ba jika.....kakakakakakakakakakaka! ba ka se loke.....Jeso ke bosssso Report Abuse
SWEETYK - Hey lovie kikikiki im thinking of HUSBY... Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Bumboklaat
m'zaco'
Bumboklaat
kikikikikikiki! Ka tshameka nkaseo loye ne mfanakithi?
========
eish...mara ne o ka se loke......Jeso wa protecta....yerrrrrrrrr! balotsana ha ba fihla ba kreya lewatle dladleng...then ba jika.....kakakakakakakakakakaka! ba ka se loke.....Jeso ke bosssso
=================================================
Nna ka le swima lewatle mfana, ke swima ka bo flex ba electricity! Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
SeshegoGuY
@Galfriend
1. Proper Contraceptives work 100% fine-- (Not these ones costing R20). Get Prescription from ur GP, don't just go there thinking u know everything
2. With Termination---Anything Concerning Pregnancy affect BOTH partners because BOTH Partners will be expected to Provide for the Kids. This whole "Its my Body" Argument is BS!! If we don't agree on the decision to have a baby why force things on me 9 months later.
IF U DECIDE ALONE THEN U R READY TO BE A SINGLE PARENT!! Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Buc4life
m'zaco'
@Buc4life
just out of curiosity...are you married?
would you demand lobola for any of your daughters?...or would you risk them be labeled *vat-en-sit*....
or demand inhlawulo thereof, in case of teen pregnancy?....
can't wait for your response.
..............................
Yes, Im married.
Yes, I would demand lobola but not damages. Report Abuse
BOooooOOooooOOOoooooOOoooooombaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!
yaaaane! o nketsa ke tshehe every time when you say soimething.......always nothing serious.....kwakwakwakwakwakwakwa.............so o swima lewatle kikikikiki...gonale diHoly sharks my bra....o tla fetoga mince meat ya shrk ya lehodimong..............bolella Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Buc4life
SeshegoGuY
1. Proper Contraceptives work 100% fine-- (Not these ones costing R20). Get Prescription from ur GP, don't just go there thinking u know everything
.................................
Im glad a guy said this. 100%. Proper contraceptives are 100% safe. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Dzel
Galfrend
@DZEL - Oh it has everything to do with this debate. If you dont want the kid there is an option to abort,but it depends on what the mother,YES the mother ,feels about terminating. YES ITS HER BODY! She is the one who has to LIVE with the guilt of killling her baby,so to speak.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Considerations when making the decision to terminate or not should be:
1. Do both parents agree to keep the baby,
2. Is the child going to have the necessary support from both parents,
3. Where is the money to raise the child going to come from, and
4. Is it in the interest of the both parents and the child to bring him or her to this world given the context.
Attitudes like yours are the cause of the problem. Raising a child has nothing to do with your body; it is a function of money, time and emotional investment in the child. Your body however important you think it is WILL NOT raise the child. Your body will not help the child do homework, guide them especially if the child is a boy, it will not be a father figure nor will your body put food on the table unless of course you are a pro.
The irony in your logic – and this pisses me off – is that you think a woman can look at her figure and decide whether to terminate or not yet the guy cannot look at his wallet and personal circumstances and say this is beyond me. I can’t believe we still use the body excuse when it is a life we are talking about.
Honestly, this attitude makes me sick to my stomach.
@Buc4life
why solicit the *bride price* given the unresearched origin and the relevance that you subscribe to.....dont you think its double standards??...well what is amiss with inhlawulo..to the extent you wouldnt "charge" for it......Fascinating! Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
SeshegoGuY
@Dzel
Honestly, this attitude makes me sick to my stomach.
******************************************************************************
Me too Brother. The Decision is for 2 people to make NOT 1 Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
SWEETYK
Bumboklaat
@SWEETYK
Hello buhle
====================================
Hello love
Galfrend
SWEETYK - Hey lovie kikikiki im thinking of HUSBY...
***************************************************************************
Hey sweetpie, kikikikikikikikiki ke rata kelello ya gago kikikikikikiki hey HUSBY ke BOSO I'm still repeating this. Kwaakwakakwakwakw. What do you think ka HUSBY le this topic wa bona gore HUSBY ke BOSO for me and Kgale (our lovely daughter) wa mama? A go jalo mare gal? Report Abuse
If you are not ready to be a father,dont have sex ke. A man who runs away from his responsibilities doesnt deserve to be called a man nje qha!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Having sex does not mean you want to have a child, whether you like it or not people have sex mainly for the enjoyment factor. Having a child is a separate consideration that should be accepted as such. It is only when you have ulterior motives that you can view a pregnancy as an opportunity to have your way.
Why should conception amount to a life-long prison sentence for the potential father but for the woman you can decide up to four months into the pregnancy?
If a guy does not want to have a child, he tells you with enough time to spare why do you think it is up to you to force him into an unwanted fatherhood, what do you expect him to do afterwards just rollover and play dead?
SeshegoGuY
@Galfriend
1. Proper Contraceptives work 100% fine-- (Not these ones costing R20). Get Prescription from ur GP, don't just go there thinking u know everything
2. With Termination---Anything Concerning Pregnancy affect BOTH partners because BOTH Partners will be expected to Provide for the Kids. This whole "Its my Body" Argument is BS!! If we don't agree on the decision to have a baby why force things on me 9 months later.
IF U DECIDE ALONE THEN U R READY TO BE A SINGLE PARENT!!
________________________________________________________________________________
Simple type "are contraceptives 100% effective" on your google search engine and you will have your answer! they are not,I wasnt refering to cheap R20 ones,I didnt even know there are those.
2 - Call it BS or whatever, fact remains, I am the one who will have to cary this body. Why make decisions for me. Abortion will affect me in the long run in so many ways that you as aman might never understand! Yeah I will be a single parent but believe you me a woman scorned is one woman who you dont wanna mess around with. I will live to make your life a living hell!!! taking you courts and causing baby mama dramas on your relationships. Own up unless if you want to deal with that kind of dramma in your life! BS IS TRYING TO RUN AWAY FROM YOUR MINI YOUS...BS IS YOU LIVING LARGE AND CARRYING ON WITH LIFE WITHOUT A CARE OF WHAT HAPPENS IN YOUR CHILD'S LIFE! SHAME ON ALL THE ABSENT FATHERS! Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
eKapa
SWEETYK
hello ma-luv, i say girl you look so sweet and maybe your body looks so nice.
Girls should choose carefully who they copulae with...Nigerians are better than some of the losers girls hook up with...at least with Naijas, your baby will be loved and cared for. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Maezizsto4Sure
Nna i dont get it,why do people make babies if they dont want them?Birth control e teng why isnt it considered because o ja nama still mos Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
SWEETYK
Afrojoy
Good day @Sweety
==========================
Good day lovey, o reng fela babes? My afrocheskop. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
BaleliM
I see a lot of comments on how not to have kids out of wedlock. What happens to kids that are a result of marriage? Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
eKapa
Zimboy2
Girls should choose carefully who they copulae with...Nigerians are better than some of the losers girls hook up with...at least with Naijas, your baby will be loved and cared for
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
are you trying to draw sum attention?
BaleliM
I see a lot of comments on how not to have kids out of wedlock. What happens to kids that are a result of marriage?
==========
But sis Balile...this was about mainly unmarried fathers, You make a valid point though....
(correct me here: sometimes you sound bossy....i may be wrong) Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
OFFLIMITS
BaleliM
"I see a lot of comments on how not to have kids out of wedlock. What happens to kids that are a result of marriage?"
...........
I dont quite understand the question posed....
Thank you very much love, HUSBY is saying that everyday so oohh yes my body looks nice. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Buc4life
m'zaco'
@Buc4life
why solicit the *bride price* given the unresearched origin and the relevance that you subscribe to.....dont you think its double standards??...well what is amiss with inhlawulo..to the extent you wouldnt "charge" for it......Fascinating!
............................
In African traditions, Lobola has been practiced for many centuries. When not abused, it is good in the sense that the groom get to "thank" the bride`s parents for raising her. I have a big problem with damages. I think that is is absolutely horrible for the girl`s parents to demand it cause she is pregnant. In most cases, the poor boy does not want to marry the girl. So why pay it? I mean there is a child involved. If she gets impregnated by another man, are the girl`s parents going to demand it again? For me, it does not make sense, cause then the girl` parents will forbid him seeing his child because he did not pay. It`s like punishing the bloke, and yet he only wants to see the child. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Galfrend
Dzel
Well im sorry YOU and the other guy here feel pissed off and sick to the stomach simple because I have a different view of the issue- well tough *rolling my eyes*
BOTTOM LINE - IF YOU CALL YOURSELF A MAN AND YET YOU HAVE KIDS THAT YOU ARE NOT THERE FOR AND YOU DO NOT SUPPORT FINANCIALY - LOSER KE WENA!
Thank you very much love, HUSBY is saying that everyday so oohh yes my body looks nice
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ska pha-pha ma luv,,lol ke nne ke bina pina ya Stich-man from 999, do you still rmber him? Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
SWEETYK
Simple type "are contraceptives 100% effective" on your google search engine and you will have your answer! they are not,I wasnt refering to cheap R20 ones,I didnt even know there are those.
2 - Call it BS or whatever, fact remains, I am the one who will have to cary this body. Why make decisions for me. Abortion will affect me in the long run in so many ways that you as aman might never understand! Yeah I will be a single parent but believe you me a woman scorned is one woman who you dont wanna mess around with. I will live to make your life a living hell!!! taking you courts and causing baby mama dramas on your relationships. Own up unless if you want to deal with that kind of dramma in your life! BS IS TRYING TO RUN AWAY FROM YOUR MINI YOUS...BS IS YOU LIVING LARGE AND CARRYING ON WITH LIFE WITHOUT A CARE OF WHAT HAPPENS IN YOUR CHILD'S LIFE! SHAME ON ALL THE ABSENT FATHERS!
====================================================================
Big up Gal, you deserve a man like HUSBY. Report Abuse
@ offlimits- most of the comments are talking about women having babies without allowing the respective bby daddy to make a decision on whether he is ready and whether he can afford. That answers the one part but what happens to the kids that are born in a marriage? What solution do people have when daddy is not playing a role or when mommy stops daddy his rights of seeing his kids? Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
SWEETYK
eKapa
SWEETYK
eKapa
SWEETYK
hello ma-luv, i say girl you look so sweet and maybe your body looks so nice.
Thank you very much love, HUSBY is saying that everyday so oohh yes my body looks nice
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ska pha-pha ma luv,,lol ke nne ke bina pina ya Stich-man from 999, do you still rmber him?
======================================================================
@Galfrend
What we are saying is not to protect or justify dead-beat Fathers BUT simply saying that the Woman is also to blame for "forcing" the guy to have a baby--Some women even refuse Morning Pills
If u r going to decide ALONE to have a baby regardless of what the guy says then u must be ready for the consequences that may follow Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
m'zaco'
@Buc4life
1.Thanking the parents of the bride....How about the parents of the groom for raising a son that grew to be a man enough to decide to get married to their daughter in the midst of littany of girls even prettier than theirs?....( it has some stereotypes attached to the practice...)
2. what will determine the "amount of Thanks"....given the fact that they are still going to commence a life with the unknowns......will allowing one's daughter getting married without lobola deemed a taboo and thus illegitimate marriage?...(consider the current life's demands) Report Abuse
kikikikiki eKapa o dom san kikikikikikikiki Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Galfrend
SWEETKY - hahahahaaa Bosso ke husby,im glad he is there for your kids ,good for you gal!
eKapa - lol Wehlile lovie :)
I really dont understand why one would be so selfish to leave everything to the mother .She did not pregnant herself! Really? in 2012 we are still dealing with fathers who do not want to take responsiblity and try to justify their cowardice ,immature and very selfish,juvenile actions? Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
SWEETYK
HUSBY
Who deserves me now @Sweety
==================================
They say HUSBY o mobe maar wena o worse, market yourself papa there are loads of ladies here are you loaded? phela tell them. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Afrojoy
@SWEETYK
Afrojoy
Good day @Sweety
==========================
Good day lovey, o reng fela babes? My afrocheskop.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Am good my sunshine....I need you especially when its cold like this... Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
BlackLion
m'zaco
Is humanity and morality the same thing? What is the difference between these two groups i.e. a group of diverse infants vs. that of their parents? What are our fundamental or hard wired traits? Do you think those firmed traits evolve?
I believe LOVE is one of them and that it does not evolve, otherwise it will be conditional and that would defeat its purpose. And the other thing is can we define LOVE, does it also have attributes and if so what are those? Could UNDERSTANDING be one of them? Could LISTINING be one of them?
My view is that only material things evolve. I do not believe that one’s nature evolves; otherwise it means that we all are still under study since we can’t get to the foundation on how to live together with one another.
Again, one’s character defines who we are and how will we react to situations and that is informed by education through ones journey of life
BaleliM
I posed that question earlier in the morning as i was also curious on the topic
It was over-looked unfortunately... Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Bumboklaat
@Ann
bumblo ke teng mfana o reng?
===================================
Ake bolele ke tshaba net lephanga la Maezisto Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
m'zaco'
BlackLion
simplifying this matter : you say Love doesnt change: TRUE!
People dont change structure: True
But Culture does evolve, inherently so...because the manner of approaching life is never constant hence the change i alluded to
let education inform it....Let spirituality bring forth stability in attributes like Love! Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
SWEETYK
Afrojoy
@SWEETYK
Afrojoy
Good day @Sweety
==========================
Good day lovey, o reng fela babes? My afrocheskop.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Am good my sunshine....I need you especially when its cold like this...
==================================================================
Haaa iyo, HUSBY a kwate I'm MTN voice mail akere waitse neh? I have HUSBY all by myself ke sharp boss.
@ Galfrend
Frend I saw that you typed HUSBY's name in small caps is not like you Han. Report Abuse
o reng daaaaaaaaaaaaaa!! o boile luncheng............o jele skhaftini byale......
ne o swere eng? papa le mogodu......kikikikikiki Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
SaveSAkidz
@Dzel
Save SAKidz is all about bringing together all the caring Dads & encouraging all the AWOL Fathers to make amends. All events will be organized to cater strictly for Dads and their Kidz....no Kid no Entry. We aim to showcase the coolness & correctnesss & must-do-attitude for all fathers - facebook: 'save SA-kidz' Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
SWEETYK
HUSBY
Who deserves me now @Sweety
===================================
People na ba etsa ekare HUSBY wa ba tena kante ba mogalla kikikikikikikikikiki BOSSO ke HUSBY le ge le ka rata. You know what papa PROVIDE, LOVE, RESPECT, COMMUNICATE, APPRECIATE, TRUST your partner o tlaba HUSBY eseng fong kong e oleng yona now. kikikikikikiki Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Galfrend
Sweety - hahahahahaa you always manage to make me laugh..askies hle HUSBY iit is...lol Report Abuse
o reng daaaaaaaaaaaaaa!! o boile luncheng............o jele skhaftini byale......
ne o swere eng? papa le mogodu......kikikikikiki
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ne ke tshwere papa ka maotwana le dithlogoana Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
somaartakeit
@Buc4life
MsKinkyakaKamaSutra
"there is a reason why ure father does not want to share responsibilities" the only reason a parent would not want ot partake in the upbringing of his or her child is because he or she is a coward, cause regardless of how bad the relationship, parents must keep a level of civility for the sake of the child who didn't ask to be born.
Also @MsKink I was not taking a dig at you btw, but to hte women who make kids with married man, I mean how do they expect these men to be parents to the love children and be there for them, whilst also still be married to another woman? There is a social problem at the moment in SA where young girls dating sugar daddies become pregnant out of the blue, look at that girl who tried to destroy Fikile's marriage by claiming she was pregnant, thank God it turned it it was a hoax, but nje imagine if she really was pregnant, how could have Fikile been a proper dad to her child whilst still married to his wife? I want women to think, I mean its not like our grandmas era where there were limited or no choices. Today its a choice to have a baby, and once you make this choice then you must be fully responsible, but to make a child just to bag a man is just saddistic. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
m'zaco'
hooooolllllaaaaaaaaaa
DiHlogwana...........kwakwakwakwakwakwakwakwakwakwa
maotwana ke bossss not diHlogwana!! Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
LESON.1
Banyana ba le bona bare tswarisha di Baki.....Agggggggggg Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
SeshegoGuY
@Somaartakeit
Absolutely Spot on Princess!!!! Everyone should be responsible for the decisions they make instead of always trying to shift the blame Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Candyboy
my 2 cents....if you care man enuf to take out ur pip! and make that baby...you better be man enuf to take the lead in that home and be a father to that child and a husband to that woman....to my fellow men...its time we get our fokken act together...if you know you cant handle the sight of babies...use a condom or stay away from that pumpum altogether....to my fellow ladies.....if you feel the need to be serviced and dont wana fall pregnant...use protection.....its time we stop the blaming and take accountability for our actions.....men & woman....we are both responsibile if you are pregnant.....i despise men who run away from their responsibilities......its drives me insane.....and you woman...stop opening your legs, especially if you not married yet....!!!! Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
2nevvy4u
LESON.1
Banyana ba le bona bare tswarisha di Baki.....Agggggggggg
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
e apare baki eo so se mariga se. Report Abuse
Well im sorry YOU and the other guy here feel pissed off and sick to the stomach simple because I have a different view of the issue- well tough *rolling my eyes*
BOTTOM LINE - IF YOU CALL YOURSELF A MAN AND YET YOU HAVE KIDS THAT YOU ARE NOT THERE FOR AND YOU DO NOT SUPPORT FINANCIALY - LOSER KE WENA!
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
No it’s tough on the kid, not me. Because someone who will not even contribute a single cent to the child’s upbringing feels they are in a position to advise the mother and concentrating on bodies and rights rather than looking at what the child is going to eat, where is the clothing going to come from, etc.
Your attitude promotes irresponsible action that ends up with kids being dumped when the mother realises the father is not interested, well he was not interested when you told him you were pregnant so why is it a surprise when he wants nothing to do with the child.
I know I sound like I support irresponsible actions by men but until we realise that parenting is a responsibility that falls on both parents, you cannot force someone to be a father when they have indicated from the onset when there was still time to terminate and you decide to keep the child then surely you should be prepared to carry that responsibility.
We need to move away from the mentality where we impose our decisions on others, you can’t do that. Stop rolling your eyes and start appreciating the concept of cause and effect, rolling your eyes will NOT FEED THE CHILD.
1.Thanking the parents of the bride....How about the parents of the groom for raising a son that grew to be a man enough to decide to get married to their daughter in the midst of littany of girls even prettier than theirs?....( it has some stereotypes attached to the practice...)
2. what will determine the "amount of Thanks"....given the fact that they are still going to commence a life with the unknowns......will allowing one's daughter getting married without lobola deemed a taboo and thus illegitimate marriage?...(consider the current life's demands)
..............
1. But u taking someone`s daughter. The father is giving her daughter away. It`s not the other way round. Can never be. I mean a girl marries into a boy`s family.
2. That is debatable, and i think this has been abused by parents wanting to "sell" their daughters, with the aim of making profits. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Galfrend
Dzel
Galfrend
Well im sorry YOU and the other guy here feel pissed off and sick to the stomach simple because I have a different view of the issue- well tough *rolling my eyes*
BOTTOM LINE - IF YOU CALL YOURSELF A MAN AND YET YOU HAVE KIDS THAT YOU ARE NOT THERE FOR AND YOU DO NOT SUPPORT FINANCIALY - LOSER KE WENA!
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
No it’s tough on the kid, not me. Because someone who will not even contribute a single cent to the child’s upbringing feels they are in a position to advise the mother and concentrating on bodies and rights rather than looking at what the child is going to eat, where is the clothing going to come from, etc.
Your attitude promotes irresponsible action that ends up with kids being dumped when the mother realises the father is not interested, well he was not interested when you told him you were pregnant so why is it a surprise when he wants nothing to do with the child.
I know I sound like I support irresponsible actions by men but until we realise that parenting is a responsibility that falls on both parents, you cannot force someone to be a father when they have indicated from the onset when there was still time to terminate and you decide to keep the child then surely you should be prepared to carry that responsibility.
We need to move away from the mentality where we impose our decisions on others, you can’t do that. Stop rolling your eyes and start appreciating the concept of cause and effect, rolling your eyes will NOT FEED THE CHILD.
__________________________________________________________________________
SHOVING YOUR OPINION DOWN MY THROAT WONT FEED A CHILD EITHER! Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Buc4life
m'zaco'
ditlaela di fihlile
.....................LOG out>>>>>>>>>..>......................
LOL. Nna ke sule ka ditshego. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
m'zaco'
@Buc4life
thanks for the insight....
would you please expressed your views more on the second point i posed( your sincere view) please... Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Dzel
Candyboy
my 2 cents....if you care man enuf to take out ur pip! and make that baby...you better be man enuf to take the lead in that home and be a father to that child and a husband to that woman...
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Child -----> Responsibility ----> Marriage.
That is the problem; the child is seen as means to trapping the dad ending up with marriage.
m'zaco'
@Buc4life
thanks for the insight....
would you please expressed your views more on the second point i posed( your sincere view) please...
...............
Which one. Cant see it? Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
m'zaco'
sorry...maaan ka ditlaela i mean some jerk e fetsang ho kena mo blokkong....ha re utlwane!..... Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
eKapa
@ Galfrend
tell if i am wrong....
le ntombazana ifika pha kum endlini ithengisa i Lokhwe nge R150. i Penty yona uyibiza iR80 iDuku yiR40 all sizes ze Bra R100
so mna ndithi kuye hlisa i Bra, unyuse iLokhwe,uhlise iPenti noko iduku yona iright...(ngoku yena uyandithuka)
Im going to say this one last time. I do not approve some women's actions of getting pregnant simple because they want to keep a man. However when the baby is born, MAN UP! Simple! Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Tikoloshe
.....13 000 schoolgirls pregnant from the age of 13 years in KZN per anumn/94 000 nationally!!!!!
What the hell is wrong with this country. We support rural creche's through our social responsibility program here in KZN and not one father of those 350 kids we support annually has even bothered to supply a grain of rice, offered to fix a jungle gym or help out without wanting some form of compensation.
What the hell is wrong with men in Mzansi......also to the young schoolgirls. If you can contemplate having a child with the man you sleep with, don't sleep with him. Also take these guys to the maintenance courts so they are forced to take responsibility for their misdemeanors. If you don't you are just prepetrating the cycle of poverty that is so prevalent in our rural communities.
le ntombazana ifika pha kum endlini ithengisa i Lokhwe nge R150. i Penty yona uyibiza iR80 iDuku yiR40 all sizes ze Bra R100
so mna ndithi kuye hlisa i Bra, unyuse iLokhwe,uhlise iPenti noko iduku yona iright...(ngoku yena uyandithuka)
______________________________________________________________________________
bhwahahahahahahahahahahaaaa nam bendizokthuka sana hahahahahaaa usile wena Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Buc4life
m'zaco'
. what will determine the "amount of Thanks"....given the fact that they are still going to commence a life with the unknowns......will allowing one's daughter getting married without lobola deemed a taboo and thus illegitimate marriage?...(consider the current life's demands) .
..................................
OK, for me that would be whether my daughter has a child or not, and the number of children. Also, the education she has. If my daughter has no children and is a doctor in what and what, then the "thanks" is high. If my daughter has 5 children, no education, "thanks" is low. This is my view, and Im not sure whether this is currently practiced or not. I mean, we never ask these things.
@LESON.1
Banyana ba le bona bare tswarisha di Baki.....Agggggggggg
============================================
O ntse o sena "N" engwe? Always ga otla le Candyboy wa tlhagella dintshang?
==================================================
i dn't want sowetan to blog me mo di usles article- other "N" you willl see it ge PSL e bulwa
this is just temporary Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
SWEETYK
Galfrend
Sweety - hahahahahaa you always manage to make me laugh..askies hle HUSBY iit is...lol
======================================================================
Thanx babes, I love u gal for respecting HUSBY. Kikikikikikikikikikiki HUSBY ke BOSO. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
LESON.1
@2nevvy4u
LESON.1
Banyana ba le bona bare tswarisha di Baki.....Agggggggggg
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
e apare baki eo so se mariga se.
======================================================
Even if it is oversized ? you can be with a ch1ck for about 7 years and child as well, Morena when she get angry she will tell you K@k that you can' even o rote le ngwana- o tlo re ke eng tsona tseo..... Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Candyboy
@ 18 Jun 2012Dzel
Candyboy
my 2 cents....if you care man enuf to take out ur pip! and make that baby...you better be man enuf to take the lead in that home and be a father to that child and a husband to that woman...
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Child -----> Responsibility ----> Marriage.
That is the problem; the child is seen as means to trapping the dad ending up with marriage.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
no one trapped you as the man to impregnate that woman...it was a concious decision with the woman during the act of making love to each other....no trap was set in from of you.....my brother, if at least you not gonna marry that woman.....be there for that child is all aspects of his life.....that will still make you a man.....!!!! Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
SeshegoGuY
@Galfrend
SHOVING YOUR OPINION DOWN MY THROAT WONT FEED A CHILD EITHER!
********************************************************************************
Well then next time look at what will FEED THE CHILD and base that on whether BOTH AGREE on the baby coming into the world. DON'T SHOVE UR DECISION TO HAVE A BABY ON A GUY Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
m'zaco'
Buc4life
i rest my case! ......the stereotype wouldnt be altered anytime soon! ( you sound like a shangaan: no pun intended, i mean the manner of charging)
le ntombazana ifika pha kum endlini ithengisa i Lokhwe nge R150. i Penty yona uyibiza iR80 iDuku yiR40 all sizes ze Bra R100
so mna ndithi kuye hlisa i Bra, unyuse iLokhwe,uhlise iPenti noko iduku yona iright...(ngoku yena uyandithuka)
______________________________________________________________________________
bhwahahahahahahahahahahaaaa nam bendizokthuka sana hahahahahaaa usile wena
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SHOVING YOUR OPINION DOWN MY THROAT WONT FEED A CHILD EITHER!
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
No it won’t but hopefully it will drive the point through that people to the fact that:
1. You cannot enforce fatherhood on anyone, forcing the issue breeds anger and resent,
2. You can force someone to pay maintenance but legally you can’t force them to be present when he is needed as a father,
3. There are obligations linked to being a parent, when making the decision be very aware of these obligations and be responsible for the decisions you make.
Candyboy
my 2 cents....if you care man enuf to take out ur pip! and make that baby...you better be man enuf to take the lead in that home and be a father to that child and a husband to that woman....to my fellow men...its time we get our fokken act together...if you know you cant handle the sight of babies...use a condom or stay away from that pumpum altogether....to my fellow ladies.....if you feel the need to be serviced and dont wana fall pregnant...use protection.....its time we stop the blaming and take accountability for our actions.....men & woman....we are both responsibile if you are pregnant.....i despise men who run away from their responsibilities......its drives me insane.....and you woman...stop opening your legs, especially if you not married yet....!!!!
--------------------------------------------------------------
heeeee 2day will agree with wat ur saying 4 da 1st tym but le lena banna tlohelang go zipolla marokho.......thot u wer blocked wat happend Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
SWEETYK
@ ALL S.A GUYS
Please guys love your partners as if theres no tomorrow, don't forget to respect them. If o tshollela mageu ko mothong be ready for the consequences.
@ ALL S.A LADIES
If your man gives you these things always thank Almighty for all and always pray for your men not to change nyathela the middle man because ke satane. That's what I do everyday and tlogelang bo charmaboy ba ba lona, nna I know myself ke motle neh, ke eme neh mare HUSBY ke waka and I pray God everyday gore a dule a le yalo.
Basadi ba kotsi kotsi kotsi kotsi kotsi kotsirlek- nna ke ya batshaba though ke ya baneeda ka gore vroeg ka ya twatwelwa..... Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Dzel
Candyboy
no one trapped you as the man to impregnate that woman...it was a concious decision with the woman during the act of making love to each other....no trap was set in from of you.....my brother,
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I’ll pose the same set of questions to you:
1. How many times have you made love without protection,
2. Was the objective to have a child as a consequence,
3. Was it with someone you would have been forced to marry?
See we can make these perfect world statements but we do not live in a perfect world that is why abortion is legal.
What I am hearing is that abortion is the sole domain of the woman; this is what I have a problem with.
@DeOvi
Candyboy
my 2 cents....if you care man enuf to take out ur pip! and make that baby...you better be man enuf to take the lead in that home and be a father to that child and a husband to that woman....to my fellow men...its time we get our fokken act together...if you know you cant handle the sight of babies...use a condom or stay away from that pumpum altogether....to my fellow ladies.....if you feel the need to be serviced and dont wana fall pregnant...use protection.....its time we stop the blaming and take accountability for our actions.....men & woman....we are both responsibile if you are pregnant.....i despise men who run away from their responsibilities......its drives me insane.....and you woman...stop opening your legs, especially if you not married yet....!!!!
--------------------------------------------------------------
heeeee 2day will agree with wat ur saying 4 da 1st tym but le lena banna tlohelang go zipolla marokho.......thot u wer blocked wat happend
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
i liked the editors cl!t...hence i'm not yet blocked.....kikikikikikiki Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
LESON.1
@SWEETYK
We heard those kind of words before my skatie......... Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
2nevvy4u
LESON.1
@2nevvy4u
LESON.1
Banyana ba le bona bare tswarisha di Baki.....Agggggggggg
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
e apare baki eo so se mariga se.
======================================================
Even if it is oversized ? you can be with a ch1ck for about 7 years and child as well, Morena when she get angry she will tell you K@k that you can' even o rote le ngwana- o tlo re ke eng tsona tseo.....
------------------------------------------------------------------------
ke tlo re ke therisho ka hoba ke yena ya tsebang meroto mos. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
SWEETYK
LESON.1
@LESON.1
Banyana ba le bona bare tswarisha di Baki.....Agggggggggg
============================================
O ntse o sena "N" engwe? Always ga otla le Candyboy wa tlhagella dintshang?
==================================================
i dn't want sowetan to blog me mo di usles article- other "N" you willl see it ge PSL e bulwa
this is just temporary
======================================
Before people start thinking I am an irresponsible father, I am father to two beautiful children whom I love very much, married to the mother et al.
This is not what motivates my argument, my argument is motivated by how women abuse the situation and come up with the most ludicrous ways just to have their way including bringing an innocent child to this world when they have no means to support that child.
If you unilaterally decide to have a child then surely you should be willing to carry 100% of the responsibility that is parenting since you made 100% of the decision. What happens now is a woman will make the decision knowing very well that is not what HE wants next thing you are dragging the guy to the maintenance court, what for since it was your decision?
Are we saying men don’t have rights after she falls pregnant, that’s is you are now prisoner to her decision whatever the decision is? This can’t be right.
@Candyboy
my 2 cents....if you care man enuf to take out ur pip! and make that baby...you better be man enuf
----------------------------
sometimes some men don't even know they are father and the men who are still honest are being abused, you know my brother and us by extension were paying maintenance for 3yrs to a child who wasn't even his? the girlfriend at the time was makign his life (in his marriage) very difficult by making unreasonably demands, so I advised him to have paternity test, it turned the child was not his, but still he didn't get the money he paid to that woman for the past 3yrs, so I think what is needed is honesty here and for genders to not play victim card, let us all be equally responsible for children we create but I think its important to get paternity test, but I dont' feel sorry for my brother cause he was an idiot in fact I was angry with him for the anguish his wife had to go through due to his reckless behaviour. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Ann
@Bumblo, o ska motshaba o no tshosetsa fela ole Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
somaartakeit
@Dzel
"This is not what motivates my argument, my argument is motivated by how women abuse the situation and come up with the most ludicrous ways just to have their way including bringing an innocent child to this world when they have no means to support that child" its true that Dzel there are sad women like that, but equally there are sad males too who simply do refuse to take responsibility, some of them can afford to but they are just being impossible, look at Shilowa's case and his son. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Bumboklaat
@Ann
@Bumblo, o ska motshaba o no tshosetsa fela ole
Heeee! nagana lephanga le batamela pi.pi ya ka iyo! Nna ake nyako tsea chance! Report Abuse
We heard those kind of words before my skatie.........
=============================================
I'm repeating again and I will always saying them until we all do the right thing.
eKapa
SWEETYK
aaggg maan shame ...you such a wandaful woman yazi
=======================================================
Thank you love, I'm not saying I'm better than anyone here but I'm doing my best today and everyday to give back to HUSBY. That man deserve a BELLS plus wa dirata tse sona. My man ke BOSO shame. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Buc4life
m'zaco'
Buc4life
i rest my case! ......the stereotype wouldnt be altered anytime soon! ( you sound like a shangaan: no pun intended, i mean the manner of charging)
Thanks for the chat!
..................Thanks for the chat 2. Im not Shangaan, though.
@2nevvy4u
LESON.1
@2nevvy4u
LESON.1
Banyana ba le bona bare tswarisha di Baki.....Agggggggggg
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e apare baki eo so se mariga se.
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Even if it is oversized ? you can be with a ch1ck for about 7 years and child as well, Morena when she get angry she will tell you K@k that you can' even o rote le ngwana- o tlo re ke eng tsona tseo.....
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ke tlo re ke therisho ka hoba ke yena ya tsebang meroto mos.
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the tricky part when it comes to woman they are the first one to know if they are pregnant and who axactly is the father- rena banna re no folowa nje--
Nna yena bana babatho ke ba godishitse boss- o kereye ke bona gore Aaaaaaah yo yena yo a tswane le nna maaan.. mara anyway ke tlotsena legodimong ..... Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Ann
Bumboklaat
@Ann
@Bumblo, o ska motshaba o no tshosetsa fela ole
Heeee! nagana lephanga le batamela pi.pi ya ka iyo! Nna ake nyako tsea chance!
-------------------
ke la plastic lephanga la gona Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
somaartakeit
@Dzel
"What happens now is a woman will make the decision knowing very well that is not what HE wants next thing you are dragging the guy to the maintenance court, what for since it was your decision?" and why do men do not use a condom if they don't' want to be fathers? Report Abuse
mzacho khante mashangaan ba charger byang? Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Buc4life
Dzel
Before people start thinking I am an irresponsible father, I am father to two beautiful children whom I love very much, married to the mother et al.
This is not what motivates my argument, my argument is motivated by how women abuse the situation and come up with the most ludicrous ways just to have their way including bringing an innocent child to this world when they have no means to support that child.
If you unilaterally decide to have a child then surely you should be willing to carry 100% of the responsibility that is parenting since you made 100% of the decision. What happens now is a woman will make the decision knowing very well that is not what HE wants next thing you are dragging the guy to the maintenance court, what for since it was your decision?
Are we saying men don’t have rights after she falls pregnant, that’s is you are now prisoner to her decision whatever the decision is? This can’t be right.
.................
U know what. I agree with you wholly. I have been saying exactly the same thing. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Candyboy
@Dzel
you are very selective when it comes to responding to other peeps comments.....why not answer the last part of me prev comment......my point is simple...as a man you know yourself...and if you not ready for kids, be responsible and use protection.....its as simple as that my friend.
as for abortion...I believe both parties has to give consent to the procedure, however...if the woman feels she wants to keep the child, its her right to do so...then we leave it to the legal system to clarify the terms of monetary support the father needs to give to that child....if you dont want anything to do with that kid...its your right as well...and no one can hold that against you, after you made your feelings known.....but, i beg and i pray, that after all is said and done, humanity will prevail and the father finds interest to be part of the childs life and the mother finds peace in her hearts to allow that relationship to transpire and develope into sumthing special. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Candyboy
@somaartakeit
@Candyboy
my 2 cents....if you care man enuf to take out ur pip! and make that baby...you better be man enuf
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sometimes some men don't even know they are father and the men who are still honest are being abused, you know my brother and us by extension were paying maintenance for 3yrs to a child who wasn't even his? the girlfriend at the time was makign his life (in his marriage) very difficult by making unreasonably demands, so I advised him to have paternity test, it turned the child was not his, but still he didn't get the money he paid to that woman for the past 3yrs, so I think what is needed is honesty here and for genders to not play victim card, let us all be equally responsible for children we create but I think its important to get paternity test, but I dont' feel sorry for my brother cause he was an idiot in fact I was angry with him for the anguish his wife had to go through due to his reckless behaviour.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
your brother is stupid, finish & klaar...he never should've cheated in his marriage in da first place.....so that money is well spent.....his w!fe must leave him...and he should re-evuluate his life as a man...honesty & trust is suthing that is lost in this world.....i made up my mind amany moons ago...if a b!tch cumes to me with a child, we do a paternity test straight away...i even have a slush fund for that procedure to be paid....kikikikikikikikiki Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
m'zaco'
Ann
mzacho khante mashangaan ba charger byang?
========
is the lady educated....R 15000...extra( depends on a level...Masters level, a man is in trouble...)
is she childless...........R 9500...extra
( if it could be proven her virginity..) yhooooooooo R25000 extra
is she from a fairly affording family...R6000_extra
poor family.........well negotiable
her beauty.......R 2000 extra
what kind neighbourhood is it,......R 1500....extra
Annkie-Wena o tlo nkwatisa e se khale.O batla net warm klaap o thole go homola. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
SeshegoGuY
@Dzel
Im glad Someone agrees with me. We once raised this in the office and people were looking at me like im a murderer--- U cannot force a Decision on someone else which will bind him forever Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Dzel
somaartakeit
its true that Dzel there are sad women like that, but equally there are sad males too who simply do refuse to take responsibility, some of them can afford to but they are just being impossible, look at Shilowa's case and his son.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Kukhona abasile, if you are going to celebrate the pregnancy and then stop being a father when things go bad then I cannot speak for you.
If you are told she is pregnant and you immediately tell her ukuthi I am not ready to share this responsibility and she goes ahead anyway completely disregarding your feelings on the matter then I have difficulty understanding how can you be blamed afterwards.
I am not promoting the use of abortion as a contraceptive but abortion is there for a reason and is not an outlet for the one sex and not the other; this is my point. We all have rights but when it comes to reproductive issues it seems men do not have rights, how can this be?
If we argue that one party did not use protection then this principle needs to apply to both and so is the available remedy (abortion), it makes no sense that we argue a man cannot advocate for abortion yet in reality they tend to bear the financial brunt. This can’t be right. I refuse.
@Dzel
Before people start thinking I am an irresponsible father, I am father to two beautiful children whom I love very much, married to the mother et al.
This is not what motivates my argument, my argument is motivated by how women abuse the situation and come up with the most ludicrous ways just to have their way including bringing an innocent child to this world when they have no means to support that child.
If you unilaterally decide to have a child then surely you should be willing to carry 100% of the responsibility that is parenting since you made 100% of the decision. What happens now is a woman will make the decision knowing very well that is not what HE wants next thing you are dragging the guy to the maintenance court, what for since it was your decision?
Are we saying men don’t have rights after she falls pregnant, that’s is you are now prisoner to her decision whatever the decision is? This can’t be right.
we men hve rights...the b@stards are just afraid to use them...!!!! Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
somaartakeit
@Dzel my main point of contention is that if a man is not ready to be father then its simply he should use a condom, cause when the baby is born and paternity is proven then all involved in creating the baby must foot the parenting bill.
@Somaartakeit
The Decision to use a Condom or NOT is taken by BOTH parties. U know that Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
LESON.1
@SWEETYK
I'm going to Rural Rural Rural areas and look for a woman who is not educated- dn't know English- dn't know what internet is, and i'm going to buy her a nice house and love her then life goes on - Tse tsa lena tsa di (G-string ) ka mo kitchen ditlo go Mpalela shame. le hlalefile toooooooo much... Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Ann
@m;zach, nna mara ga ke turi
@maezi, askis my luv Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Candyboy
@SeshegoGuY
@Somaartakeit
The Decision to use a Condom or NOT is taken by BOTH parties. U know that
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
yup...and so is the use morning after p!lls.....the continuation of the pregnancy or the termination thereof....the parenting, upbringing, emotional & financial support......its not a forced issue here...its a joint decision...and if the one opts out....for whatever reason...find means & ways to survive....stop the blaming and try by all means to be a part of that childs life....!!! Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
somaartakeit
@SeshegoGuy I accept and support that 100%. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Afrojoy
The thing is people want to jol too much...but when joling, guys should first think and decide gore in case of pregnancy, would you accept and want to be with the girl...if not, better put on a condom...its as simple as that...if it bursts and you find yourself with a leg warmer on yo pi*pi, you will say at least I tried. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Dzel
Candyboy
you are very selective when it comes to responding to other peeps comments.....why not answer the last part of me prev comment......my point is simple...as a man you know yourself...and if you not ready for kids, be responsible and use protection.....its as simple as that my friend.
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I totally agree with you, lets promote responsibility. I will admit to having sex without protection especially when I was much younger, that did not mean I wanted to have a child. Can you imagine if I had impregnated someone and I was treated as if I had no rights don’t you think that would breed resentment? Pregnancy is not the cut-off point whether one is going to have a baby or not, let’s not pretend it is.
Statement: as for abortion...I believe both parties has to give consent to the procedure, however...if the woman feels she wants to keep the child, its her right to do so...then we leave it to the legal system to clarify the terms of monetary support the father needs to give to that child...
Answer: This is my issue, the law says there is a child therefore you go 50:50. More often than not the mother is not working so the burden falls on the guy. The law is not interested what happened prior to the birth, women know this and they take advantage of it. In many cases that both parties are equally liable to raise the baby goes out of the window.
Statement: .if you don’t want anything to do with that kid...its your right as well...and no one can hold that against you, after you made your feelings known.....
Answer: My friend you will forever be called a spe.rm donor, irresponsible father, bast.ard, etc.... just look at some of the comments here. You are expected to act as if you wanted the child to begin with otherwise all these insu.lts are fitting.
A question for you; what do you think our rights are as men in cases of pregnancy, please compare that to those of the woman and tell me if it is fair unless we argue that intrinsically men have less rights than women. How do we justify the different standard based on one’s gender?
In simpler terms I say, one is nothing without good ethics. As to who defines those ethics, I see that as irrelevant since those ethics are more important than its teacher. Think of a person with no patience standing in a long queue. Character is very important and cannot be achieved through studying science.
Education will always = knowledge in my view. I would assume that you would not put these two in the same category – Learning about creation and about making a can of coke.
We all know what is good and bad; problem starts once we put commerce or price on things. That’s when we start differentiating and assign categories to all things.
somaartakeit
@Dzel my main point of contention is that if a man is not ready to be father then its simply he should use a condom, cause when the baby is born and paternity is proven then all involved in creating the baby must foot the parenting bill. .
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
OK let’s try another approach. Suppose guy bangs girl without using protection does this mean he can force you to keep the baby even if you don’t want to?
I know what the law says but let’s think about this logically.
Points well made_sheeeeeer brilliance...
"advice" Dont purport to be Mr perfect opinion ( *wink*)
@ann!
what are you saying, behind your saying??.............beware of poor people like me who over-utilize our brains.... Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Ann
@DrMashobadieta wee ska tlo ntena ka *mankosheng 's voice* Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
somaartakeit
@Dzel I get your problem you know? wena you wanna have right to have a say on the abortion issue and that you believe should the woman chose to keep the baby then you should not be expected to support that decision, at the very least this position of your argument is brutal you know? why shld a man have a right to decide on abortion when he cld have prevented possibility of impregnating a woman in the first place? Also you do know that even qualified drs may not tell a woman to abort that decision is left to her alone? why do you think that is? Please Dzel you are otherwise a smart guy but surely you must know that abortion is not just a clear cut case as that, so really you must accept that right to abort or not to abort should be left to the one carrying a baby and if a man didn't want to have a baby then he should use a condom. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
ZuluPrincess711
How exactly does this study suggest that we support fathers to assume their role? @Tpaz - clearly you think marriage is an answer to societal family breakdown and that can be argued vastly my dear. I have been blessed with parents who have been married for a solid 36yrs. however my financee left me and cut all ties with my son despite assisting him financially (he's jobless) to be there for his son. I have tried and decided, he needs to reciprocate. The last time (2yrs ago) we spoke to him, he was landing at OR Tambo on a certain Wedenesday to see his son - we are still waiting. I even begged him before then to be there for his son even though he and i have not worked out. clearly, he is punishing his son for my moving on with my life. I stopped trying. @Ditete, Karma will deal with him whenever. Frankly, i don't care. All i care about is raising a happy child and my son is emotionally content at the moment. the day his Dad feels he wants to be in his life - i will let him. i can never deprive my child of having what i have with my parents. my son is the one who will let go when he gets tired of broken promises. sadly we (women) are all put under one blanket of using kids. a few of us are not actually. i couldn't be bothered about this man, yet he's busy settling invisible scores instead of beinig a father to his son. i have even told him, it's not about money (we have enough) but about having a relationship with his son. bright as he is, he seems to incur load shedding in this regard. some men like playing victim, just like some women. please good people, if you really want to be a father to your child - you will - money or no money! Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Ann
@ann!
what are you saying, behind your saying??.............beware of poor people like me who over-utilize our brains....
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nna ke mshaangan wa Giyane as long o le monna o feletseng never ba o turele Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Afrojoy
@Dzel
Lets face it...the ultimate decision on whether to keep or abort the foetus rests with the girl. Even if she chooses to keep the baby against your will, the law which is an ass, will still force you to pay maintainance. And the amount you will be forced to pay is greed-based, and not need-based...the woman will in most cases use less than 30% of maintainance payouts on your child...the rest will go to her own hair, groceries and booze. I am married with a child. The money I spend per kid on a good creche, helper, clothing and food is no-where near some of the amounts I hear about. The bottom line: Men have no rights when it comes to baby issues...if you want rights, have a child inside wedlock, and keep the mom. Otherwise you'll be sc*rewed. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
somaartakeit
@Dzel
somaartakeit
"OK let’s try another approach. Suppose guy bangs girl without using protection does this mean he can force you to keep the baby even if you don’t want to?" there are no iffs and butts if a man has sex without using contraception he must take responsibility of the outcome, its a clear cut case just like that. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Ann
LESON.1
@SWEETYK
I'm going to Rural Rural Rural areas and look for a woman who is not educated- dn't know English- dn't know what internet is, and i'm going to buy her a nice house and love her then life goes on - Tse tsa lena tsa di (G-string ) ka mo kitchen ditlo go Mpalela shame. le hlalefile toooooooo much..
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hahahaaaaaaaaaaaa, ke gona byanong o tlo bona mathatha hee Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
m'zaco'
@ann
u huma a Giyane kwihi...?
va dura hey....
matlhoma nyangweni, timfuku ta fole,.....you know very welll!! stouteeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrr...........kikikikiki Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Ann
mzaco, kwaaaaaaaaaaaaa. o sele wena shangaans are gud people Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
LESON.1
@Ann
@LESON.1
@SWEETYK
I'm going to Rural Rural Rural areas and look for a woman who is not educated- dn't know English- dn't know what internet is, and i'm going to buy her a nice house and love her then life goes on - Tse tsa lena tsa di (G-string ) ka mo kitchen ditlo go Mpalela shame. le hlalefile toooooooo much..
----------------------
hahahaaaaaaaaaaaa, ke gona byanong o tlo bona mathatha hee
=========================================================
Mathata jwang ? Mathata ke lena maan bo Baby please wake up, i want a Burger when i check the time is 10:30pm.......(Hikhona sesi) Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Afrojoy
@somaartakeit
@Dzel
somaartakeit
"OK let’s try another approach. Suppose guy bangs girl without using protection does this mean he can force you to keep the baby even if you don’t want to?" there are no iffs and butts if a man has sex without using contraception he must take responsibility of the outcome, its a clear cut case just like that.
*******************************************************************************************************************
I think you meant to say the man must SHARE responsibility...its not like the man was shagging a brainless stooge...the woman is equaly responsible...unless she was raped. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
m'zaco'
@Ann
ndza yi tiva Giyani...where!!! but dont answer if i make u nervous.....
wena u swi tiva kahle leswi ndzi swi vulaka.....kikikikikiki Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
DrMashobaadieeta
ANN
o buwa so, o galletse go bula dirope Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Dzel
somaartakeit
@Dzel I get your problem you know? wena you wanna have right to have a say on the abortion issue and that you believe should the woman chose to keep the baby then you should not be expected to support that decision, at the very least this position of your argument is brutal you know? why shld a man have a right to decide on abortion when he cld have prevented possibility of impregnating a woman in the first place?
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
If an alien were to read this he would swear that contraceptives are the responsibility of both parties. If the couple fails to use protection then they are equally guilty and therefore we should say both failed to use protection, not just the guy.
Statement: Also you do know that even qualified drs may not tell a woman to abort that decision is left to her alone?
Why is that, why does the woman have more rights when we agree both parties are equally to blame, in business there is what is called jointly and severally responsible but when it comes to reproduction the woman can still take the morning after pill and after that she can decide to abort and does not even need the consent of the guy. I am not saying he should be allowed to block the process but we have different markers depending on race and that is my issue.
The guy’s options end at conception, the woman’s four months after that. How do we justify this point and please answer my question, same goes for Cheeseboy.
Statement: Please Dzel you are otherwise a smart guy but surely you must know that abortion is not just a clear cut case as that, so really you must accept that right to abort or not to abort should be left to the one carrying a baby and if a man didn't want to have a baby then he should use a condom.
Answer: What is odd is a pregnancy lasts 9 months. Raising a child or the responsibility thereof lasts a lifetime for most, 20 years or so at best. Let’s weigh the two, 9 months vs. 20 years.
we men hve rights...the b@stards are just afraid to use them...!!!!
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Which rights exactly?
+++++++++++++++++++++++
the right to think before we act......most men are afraid to use their brains before they eat that pumpum...being fully aware what the consequences will be for their actions. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Dzel
Candyboy
the right to think before we act......most men are afraid to use their brains before they eat that pumpum...being fully aware what the consequences will be for their actions.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
No, the OPTION to think before we act, an option equally applicable to both party by the way.
Both parties have an option to raise the issue of contraception and women have a right not to be penetrated without protection, do they not?
Banyana ba tla go botsa gore abuti nna ke lev1rgin, se neng neng ge o mo Nny0ba le v1rgin le la setse le go nametse ka go dimo lere take it baby take it ................... Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Candyboy
@Dzel
In response to your prev comment regarding the laws of our country.
i will keep it short......we all know the laws are in place to protect the infant, by having their (baby) best interest at heart.......if you dont want a child as a man...condomise, or face up to the responsibility that is cuming ur way....why is that so hard to do...u can argue all you want....but if that stupid b@stard does not use protection...he must pay up.....!!! Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
somaartakeit
Correct Afrojoy the man must share responsibility,
@Dzel wrt to abortion decision, there are health/psychological effects post abortion and there is no estimated price to it, if there was, then if you agree to share the mental anguish costs to the woman who has to abort cause you don't want to be a father then maybe as a man you should have a right to decide.
Also you need to take into effect even in countries such as ours where abortion is legal, there is a time frame within which such can be carried out, so what if the woman found out abt her pregnancy after the legal allowed to abort time frame? Really Dzel I think the doctors know best hence they leave this decision with the woman, I still contend when a bloke doesn't want to be a father then he must use a condom or if you like nyama-to-nyama then go for a stitch, apparently its reversible. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Galfrend
Afrojoy
@Dzel
Lets face it...the ultimate decision on whether to keep or abort the foetus rests with the girl. Even if she chooses to keep the baby against your will, the law which is an ass, will still force you to pay maintainance. And the amount you will be forced to pay is greed-based, and not need-based...the woman will in most cases use less than 30% of maintainance payouts on your child...the rest will go to her own hair, groceries and booze. I am married with a child. The money I spend per kid on a good creche, helper, clothing and food is no-where near some of the amounts I hear about. The bottom line: Men have no rights when it comes to baby issues...if you want rights, have a child inside wedlock, and keep the mom. Otherwise you'll be sc*rewed.
____________________________________________
well said. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
somaartakeit
@Candyboy you are a good man:-) now I see why Jaja simply melts in your hands! Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Dzel
Candyboy
In response to your prev comment regarding the laws of our country.
i will keep it short......we all know the laws are in place to protect the infant, by having their (baby) best interest at heart.......if you dont want a child as a man...condomise, or face up to the responsibility that is cuming ur way....why is that so hard to do...u can argue all you want....but if that stupid b@stard does not use protection...he must pay up.....!!!
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
You accused me of selective answers ... just wanted to point out you are avoiding the points I have made but ja, according to you using protection is the guys responsibility.... got it. But I would have thought it falls equally on both parties which should use the condom argument moot.
Be that as it may, I understand the point you are making I just don't agree with you.
i think wena uya-bhlasha-bhlasha, look at you cmmnts every ada words r typed well and neet, mara the word (HUSBY) is being abused.
o sure gore au mo donore daai man?
correct me if im wrong...
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Guys banna ga ba tshwane, eskare wena ge ba go tsipa ditsebe o be nagana ba bangwe ba abuzwa. Ha o wrong wa pota. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Galfrend
Candyboy
In response to your prev comment regarding the laws of our country.
i will keep it short......we all know the laws are in place to protect the infant, by having their (baby) best interest at heart.......if you dont want a child as a man...condomise, or face up to the responsibility that is cuming ur way....why is that so hard to do...u can argue all you want....but if that stupid b@stard does not use protection...he must pay up.....!!!
_________________________________
High 5 Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Dzel
somaartakeit
"OK let’s try another approach. Suppose guy bangs girl without using protection does this mean he can force you to keep the baby even if you don’t want to?" there are no iffs and butts if a man has sex without using contraception he must take responsibility of the outcome, its a clear cut case just like that.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I like how you guys are standing firm on the same point. You did not use protection therefore its your fault.
I could also want to sound politically correct and repeat these lines but reality is we have babies that are abandoned after birth, kids who grow up without fathers and ATM fathers as they are called.
If we want to change the situation then we need to understand the drivers and educate communities accordingly hopefully with a view to reduce the problem.
Who does the condom argument help and how does it reduce high incidents of absent fatherhood?
the right to think before we act......most men are afraid to use their brains before they eat that pumpum...being fully aware what the consequences will be for their actions.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
No, the OPTION to think before we act, an option equally applicable to both party by the way.
Both parties have an option to raise the issue of contraception and women have a right not to be penetrated without protection, do they not?
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my brother....we know most woman (not all woman) gets into sexual acts to fall pregnant, so you as the guy need to ensure you practice safe sex at all times....after its your life, so take responsibility for what you do as the guy.......take the lead in that aspect of your relationship...if she insists on having no protection....walk away from that b1tch finish & klaar......dont let a woman dictate to you, think for yourself and do what is right for you....but the smell of pumpum takes away all logic in us men....if i know I wana get laid tonite...its MY RESPONSIBILITY to make sure I have adequate protection...! Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
somaartakeit
No Dzel you misunderstood me completely, I said, we both didn't use contraception so its both our fault, mna ndi fair in that respect am not about to use my gender to pull a victim card cause I know we are equals,
I agree that we must educate our girls and boys about sexual values most importantly about responsibility, secondly we must allow gay parents to adopt these unwanted kids that way a kid can have a loving home alas not perfect but a home regardless. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
SeshegoGuY
@CandyBoy
That is Bull. Responsibility of protection rests with BOTH Partners. We all know people have Sex all the time and they don't want babies Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
SWEETYK
LESON.1
@SWEETYK
I'm going to Rural Rural Rural areas and look for a woman who is not educated- dn't know English- dn't know what internet is, and i'm going to buy her a nice house and love her then life goes on - Tse tsa lena tsa di (G-string ) ka mo kitchen ditlo go Mpalela shame. le hlalefile toooooooo much...
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kwa akwak wakwak wakwwaaa O tla reka bank stoel le Mpaola ko furnisher shop o tla ikutlwa. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Galfrend
The point i've been trying to make all morning. Its up to the mother to decide whether to abort or not. Abortion comes with physcological effects than can affect one's well being for he rest of their lives.
@Dzel wrt to abortion decision, there are health/psychological effects post abortion and there is no estimated price to it, if there was, then if you agree to share the mental anguish costs to the woman who has to abort cause you don't want to be a father then maybe as a man you should have a right to decide.
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This emotional / psychological effect is also true to the potential fathers. Both are deciding to forego having a child for whatever reason, guys have emotions too.
If she finds out after the prescribed period then it is something else but most women find out they are pregnant in the first two months of pregnancy which leaves enough time to make a decision.
You are just coming up with excuses sommar,you need to be honest with yourself.
Galfrend
The point i've been trying to make all morning. Its up to the mother to decide whether to abort or not. Abortion comes with physcological effects than can affect one's well being for he rest of their lives.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
My best friend at varsity made his then g-friend pregnant and did not know about it until after she terminated, he was livid.
I too once made my then g-friend pregnant, I did not know about the pregnancy and we broke up soon afterwards without knowing what was happening. She later had a miscarriage(or at least that is what she said) and one day we had a long chat and only then did I find out. I was livid with her because she denied me that opportunity to be part of the pregnancy even when it did not end well.
In both cases men who wanted to keep the child but were not even informed of the pregnancy. Please don't talk about emotions and psychological impact as if men are incapable for feeling that pain.
@Dzel wrt to abortion decision, there are health/psychological effects post abortion and there is no estimated price to it, if there was, then if you agree to share the mental anguish costs to the woman who has to abort cause you don't want to be a father then maybe as a man you should have a right to decide.
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"This emotional / psychological effect is also true to the potential fathers. Both are deciding to forego having a child for whatever reason, guys have emotions too" Hayi mara Dzel yhazi the pain for the woman (after abortion) is not only physical but its emotional, you can never understand it Dzel so ke ngalamazwi ke ntoyakuthi ndithi masohlukana kulendawo.
"If she finds out after the prescribed period then it is something else but most women find out they are pregnant in the first two months of pregnancy which leaves enough time to make a decision" Interesting point you make, do you have start to support that 'most women' find within legally prescribed abortion time? Also Dzel you know when a woman finds out about pregnancy she doesn't jump up and say aha I am pregnant and I am going to abort or keep the baby, really why do you not understand this?
"You are just coming up with excuses sommar,you need to be honest with yourself" I thought I have conducted myself honest through this discussion wena nje have chosen to be disagreeable, I don't know why.. Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Galfrend
Dzel
In both cases men who wanted to keep the child but were not even informed of the pregnancy. Please don't talk about emotions and psychological impact as if men are incapable for feeling that pain.
Well earlier you made it sound just that. You made it sound like abortion is an easy process wherbey you just pop in the pills then viola...its a human life we are talking about. Still going back to my point,if it so happens that a child is born,whether you wanted it or not - the manly thing to do is to own.! Dont force her to abort out of your own selfish reasons! Report Abuse
Jun 18, 2012
Skomoro99
I need help,the last time i saw my son was last year just for a day only.We r no longer 2getha wit the mother but sumhow i always get stories when i need to c him.i pay maintanance evry month n i now i m thinkin of just stopin this.If the courts cant help me then i wil stop payin child suport n rather put the money on investment for my son n he can claim it later when he can make his own choices.I want to b part of my sons life in al aspects but this woman n her parents r just makin it dificult for me n i sumtimz think of gettin a gun n shoot the entire family coz its very painfull 2 bond wit a kid n b denied access bcoz i broke up wit the mother.
Anyone who can help or direct me the right way email skomoro99@yahoo.com.Women r the coz of al this wit the help of their families. Report Abuse
Jun 20, 2012
chipshot
Ann
no.. they are just sper*m donors...
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I disagree with you Report Abuse
Jun 20, 2012
chipshot
Galfrend
Happy Belated father's day to all the great dads whoare there for their kids and do not need to be dragged to court so they can support their kids.
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on behalf of all fathers, we are saying thank you as responsible dad's.
I like your attitude though! Report Abuse
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Comments
Ann
no.. they are just sper*m donors...Report Abuse
tpaz
Why have a kids outside marriage? That is the problem-there is no commitment.Report Abuse
Ditete
You cannot force love, an IDIOT who leaves his child behind will need that child somewhere in the future its called KARMABut at the same token minority of mothers play a role in the disappearance of the father by trying to get pregnant without the fathers consent its fact and you know
but those other IDIOT KARMA is coming for you baby yeah!!!
Report Abuse
mambaaai
@Annno.. they are just sper*m donors...
@tpaz
Why have a kids outside marriage? That is the problem-there is no commitment
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when one reads the title ATMS money and fathers not being alowed to see their children....along with your two comments..... makes one wonder if women cant be narrow eyed scheemers............
Report Abuse
Mar10
@ DiteteBut at the same token minority of mothers play a role in the disappearance of the father by trying to get pregnant without the fathers consent its fact and you know
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How does a woman fall pregnant without a man's consent? it takes 2 to tango...
Report Abuse
MommaC
Depends on the father. Some are able to provide good role models for their kids and others aren't.A strong male role model is essential for a child to grow up well adjusted. That doesn't have to be the father but it is best if it is. Women should stop thinking with their hormones and start thinking with their brains. It is, after all, our choice. Chose the right men for the sake of your children.
Report Abuse
somaartakeit
More than half of SA's children live without their fathers? this translates to me that more than half SAn women breed irresponsibly, in other words with losers so that makes them losers too, to the detriment of their children.Report Abuse
PleaseGetReal1
I would also like to know in this study how many of the father's and mothers had jobs or live on grants. This is what really peeves me when people still scream poverty but they multiply without thinking.Report Abuse
Usernamee
@tpazWhy have a kids outside marriage? That is the problem-there is no commitment.
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Marriage doesn't guarantee that everything will work. There are so many people who were married but are today divorced and kids are involved.
Report Abuse
BaleliM
There is more to this than what meets the eye. Most men out their take their frustrations by refusing to be part of the kids lives whilst we have women that do anything to ensure that these men are not part of the kids lives.I wish parents could look at the bigger picture and swallow their issues and ensure that the kids are their priorities.
Whe elephants fight, it is the grass that suffers most.
Report Abuse
tpaz
@Usernamee, at least there is legal re-course to support the kids, and besides the kids know their families on both sides, and there are structures to support them.Report Abuse
Bizzabo
DiteteYou cannot force love, an IDIOT who leaves his child behind will need that child somewhere in the future its called KARMA
But at the same token minority of mothers play a role in the disappearance of the father by trying to get pregnant without the fathers consent its fact and you know
but those other IDIOT KARMA is coming for you baby yeah!!!
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Dude???? WTF up on a Monday morning? read before making empty comments, they are talking about fathers not being allowed to play an active role in their their kids lives due to many barriers placed by the society
Report Abuse
k'onana
There are s.perm donors and there are s.emen receptacles...........For as long you protect irresponsibility under the excuse of "c.ulture", "tra.dition", "re.ligion". "gender role", etc.....all you do is just sp.awning......
Report Abuse
Ompas
I grew up without a father and I dont know what a fatherly love is.I made it my task not to allow my two boys to live the life i lived,though their mother is not making things easy for me,she is only interested in dollars only,i am not an atm though,i try to make it wirthwhile when they visit me,though she phones constantly to ask kids all sort of questions about me.I force her through legal processes to allow them to visit but she only does when it suits her.believe me its not nice to fights for kids and i sometimes thinks of giving up until this boys are old enough to make their own descitions,i salute all the fathers who takes part in their kids lives,regardless of the challenges they may face.Report Abuse
Buc4life
somaartakeitMore than half of SA's children live without their fathers? this translates to me that more than half SAn women breed irresponsibly, in other words with losers so that makes them losers too, to the detriment of their children.
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G Morning
I think that there are some of our cultural practices that limits fathers` access to their children. Well, the article attests to that- research was done. Granted, some women have children for the wrong reasons, and some men just do not want to care for their children. Also, having children outside of marriage contributes a lot to fathers running away from their children. Basically, in our country, there are many socio-economic factors that creates this problem.
Report Abuse
Usernamee
I'm one person not allowed to have my child for weekends.The mother has conspired with her parents not to allow me to take the child @ least once every month.
I paid the damages, I pay maintenance, go every friday after work to buy him things he needs for the week coming, I buy him clothing, buy him airtime to call me when he wants to.
BUT I'm not allowed just a simple thing.
Women are cruel!!!!!
Report Abuse
Buc4life
OmpasI grew up without a father and I dont know what a fatherly love is.I made it my task not to allow my two boys to live the life i lived,though their mother is not making things easy for me,she is only interested in dollars only,i am not an atm though,i try to make it wirthwhile when they visit me,though she phones constantly to ask kids all sort of questions about me.I force her through legal processes to allow them to visit but she only does when it suits her.believe me its not nice to fights for kids and i sometimes thinks of giving up until this boys are old enough to make their own descitions,i salute all the fathers who takes part in their kids lives,regardless of the challenges they may face.
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G Morning.
I agree with u. Some women are so cruel, they use children to get back at men, and this is so wrong. What these women dont realise is that children grow up, they do not stay young forever.
I also salute fathers who play an active role in their children`s lives.
Report Abuse
MsKinkyakaKamaSutra
According to the researchers the emphasis on fathers' financial contribution is also reflected in practices that require fathers to pay damages or lobola before being accepted as parents and allowed access to their children.*********************************************************************************************************
Not all families want "damages" or lobola to be paid................ This is just an excuse for irrisponsible, de.ad beat fathers....... who only know how to "pi.ss" kids but not nurture them.
Any male can make a baby but only a REAL MAN can raise one.
Report Abuse
MsKinkyakaKamaSutra
"These perceptions of fathers solely as providers must be challenged if fathers are to engage more meaningfully with their children and share care responsibilities with mothers," said Desmond Lesejane of Sonke Gender Justice Network.******************************************************************************************************
You can't force a man to be a father, it has to come from within........ There is no school for parenting
Report Abuse
Usernamee
@tpaz@Usernamee, at least there is legal re-course to support the kids, and besides the kids know their families on both sides, and there are structures to support them.
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I understand what you are saying, but it never work in all the time. Married or not, the reality is two people must take responsibility of their actions.
Report Abuse
Papage
If only the attitude of the Courts can change, I dont believe Fathers will be absent for the upbrinking of their Children. Stop blaming Fathers and look at Courts, it is not the Fathers who decided to be ATM Fathers, but the Courts and the so gready, selfish, bitches mothers decided to do. The logis is" if i drive a Golf and Mr Rich comes and promise your wife, girlfriend a Porch, who will she chose? without a bling of an eye she will take Mr Rich and fogetting those kids and their Father, once things go wrong with Mr Rich and the mother is down and poor, only then she will remember the Father of her Children. She will start disturbing peace in the relationship of the Children's Father and that will lead to tears and death at times" so mothers before you do anything stupit, think of the Children first, not yourself. I bow my head to the ATM Fathers, continue to pay, if they want it all, give it to them, be strong and work hard.Report Abuse
Buc4life
MsKinkyakaKamaSutraAccording to the researchers the emphasis on fathers' financial contribution is also reflected in practices that require fathers to pay damages or lobola before being accepted as parents and allowed access to their children.
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Not all families want "damages" or lobola to be paid................ This is just an excuse for irrisponsible, de.ad beat fathers....... who only know how to "pi.ss" kids but not nurture them.
Any male can make a baby but only a REAL MAN can raise one.
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I beg to differ.
In most African communities, a man must pay dagames for the child. When he fails to do that, parents refuse for him to see his child. This is so wrong, because in most instances the man does not want to marry that woman. That is why he ends up not paying damages. So many children grew up and continue to grow up without fathers, because of this practice.
Report Abuse
Secretary
FATHERS DAY SHOULD BE CANCELLED,BCOS IT IS THIS DAY WHERE FATHERS ARE ATTACKED ACCUSED OF THIER RENSPOSIBILITIES.Report Abuse
MGEEZ
Costs related to lobola and damages have become obstacles preventing these men from being involved in their children's lives.==================================================================================
Why impregnate someone whom according to an African tradition and biblical principles is not yours in the first place!!!! To me as an african who is also a practicing Christian it is clear that which ever way you want to look at this, it is simple immorality that is preventing these men to be part of their children's lives; because in terms of my tradition; a woman is not suppose to sleep with a men before they get married. Our problems are self imposed because we have forsaken our traditions; we have been so westernized that today it is fashionable to have a child outside marriage!!!!
Report Abuse
MsKinkyakaKamaSutra
@somaartakeitMore than half of SA's children live without their fathers? this translates to me that more than half SAn women breed irresponsibly, in other words with losers so that makes them losers too, to the detriment of their children.
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Hi friend
My baby is one of the more than half million kids........... Im definitely not a loser
@BaleliM
My family and myself do not keep him from being a part of the child's life he decided that on his own accord. I have tried several time (even to this day) to engage so that he can play a part in his child's life but he would rather spend time and money at chilling spots. He is a typical ATM father and to put the cherry on top of the cake he has opened a bank account for the child and linked it to his account. He would rather keep track of sms notifications from the Bank than actually being there for his child. If the money put in the bank is not even a third of the child's expenses.
You can take a horse to the river but you cant make it drink
Report Abuse
Buc4life
UsernameeI understand what you are saying, but it never work in all the time. Married or not, the reality is two people must take responsibility of their actions.
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G Morning
What you are forgetting is that we are bound by our cultural practices. Some men want to play an active role, but are prevented from doing so because he has not done this or that to the girl`s parents. Women get told that you cannot do this & that because he has not done whatever. The African community is not as culturally free as other races.
Report Abuse
MsKinkyakaKamaSutra
@OmpasGood luck
It saddens me when mothers use kids as pawns in their warped chess game
Report Abuse
MsKinkyakaKamaSutra
@UsernameeSorry man to hear about what you are going through
Not all women are cruel. In my case the father does not want to be a play his role/share responsibilites.
Report Abuse
Prudence!
I seriously believe that the tide of "absent" and difficult fathers is slowly eroding!!There are some young Fathers out there who are willing and eager to be part of their childrens lives - because they felt the brunt of having absent fathers...not to say all young men feel like this - but I've noticed a new "breed" (for lack of a better word) of Dad's who are breaking their back backwards in trying to be there for their children despite no longer being involved with the Mother!
And then you find the Mothers - the nurturers, who deliberatley use their children as pawns in a cruel game with their fathers!!! And to what gain??? Cause at the end of the day, when that child grows up, and you deliberately kept him away from his child - that child is going to question you as his Mother and be resentful of you for keeping him away from a parent who wanted to be part of their life! It makes no sense at the end of the day - it benefits no one, Moms - especially your child!!!
Report Abuse
Ann
OmpasI grew up without a father and I dont know what a fatherly love is.I made it my task not to allow my two boys to live the life i lived,though their mother is not making things easy for me,she is only interested in dollars only,i am not an atm though,i try to make it wirthwhile when they visit me,though she phones constantly to ask kids all sort of questions about me.I force her through legal processes to allow them to visit but she only does when it suits her.believe me its not nice to fights for kids and i sometimes thinks of giving up until this boys are old enough to make their own descitions,i salute all the fathers who takes part in their kids lives,regardless of the challenges they may facts
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u sound like my baby daddy, are u?
Report Abuse
Cowgirl
I am thankful daily for the role that my ex plays in our son's life, he is a very present and responsible father, sure we had our differences and we never worked out but we both had to be mature for the sake of our son.My ex does everything for my son, without me asking. He is the perfect ex when it comes to co-parenting and i hope he never changes even if he marries.
Report Abuse
Buc4life
MGEEZCosts related to lobola and damages have become obstacles preventing these men from being involved in their children's lives.
==================================================================================
Why impregnate someone whom according to an African tradition and biblical principles is not yours in the first place!!!! To me as an african who is also a practicing Christian it is clear that which ever way you want to look at this, it is simple immorality that is preventing these men to be part of their children's lives; because in terms of my tradition; a woman is not suppose to sleep with a men before they get married. Our problems are self imposed because we have forsaken our traditions; we have been so westernized that today it is fashionable to have a child outside marriage!!!!
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G Morning.
I agree with you 100%. If you look at other societies, a woman will have children only when she is married. That is why these societies, do not have half the problems we have. I stand to be corrected, but our African men were told by elders to "test the waters" before committing. In other words, men needed to ensure that a woman can conceive before marriage.
Report Abuse
Papage
As long as Fathers are being accused of this and that, Guns will always take lives, Courts must change, Fathers continue giving those kids support and food if you can, some of you have retraining orders, not to be 10m of your ex, but now they want you to be there, how so?Report Abuse
MGEEZ
tpazWhy have a kids outside marriage? That is the problem-there is no commitment.
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I agree with you!!!
Report Abuse
Usernamee
@Buc4lifeWell if we were living a perfect world where everyone live according the cultural practices.
The reality is that the cultural values will soon be history and this is perpectuated by the govermental roles in this issue (National Grant for kids we have).
People choose to have kids, get money and forget about culture.
Report Abuse
Maezizsto4Sure
Heee banna kante di damage santse di patelwa?I always wonder gore why tlameile monna a patele damage if a sa reipa mosade woo.Why basade ba sa patele di damage bona?Anyhu most children grow without fathers because of some greedy women.Ba sotla ka bana ba nagana gore ba ntshetsa rona.Moth'o o nna le kwaal le wena next thing o gana o bon'e bana.Ke mang a lo safarang nna or bana?
Report Abuse
Buc4life
MsKinkyakaKamaSutra@Usernamee
Sorry man to hear about what you are going through
Not all women are cruel. In my case the father does not want to be a play his role/share responsibilites.
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Lets not protect our sisters. In most instances, they are cruel. They have children to get back at men.
If you dig deep, there is a reason why ure father does not want to share responsibilities. I am not protecting men. Im just saying that women are equally to blame if not more, for fathers not being in their children`s lives.
Report Abuse
MsKinkyakaKamaSutra
@Buc4lifeI beg to differ.
In most African communities, a man must pay dagames for the child.
****************************************************************************************************
True, in most families but with mine it is different. It your choice (as a father) to be a part of the child's life.......
With my baby daddy the thing he will not allowed to take the child to visit his family (as they have not made any means to play a role in the child's life) and he also does not play an active role in the chid's life excpet pay a tenth of the child's expenses.
Report Abuse
JuicyJ
i am a father of a 3 year old babygirl, and i am no longer staying with my girlfriend because she's born again and insist that we get married first before sleeping together again. My daughter is always happy to c me and so do i, and as much as i respect God and the bible, dealing with constant erection and sexual desires is very hard. I don't have money to marry her, which is something i would've done long time ago if i had money. I am tempted to cheat but i can't bring myself to do it, because i am staying alone and i might not be able to stop cheating. Now how must i control must desires? please no insults only suggestions.Report Abuse
Ompas
@Ann,maybe i am the babys daddy,give me a backropund check.Report Abuse
BaleliM
@ MsKinkyakaKamaSutrayou are right. do not force him to do what he does not want to do. I have bby daddy that wants nothing to do with his kids fianacially, emotional and physical. I could be bitter about it but i realised that my kids are the best kids i have ever received and i live each day thanking God for them.
For those that think these kids are losers or the mothers are having kids out of wedlock, do not judge coz you know nothing of what happened.
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Usernamee
@MsKinkyakaKamaSutraYes not all women are cruel, but in most cases as soon as the child is there and they see your committment to the child, the child is a weapon to settle the scores.
Report Abuse
m'zaco'
@MommaC""A strong male role model is essential for a child to grow up well adjusted. That doesn't have to be the father but it is best if it is.""
~100% i agree, i observed emotional instability on fellows that grow without their fathers...
** Women should stop thinking with their hormones and start thinking with their brains. It is, after all, our choice. Chose the right men for the sake of your children.""
~ But on this one i believe its a matter of nothing but sheer luck...How could a lady ascertain whether the suitor might be a just a spirm donor or the prospective real father?? ..This might be the difficult one to work on for the sake of a girl's offspring...
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Usernamee
@MsKinkyakaKamaSutraWith my baby daddy the thing he will not allowed to take the child to visit his family (as they have not made any means to play a role in the child's life)
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Why are you allowing this to happen?
Report Abuse
Tabza325is
"Costs related to lobola and damages have become obstacles preventing these men from being involved in their children's lives."In most cases ralatives demand a lot, they charge all this fees and at the same time still want to have control over custodian of the children, even after paying damage money they would still want the children to remain with them and that you only visite them.
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Usernamee
@Tabza325isIn most cases ralatives demand a lot, they charge all this fees and at the same time still want to have control over custodian of the children, even after paying damage money they would still want the children to remain with them and that you only visite them.
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1000% correct!!!!
Report Abuse
Buc4life
Usernamee@Buc4life
Well if we were living a perfect world where everyone live according the cultural practices.
The reality is that the cultural values will soon be history and this is perpectuated by the govermental roles in this issue (National Grant for kids we have).
People choose to have kids, get money and forget about culture.
.....................
Cultural practices will be history if we start to put our foot down, and start questioning them.
The government has to play its role by offering grants. It is unfortunte that our society is abusing this.
I said before that there are socio-economic factors that make people to want to have children before marriage. Poverty is one of the factors. Ever realised how a poor, poor woman has many children?
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m'zaco'
@Prudence!wow! good for you....
BUT there are many people may think you are living in the **cloud cucko land**
@Mgeez & Tpaz
Yes you may be correct from the *perfect world's perspective* but the real issues are that these things do happen and a solution is needed! simply washing off hands brings no way out to this predicament
Good mornings!!
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mubster
its very cowardly of men but like sowetan says some men would like to be there for thei children but the pressedure from the girls family gets a bit too much for the guy to stand for and him knowing that he sends money to his beloved in a way to ease the pain in-laws f*ck up relationships thinking that they are practicing cultureReport Abuse
Usernamee
@Buc4lifeCultural practices will be history if we start to put our foot down, and start questioning them.
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I doubt this will change, cultural practices are being over-shadowed by the fact that people are hungry, they need food now, they will do anything to get food now.
Report Abuse
Buc4life
MsKinkyakaKamaSutra@Buc4life
I beg to differ.
In most African communities, a man must pay dagames for the child.
****************************************************************************************************
True, in most families but with mine it is different. It your choice (as a father) to be a part of the child's life.......
..............................
You know, it is not as easy as that. Maybe, in ure case it is. One day, I saw on Khumbulekhaya, how a man was made to see his child on the street. This was so sad cause he came from far. So, even if fathers choose to play a part, girl`s parents make it difficult for them..
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MsKinkyakaKamaSutra
@Buc4lieIm not protecting the sisters hence my earlier blog that it saddens me when mothers use kids as pawns in their warped chess game. In the same breath you cannot paint all women with the same tainted brush.
I have tried everything possible to let him be a part of the child's life but everytime I am met with ridicule. My daughter had a mobility problem and I informed him about it and I will even call him to tell him about all the procedures that she needs to do and the relevant specialists that she needs to see (mind you I even tell him the dates in advance). He has never accompanied us to any of the appointments and even when the child was hospitalised he didnt even bother to find out how she is doing...... He is not even willing to help pay for medical expenses not covered by the medical aid.
I have tried and even to this day I still am.............. I just want him to be there for his child. I do not make unnecessary demands.
This is a very emotional topic for me so dont be surprised when I dont comment any further.
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Maezizsto4Sure
somaartakeitMore than half of SA's children live without their fathers? this translates to me that more than half SAn women breed irresponsibly, in other words with losers so that makes them losers too, to the detriment of their children.
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Hai somaarkie se sona ke skempe to MsKinky nine nine.
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Prudence!
@m'zaco'@Prudence!
wow! good for you....
BUT there are many people may think you are living in the **cloud cucko land**
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"Cloud Cucko land"??? I apologise M'zaco, i've never heard of it!
But back to topic....how so?? Obviously from your rather sarcastic response, you think i"m rather dissillussioned? What from my statement do you think I'm "lost" about??
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MommaC
m'zaco'LOL
Don't tell me they banned you AGAIN !
We have had birth control since the 1950's and condoms since the 1800's - in the case of malfunction, we have abortion clinics. There is no excuse for getting pregnant before you KNOW the man and he knows you. There is also the problem of children having children. An 18 year old boy child is not likely to be ready or able to settle down to being a father. Some try but few succeed. Likewise, a playa is a playa and a baby won't 'change' him.
Women should chose a mate who WANTS to have children and settle down. Not some hunky young bad boy playa who is simply shaggable. Those are just for fun, not for breeding with
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MGEEZ
@Buc4lifeG Morning.
I agree with you 100%. If you look at other societies, a woman will have children only when she is married. That is why these societies, do not have half the problems we have. I stand to be corrected, but our African men were told by elders to "test the waters" before committing. In other words, men needed to ensure that a woman can conceive before marriage.
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G Morning dear: that is a perversion of an african tradition. How would you feel as a woman to know that the only reason this men is proposing to you is your ability to produce children? I would feel very much unloved if I were in such a relationship whether male or female. Just imagine a scenario wherein a woman falls pregnant prior to getting married according to the man's request; then the men decides to marry her because of this. Few months into their marriage; the woman is diagnosed with cancer of the womb; and the doctors say the only way she can be healthy again is for that womb to be removed!!! What would then happen to their marriage; considering that in the first place the men married her because of the womb???
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Buc4life
Usernamee@Buc4life
Cultural practices will be history if we start to put our foot down, and start questioning them.
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I doubt this will change, cultural practices are being over-shadowed by the fact that people are hungry, they need food now, they will do anything to get food now.
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True. Hence Im talking about socio-economic factors. But, what I meant is that we as the society need to question that "paying damages" practice. Our parents continue to ask for this price, and I think that it is really unfair considering the fact that the man might not be interested in the woman. So, for the sake of the child, a man MUST see his child whether damages have been paid or not.
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m'zaco'
***Cultural practices will be history if we start to put our foot down, and start questioning them***
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wow! a word of reason...You made my day!! 100%.........you are a star
i dont subscribe to any cultural practice that bear nothing but woes to its subscribers
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MsKinkyakaKamaSutra
@Usernamee@MsKinkyakaKamaSutra
With my baby daddy the thing he will not allowed to take the child to visit his family (as they have not made any means to play a role in the child's life)
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Why are you allowing this to happen?
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I have exhausted all means of reasoning with the guy........ until such time that he and his family play a role in the child's life then she will visit them.
I am not bitter that things did not work out hence I always try and reach out to him (for the baby's sake).
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Ompas
Cultural practices are the reason some of us never felt fatherly love,never spent a time with our father and why i lived such a cruel life.the most thing that upset me is the people who did this,were never supportive,never there for me and left me to fend for myself against all odds.i started to look for my father on my own and this culture thing didnt help me with anything.Report Abuse
Shenene
ATM wowReport Abuse
Mooipa
This lady is twisting the actual facts here from article i read yesterday!If you have issues with your man let it be between two of you ok! Why can't you women allow men to live? When it's womens day we don't go around telling everyone how women neglect their kids to bonk and sleep with strangers. How many women throw babies in bins, pittoilets,etc? And are men ululating about it?
The challenge here is that man feel pain and rejection of being deprived with opportunity to be fathers to their kids because they are either umemployed or can't keep up with unnecessary demands some evil possessed women want.
Women of South Africa see men as ATMs, they make sure they pull all stunts until you give up so they run to their friends (Social Workers) to claim that you don't take care of your baby.
Black govt has turned our sisters into welfare state products, they get child grants and still demand maintenance, even married women go as far as using their maiden surnamed IDs to access such grants without or with their men's knowledge and for fear of being bewitched you shut up as man.
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Maezizsto4Sure
MsKinkyakaKamaSutra-Kante o mo entseng that guy a sa go batle so?Report Abuse
MaLindo
@Somaartakeit some things don't need lossers to comment too you know, other issues are serious and the out come of them may not affect you now but may be later careful of what you say.In this study how accurate was it i wander and where the any lie detector where are the number and percentages of the so called father ATM's interviewed. how much of a fact is this story and it sound more like a student research for year end marks. I'm a single mom i had been trying to get my daughter 5 and her father to have a relationship for years now and his the one with no time always busy, his friend more important it was never about the money, doesn't even pay maintenance only when he want too and never took him to court either. Man of today just don't want to take responsibility.
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Buc4life
MGEEZ@Buc4life
G Morning.
I agree with you 100%. If you look at other societies, a woman will have children only when she is married. That is why these societies, do not have half the problems we have. I stand to be corrected, but our African men were told by elders to "test the waters" before committing. In other words, men needed to ensure that a woman can conceive before marriage.
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G Morning dear: that is a perversion of an african tradition. How would you feel as a woman to know that the only reason this men is proposing to you is your ability to produce children? I would feel very much unloved if I were in such a relationship whether male or female. Just imagine a scenario wherein a woman falls pregnant prior to getting married according to the man's request; then the men decides to marry her because of this. Few months into their marriage; the woman is diagnosed with cancer of the womb; and the doctors say the only way she can be healthy again is for that womb to be removed!!! What would then happen to their marriage; considering that in the first place the men married her because of the womb???
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Yes, and that`s what Im saying that we need to start questioning the status quo, evenif we will be at risk of being at loggerheads with elders. Culture and traditions need to change otherwise we will continue to do something that is totally irrelevant.
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The_Only_1
Legally the Equality Act, as ammended together with Parental Act recognise either of the parents as holding equal rights in raising the minor child, however it has been regarded that Women have a privileage of residing with a minor child of which is no longer the case. South Africans are confusing the Diversity Act which gives women previleage in a working environment as Parental and Equity Act. The Parental and Equity Act give previleage to either parent based on a number of conditions which include but not limited to Net Income. It is so unfortunate that women and courts still abuse men through Maintenance Courts as they are never given a chance or even evaluate a possibility to reside with minor child, however they are forced to be 'cash cows'. Discrimination based on 'Sexism' is still in existence in South Africa whereby most men are regarded as unfit to raise their minor children. That is why the Fathers end up being ATMs as the courts violates most of these Acts and favours women because of being females (Sexism).Report Abuse
Buc4life
OmpasCultural practices are the reason some of us never felt fatherly love,never spent a time with our father and why i lived such a cruel life.the most thing that upset me is the people who did this,were never supportive,never there for me and left me to fend for myself against all odds.i started to look for my father on my own and this culture thing didnt help me with anything.
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Thank you for ure statement. U are proof to the research done on this article.
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m'zaco'
@Prudence!Sisi..look the scourge of absentee father is recurring even at the enormous degree lately given the socio-economic issues ...You may be reasoning from your experience/observation and that could not amount to an the scientifically proven stat...
@mommac
Your point is rather impragmattic__ BOYS lie LIke the devil and girls are gullible enough to believe and be convinced by them....
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Maezizsto4Sure
Heee wena Shenene ka go dumedisa man keng ka wena o mpapanyanaReport Abuse
2nevvy4u
no 13 spanner and fish laneReport Abuse
MommaC
m'zaco'Of course boys lie. They will say anything to get into a pretty pair of broeks. That is why you take TIME to make sure they are who they pretend to be and don't go into something as irreversible as parenthood BEFORE being sure.
Ironically, those girls who didn't have a strong father figure are the ones who are most likely to fall for the lies.
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Prudence!
M'zacoThank you!
I'm not basing my statement/comment on any scietifically proven stat!! If i had then i would have gooi-ed in some "stats"!! Hello!
My comment is based entirely on my "oppinion" and my "observation"....sorry that I have not taken any socio-economic issues into account!
And yes, perhaps I am looking at life through "rosy" glasses!!! - thank you for pounting that out.
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Ompas
i am saying this from the bottom of my heart,i was failed by my parents preiod!i vowed not to do the same mistake to my kids,all my grand parents and uncles were interested in getting damages money,from there,you will never hear from them.you will hear when you ask for something from them,they will tell you how your father was a coward,failure and less ma he is,cause he didnt pay damages.who benefit from this damages?Report Abuse
MGEEZ
@m'zaco'wow! a word of reason...You made my day!! 100%.........you are a star
i dont subscribe to any cultural practice that bear nothing but woes to its subscribers
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Good morning to you, your statement above about culture sounds very unscientific as well; would you not agree???
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Usernamee
@MsKinkyakaKamaSutraTrue. Hence Im talking about socio-economic factors. But, what I meant is that we as the society need to question that "paying damages" practice. Our parents continue to ask for this price, and I think that it is really unfair considering the fact that the man might not be interested in the woman. So, for the sake of the child, a man MUST see his child whether damages have been paid or not.
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Agree :)
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19851014
Go ya swana mo. Le ba ba reng ke bana ba bona we are not sure of that.Report Abuse
19851014
Ngwana o jebja ke mmagwe.Report Abuse
MsKinkyakaKamaSutra
@Maezizsto4Suresomaartakeit
More than half of SA's children live without their fathers? this translates to me that more than half SAn women breed irresponsibly, in other words with losers so that makes them losers too, to the detriment of their children.
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Hai somaarkie se sona ke skempe to MsKinky nine nine
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LOL! Maezi I have thick skin, o ska wara ke sharp
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Buc4life
m'zaco'***Cultural practices will be history if we start to put our foot down, and start questioning them***
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wow! a word of reason...You made my day!! 100%.........you are a star
i dont subscribe to any cultural practice that bear nothing but woes to its subscribers
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You do, if you are African. Maybe sub-consciously.
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MsKinkyakaKamaSutra
@Maezizsto4SureMsKinkyakaKamaSutra-Kante o mo entseng that guy a sa go batle so?
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A ka mo etsa niks, ha na nako ya bambino and I think o kwtetse gore ha ke batle gore a sike khekhe
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Buc4life
Usernamee@MsKinkyakaKamaSutra
True. Hence Im talking about socio-economic factors. But, what I meant is that we as the society need to question that "paying damages" practice. Our parents continue to ask for this price, and I think that it is really unfair considering the fact that the man might not be interested in the woman. So, for the sake of the child, a man MUST see his child whether damages have been paid or not.
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Agree :)
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There are still irresponsible fathers though?
Report Abuse
Britata
Mostly its black manReport Abuse
Galfrend
Happy Belated father's day to all the great dads whoare there for their kids and do not need to be dragged to court so they can support their kids.Report Abuse
Usernamee
@Buc4lifeYes there are, I think we are all the same, The point I'm debating is much more on the fathers who are trying to do right and they are being kept back by irresponsible women who never put the child first but rather their imotions.
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BaleliM
The truth of the matter is that, we have 90% of men that do not want to have anything to do with their kids. We therefore have 90% of mothers that are trying to make these men be part of the kids lives and this is not working. That leaves 10% of men that want to be with their kids and 10% of women that make bby daddy lives hell by not allowing them to see their kids and making them pay through their nose.In all of this, we have a collective 100% of men and women that do not want to be mature and put aside their petty issues and see the bigger picture, that of the kids.
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Usernamee
@BritataMostly its black man
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LOL .... where is that coming from now....
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2nevvy4u
Usernamee@Britata
Mostly its black man
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LOL .... where is that coming from now....
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eerrr!!! mmmmmmm!!! behind?
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Usernamee
@2nevvy4uEish......
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Maezizsto4Sure
MsKinkyakaKamaSutra-You must never ever do that to a man.O ka se time monna khekke no ways.Report Abuse
Jaquo
@PleaseGetReal1...............This is what really peeves me when people still scream poverty but they multiply without thinking.******************************************************************************
Thats more than it can get, and i think the government has done less in educating people, and i also think Divorce in South Africa is too close on the lips and this amounts to greedness as parents especially women make ireversible decisions that endanger the culturing of children without a father figure and unfortunately thats the society we live in
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Makhosini0408
Morning AllThe greatest valuable gift that my father gave to me, which I still treasure today is his time.
@BaleliM
Well said and I agree with you. Some of us need to be matured and stop using childrens as pawns or bagaining tools, period.
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Lehido
There are 2 sides to this saga, I know guys who want to be part of their kids' lives but mothers wont let them, they just want their money.......Report Abuse
MsKinkyakaKamaSutra
@GalfrendHappy Belated father's day to all the great dads whoare there for their kids and do not need to be dragged to court so they can support their kids.
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LOL! Put a smile on my face
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Buc4life
Usernamee@Buc4life
Yes there are, I think we are all the same, The point I'm debating is much more on the fathers who are trying to do right and they are being kept back by irresponsible women who never put the child first but rather their imotions.
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Im with you.
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ntshware-ke-yawa
as if women are forced to have kids with men who are not ready to be father-figures in their children's life,its really up to a woman herself to decide,why blaming men.Report Abuse
BlackRhino
As a black father who is constantly involved with his children, I get so upset reading these articles. It is an indication of how backwards most blacks are and the reason we cant succeed. If we cant look after our children how can we expect them to succeed. Has anyone noticed while walking through a shopping centre for example how many white and Indian fathers are with there families. Or at a school event how many white and Indian fathers are there for there children, even when the student body is 80% black. White and indian fathers will do anything for there children. They are willing to sacrifice everything so there children can succeed in life, and it has nothing to do with money. Most white people I know take out extended loans on there house just so they know there children will get a good education. And those fathers take RESPONSIBILITY for the children. Most black men don't even know what RESPONSIBILITY is.Report Abuse
Buc4life
BaleliMThe truth of the matter is that, we have 90% of men that do not want to have anything to do with their kids. We therefore have 90% of mothers that are trying to make these men be part of the kids lives and this is not working. That leaves 10% of men that want to be with their kids and 10% of women that make bby daddy lives hell by not allowing them to see their kids and making them pay through their nose.
In all of this, we have a collective 100% of men and women that do not want to be mature and put aside their petty issues and see the bigger picture, that of the kids.
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Morning Baleli. U cannot conclude that unless you did ure research. Also you cannot make such gross generalisation without research findings.
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2nevvy4u
MommaCDepends on the father. Some are able to provide good role models for their kids and others aren't.
A strong male role model is essential for a child to grow up well adjusted. That doesn't have to be the father but it is best if it is. Women should stop thinking with their hormones and start thinking with their brains. It is, after all, our choice. Chose the right men for the sake of your children
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im with you on that one.
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Jaquo
@Buc4life................The point I'm debating is much more on the fathers who are trying to do right and they are being kept back by irresponsible women who never put the child first but rather their imotions.**************************************************************************************************
ITS CALLED WICKEDNESS...........they say so that they can punish the MAN........by playing a trump card in place of kids......this is ignorance at its best
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Buc4life
BlackRhinoAs a black father who is constantly involved with his children, I get so upset reading these articles. It is an indication of how backwards most blacks are and the reason we cant succeed. If we cant look after our children how can we expect them to succeed. Has anyone noticed while walking through a shopping centre for example how many white and Indian fathers are with there families. Or at a school event how many white and Indian fathers are there for there children, even when the student body is 80% black. White and indian fathers will do anything for there children. They are willing to sacrifice everything so there children can succeed in life, and it has nothing to do with money. Most white people I know take out extended loans on there house just so they know there children will get a good education. And those fathers take RESPONSIBILITY for the children. Most black men don't even know what RESPONSIBILITY is.
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G Morning. You can only give what you have, the saying goes. Some men do not know responsibility because their fathers were equally irresponsible.
Wh!tes & Ind!ans come from a totally different environment to ours. So, please stop comparing Bananas to Potatoes.
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Buc4life
Makhosini0408Morning M. What`s ure take on this?
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BRA-MAFUTHA
Having sex outside marriage is a crime. One day people will stand beofre the judge and give an account..Report Abuse
Bumboklaat
I know of some men who are denied quality time with their children because the mothers are bitter and spiteful! I feel lucky that I am able to spend time with my children and bond with them. There is nothing as precious and fulfilling as spending time with your children!Report Abuse
Maezizsto4Sure
MsKinkyakaKamaSutra-A ke go bolelle story sa me.My ex neh o nketshetsa papa ka nqozi and ya nkhwata dai ding.Firstly ne a complainer gore njalo ke nna ke ya shopong ko reka dintho tsa ngwana then a suggesta gore ke mo fe zaka,ka gana tjerr ke ga mathata a simolla.A boa wee gore life ya ka ya progressa whilst yena a dula a tlhokometse ngwana o batla go ya sgila.We made an agreement gore shpa nqozi e tla dula le magriza wa me grand.Small o zwaketse dladleng a na le bo ma 5 months.Nqozi ga e na le bo ma 2 years o batla a jikele ko yena ka mo chaela gore no ways a ka e chuna dai ding.A zwakala a re o tlo mo tseya for weekend then o tla mmusa Sunday jump tyd.
Hai moth'o geen go zwakalisa nqozi gwa jumpa bo ma 3 months ke ga ke thola subpoena gore ke zwakale maintanance court coz ga ke sapote ngwana.I was angry and the thing ne e le gore ga ke reka grocery month end ke reka le dintho tsa ngwana klaar so bo di receipts ne ke sa di tshware.I told them gore ke sapota ngwana ba batla proof ne ke se na yona hai vele ka voma gore ke tla mo fa zaka but not R2500 e ne a e batla coz she couldnt validate gore why a batla zaka eo.
The good part was that she was also asked to pay 50% of the costs go godisa ngwana nou o gana ka nqozi a ke mo kopa gore e nshaele round.Wa bona ga ke thulana le yena o ka re ka mo rema ka peke I hat'e her with a passion.
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DjEp
I think the reason we are regarded as ATM's is because as soon as she leaves me she gets someone else, and that new person wouldnt allow me to spend as much time as i would like with my child becuase he may be jelous. He will think im using the child to get back to the mother. so im better off away than causing more troubles in the her new life..Report Abuse
Galfrend
Some Women must stop having babies to trap men. When he says he is not yet ready to become a father,dont force him coz you will end up alone with the baby.But on the other hand I dont really agree with the stats. Black brothers have slowly become proud to be fathers. There is nw a few losers who still do not own up to their actions but I think more black men are beginning to take pride in them being fathers.
Happy bithday to the son of the soil - Thabo Mbeki.
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Maezizsto4Sure
Buuuuuuuuuuumbaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa kikikikikikikikikiki shap fede lenyora?Report Abuse
Buc4life
GalfrendSome Women must stop having babies to trap men. When he says he is not yet ready to become a father,dont force him coz you will end up alone with the baby.
But on the other hand I dont really agree with the stats. Black brothers have slowly become proud to be fathers. There is nw a few losers who still do not own up to their actions but I think more black men are beginning to take pride in them being fathers.
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Hi there G/friend. Fortunately, stats dont lie.
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Bumboklaat
Maezizsto4SureBuuuuuuuuuuumbaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa kikikikikikikikikiki shap fede lenyora?
Sharp mfowethu! I feel your pain my man. your story is a classic example of women using children as cash cows!
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BlackRhino
@Buc4lifeGood day. I agree with what you are saying, but black people must change there attitude and copy from the good examples. I am not refering to money in this case, but to time. Have you any idea how important my child feels when I go see a school event or meet with a teacher? That is something money cant buy. Children are a blessing, but Africa, not just South Africa see them a belongings and tools.
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MsKinkyakaKamaSutra
@Maezizsto4SureHate is a waste emotion and never stoop to anyone's level.
Go utlwisa bothloko ge bontate ba bang ba batla go ba a part ya matshelo a bana and then bomme ebe bosatane. How I wish ngawanaka could have that.
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Galfrend
Buc4lifeG Morning. You can only give what you have, the saying goes. Some men do not know responsibility because their fathers were equally irresponsible.
Wh!tes & Ind!ans come from a totally different environment to ours. So, please stop comparing Bananas to Potatoes.
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Morning my dear, I kind of disagree with you there. Some men who were never brught up by their fathers turn out to be great fathers to their kids because they do not want their kids to experience life without a supportive father.
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BaleliM
@ Bucs4lifeProve me wrong. I dare you.
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OFFLIMITS
It would be interesting to see the stats of what the numbers are for fathers who are in marriages and dont or do play an active role in their childrens' lives VS fathers who are unmarried and dont or do play an active role in their childrens' lives (Particularly those fathers who dont children with more than one woman)Report Abuse
Makhosini0408
Buc4lifeMakhosini0408
Morning M. What`s ure take on this?
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Morning Champ
First we must not prescribe to adult and tell them not to have kids before marriage. We need to always put the interests of the kids first, no matter what. We have given some fathers an escape route by introducing the grant system which is another topic and story on its own. If we can help other and men understand that they ned to take responsibility in the upbringing of their children not only in monetary form but avail themselves to spend quality time with their children. It is not quality time if the kids spends time with my mother. That is not quality time.
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swona
i would like to see the stats of people-fathers raising kids thought to be theirs, yet they are not!Report Abuse
BaleliM
For the people that are commenting on this topic, how many are fathers that are being denied access to their kids and how many are mothers whose kids get no support from their fathers.It would be very interesting to know as most have never been in any of the said situation and yet they think they know better.
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DeOvi
Morning Allnot all women deny their children's fathers to see their children. Some men deny themselves the opportunity to see their children.
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MsKinkyakaKamaSutra
waste should be WASTEDReport Abuse
DeOvi
@Maezizsto4Sure......how r u 2day n how was ur weekend? i hope 2day me n u will be civil 2 each ada neh,no name callingsReport Abuse
Marawaitse
Children are gifts from God, both parents need to take control of the innocent human beings. No child did ask to be born, what goes around comes around, somewhere it will catch up with the irresponsible one.Report Abuse
2nevvy4u
BaleliMFor the people that are commenting on this topic, how many are fathers that are being denied access to their kids
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uyaz it beats me when people are saying they are denied access to their kids net net so without a reason?,and the other thing is some guys will hide behind "im denied access to my child BS" knowing ukuthi yena vele vele he is denying himself iskhathi so mtwana.If a woman can go to court for maintance that means you also can go to court for visitation rights.Batho ba ba botlhale net mo blogg.
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Maezizsto4Sure
Bumbo-Vele and again ke taba ya gore ba batla go re ntshetsa,problem ke gore o sotla ka ngwana.MsKinky-Some women are mean out there,and I have learnt my lesson I have even proposed taba ya di paternity tests mara on the back of my mind I keep on asking myself gore why would she say nqozi ke ya me e se ya me?
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eKapa
Any Man can make a baby but it takes a real Man to be the Father..fact.Report Abuse
Pensulo
Gentlemen, just take responsibility and look after your kids. Stop hiding behind lame excuses like the mother and her relatives do not give me more time with my kid/s. Thats pure nonsence. All my son's friends live with only mothers. Are we saying all these women are bad? South African Black men need to be responsible,period.Report Abuse
MGIBS
Guys...I DONT HAVE PROBLEM WITH WOMAN,BUT THE WAY THEY DO THINGS TO US AS FATHERS IS ABOSULUTELY NONSENSE, AT 1ST THEY PRETEND TO BE NICE PEOPLE BUT GET MARRIED YOU WILL SEE REAL KAKAS,MEAN REAL KAKAS. Marriage is blessing but kakas is Devil.Report Abuse
Galfrend
MGIBSGuys...I DONT HAVE PROBLEM WITH WOMAN,BUT THE WAY THEY DO THINGS TO US AS FATHERS IS ABOSULUTELY NONSENSE, AT 1ST THEY PRETEND TO BE NICE PEOPLE BUT GET MARRIED YOU WILL SEE REAL KAKAS,MEAN REAL KAKAS. Marriage is blessing but kakas is Devil.
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whatever issues you have with your partner,dont let them affect your kids.
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Maezizsto4Sure
DeOviMorning All
not all women deny their children's fathers to see their children. Some men deny themselves the opportunity to see their children.
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Good morning ma love.Weekend was fine thanks for wanting to know and how was yours?
Mara nna I do not get it babes,why would a man deny himself an opportunity go bona ngwana o eleng wa gage?It just doesnt make sense to me coz ke ngwana wa gage he has to take care of the child.
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OFFLIMITS
Is 'The Heat Of The Moment' to blame for all unplanned parenthood?Report Abuse
MsKinkyakaKamaSutra
@DeOviMorning All
not all women deny their children's fathers to see their children. Some men deny themselves the opportunity to see their children.
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You have said a mouthfull and I am in that situation
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McLoving
Good morning everybody.Some great comments there and some very touching indeed.Some women subject their kids to so much misery and put the interests of their new boyfriends first before their children.
I cannot believe these women are using kids to score points.
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MommaC
McLovingIts not only the women.
Too often the children are used as pawns in the game of pain. The fathers are just as guilty of badmouthing the mothers as the mothers are. Sometimes it is hard to believe some of them are adults
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MsKR
Thank heavens the crappy father's day has passed.I dont think there is any logic in a man called "absent father".
I'm a single mom and there is nothing i wouldnt do to be part of my baby's life.
Really u spend ur whole life not being part of ur child's life because of not wanting to pay damage? and yet u have money for alcohol and s*&%t.
Be a real man and live up to ur responsibility. There is no excuse. If the court can grant me maintanance order they sure can grant you visiting rights(If you claim baby mama is denying you rights)
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DeOvi
PensuloGentlemen, just take responsibility and look after your kids. Stop hiding behind lame excuses like the mother and her relatives do not give me more time with my kid/s. Thats pure nonsence. All my son's friends live with only mothers. Are we saying all these women are bad? South African Black men need to be responsible,period
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i 2nd dat.... i think most men dont wana be responsible nd r hiding with da fact dat mothers dont allow them
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m'zaco'
Guys our cultures are so dom_Report Abuse
m'zaco'
Lobola_ inhlawulo_damage_ ....dom practices!!Report Abuse
MGIBS
Galfrend: Correct my dear i'm father of 2 and I make sure that i put everything on the table, but the only problem she want to be the father in the house which is impossible and she dont appreciate the fact that i'm the fathe. hey i'm talking about something tha happening EVERYDAY. she use kids as excuse that i cant leave her she we'll go to court.Report Abuse
Purity-Wa-Lekhosi
Working together despite the differences, building a good relationship as good parents for a baby's sake.Report Abuse
BaleliM
2nevvy4uBaleliM
For the people that are commenting on this topic, how many are fathers that are being denied access to their kids
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uyaz it beats me when people are saying they are denied access to their kids net net so without a reason?,and the other thing is some guys will hide behind "im denied access to my child BS" knowing ukuthi yena vele vele he is denying himself iskhathi so mtwana.If a woman can go to court for maintance that means you also can go to court for visitation rights.Batho ba ba botlhale net mo blogg.
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Thank you for your honesty. I will not speak about what others are probably going through, i will speak about what i am going through. My soon to be ex husband refuses to have anything to do with his kids despite me begging that he sees his kids although there is no cent of maintenance paid (3yrs now). The poor kids made birthday cards and fathers day cards and after begging that he spends a day with them, the kids waited for hours before he called to say that he was busy. This is a man that has not seen his kids since 1st week of December and prior to that, he saw them in April. He is 20 minutes drive from us.
For those that think it does not make sense for a man to deny seeing his kids, think again. Remember am saying seeing his kids not paying for his kids.
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Makhosini0408
I think that we should abolish fathers day. It has turned into a day of whining and complaining about truant fathers. We should make it a day where all men even those with impeccable credentials or rare breed who against all odds raised their children must be shamed and vilified, because of other men, who do not want to grow up. Problem solved?Report Abuse
m'zaco'
BaleliMi feel for you!........eish am speechless! hope everything be restored and live happily after...Eish that sounds emotionally painful
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Mokwepa
to all Fatherless guys & ladies.get yourself life..move on.
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SeshegoGuY
Tjo!! Tjo!!! Sad stories indeed from fellow Bloggers.....I hope all of u get sorted one dayI get People sometimes asking me why i don't have a baby at my age but i think i've made the right decision so far---Had one or 2 ex's who tried to force me to have a baby with them but i was just not ready and they didn't wanna respect that so they had to go. Eish i really feel for most of u
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MGIBS
The problem woman want to hold us hostage: Being a Father of your kids doesnt mean that YOU must disrespect and Use us as ATMS.(OUR RESPOSIBLITY IS TO TAKE CARE OF THE INNOCENT LIFE AND MOVE ON) IF WE AR SEPARETED LETS MOVE ON IF NOT JUST TRY TO BE A GOOD WIFE AND TAKE CARE OF YOUR KITCHEN)Report Abuse
MsKinkyakaKamaSutra
@BaleliMBe strong my sister. They think that by being vindictive they are punishing us and the sad reality is that they doing harm to their own fleash and b.lood. Just like cutting your no.se to spite your face.
My baby daddy has only seen the child 3 times (she is 1 year 7 months). The last time he saw her it was in March and poor thing screamed for dear life when she saw "the stranger".
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Galfrend
BaleliM - yoh that must be hard gal. It must be heartbreaking seeing your kids disappointed with their father's actions. Some fathers mara.MGIBS
Galfrend: Correct my dear i'm father of 2 and I make sure that i put everything on the table, but the only problem she want to be the father in the house which is impossible and she dont appreciate the fact that i'm the fathe. hey i'm talking about something tha happening EVERYDAY. she use kids as excuse that i cant leave her she we'll go to court.
__________________________
But if she can go to court,you can go too for visitation rights. You mean she wants to be the man of the house ? if the parents are not happy,the kids wont be happy too.
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BaleliM
m'zaco'BaleliM
i feel for you!........eish am speechless! hope everything be restored and live happily after...Eish that sounds emotionally painful
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It is the kids that can not seem to understand what is going on. I feel sorry for bby daddy coz he can never imagine what he is missing. The love of a child is so pure and the hugs and smiles just melt your heart.
I wish both men and women could stop making this about finance and both parties do the best they can for the kids.
my take is, there are a lot of people that need to go for anger management.
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2nevvy4u
@Balemi-thats what im saying phela some prefer to sit on a crate of beers with friends than be with their kidsReport Abuse
Buc4life
GalfrendBuc4life
G Morning. You can only give what you have, the saying goes. Some men do not know responsibility because their fathers were equally irresponsible.
Wh!tes & Ind!ans come from a totally different environment to ours. So, please stop comparing Bananas to Potatoes.
__
Morning my dear, I kind of disagree with you there. Some men who were never brught up by their fathers turn out to be great fathers to their kids because they do not want their kids to experience life without a supportive father.
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I did say some men.
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MsKinkyakaKamaSutra
@MGIBSThe problem woman want to hold us hostage
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My baby daddy wants to hold my pu.na.ni at ransom. He will come see the child when I give it to him. I told him he lost that "privilege" when he decided to part ways with me.
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SeshegoGuY
@MgibsU r correct my man. Some Women take this 50/50 thing too far. Some even think they r doing u a favour by being with u. A Man is the head of the house and this does not mean in an autocrat way but to Protect and provide for the family. The Modern Black Man is under siege
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DeOvi
MsKinkyakaKamaSutra@DeOvi
Morning All
not all women deny their children's fathers to see their children. Some men deny themselves the opportunity to see their children.
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You have said a mouthfull and I am in that situation
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me 2....every month i call him 2 n ask wen wil he see his son,bt all i get is excises
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Buc4life
BaleliMFor the people that are commenting on this topic, how many are fathers that are being denied access to their kids and how many are mothers whose kids get no support from their fathers.
It would be very interesting to know as most have never been in any of the said situation and yet they think they know better.
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One does not need to be in that situation to comment. You see you commenting from your world, and things are a little different in the bigger world.
Report Abuse
DJ_MONAKZEN011
The research conducted with 40 absent fathers in Alexandra, in Doornkop, Tembisa and Devland in Soweto,_________________________________________________________________
When was this done in Tembisa ?U met uncaring or those who claim tat they are fathers
while thy are not ..............Call me next tim wen u cum pls...i min rena di REAL fathers pls.
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Galfrend
Count your blessings if you have supportive baby daddy who is always there for his kids. Its sad jhat some women go through with these type of men. ayi your stories are touching and my heart is sore :(Report Abuse
m'zaco'
@ sis BalilemYaaa! i hear you...u sound strong_ as for the kids....My heart is almost in tears especially when u speak of a *pure love and smile*...eish! RELATIONSHIPS can be *^*%*
@seshegoGuy
go byang morena... You can be a good father....Why allow others' experiences dictate the course of your life? ( i may be incorrect in my conclusion) Based on your above post.
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MGIBS
Galfrend: Angel i understand right? But i wish you knew what i'm taliking about hey,I slept 3 am this morning being told how stupid i'm when it comes to my kids,i took everithing form my parents "mmm" sound interesting , Just told my heart tohang on for few days i'm heading for devorce and i need my kinds,why should i have visiting rights to my kids while i'm the bread winner? no no no my Angel it wont work they must give me my kids and i will move on.i hav been taking care of them from day one and I believe they should not be used as a way to get attation or money from the fatherReport Abuse
BlackLion
My view is simply that children belongs to a holy communion between a husband and a wife; and more so, when one dies, the incoming parent should assume the same responsibilities without prejudiceIf one cannot subscribe to the above, then one must stay single and never attempt to breed children since one cannot assume the responsibility of a parent.
We should stop believing that it’s compulsory that one has to breed; breeding, just like any other skill, is for those who have the ability to perform such actions without problems.
People should stop living under false pretense; that way, one will be living a lie which can never be sustainable.
Tlogelang go tella thobalano
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nomsa4
run away dads should pay more than the court says they should pay, @BaleliM we all have our frustrations, as woman its hard to have to raise a baby alone knowing that the scam burg is alive living a free life, but at the end of the day awe woman are strong, and can take everything in our Heavenly Father and be healed!!!!!!!!!!!Report Abuse
m'zaco'
@monakizhaahahaha!...Real fathers, Howzit My brother__
i sent a message y'sterday, No response...did you enjoy Father's day??....
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SeshegoGuY
@Buc4LifeAbsolutely Spot on! @BaleliM This is a really emotonal topic for u and normally ur views are very exceptional without the emotional outburst u r displaying today. I really feel for ur situation right now and hope the guy will eventually come through. I personally know of such many incidences involving both Men and Women-- So lets not make this a Men-Bashing exercise
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m'zaco'
@nomsa4They need fasting and prayer....Lol
@Blacklion
I am baffled by your assertions above!! please eludidate some more__
well the thobalano part i agree 100%
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DeOvi
@BaleliMam in the same situation n the father of ma son last saw his son on the 22 Dec 2010, i dont deny him the opportunity to see his son..he will call us n make arrangement to see him but on the day he supposed to cum he send an sms saying he's not around town...
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Bumboklaat
@m'zaco'Guys our cultures are so dom_
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What is that supposed to mean?
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Galfrend
@MGIBS - I get you my brother. Eish all the best but you do know that the law in most cases favours the moither.They prefer that the kids be brought up by the mom and the dad can only have visitation rights. I stand to be corrected though. Maybe it is possible to fight for full custody but that can be time cionsuming,emotinally draining and stressful to the kids. I hate divorce it creates tension and tores familys apart. but at the same time you cant continue to stay with someone who brings the worst in you.If both of you are not happy then the kids wont be happy...eish all the bestReport Abuse
SeshegoGuY
@ZacoKe sharp boss. I will become a father one day when im ready-- Not these Unplannned pregnancies that i see everywhere. No one should make that decision for me--- Both of us should agree
@Monachiess
Homeboy Good on ya for being responsible.Banna ba go tswana le wena ba hlokwa
Report Abuse
BaleliM
Buc4lifeBaleliM
For the people that are commenting on this topic, how many are fathers that are being denied access to their kids and how many are mothers whose kids get no support from their fathers.
It would be very interesting to know as most have never been in any of the said situation and yet they think they know better.
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One does not need to be in that situation to comment. You see you commenting from your world, and things are a little different in the bigger world.
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then kindly school me on how things are in the bigger world that i seem not to exist in.
Report Abuse
SIMSWOP
she took the baby and change names without my consent how stupid can she be, i ask for a b.certificate to update my sons details at work thats when i saw that the names have changedReport Abuse
2nevvy4u
GalfrendCount your blessings if you have supportive baby daddy who is always there for his kids. Its sad jhat some women go through with these type of men. ayi your stories are touching and my heart is sore :(
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swallow izumbak your heart will feel better.
Report Abuse
BaleliM
SeshegoGuY@Buc4Life
Absolutely Spot on! @BaleliM This is a really emotonal topic for u and normally ur views are very exceptional without the emotional outburst u r displaying today. I really feel for ur situation right now and hope the guy will eventually come through. I personally know of such many incidences involving both Men and Women-- So lets not make this a Men-Bashing exercise
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once again you have totally misunderstood my comments. Am not being emotional. Am being very mature about this but it is sad when people that dont know what is going on ground level think they can judge. I for one will never force the bby daddy to pay if he does not want to but it tears me apart when he blatantly ignores the kids that look forward to seeing him. Am not bashing the men, am saying things as they are.
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Maezizsto4Sure
Moer there are a lot of single mothers mos hiso.Potso ke gore why banna ba le tlogetse even though o go imisitse?Hai go nkga lefotha I know men leave because of diketso tsa basade.You cant impregnate someone and then o bo mo tlogela net.Women are responsible for men leaving them.You cant always be the victim in life,you are also a participant.
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Bumboklaat
@Maezizsto4SureTrue ne? Basadi ba phela bare banna ke dimpya mara bona ga ba te lebelle go re ba itshwere byang!
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MGIBS
Galfrend> Thanks Mtwana, We need Healthy life baby not "KAKAS" as i said,"I Respect and Value Woman but if you dont Value us what do you expect" U'll loose evrything in 1day and cant restore.woman you must learn to respect and value the fathers.Report Abuse
DJ_MONAKZEN011
m'zaco'@monakiz
haahahaha!...Real fathers, Howzit My brother__
i sent a message y'sterday, No response...did you enjoy Father's day??....
___________________________________________________________________
No mi friend i saw it late at night...so i didn't want to bother u and your wifey with
sms in te night lol.
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BaleliM
Having said what i said, i still have nothing but love for the men that are their for the kids and i bow down to you.For the women that continue to single handedly stay up all nyt to bring the fevers down, kiss the bruised knee or wipe them tears or even go to bed hungry so that their child can have their share of food, you are blessed.
For the women that spend grant/support money on hair or clothes, shame on you. For those that play victim every single day, only you can make the inevitable change.
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OFFLIMITS
BaleliMAll you're putting accross is your personal experince with such a situation. Nothing more
I understand were you're coming from
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Ann
@ompas, just a jokeReport Abuse
SeshegoGuY
@BaleliMDamn!! Ur Situation is really heart-breaking. Get some outside help for the both of u, if u have tried already try again on different options available. Ur situation may never get resolved but the 2 of u have to find a common ground-- As for him not seeing his children, God is Watching
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MsKinkyakaKamaSutra
@DeOvi***************************************************************************************************
You have said a mouthfull and I am in that situation
=======================
me 2....every month i call him 2 n ask wen wil he see his son,bt all i get is excises
**********************************************************************************************************
I even ask him to fetch her for a day visit but its excuses, excuses. Sometimes he will lie and say he is not around GP and guess what I see his car at "chill spots" in the same area as my parents' house. When I ask him to buy basic things for the baby he tells me flat out he doesnt have money (for baby stuff) but only for his needs.
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Spekepeke
Yesterday i was so drunk i send my mom a massage "happy Fathers Day"Report Abuse
BaleliM
@ SeshegoGuyAm ok and i thank God that fiancially, i am able to provide for the kids. I will keep the communication line open for the sake of the kids. Maturity does indeed come at a high price of swallowing your pride.
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m'zaco'
@monakiskwakwakwa..u really wanna see me with **her...kikikikikiki
Its good if u enjoyed with your lovely Family__ Good Example of fatherhood
@BOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooOOOoooOOOoOOOoOooOooOOoooMBA
HUUUUUUUUuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuzit,,......Bumbisto.....!! ne e le jwang wekent Groootis
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LESON.1
@SpekepekeYesterday i was so drunk i send my mom a massage "happy Fathers Day"
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that's why you need to be more than ATM - our Mom can't carry on like this (shame on you)
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RYE
SpekepekeYesterday i was so drunk i send my mom a massage "happy Fathers Day"
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i see you're still drunk cos you typed massage instead of message......
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MsKinkyakaKamaSutra
@SeshegoGuYThis is not a men bashing session.... we never alluded that ALL MEN are de.ad beat fathers, we are relating our own personal stories/journeys
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Maezizsto4Sure
Bumbo-Broe yam basade ba bangwe ba rata go blaimer mara ba sa icheke gore bona ba chunang.Spekepeke-Why o makala akere o snai thats expected from you
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BlackLion
m'zaco'I am not sure if I get you. What is it that you don’t resolve well from my comments? My assertions are very simple; you cannot assume Priesthood if you know very well that you will keep transgressing
Parenthood is a responsibility, not a privilege; hence it is ONLY confined to a Marriage, which is also not for the weak, but for the righteous and those who understands and are able to uphold its principles.
Lack of LOVE collapses other attributes; believe it or not.
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m'zaco'
@Bra MazistosYour comment is very Touchy....e bohloko! basadi ba tlo ho zonda__
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Ompas
@Ann,its fine babe,i always take care of my kids,i wont leave my responsibity,i knows how it feels like.Report Abuse
Phuphethakatha
More than half of South African children live without their fathers.****************
Disturbing
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Bumboklaat
@m'zaco'Ne ele sharp mfanaka! Wena o e jele byang?
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m'zaco'
BlackLionYou always solicit intelligence from your them that follow your post: impressed
However, we are confronted by a plaque that requires a careful and pragmatic resolutions that arent biased to a singular belief system given the ramifications. Other humans may lack the spiritual principle that you approach matters on, hence all are required to come with a compromise and curb the scourge...it affects all of us from a tax perspective hence a pragmattic solution is needed.
Besides i concur on the priesthood point spot-on.! People are spiritually indigent, we need men of your calibre to lead the way...People perish due to klack of knowledge
Report Abuse
Buc4life
BaleliMBuc4life
BaleliM
For the people that are commenting on this topic, how many are fathers that are being denied access to their kids and how many are mothers whose kids get no support from their fathers.
It would be very interesting to know as most have never been in any of the said situation and yet they think they know better.
////////////////////////////////////
One does not need to be in that situation to comment. You see you commenting from your world, and things are a little different in the bigger world.
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then kindly school me on how things are in the bigger world that i seem not to exist in.
.........................
When commenting, never be emotional, cause u lose objectivity. Ur situation, which I realise sympathise with, is clouding ure judgement of the bigger issue.
The bigger issue is that there are absent fathers, some of whom are ATMs, but there are reasons some of which are beyond their control that makes them to be absent. The fact that u are in such a situation does not mean that all fathers are like that. Please dear, we are debating. U will be much more effective if you do no throw tantrums. I never said that you do not exist. I said in your world, that is happening, and that it does not mean that it happens in a bigger world. You need to try to look at a bigger picture to understand. Your life might be about you, but you are part of a bigger scheme of things.
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Maezizsto4Sure
m'zaco' -Mara ke ringa nnete.Why would the man leave if the woman is treating him good?RYE-Wa bona wena RYE le sotla ka bana.Goreng bo ntatago bana bai 3 ba go tlogetse?O ba entseng?
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SeshegoGuY
@MsKinkyYes i read ur story too, also sad indeed. Let this be a lesson to never put ur trust unconditionally to someone else. Some of us are even scared to commit because the things we see outside
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m'zaco'
@BumboklaatGroooootis....nna weekent ne ele mawaza nyana! kar ya me e nale sctratch......lebone le sekame yanong!
@ Bra Maezisto
..vele ke nnete___ its just that basadi le nnete (enemies)!! ba batla ba ntse ba utlwa maaka...then baa thaba
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DeOvi
Maezizsto4SureMoer there are a lot of single mothers mos hiso.Potso ke gore why banna ba le tlogetse even though o go imisitse?Hai go nkga lefotha I know men leave because of diketso tsa basade.
You cant impregnate someone and then o bo mo tlogela net.Women are responsible for men leaving them.You cant always be the victim in life,you are also a participant.
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gape sum guys ba robala le banyana ba sa ba rate but a lady cant do dat...u cant say basadi bana le problem were as monna a sleepa around.....the thing is men dont appreciate wat they have and wat they get..
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Ann
SpekepekeYesterday i was so drunk i send my mom a massage "happy Fathers Day
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kwakwaaaaaaaaaaaaa, lol o stagwa soo?
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Spekepeke
RYELol,,,,,,,,,Eish my love ke khatetse gore !
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Ann
Ompas@Ann,its fine babe,i always take care of my kids,i wont leave my responsibity,i knows how it feels like.
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i believe you and keep up the good work
Report Abuse
Buc4life
@m'zaco'@BlackLion
You always solicit intelligence from your them that follow your post: impressed
However, we are confronted by a plaque that requires a careful and pragmatic resolutions that arent biased to a singular belief system given the ramifications. Other humans may lack the spiritual principle that you approach matters on, hence all are required to come with a compromise and curb the scourge...it affects all of us from a tax perspective hence a pragmattic solution is needed.
Besides i concur on the priesthood point spot-on.! People are spiritually indigent, we need men of your calibre to lead the way...People perish due to klack of knowledge
..........................
Guys what u saying is ideal. However, we live in a not so perfect world. You need to understand that we are a developing country. All developing countries are faced with these challenges. In a developed country, like America, you wont have as many absent fathers because the society in general understands that they have to be accountable for their actions. This inderstanding comes with education. The lower the level of education a country has, the more these problems with surface. So, the most practical solution is for people to be educated.
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m'zaco'
@annso...wena? Good morning...no stories of run-away dad.....
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Buc4life
MsKinkyakaKamaSutra@SeshegoGuY
This is not a men bashing session.... we never alluded that ALL MEN are de.ad beat fathers, we are relating our own personal stories/journeys
...................
....but when you relate to your own personal stories, try to think of the bigger picture.
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eKapa
My kidz and thier mother took me out on Saturday we went to restaurant they bought 2 jag of Castle drti was so happy ...i told them i love them.... family is very important
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Spekepeke
LESON.1@Spekepeke
Yesterday i was so drunk i send my mom a massage "happy Fathers Day"
================================
that's why you need to be more than ATM - our Mom can't carry on like this (shame on you)
~~~~~~~
thats an honest mistake hawu-cant be prosecuted for that
Maezizsto4Sure
Oska mphaphela wena ke rema ke tlhogo
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m'zaco'
@Buc4lifeSo for you the solution in the interim is Education!
so morals and education compliment each other....
For @Blacklion is some form of religion...
now its getting even fascinating the solutions we come to....please elaborate some more__
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eKapa
Galfrend- how are you ma luv?Report Abuse
MsKinkyakaKamaSutra
@Maezizsto4SureMoer there are a lot of single mothers mos hiso.Potso ke gore why banna ba le tlogetse even though o go imisitse?Hai go nkga lefotha I know men leave because of diketso tsa basade.
You cant impregnate someone and then o bo mo tlogela net.Women are responsible for men leaving them.You cant always be the victim in life,you are also a participant.
*************************************************************************************************8
Up to this day he does not know or have reasons of why he left. I did not drive him away.
Maezi no matter how heart wrenching the situation was (and still is for the baby) I have decided to come out of it victorious........... I might have been a VICTIM of circumstances but decided to be VICTOR(IA).............
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Galfrend
eKapa - ncoooh good for you.Report Abuse
Spekepeke
AnnSpekepeke
Yesterday i was so drunk i send my mom a massage "happy Fathers Day
---------------------------------------------
kwakwaaaaaaaaaaaaa, lol o stagwa soo?
Lol ! Im never gonna drink again i cant remember anything about last night
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Spekepeke
Galfrendsawubona
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BaleliM
@ Buck4lifeI never opened up so that anyone can feel sorry for me. I said what i did to give the story on ground level as people were judging.
Not once did i throw a tantrum and not once did i blame all men. If you read my comments, i have blamed both sides and i have said that maturity is the best way to go.
i find your allegations offensive and your judgement off the mark. Each one of these men has their own story to tell and each of the men has theirs and neither of them are wrong but differ in opinions.
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Ann
mzacos, i cant reply ur comment sowetan ya ganaReport Abuse
SeshegoGuY
Yerrrrrr so 80% of women bloggers here are Single MothersEish Go thata ne..@Zaco Wena?? R u also a Baby-Daddy......??
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m'zaco'
@kinyakakama..so your name is VICTOR(IA).............
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Ann
Mzacos, nna ke a loya papaReport Abuse
Buc4life
m'zaco'@Buc4life
So for you the solution in the interim is Education!
so morals and education compliment each other....
For @Blacklion is some form of religion...
now its getting even fascinating the solutions we come to....please elaborate some more__
............................
Without education, a person is inclined to make wrong decisions. Education is the basis for good living, and that includes living a spiritual life. An uneducated mind cannot really understand issues. I am not saying that ppl should not be religious, it is part of it. In many instances, it is the uneducated, religious who have horrible challenges. If u compare Africa & Europe for example, Africa is less educated but very spiritual. Europe is very educated, maybe more or less spiritual. Why does Europe not have these challenges; the answer is education;their ppl understand.
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m'zaco'
SeshegoGuYYerrrrrr so 80% of women bloggers here are Single Mothers
Eish Go thata ne..@Zaco Wena?? R u also a Baby-Daddy......??
=========
kwakwakwa...how did you arrive at 80%..... ratio!!
wena morena...kikikiki____
Nna i am a responsible individual......!
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Galfrend
eKapa - Im very well thank you. Good to see you are not one of the absent dads.Report Abuse
PUPU
UsernameeI'm one person not allowed to have my child for weekends.
The mother has conspired with her parents not to allow me to take the child @ least once every month.
I paid the damages, I pay maintenance, go every friday after work to buy him things he needs for the week coming, I buy him clothing, buy him airtime to call me when he wants to.
BUT I'm not allowed just a simple thing.
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In case i do everything for my daughter pay school fess, clothing but am not allowed to go fetch her at the creche she says i will disturb her daily schedule it was big issued i wanted to take her TO my place i was told she wont be fine with me.
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Ann
@Mzacos,my baby daddy o responsibleReport Abuse
Galfrend
Spekie - Sawubona nawe, I see you had a lovely weekend.Report Abuse
DJ_MONAKZEN011
SeshegoGuYYerrrrrr so 80% of women bloggers here are Single Mothers
______________________________________________
Mkhaya they are ...phela most of them ke di loose panty.Ba jewa la to cum nyc !
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MsKinkyakaKamaSutra
@Buc4lifeMsKinkyakaKamaSutra
@SeshegoGuY
This is not a men bashing session.... we never alluded that ALL MEN are de.ad beat fathers, we are relating our own personal stories/journeys
...................
....but when you relate to your own personal stories, try to think of the bigger picture.
************************************************************************************
What "bigger picture" are you talking about???? I have bashed men nor have I painted them with the same tainted brush. I have also admitted that there are women who are selfish and use kids "to settle scores" and that makes me angry.
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eKapa
Galfrend- im also gud sisi,(father's day)
did you phone yr dad nd tell him you love him and me izolo?
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Buc4life
BaleliMThere is nothing offensive when I say u get emotional. U dont have to say it. Ure comments do. U dont have to throw tantrums- ure stmnts do. I dont think that u understand debate?
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Ann
guys di story tsa lena are depressingReport Abuse
MsKinkyakaKamaSutra
@m'zaco'@kinyakakama..
so your name is VICTOR(IA).............
*******************************************************************
No, was stating that I decided to be a VICTOR the (IA) was just to give the idea feminity
HERO : (S)HERO
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Galfrend
But at the end of the day its all about choices. The choices we make today,willl definatley have an impact in the future.Report Abuse
m'zaco'
Buc4lifeYou see i am pessuaded in that argument, However somehow there is a loop hole that education seems to generate>>>PRIDE and lack of moralled living<<<< spirituallity and education Yes for me is the best way to live....( personal view and life)
I feel even our culture gives way/accomodate these unbecoming and inhuman way of life ...so how will education curb such__ even the educated practice these things.....! Education is expensive, a guy earns R5000...is required to pay R20 000 lobola....where is sense there???
Report Abuse
SeshegoGuY
@MsKinkyKamaHas ur situation affected how u deal with Potential Suitors??? Also since i believe with every problem everyone is to be blamde somehow, have u acknowledged ur mistake in all of this??
Some of us are even scared to commit because of these stories
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1TOUCH
Spekepekengiyay' zonda indoda ye sdakwa
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Galfrend
eKapa - Eish I did not and I feel bad uyaz. Will make it up to him though. Wena I called you and your phone was on vmail..lolReport Abuse
Mara_Y
"Costs related to lobola and damages have become obstacles preventing these men from being involved in their children's lives"Putting blame on the culture again. you guys must get ur facts straight.
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eKapa
1TOUCHekepeke
ngiyay' zonda indoda ye sdakwa
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
usho kanjani? ubaba wekhaya uyadakwa?
Report Abuse
Skopokopo
Sad stories from bloggers!! Thank the Lord for the GIFTS OF Life he has given You!!Report Abuse
Dzel
MsKinkyakaKamaSutra**** You can't force a man to be a father, it has to come from within........ There is no school for parenting
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I think this is the point we need to start this conversation, parenthood is a decision that should be entered into by both parents. Not one party deciding to keep the child for whatever reason.
Children need:
• Financial support,
• Parental love from both parents,
• A loving environment,
• Proper guidance and a role model,
• Support with schooling, life skills, etc.
That one has had sex with the mother does not mean the intention was to have a child, more often than not it is to have fun often by individuals who are otherwise committed and can never be in a position to offer these things. Often the mother sees the pregnancy as means to an end, “if I keep the baby then he is forced to commit to me and I will forever be present in his life”.
Often the guy will not want to keep the baby because he knows he cannot provide all these things and we need to be understanding of these issues and engage more. You can take the father to the maintenance court which is often means to extract revenge against the father; hence you end up with an ATM-daddy syndrome.
Controversial statement: men are blamed for this phenomenon but unless the child is born in a marriage or stable relationship, the father is willing to fulfil the role of fatherhood it is the mother we need to look at and ask these question cause often the mother makes a unilateral decision to keep the baby and then we act surprised when the father does not want to or cannot be there for the kids.
I heard recently that the biggest contributor to crime is not poverty, not drugs or the need to be seen but rather absent fatherhood. Absent fatherhood often is a product of unilateral parenting decisions that is a fact.
You cannot force one to be a father; conception does not amount to willingness to raise a child even if you did not use a condom.
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2nevvy4u
abanye bathengela intanga zabo ama-whiskey we R1000 mara umtwana a ka nayo imali ye transport u ku ya a creche',u qoga very expensive kodwa umama we ngani u ya lasa lasa nge R270 ye mdende ne salary ya se Ackermans ya bo casual.Bona rona re tlo enwa whikey eo then re ho jwetse gore wena wa diklapa and o na le swagger/swagg then ge e chaile ke cho ge o le down and out rona tla be re tsheha mfana re le kgakala le wena.
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Maezizsto4Sure
m'zaco'-Wena o na le problem culture neh.O tla nyala ko skhoeng boss a go na dilo tseo.Mara coming to think of it,o ringa waar.You get told you have to pay R20k because ba isitse ngwana wa bona university or gore ba mo godisitse ka bokete.Now potso ke gore why should I pay gore ba isitse ngwana wa bona sgela?Whose responsibility is it to take her to school mine or theirs?Didnt they want a better life for the their child?A lot of things ka culture dont make sense really.
DJ_MONAKZEN011-Ga o khenyege mara go rogana everyday?O batla attention ya Annkie ka tsela e rong come on bra.MsKinky kopa o chaele Monakis gore he can also use honey to attract flies and not only sh!t.
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BaleliM
@ Buc4lifeweek is too long for you to read comments that do not agree with what you believe in or comments of people that do not see the bigger picture.
I suggest you excercise your right to ignore.
By the way, that is my mature way of telling you to get lost.
Report Abuse
Galfrend
You dont need an education to own up to your actions. No doctorate,degree nton nton for one to take care and be there for their kids nje qha. You decided to have a child ,now own up!If only we stick to the bible and its teachings,we wouldnt be having these kind of problems. It states clearly, no sex before marriage.If only we could get married first and then have kids later. #sadly it doesnt happen
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SeshegoGuY
"Costs related to lobola and damages have become obstacles preventing these men from being involved in their children's lives"Nna I agree with this Statement 100%. U cannot discount it because it also adds fuel to an already desperate situation. Im not talking about those bastards who refuse to see their Kids But those who want to but are being prevented because they can't afford those things. Life is hard these days people, how do u ask someone to pay R20 000 just like that
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Dzel
MsKinkyakaKamaSutraWhat "bigger picture" are you talking about???? I have bashed men nor have I painted them with the same tainted brush. I have also admitted that there are women who are selfish and use kids "to settle scores" and that makes me angry.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Who makes the decision to keep the child; is it the man or woman?
Who do you blame when the father wants nothing to do with a child he did not want to have in the first place?
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Bumboklaat
@AnnHi babes!
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Ann
@Bumblo, hi luv, tla re etse ngwanaReport Abuse
eKapa
Galfrend: hahahaha..ma voice mail prom *Hi this is eKapa,if you want me im at the Snake park zoo*i know black ppl and snake are not frnds.
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1TOUCH
eKapa1TOUCH
ekepeke
ngiyay' zonda indoda ye sdakwa
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
usho kanjani? ubaba wekhaya uyadakwa?
I dumped him long time ago loyo he was forever drunk ! i want police to arrest my son he drinks too much I can't take it anymore^^^^^^^^^saturday I went fetched him at the park he was so drunk i slapped him infront of his friends
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SeshegoGuY
@DZELU deserve a Bells my Brother. Absolutely Spot on!! People engage in Sex mostly not to have a Baby, But then Women decide to keep the Baby and force the guy to own up....This is the Start of many problems to come
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Maezizsto4Sure
Ann@Bumblo, hi luv, tla re etse ngwana
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Annkie o batla panga neh?Ke tlo go kgaola menwana o tla bona
Report Abuse
Papage
I am going to marry my Girl tomorrow, she has four other kids with different Fathers, must I allow them to come see their children? I will run madReport Abuse
Makhosini0408
@Buc4lifeI agree with you my sister on the issue of the importance of education. I am sorry but my limited englishhhh is failing me in terms of translating that the is a big difference between ukufunda kanye nokufundiseka. If we can conduct a research, we may be shocked that truant fathers are those that can afford to maintain their children and have degrees but owing to reasons known to them, choose not.
@m'zaco'
I think because we have decided to incalcate the principles of capitalism in our culture, hence the mess ngoba its only faka imali uzobona in terms of lobola negotiations so that the girl's family can profit as if the woman concern is a moveable asset. Regardless of the poor guy's financial position as you highlighted.
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Luv2kiss
"More than half of South African children live without their fathers."SO MANY CHILDREN ?????
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Dzel
GalfrendYou dont need an education to own up to your actions. No doctorate,degree nton nton for one to take care and be there for their kids nje qha. You decided to have a child ,now own up!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
What actions are you talking about, deciding to engage in sex?
Having sex does not mean I want to have a child, if you fall pregnant you DO NOT hold a monopoly on whether to keep the child or not and if you do decide to keep it then be aware of the impact of that decision and if you are in a position to play the role traditionally played by men.
The problem is women think they are entitled to make decisions on all things reproductive, this is where the problem starts.
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2nevvy4u
1TOUCHeKapa
1TOUCH
ekepeke
ngiyay' zonda indoda ye sdakwa
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
usho kanjani? ubaba wekhaya uyadakwa?
I dumped him long time ago loyo he was forever drunk ! i want police to arrest my son he drinks too much I can't take it anymore^^^^^^^^^saturday I went fetched him at the park he was so drunk i slapped him infront of his friends
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that was 1 touch too many.
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Bumboklaat
@Ann@Bumblo, hi luv, tla re etse ngwana
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No thank you! Ke sharp ka ba kenang lebona!
@Maezi
Bothata ke eng mfo?
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Maezizsto4Sure
PapageI am going to marry my Girl tomorrow, she has four other kids with different Fathers, must I allow them to come see their children? I will run mad
``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
kikikikikikikikiki ja neh
Report Abuse
Maezizsto4Sure
1TOUCHeKapa
1TOUCH
ekepeke
ngiyay' zonda indoda ye sdakwa
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
usho kanjani? ubaba wekhaya uyadakwa?
I dumped him long time ago loyo he was forever drunk ! i want police to arrest my son he drinks too much I can't take it anymore^^^^^^^^^saturday I went fetched him at the park he was so drunk i slapped him infront of his friends
``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
But then what will they charge him with if ba mo tshwara?
Report Abuse
BaleliM
MsKinkyakaKamaSutra@Buc4life
MsKinkyakaKamaSutra
@SeshegoGuY
This is not a men bashing session.... we never alluded that ALL MEN are de.ad beat fathers, we are relating our own personal stories/journeys
...................
....but when you relate to your own personal stories, try to think of the bigger picture.
************************************************************************************
What "bigger picture" are you talking about???? I have bashed men nor have I painted them with the same tainted brush. I have also admitted that there are women who are selfish and use kids "to settle scores" and that makes me angry.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
apparently yours and my comments are not seeing the bigger picture even though we have both stated that both parties are sometimes to blame. Could be that you have imagined the situation you are in or you brought it on your own accord.
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Afrojoy
The South African tragedy:1. Fatherless children
2. Gogo raised people
3. Incredibly high violent crime
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Purity-Wa-Lekhosi
@DJ_MONAKZ... Mfanaka kadi thama man, horeng bosso?Report Abuse
Ann
Maezizsto4Sure
Ann
@Bumblo, hi luv, tla re etse ngwana
````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
Annkie o batla panga neh?Ke tlo go kgaola menwana o tla bona
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sori luv i jst wanted ur attention
Report Abuse
Luv2kiss
1TOUCHeKapa
1TOUCH
ekepeke
ngiyay' zonda indoda ye sdakwa
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
usho kanjani? ubaba wekhaya uyadakwa?
I dumped him long time ago loyo he was forever drunk ! i want police to arrest my son he drinks too much I can't take it anymore^^^^^^^^^saturday I went fetched him at the park he was so drunk i slapped him infront of his friends
``````````````````````
Bring this boy to me for just 2 weeks, only 2 weeks ke tla go sortela yena free of charge
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Bumboklaat
Annwena ona le ba bakae?
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DJ_MONAKZEN011
@Purity,Ke sharp mfanaka.....le wena o se ka Monna sa mot.ho like selo se ba reng Maezsisto ?
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BaleliM
PapageI am going to marry my Girl tomorrow, she has four other kids with different Fathers, must I allow them to come see their children? I will run mad
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thanks for making me smile.
Rather allow the kids to go and see their father before you run mad.
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Maezizsto4Sure
SeshegoGuY@DZEL
U deserve a Bells my Brother. Absolutely Spot on!! People engage in Sex mostly not to have a Baby, But then Women decide to keep the Baby and force the guy to own up....This is the Start of many problems to come
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I dont get it broer.Your woman is not on contraceptives and you dont use a condom and you claim to be forced to own up?Dont you know what might happen if you engage on unprotected sex?
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Luv2kiss
PapageI am going to marry my Girl tomorrow, she has four other kids with different Fathers, must I allow them to come see their children? I will run mad
Let them go visit not allow them(fathers) to come to your place
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Galfrend
DzelGalfrend
You dont need an education to own up to your actions. No doctorate,degree nton nton for one to take care and be there for their kids nje qha. You decided to have a child ,now own up!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
What actions are you talking about, deciding to engage in sex?
Having sex does not mean I want to have a child, if you fall pregnant you DO NOT hold a monopoly on whether to keep the child or not and if you do decide to keep it then be aware of the impact of that decision and if you are in a position to play the role traditionally played by men.
The problem is women think they are entitled to make decisions on all things reproductive, this is where the problem starts.
_____________________________________________________________________________
If you read my first comment I did indicate that some women must stop being pregnant as a way of holding on to their man. If he says he is not yet ready to be a father,respect that coz if you dont you will end up all one with the baby. - So I agree you. But having said that, you have sex and it happens that the condom burst and she is pregnant, do you still prefer not to be a part of that child you have helped bring on earth. Before engaging into sexual intercourse people should know all the "risks' involved. How do you even live with yourself knowing perfectly well there is a mini you ,flesh and blood out there who needs your care? To me its being irresponsible,selfish,very immature and so not manly to continue living your life without a care in the world knowng fully you have a child somewhere!
But with my comment there I was responding to a comment by one blogger who is of the opinion that only people who are not educated are absent fathers. Education does not gurantee one to be an a good father.Its all about an individual's personality. Some men pretend they are not married and have no kids when they meet you.They promise you heavens,but once you get pregnant,they pretend they never knwe you..how silly!
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Maezizsto4Sure
Luv2kiss-O batla go etsa ngwana eng?O batla go mo shaya ka dozo broer?Report Abuse
Buc4life
BaleliM@ Buc4life
week is too long for you to read comments that do not agree with what you believe in or comments of people that do not see the bigger picture.
I suggest you excercise your right to ignore.
By the way, that is my mature way of telling you to get lost.
..........
Fine by me.
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Ann
BumboklaatAnn
wena ona le ba bakae?
-----------------------------
ke na le 4, ke nya*ka wa bo 5 le wena
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Galfrend
Contraceptions are not 100% effective.Report Abuse
Buc4life
DzelGalfrend
You dont need an education to own up to your actions. No doctorate,degree nton nton for one to take care and be there for their kids nje qha. You decided to have a child ,now own up!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
What actions are you talking about, deciding to engage in sex?
Having sex does not mean I want to have a child, if you fall pregnant you DO NOT hold a monopoly on whether to keep the child or not and if you do decide to keep it then be aware of the impact of that decision and if you are in a position to play the role traditionally played by men.
The problem is women think they are entitled to make decisions on all things reproductive, this is where the problem starts.
.............
agree with u 100%. I think us women are missing a point here.
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Maezizsto4Sure
Annkie-O batla attention ya me rough mos wena.O offara monna o mongwe marag'o ke le teng?Monakis-Relaxer ntwanas wena o dom kop san
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SeshegoGuY
@MaezMchana it like this: Sex without a Condom is the Decision of Both Partners. After that, We should sit down and BOTH decide if we want a baby. If one doesn't want it then why hold him accountable afterwards--- If both of u don't want it then go take a pill in the morning. Very Simple
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Buc4life
m'zaco'Buc4life
You see i am pessuaded in that argument, However somehow there is a loop hole that education seems to generate>>>PRIDE and lack of moralled living<<<< spirituallity and education Yes for me is the best way to live....( personal view and life)
I feel even our culture gives way/accomodate these unbecoming and inhuman way of life ...so how will education curb such__ even the educated practice these things.....! Education is expensive, a guy earns R5000...is required to pay R20 000 lobola....where is sense there???
.......................
...and that loophole, has it been researched or is it based on ppl`s observations? I spoke about challenging our cultural practices. They are out of touch with reality.
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Dzel
SeshegoGuYAbsolutely Spot on!! People engage in Sex mostly not to have a Baby, But then Women decide to keep the Baby and force the guy to own up....This is the Start of many problems to come
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Until people understand this we will continue to have this problem. Woman think this is a trap of sorts, once you've made her pregnant then she has you trapped in a web.
Kids are not a trap people, they are a gift and unless parents are on the same page on what to do AFTER conception then you will have phenomenons of abandoned babies and kids growing up without the necessary support they need.
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SaveSAkidz
Interesting arguments that everyone is making. We at the newly found (6months already) SaveSAKidz movements aims to adress some of these issues. Lets all move away from name calling and finger pointing, lets grow-up and save our klids. Feel free to engage us on savesakidz@gmail.com or facebook: Save SA-Kidz.Report Abuse
Dzel
Maezizsto4SureI dont get it broer.Your woman is not on contraceptives and you dont use a condom and you claim to be forced to own up?Dont you know what might happen if you engage on unprotected sex?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
How many times have you had sex with protection?
Did you intend to impregnate the woman each you had sex without protection?
We do not live in a perfect world, let's stop with these perfect world solutions as reality is not the same as dreamy world. I see little point in the protection debate, what we should be discussing is what happens AFTER she falls pregnant and you now need to make a decision.
sure let's encourage the use of protection but what happens when contraception fails or was not used from the start.
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DeOvi
Annguys di story tsa lena are depressing
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which guys are u refering 2?
the 1 for men or the 1 for all plp?
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m'zaco'
@Buc4lifeYerrrr___ You sound very in touch with real life...yet again i am impressed by your utterance thus far!
i also subscribe to that line of thought! i loothe Blaick cultural practices that arent well researched and taken advantage by the socio-economic crude elements such as greed...
thanks for such views, i am not alone.
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BlackLion
Buc4lifem'zaco
Ants don’t have degrees or any other form of accreditation from a certain society; unless if there are schools in their societies which we do not know of.
Education in my view = knowledge; it is that knowledge that builds ones character. Hence it is important what one learns from infancy through to adulthood because it’s those teachings that form the bases within which one will act or respond.
Life depends on a good teacher. We can use categories like religion, culture and so forth; bottom line is that one will always learn from his/her community since one is only exposed to such culture (way of life); however, there are good and bad norms in every society since people adopt philosophies either by watching movies, going to churches, talking to other people, reading books, etc.
In simpler terms; education can be dangerous too, especially when it’s bad. Please note that I am not talking about Opinions here; I am talking about facts of life e.g. teasing someone will hurt them. You don’t need to go to school to know that.
Fela Kuti has a song called “Teacher don’t teach me nonsense”.
I ONLY subscribe to humanity because I was taught to be one from my infancy; whether those principles were guided by religion or culture, is that what I should concentrate on? I don’t think so.
Being human simply means not seeing the difference between oneself and the next person. Can we do that?
Lack of LOVE is the problem in societies
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m'zaco'
@Buc4lifejust out of curiosity...are you married?
would you demand lobola for any of your daughters?...or would you risk them be labeled *vat-en-sit*....
or demand inhlawulo thereof, in case of teen pregnancy?....
can't wait for your response.
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Dzel
Galfrend,But having said that, you have sex and it happens that the condom burst and she is pregnant, do you still prefer not to be a part of that child you have helped bring on earth. Before engaging into sexual intercourse people should know all the "risks' involved.
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The decision to terminate does not end at the point of conception or does it sisi?
Why do we pretend abortion is not an option or is that an option that is purely for potential mothers to make and even then we come up with flimsy excuses like “its my body” as if it has anything to do with your body.
Most people have abortions out of convenience, why is it that we allow women to make this decision and not men; please don’t tell me about whose body it is because that has nothing to do with this debate.
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Dzel
SaveSAkidzInteresting arguments that everyone is making. We at the newly found (6months already) SaveSAKidz movements aims to adress some of these issues.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
What does your organisation do exactly, what kind of services do you provide?
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SeshegoGuY
@GalfriendThere are 3 Stages which Both Partners should make that decision together
1. Use a Condom-- If it burst then don't panic yet
2. Morning Pills-- If u had unprotected sex or condom burst. Most importantly: If 1 or both of u don't want a Baby
3. Termination of pregnancy-- All registered hospitals offer a safe procedure which is also covered by Medical Aid. Lets stop stigmatising this thing
***If u r NOT yet ready for a Baby like me NOW, These Options are for u
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m'zaco'
BlackLionBrother "Tau-ntsho di a rora"...Humanity has no stable moral stance, there is an evolution that is taking place cultural and we need to adapt to change. what you were taught in your infancy could have been morally perfect until you grew older and some social dynamics begin to unfold...thence there is a pschological/cultural evolution (which happens all the time) that you will have to embrace and alter what you were told earlier___
***Now Education is a perfect tool to assist one to adapt to that transition( otherwise superstition will assume responsibility of informing your life's perpective)
**Belief sytem is there to keep oneself in a spititual stability in relation to those changes that take place...(in my case is the bible)...
so Education is the key...Bible is The way!
culture-----( definite NO..No..)
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Bumboklaat
@AnnBumboklaat
Ann
wena ona le ba bakae?
-----------------------------
ke na le 4, ke nya*ka wa bo 5 le wena
----------------------------------------------------------
Ke tshaba Mazisto aka nkgaola pi.pi
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Afrojoy
The problem is that unlike in other African societies elsewhere....sex is very cheap to get in Mzansi....and if you are a guy, unless you decide by yourself to use a condom, the girl wont even care. Forget about contraceptive pills, only married couples or long term partners are known to use them. And even so, if the woman decides the guy is not forthcoming with marriage plans, she can decide to conviniently forget to take a pill...The most fragile age for a young girl is between 16 and 21...most girls who pass that age without unwanted preggies are most likely to avoid them in future....Report Abuse
Galfrend
@DZEL - Oh it has everything to do with this debate. If you dont want the kid there is an option to abort,but it depends on what the mother,YES the mother ,feels about terminating. YES ITS HER BODY! She is the one who has to LIVE with the guilt of killling her baby,so to speak. And in case she gets complications during abortion,she is the one to go through the emotianal and phyiscal pain of all the process while you carry on with your life and most probably pregnanting the next one and suggesting she too terminates!Be fully aware of all the risks involved when having unprotected sex. Irregardless of all the issues surrounding the conception of the child,fact is,you helped bring the child on earth,now own up and be a man! So would it sit well with you oneday your kids have to search for you via Khumbulekhaya or other avenues simialar to that? How do you even live with yourself not knowing what happens in YOUR child's life?
If you are not ready to be a father,dont have sex ke. A man who runs away from his responsibilities doesnt deserve to be called a man nje qha!
TO ALL ABSENT FATHERS: YOU ARE LOSERS!!!!!
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Bumboklaat
**Belief sytem is there to keep oneself in a spititual stability in relation to those changes that take place...(in my case is the bible)...so Education is the key...Bible is The way!
culture-----( definite NO..No..)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
WTF?!
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Maezizsto4Sure
SeshegoGuY@Maez
Mchana it like this: Sex without a Condom is the Decision of Both Partners. After that, We should sit down and BOTH decide if we want a baby. If one doesn't want it then why hold him accountable afterwards--- If both of u don't want it then go take a pill in the morning. Very Simple
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Mfana if you dont want a baby then use protection simple.How can one say ga a batle go thola hangova mara a nwa byala hecticly?
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m'zaco'
Bumboklaatkwakwakwakwakwa.......wa bona ke wena o nsokelang...kikikikik9ikiki
eintlik ke eng............o sangoma! kwakwakwa
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Galfrend
SeshegoGuY@Galfriend
There are 3 Stages which Both Partners should make that decision together
1. Use a Condom-- If it burst then don't panic yet
2. Morning Pills-- If u had unprotected sex or condom burst. Most importantly: If 1 or both of u don't want a Baby
3. Termination of pregnancy-- All registered hospitals offer a safe procedure which is also covered by Medical Aid. Lets stop stigmatising this thing
***If u r NOT yet ready for a Baby like me NOW, These Options are for u
_____________________________________________________________________________
Contraceptives are not always 100% effective!that doesnt hold any water brother! number 3 yena is a personal choice. There is religion, values to consider and my emotinal well being as well. I might terminate to please you the dad, but emotinally I will be damaged for life.Easier for you to say but do you know the guilt women feel after abortion? and in most cases the person who suggest you abort wont be there for you every step of the way - So your point nje kum is invalid!
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m'zaco'
Bumboklaat@m'zaco'
Bumboklaat
kwakwakwakwakwa.......wa bona ke wena o nsokelang...kikikikik9ikiki
eintlik ke eng............o sangoma! kwakwakwa
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Ke sangoma e kgolo and ka loya! Ketla o loya wa tswa sebabo mo piping!
===========
kwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
kikiiiiiiiiiiiiiikikikikiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
wena grootman wa mpolaya 9 9........................kwakwakwakwa
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DJ_MONAKZEN011
Maezizsto4SureMonakis-Relaxer ntwanas wena o dom kop san
____________________________________________________________________________
U better behave bcos i will explode like nothing on earth......An u better get a real girlfriend
and start enjoying s*x bcos i can see from a distance tat you are getting any !
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m'zaco'
@BoooOOoooOOOoooOOoombaaaaaaaaawhy friday ne o rogakana so??..........yerrrrrrr
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Bumboklaat
@m'zaco'kikikikikikiki! Ka tshameka nkaseo loye ne mfanakithi?
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Bumboklaat
@m'zaco'@BoooOOoooOOOoooOOoombaaaaaaaaa
why friday ne o rogakana so??..........yerrrrrrr
----------------------------------------------------------
Gona le bari enngwe e nrogakile ka Thursday so ne ke kwatile!
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Galfrend
Dont try and justify the unjustifiable! You helped bring a life to earth - Own up,PERIOD!Report Abuse
m'zaco'
@monakizzzmorenaka....Today boss ha e yooo___ ke blokka to come nice...o sharp mara mfanakithi
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SWEETYK
@ ALLGood day.
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Afrojoy
Good day @SweetyReport Abuse
Bumboklaat
@Ann'O tshabetse kae wena le Maezi? Why okare la mmakatsa so?
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m'zaco'
Bumboklaatkikikikikikiki! Ka tshameka nkaseo loye ne mfanakithi?
========
eish...mara ne o ka se loke......Jeso wa protecta....yerrrrrrrrr! balotsana ha ba fihla ba kreya lewatle dladleng...then ba jika.....kakakakakakakakakakaka! ba ka se loke.....Jeso ke bosssso
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Bumboklaat
@SWEETYKHello buhle
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Galfrend
SWEETYK - Hey lovie kikikiki im thinking of HUSBY...Report Abuse
Bumboklaat
m'zaco'Bumboklaat
kikikikikikiki! Ka tshameka nkaseo loye ne mfanakithi?
========
eish...mara ne o ka se loke......Jeso wa protecta....yerrrrrrrrr! balotsana ha ba fihla ba kreya lewatle dladleng...then ba jika.....kakakakakakakakakakaka! ba ka se loke.....Jeso ke bosssso
=================================================
Nna ka le swima lewatle mfana, ke swima ka bo flex ba electricity!
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SeshegoGuY
@Galfriend1. Proper Contraceptives work 100% fine-- (Not these ones costing R20). Get Prescription from ur GP, don't just go there thinking u know everything
2. With Termination---Anything Concerning Pregnancy affect BOTH partners because BOTH Partners will be expected to Provide for the Kids. This whole "Its my Body" Argument is BS!! If we don't agree on the decision to have a baby why force things on me 9 months later.
IF U DECIDE ALONE THEN U R READY TO BE A SINGLE PARENT!!
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Buc4life
m'zaco'@Buc4life
just out of curiosity...are you married?
would you demand lobola for any of your daughters?...or would you risk them be labeled *vat-en-sit*....
or demand inhlawulo thereof, in case of teen pregnancy?....
can't wait for your response.
..............................
Yes, Im married.
Yes, I would demand lobola but not damages.
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m'zaco'
kwawawaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaakkwkawakwkawkawkawakwkawkawkaw............hahahahaBOooooOOooooOOOoooooOOoooooombaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!
yaaaane! o nketsa ke tshehe every time when you say soimething.......always nothing serious.....kwakwakwakwakwakwakwa.............so o swima lewatle kikikikiki...gonale diHoly sharks my bra....o tla fetoga mince meat ya shrk ya lehodimong..............bolella
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Buc4life
SeshegoGuY1. Proper Contraceptives work 100% fine-- (Not these ones costing R20). Get Prescription from ur GP, don't just go there thinking u know everything
.................................
Im glad a guy said this. 100%. Proper contraceptives are 100% safe.
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Dzel
Galfrend@DZEL - Oh it has everything to do with this debate. If you dont want the kid there is an option to abort,but it depends on what the mother,YES the mother ,feels about terminating. YES ITS HER BODY! She is the one who has to LIVE with the guilt of killling her baby,so to speak.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Considerations when making the decision to terminate or not should be:
1. Do both parents agree to keep the baby,
2. Is the child going to have the necessary support from both parents,
3. Where is the money to raise the child going to come from, and
4. Is it in the interest of the both parents and the child to bring him or her to this world given the context.
Attitudes like yours are the cause of the problem. Raising a child has nothing to do with your body; it is a function of money, time and emotional investment in the child. Your body however important you think it is WILL NOT raise the child. Your body will not help the child do homework, guide them especially if the child is a boy, it will not be a father figure nor will your body put food on the table unless of course you are a pro.
The irony in your logic – and this pisses me off – is that you think a woman can look at her figure and decide whether to terminate or not yet the guy cannot look at his wallet and personal circumstances and say this is beyond me. I can’t believe we still use the body excuse when it is a life we are talking about.
Honestly, this attitude makes me sick to my stomach.
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m'zaco'
@Buc4lifewhy solicit the *bride price* given the unresearched origin and the relevance that you subscribe to.....dont you think its double standards??...well what is amiss with inhlawulo..to the extent you wouldnt "charge" for it......Fascinating!
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SeshegoGuY
@DzelHonestly, this attitude makes me sick to my stomach.
******************************************************************************
Me too Brother. The Decision is for 2 people to make NOT 1
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SWEETYK
Bumboklaat@SWEETYK
Hello buhle
====================================
Hello love
Galfrend
SWEETYK - Hey lovie kikikiki im thinking of HUSBY...
***************************************************************************
Hey sweetpie, kikikikikikikikiki ke rata kelello ya gago kikikikikikiki hey HUSBY ke BOSO I'm still repeating this. Kwaakwakakwakwakw. What do you think ka HUSBY le this topic wa bona gore HUSBY ke BOSO for me and Kgale (our lovely daughter) wa mama? A go jalo mare gal?
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Ann
bumblo ke teng mfana o reng?Report Abuse
Dzel
GalfrendIf you are not ready to be a father,dont have sex ke. A man who runs away from his responsibilities doesnt deserve to be called a man nje qha!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Having sex does not mean you want to have a child, whether you like it or not people have sex mainly for the enjoyment factor. Having a child is a separate consideration that should be accepted as such. It is only when you have ulterior motives that you can view a pregnancy as an opportunity to have your way.
Why should conception amount to a life-long prison sentence for the potential father but for the woman you can decide up to four months into the pregnancy?
If a guy does not want to have a child, he tells you with enough time to spare why do you think it is up to you to force him into an unwanted fatherhood, what do you expect him to do afterwards just rollover and play dead?
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Galfrend
SeshegoGuY@Galfriend
1. Proper Contraceptives work 100% fine-- (Not these ones costing R20). Get Prescription from ur GP, don't just go there thinking u know everything
2. With Termination---Anything Concerning Pregnancy affect BOTH partners because BOTH Partners will be expected to Provide for the Kids. This whole "Its my Body" Argument is BS!! If we don't agree on the decision to have a baby why force things on me 9 months later.
IF U DECIDE ALONE THEN U R READY TO BE A SINGLE PARENT!!
________________________________________________________________________________
Simple type "are contraceptives 100% effective" on your google search engine and you will have your answer! they are not,I wasnt refering to cheap R20 ones,I didnt even know there are those.
2 - Call it BS or whatever, fact remains, I am the one who will have to cary this body. Why make decisions for me. Abortion will affect me in the long run in so many ways that you as aman might never understand! Yeah I will be a single parent but believe you me a woman scorned is one woman who you dont wanna mess around with. I will live to make your life a living hell!!! taking you courts and causing baby mama dramas on your relationships. Own up unless if you want to deal with that kind of dramma in your life! BS IS TRYING TO RUN AWAY FROM YOUR MINI YOUS...BS IS YOU LIVING LARGE AND CARRYING ON WITH LIFE WITHOUT A CARE OF WHAT HAPPENS IN YOUR CHILD'S LIFE! SHAME ON ALL THE ABSENT FATHERS!
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eKapa
SWEETYKhello ma-luv, i say girl you look so sweet and maybe your body looks so nice.
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Zimboy2
Girls should choose carefully who they copulae with...Nigerians are better than some of the losers girls hook up with...at least with Naijas, your baby will be loved and cared for.Report Abuse
Maezizsto4Sure
Nna i dont get it,why do people make babies if they dont want them?Birth control e teng why isnt it considered because o ja nama still mosReport Abuse
SWEETYK
AfrojoyGood day @Sweety
==========================
Good day lovey, o reng fela babes? My afrocheskop.
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BaleliM
I see a lot of comments on how not to have kids out of wedlock. What happens to kids that are a result of marriage?Report Abuse
eKapa
Zimboy2Girls should choose carefully who they copulae with...Nigerians are better than some of the losers girls hook up with...at least with Naijas, your baby will be loved and cared for
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
are you trying to draw sum attention?
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m'zaco'
BaleliMI see a lot of comments on how not to have kids out of wedlock. What happens to kids that are a result of marriage?
==========
But sis Balile...this was about mainly unmarried fathers, You make a valid point though....
(correct me here: sometimes you sound bossy....i may be wrong)
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OFFLIMITS
BaleliM"I see a lot of comments on how not to have kids out of wedlock. What happens to kids that are a result of marriage?"
...........
I dont quite understand the question posed....
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SWEETYK
eKapaSWEETYK
hello ma-luv, i say girl you look so sweet and maybe your body looks so nice.
=====================================================================
Thank you very much love, HUSBY is saying that everyday so oohh yes my body looks nice.
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Buc4life
m'zaco'@Buc4life
why solicit the *bride price* given the unresearched origin and the relevance that you subscribe to.....dont you think its double standards??...well what is amiss with inhlawulo..to the extent you wouldnt "charge" for it......Fascinating!
............................
In African traditions, Lobola has been practiced for many centuries. When not abused, it is good in the sense that the groom get to "thank" the bride`s parents for raising her. I have a big problem with damages. I think that is is absolutely horrible for the girl`s parents to demand it cause she is pregnant. In most cases, the poor boy does not want to marry the girl. So why pay it? I mean there is a child involved. If she gets impregnated by another man, are the girl`s parents going to demand it again? For me, it does not make sense, cause then the girl` parents will forbid him seeing his child because he did not pay. It`s like punishing the bloke, and yet he only wants to see the child.
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Galfrend
DzelWell im sorry YOU and the other guy here feel pissed off and sick to the stomach simple because I have a different view of the issue- well tough *rolling my eyes*
BOTTOM LINE - IF YOU CALL YOURSELF A MAN AND YET YOU HAVE KIDS THAT YOU ARE NOT THERE FOR AND YOU DO NOT SUPPORT FINANCIALY - LOSER KE WENA!
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eKapa
SWEETYKeKapa
SWEETYK
hello ma-luv, i say girl you look so sweet and maybe your body looks so nice.
=====================================================================
Thank you very much love, HUSBY is saying that everyday so oohh yes my body looks nice
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ska pha-pha ma luv,,lol ke nne ke bina pina ya Stich-man from 999, do you still rmber him?
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SWEETYK
Simple type "are contraceptives 100% effective" on your google search engine and you will have your answer! they are not,I wasnt refering to cheap R20 ones,I didnt even know there are those.2 - Call it BS or whatever, fact remains, I am the one who will have to cary this body. Why make decisions for me. Abortion will affect me in the long run in so many ways that you as aman might never understand! Yeah I will be a single parent but believe you me a woman scorned is one woman who you dont wanna mess around with. I will live to make your life a living hell!!! taking you courts and causing baby mama dramas on your relationships. Own up unless if you want to deal with that kind of dramma in your life! BS IS TRYING TO RUN AWAY FROM YOUR MINI YOUS...BS IS YOU LIVING LARGE AND CARRYING ON WITH LIFE WITHOUT A CARE OF WHAT HAPPENS IN YOUR CHILD'S LIFE! SHAME ON ALL THE ABSENT FATHERS!
====================================================================
Big up Gal, you deserve a man like HUSBY.
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eKapa
Galfrendhlisa uMoya toe
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BaleliM
@ offlimits- most of the comments are talking about women having babies without allowing the respective bby daddy to make a decision on whether he is ready and whether he can afford. That answers the one part but what happens to the kids that are born in a marriage? What solution do people have when daddy is not playing a role or when mommy stops daddy his rights of seeing his kids?Report Abuse
SWEETYK
eKapaSWEETYK
eKapa
SWEETYK
hello ma-luv, i say girl you look so sweet and maybe your body looks so nice.
=====================================================================
Thank you very much love, HUSBY is saying that everyday so oohh yes my body looks nice
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ska pha-pha ma luv,,lol ke nne ke bina pina ya Stich-man from 999, do you still rmber him?
======================================================================
Wa nqala neh?
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SeshegoGuY
@GalfrendWhat we are saying is not to protect or justify dead-beat Fathers BUT simply saying that the Woman is also to blame for "forcing" the guy to have a baby--Some women even refuse Morning Pills
If u r going to decide ALONE to have a baby regardless of what the guy says then u must be ready for the consequences that may follow
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m'zaco'
@Buc4life1.Thanking the parents of the bride....How about the parents of the groom for raising a son that grew to be a man enough to decide to get married to their daughter in the midst of littany of girls even prettier than theirs?....( it has some stereotypes attached to the practice...)
2. what will determine the "amount of Thanks"....given the fact that they are still going to commence a life with the unknowns......will allowing one's daughter getting married without lobola deemed a taboo and thus illegitimate marriage?...(consider the current life's demands)
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HUSBY
Who deserves me now @SweetyReport Abuse
2nevvy4u
kikikikiki eKapa o dom san kikikikikikikikiReport Abuse
Galfrend
SWEETKY - hahahahaaa Bosso ke husby,im glad he is there for your kids ,good for you gal!eKapa - lol Wehlile lovie :)
I really dont understand why one would be so selfish to leave everything to the mother .She did not pregnant herself! Really? in 2012 we are still dealing with fathers who do not want to take responsiblity and try to justify their cowardice ,immature and very selfish,juvenile actions?
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SWEETYK
HUSBYWho deserves me now @Sweety
==================================
They say HUSBY o mobe maar wena o worse, market yourself papa there are loads of ladies here are you loaded? phela tell them.
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Afrojoy
@SWEETYKAfrojoy
Good day @Sweety
==========================
Good day lovey, o reng fela babes? My afrocheskop.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Am good my sunshine....I need you especially when its cold like this...
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BlackLion
m'zacoIs humanity and morality the same thing? What is the difference between these two groups i.e. a group of diverse infants vs. that of their parents? What are our fundamental or hard wired traits? Do you think those firmed traits evolve?
I believe LOVE is one of them and that it does not evolve, otherwise it will be conditional and that would defeat its purpose. And the other thing is can we define LOVE, does it also have attributes and if so what are those? Could UNDERSTANDING be one of them? Could LISTINING be one of them?
My view is that only material things evolve. I do not believe that one’s nature evolves; otherwise it means that we all are still under study since we can’t get to the foundation on how to live together with one another.
Again, one’s character defines who we are and how will we react to situations and that is informed by education through ones journey of life
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OFFLIMITS
BaleliMI posed that question earlier in the morning as i was also curious on the topic
It was over-looked unfortunately...
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Bumboklaat
@Annbumblo ke teng mfana o reng?
===================================
Ake bolele ke tshaba net lephanga la Maezisto
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m'zaco'
BlackLionsimplifying this matter : you say Love doesnt change: TRUE!
People dont change structure: True
But Culture does evolve, inherently so...because the manner of approaching life is never constant hence the change i alluded to
let education inform it....Let spirituality bring forth stability in attributes like Love!
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SWEETYK
Afrojoy@SWEETYK
Afrojoy
Good day @Sweety
==========================
Good day lovey, o reng fela babes? My afrocheskop.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Am good my sunshine....I need you especially when its cold like this...
==================================================================
Haaa iyo, HUSBY a kwate I'm MTN voice mail akere waitse neh? I have HUSBY all by myself ke sharp boss.
@ Galfrend
Frend I saw that you typed HUSBY's name in small caps is not like you Han.
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m'zaco'
BBBBBBbooooooooooooooooOOOOooooOOOooooOOooOoOOOOoooOoooOoooOOooombaaaaaaaaamolooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
o reng daaaaaaaaaaaaaa!! o boile luncheng............o jele skhaftini byale......
ne o swere eng? papa le mogodu......kikikikikiki
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SaveSAkidz
@DzelSave SAKidz is all about bringing together all the caring Dads & encouraging all the AWOL Fathers to make amends. All events will be organized to cater strictly for Dads and their Kidz....no Kid no Entry. We aim to showcase the coolness & correctnesss & must-do-attitude for all fathers - facebook: 'save SA-kidz'
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SWEETYK
HUSBYWho deserves me now @Sweety
===================================
People na ba etsa ekare HUSBY wa ba tena kante ba mogalla kikikikikikikikikiki BOSSO ke HUSBY le ge le ka rata. You know what papa PROVIDE, LOVE, RESPECT, COMMUNICATE, APPRECIATE, TRUST your partner o tlaba HUSBY eseng fong kong e oleng yona now. kikikikikikiki
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Galfrend
Sweety - hahahahahaa you always manage to make me laugh..askies hle HUSBY iit is...lolReport Abuse
Bumboklaat
@m'zaco'BBBBBBbooooooooooooooooOOOOooooOOOooooOOooOoOOOOoooOoooOoooOOooombaaaaaaaaa
molooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
o reng daaaaaaaaaaaaaa!! o boile luncheng............o jele skhaftini byale......
ne o swere eng? papa le mogodu......kikikikikiki
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ne ke tshwere papa ka maotwana le dithlogoana
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somaartakeit
@Buc4lifeMsKinkyakaKamaSutra
"there is a reason why ure father does not want to share responsibilities" the only reason a parent would not want ot partake in the upbringing of his or her child is because he or she is a coward, cause regardless of how bad the relationship, parents must keep a level of civility for the sake of the child who didn't ask to be born.
Also @MsKink I was not taking a dig at you btw, but to hte women who make kids with married man, I mean how do they expect these men to be parents to the love children and be there for them, whilst also still be married to another woman? There is a social problem at the moment in SA where young girls dating sugar daddies become pregnant out of the blue, look at that girl who tried to destroy Fikile's marriage by claiming she was pregnant, thank God it turned it it was a hoax, but nje imagine if she really was pregnant, how could have Fikile been a proper dad to her child whilst still married to his wife? I want women to think, I mean its not like our grandmas era where there were limited or no choices. Today its a choice to have a baby, and once you make this choice then you must be fully responsible, but to make a child just to bag a man is just saddistic.
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m'zaco'
hooooolllllaaaaaaaaaaDiHlogwana...........kwakwakwakwakwakwakwakwakwakwa
maotwana ke bossss not diHlogwana!!
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LESON.1
Banyana ba le bona bare tswarisha di Baki.....AggggggggggReport Abuse
SeshegoGuY
@SomaartakeitAbsolutely Spot on Princess!!!! Everyone should be responsible for the decisions they make instead of always trying to shift the blame
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Candyboy
my 2 cents....if you care man enuf to take out ur pip! and make that baby...you better be man enuf to take the lead in that home and be a father to that child and a husband to that woman....to my fellow men...its time we get our fokken act together...if you know you cant handle the sight of babies...use a condom or stay away from that pumpum altogether....to my fellow ladies.....if you feel the need to be serviced and dont wana fall pregnant...use protection.....its time we stop the blaming and take accountability for our actions.....men & woman....we are both responsibile if you are pregnant.....i despise men who run away from their responsibilities......its drives me insane.....and you woman...stop opening your legs, especially if you not married yet....!!!!Report Abuse
2nevvy4u
LESON.1Banyana ba le bona bare tswarisha di Baki.....Agggggggggg
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
e apare baki eo so se mariga se.
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m'zaco'
ditlaela di fihlile.....................LOG out>>>>>>>>>..>......................
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Dzel
GalfrendWell im sorry YOU and the other guy here feel pissed off and sick to the stomach simple because I have a different view of the issue- well tough *rolling my eyes*
BOTTOM LINE - IF YOU CALL YOURSELF A MAN AND YET YOU HAVE KIDS THAT YOU ARE NOT THERE FOR AND YOU DO NOT SUPPORT FINANCIALY - LOSER KE WENA!
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
No it’s tough on the kid, not me. Because someone who will not even contribute a single cent to the child’s upbringing feels they are in a position to advise the mother and concentrating on bodies and rights rather than looking at what the child is going to eat, where is the clothing going to come from, etc.
Your attitude promotes irresponsible action that ends up with kids being dumped when the mother realises the father is not interested, well he was not interested when you told him you were pregnant so why is it a surprise when he wants nothing to do with the child.
I know I sound like I support irresponsible actions by men but until we realise that parenting is a responsibility that falls on both parents, you cannot force someone to be a father when they have indicated from the onset when there was still time to terminate and you decide to keep the child then surely you should be prepared to carry that responsibility.
We need to move away from the mentality where we impose our decisions on others, you can’t do that. Stop rolling your eyes and start appreciating the concept of cause and effect, rolling your eyes will NOT FEED THE CHILD.
Report Abuse
Buc4life
m'zaco'@Buc4life
1.Thanking the parents of the bride....How about the parents of the groom for raising a son that grew to be a man enough to decide to get married to their daughter in the midst of littany of girls even prettier than theirs?....( it has some stereotypes attached to the practice...)
2. what will determine the "amount of Thanks"....given the fact that they are still going to commence a life with the unknowns......will allowing one's daughter getting married without lobola deemed a taboo and thus illegitimate marriage?...(consider the current life's demands)
..............
1. But u taking someone`s daughter. The father is giving her daughter away. It`s not the other way round. Can never be. I mean a girl marries into a boy`s family.
2. That is debatable, and i think this has been abused by parents wanting to "sell" their daughters, with the aim of making profits.
Report Abuse
Galfrend
DzelGalfrend
Well im sorry YOU and the other guy here feel pissed off and sick to the stomach simple because I have a different view of the issue- well tough *rolling my eyes*
BOTTOM LINE - IF YOU CALL YOURSELF A MAN AND YET YOU HAVE KIDS THAT YOU ARE NOT THERE FOR AND YOU DO NOT SUPPORT FINANCIALY - LOSER KE WENA!
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
No it’s tough on the kid, not me. Because someone who will not even contribute a single cent to the child’s upbringing feels they are in a position to advise the mother and concentrating on bodies and rights rather than looking at what the child is going to eat, where is the clothing going to come from, etc.
Your attitude promotes irresponsible action that ends up with kids being dumped when the mother realises the father is not interested, well he was not interested when you told him you were pregnant so why is it a surprise when he wants nothing to do with the child.
I know I sound like I support irresponsible actions by men but until we realise that parenting is a responsibility that falls on both parents, you cannot force someone to be a father when they have indicated from the onset when there was still time to terminate and you decide to keep the child then surely you should be prepared to carry that responsibility.
We need to move away from the mentality where we impose our decisions on others, you can’t do that. Stop rolling your eyes and start appreciating the concept of cause and effect, rolling your eyes will NOT FEED THE CHILD.
__________________________________________________________________________
SHOVING YOUR OPINION DOWN MY THROAT WONT FEED A CHILD EITHER!
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Buc4life
m'zaco'ditlaela di fihlile
.....................LOG out>>>>>>>>>..>......................
LOL. Nna ke sule ka ditshego.
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m'zaco'
@Buc4lifethanks for the insight....
would you please expressed your views more on the second point i posed( your sincere view) please...
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Dzel
Candyboymy 2 cents....if you care man enuf to take out ur pip! and make that baby...you better be man enuf to take the lead in that home and be a father to that child and a husband to that woman...
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Child -----> Responsibility ----> Marriage.
That is the problem; the child is seen as means to trapping the dad ending up with marriage.
Report Abuse
Buc4life
m'zaco'@Buc4life
thanks for the insight....
would you please expressed your views more on the second point i posed( your sincere view) please...
...............
Which one. Cant see it?
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m'zaco'
sorry...maaan ka ditlaela i mean some jerk e fetsang ho kena mo blokkong....ha re utlwane!.....Report Abuse
eKapa
@ Galfrendtell if i am wrong....
le ntombazana ifika pha kum endlini ithengisa i Lokhwe nge R150. i Penty yona uyibiza iR80 iDuku yiR40 all sizes ze Bra R100
so mna ndithi kuye hlisa i Bra, unyuse iLokhwe,uhlise iPenti noko iduku yona iright...(ngoku yena uyandithuka)
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Galfrend
dzel and seshegoIm going to say this one last time. I do not approve some women's actions of getting pregnant simple because they want to keep a man. However when the baby is born, MAN UP! Simple!
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Tikoloshe
.....13 000 schoolgirls pregnant from the age of 13 years in KZN per anumn/94 000 nationally!!!!!What the hell is wrong with this country. We support rural creche's through our social responsibility program here in KZN and not one father of those 350 kids we support annually has even bothered to supply a grain of rice, offered to fix a jungle gym or help out without wanting some form of compensation.
What the hell is wrong with men in Mzansi......also to the young schoolgirls. If you can contemplate having a child with the man you sleep with, don't sleep with him. Also take these guys to the maintenance courts so they are forced to take responsibility for their misdemeanors. If you don't you are just prepetrating the cycle of poverty that is so prevalent in our rural communities.
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SWEETYK
LESON.1Banyana ba le bona bare tswarisha di Baki.....Agggggggggg
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O ntse o sena "N" engwe? Always ga otla le Candyboy wa tlhagella dintshang?
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m'zaco'
@buc4lifeLobola unpaid...
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Galfrend
eKapa@ Galfrend
tell if i am wrong....
le ntombazana ifika pha kum endlini ithengisa i Lokhwe nge R150. i Penty yona uyibiza iR80 iDuku yiR40 all sizes ze Bra R100
so mna ndithi kuye hlisa i Bra, unyuse iLokhwe,uhlise iPenti noko iduku yona iright...(ngoku yena uyandithuka)
______________________________________________________________________________
bhwahahahahahahahahahahaaaa nam bendizokthuka sana hahahahahaaa usile wena
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Buc4life
m'zaco'. what will determine the "amount of Thanks"....given the fact that they are still going to commence a life with the unknowns......will allowing one's daughter getting married without lobola deemed a taboo and thus illegitimate marriage?...(consider the current life's demands) .
..................................
OK, for me that would be whether my daughter has a child or not, and the number of children. Also, the education she has. If my daughter has no children and is a doctor in what and what, then the "thanks" is high. If my daughter has 5 children, no education, "thanks" is low. This is my view, and Im not sure whether this is currently practiced or not. I mean, we never ask these things.
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LESON.1
@LESON.1Banyana ba le bona bare tswarisha di Baki.....Agggggggggg
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O ntse o sena "N" engwe? Always ga otla le Candyboy wa tlhagella dintshang?
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i dn't want sowetan to blog me mo di usles article- other "N" you willl see it ge PSL e bulwa
this is just temporary
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SWEETYK
GalfrendSweety - hahahahahaa you always manage to make me laugh..askies hle HUSBY iit is...lol
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Thanx babes, I love u gal for respecting HUSBY. Kikikikikikikikikikiki HUSBY ke BOSO.
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LESON.1
@2nevvy4uLESON.1
Banyana ba le bona bare tswarisha di Baki.....Agggggggggg
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e apare baki eo so se mariga se.
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Even if it is oversized ? you can be with a ch1ck for about 7 years and child as well, Morena when she get angry she will tell you K@k that you can' even o rote le ngwana- o tlo re ke eng tsona tseo.....
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Candyboy
@ 18 Jun 2012DzelCandyboy
my 2 cents....if you care man enuf to take out ur pip! and make that baby...you better be man enuf to take the lead in that home and be a father to that child and a husband to that woman...
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Child -----> Responsibility ----> Marriage.
That is the problem; the child is seen as means to trapping the dad ending up with marriage.
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no one trapped you as the man to impregnate that woman...it was a concious decision with the woman during the act of making love to each other....no trap was set in from of you.....my brother, if at least you not gonna marry that woman.....be there for that child is all aspects of his life.....that will still make you a man.....!!!!
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SeshegoGuY
@GalfrendSHOVING YOUR OPINION DOWN MY THROAT WONT FEED A CHILD EITHER!
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Well then next time look at what will FEED THE CHILD and base that on whether BOTH AGREE on the baby coming into the world. DON'T SHOVE UR DECISION TO HAVE A BABY ON A GUY
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m'zaco'
Buc4lifei rest my case! ......the stereotype wouldnt be altered anytime soon! ( you sound like a shangaan: no pun intended, i mean the manner of charging)
Thanks for the chat!
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eKapa
GalfrendeKapa
@ Galfrend
tell if i am wrong....
le ntombazana ifika pha kum endlini ithengisa i Lokhwe nge R150. i Penty yona uyibiza iR80 iDuku yiR40 all sizes ze Bra R100
so mna ndithi kuye hlisa i Bra, unyuse iLokhwe,uhlise iPenti noko iduku yona iright...(ngoku yena uyandithuka)
______________________________________________________________________________
bhwahahahahahahahahahahaaaa nam bendizokthuka sana hahahahahaaa usile wena
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
yintoni e wrong kulento..?
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Dzel
GalfrendSHOVING YOUR OPINION DOWN MY THROAT WONT FEED A CHILD EITHER!
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No it won’t but hopefully it will drive the point through that people to the fact that:
1. You cannot enforce fatherhood on anyone, forcing the issue breeds anger and resent,
2. You can force someone to pay maintenance but legally you can’t force them to be present when he is needed as a father,
3. There are obligations linked to being a parent, when making the decision be very aware of these obligations and be responsible for the decisions you make.
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DeOvi
Candyboymy 2 cents....if you care man enuf to take out ur pip! and make that baby...you better be man enuf to take the lead in that home and be a father to that child and a husband to that woman....to my fellow men...its time we get our fokken act together...if you know you cant handle the sight of babies...use a condom or stay away from that pumpum altogether....to my fellow ladies.....if you feel the need to be serviced and dont wana fall pregnant...use protection.....its time we stop the blaming and take accountability for our actions.....men & woman....we are both responsibile if you are pregnant.....i despise men who run away from their responsibilities......its drives me insane.....and you woman...stop opening your legs, especially if you not married yet....!!!!
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heeeee 2day will agree with wat ur saying 4 da 1st tym but le lena banna tlohelang go zipolla marokho.......thot u wer blocked wat happend
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SWEETYK
@ ALL S.A GUYSPlease guys love your partners as if theres no tomorrow, don't forget to respect them. If o tshollela mageu ko mothong be ready for the consequences.
@ ALL S.A LADIES
If your man gives you these things always thank Almighty for all and always pray for your men not to change nyathela the middle man because ke satane. That's what I do everyday and tlogelang bo charmaboy ba ba lona, nna I know myself ke motle neh, ke eme neh mare HUSBY ke waka and I pray God everyday gore a dule a le yalo.
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LESON.1
Basadi ba kotsi kotsi kotsi kotsi kotsi kotsirlek- nna ke ya batshaba though ke ya baneeda ka gore vroeg ka ya twatwelwa.....Report Abuse
Dzel
Candyboyno one trapped you as the man to impregnate that woman...it was a concious decision with the woman during the act of making love to each other....no trap was set in from of you.....my brother,
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I’ll pose the same set of questions to you:
1. How many times have you made love without protection,
2. Was the objective to have a child as a consequence,
3. Was it with someone you would have been forced to marry?
See we can make these perfect world statements but we do not live in a perfect world that is why abortion is legal.
What I am hearing is that abortion is the sole domain of the woman; this is what I have a problem with.
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Candyboy
@DeOviCandyboy
my 2 cents....if you care man enuf to take out ur pip! and make that baby...you better be man enuf to take the lead in that home and be a father to that child and a husband to that woman....to my fellow men...its time we get our fokken act together...if you know you cant handle the sight of babies...use a condom or stay away from that pumpum altogether....to my fellow ladies.....if you feel the need to be serviced and dont wana fall pregnant...use protection.....its time we stop the blaming and take accountability for our actions.....men & woman....we are both responsibile if you are pregnant.....i despise men who run away from their responsibilities......its drives me insane.....and you woman...stop opening your legs, especially if you not married yet....!!!!
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heeeee 2day will agree with wat ur saying 4 da 1st tym but le lena banna tlohelang go zipolla marokho.......thot u wer blocked wat happend
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i liked the editors cl!t...hence i'm not yet blocked.....kikikikikikiki
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LESON.1
@SWEETYKWe heard those kind of words before my skatie.........
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2nevvy4u
LESON.1@2nevvy4u
LESON.1
Banyana ba le bona bare tswarisha di Baki.....Agggggggggg
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
e apare baki eo so se mariga se.
======================================================
Even if it is oversized ? you can be with a ch1ck for about 7 years and child as well, Morena when she get angry she will tell you K@k that you can' even o rote le ngwana- o tlo re ke eng tsona tseo.....
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ke tlo re ke therisho ka hoba ke yena ya tsebang meroto mos.
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SWEETYK
LESON.1@LESON.1
Banyana ba le bona bare tswarisha di Baki.....Agggggggggg
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O ntse o sena "N" engwe? Always ga otla le Candyboy wa tlhagella dintshang?
==================================================
i dn't want sowetan to blog me mo di usles article- other "N" you willl see it ge PSL e bulwa
this is just temporary
======================================
No problem
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eKapa
SWEETYKaaggg maan shame ...you such a wandaful woman yazi
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Dzel
Before people start thinking I am an irresponsible father, I am father to two beautiful children whom I love very much, married to the mother et al.This is not what motivates my argument, my argument is motivated by how women abuse the situation and come up with the most ludicrous ways just to have their way including bringing an innocent child to this world when they have no means to support that child.
If you unilaterally decide to have a child then surely you should be willing to carry 100% of the responsibility that is parenting since you made 100% of the decision. What happens now is a woman will make the decision knowing very well that is not what HE wants next thing you are dragging the guy to the maintenance court, what for since it was your decision?
Are we saying men don’t have rights after she falls pregnant, that’s is you are now prisoner to her decision whatever the decision is? This can’t be right.
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somaartakeit
@Candyboymy 2 cents....if you care man enuf to take out ur pip! and make that baby...you better be man enuf
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sometimes some men don't even know they are father and the men who are still honest are being abused, you know my brother and us by extension were paying maintenance for 3yrs to a child who wasn't even his? the girlfriend at the time was makign his life (in his marriage) very difficult by making unreasonably demands, so I advised him to have paternity test, it turned the child was not his, but still he didn't get the money he paid to that woman for the past 3yrs, so I think what is needed is honesty here and for genders to not play victim card, let us all be equally responsible for children we create but I think its important to get paternity test, but I dont' feel sorry for my brother cause he was an idiot in fact I was angry with him for the anguish his wife had to go through due to his reckless behaviour.
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Ann
@Bumblo, o ska motshaba o no tshosetsa fela oleReport Abuse
somaartakeit
@Dzel"This is not what motivates my argument, my argument is motivated by how women abuse the situation and come up with the most ludicrous ways just to have their way including bringing an innocent child to this world when they have no means to support that child" its true that Dzel there are sad women like that, but equally there are sad males too who simply do refuse to take responsibility, some of them can afford to but they are just being impossible, look at Shilowa's case and his son.
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Bumboklaat
@Ann@Bumblo, o ska motshaba o no tshosetsa fela ole
Heeee! nagana lephanga le batamela pi.pi ya ka iyo! Nna ake nyako tsea chance!
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eKapa
somaartakeityou are so clever ma sister, well said
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SWEETYK
LESON.1@SWEETYK
We heard those kind of words before my skatie.........
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I'm repeating again and I will always saying them until we all do the right thing.
eKapa
SWEETYK
aaggg maan shame ...you such a wandaful woman yazi
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Thank you love, I'm not saying I'm better than anyone here but I'm doing my best today and everyday to give back to HUSBY. That man deserve a BELLS plus wa dirata tse sona. My man ke BOSO shame.
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Buc4life
m'zaco'Buc4life
i rest my case! ......the stereotype wouldnt be altered anytime soon! ( you sound like a shangaan: no pun intended, i mean the manner of charging)
Thanks for the chat!
..................Thanks for the chat 2. Im not Shangaan, though.
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LESON.1
@2nevvy4uLESON.1
@2nevvy4u
LESON.1
Banyana ba le bona bare tswarisha di Baki.....Agggggggggg
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
e apare baki eo so se mariga se.
======================================================
Even if it is oversized ? you can be with a ch1ck for about 7 years and child as well, Morena when she get angry she will tell you K@k that you can' even o rote le ngwana- o tlo re ke eng tsona tseo.....
------------------------------------------------------------------------
ke tlo re ke therisho ka hoba ke yena ya tsebang meroto mos.
==================================================================
the tricky part when it comes to woman they are the first one to know if they are pregnant and who axactly is the father- rena banna re no folowa nje--
Nna yena bana babatho ke ba godishitse boss- o kereye ke bona gore Aaaaaaah yo yena yo a tswane le nna maaan.. mara anyway ke tlotsena legodimong .....
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Ann
Bumboklaat@Ann
@Bumblo, o ska motshaba o no tshosetsa fela ole
Heeee! nagana lephanga le batamela pi.pi ya ka iyo! Nna ake nyako tsea chance!
-------------------
ke la plastic lephanga la gona
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somaartakeit
@Dzel"What happens now is a woman will make the decision knowing very well that is not what HE wants next thing you are dragging the guy to the maintenance court, what for since it was your decision?" and why do men do not use a condom if they don't' want to be fathers?
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LESON.1
@SWEETYKAmen to that nna i will pass
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Ann
mzacho khante mashangaan ba charger byang?Report Abuse
Buc4life
DzelBefore people start thinking I am an irresponsible father, I am father to two beautiful children whom I love very much, married to the mother et al.
This is not what motivates my argument, my argument is motivated by how women abuse the situation and come up with the most ludicrous ways just to have their way including bringing an innocent child to this world when they have no means to support that child.
If you unilaterally decide to have a child then surely you should be willing to carry 100% of the responsibility that is parenting since you made 100% of the decision. What happens now is a woman will make the decision knowing very well that is not what HE wants next thing you are dragging the guy to the maintenance court, what for since it was your decision?
Are we saying men don’t have rights after she falls pregnant, that’s is you are now prisoner to her decision whatever the decision is? This can’t be right.
.................
U know what. I agree with you wholly. I have been saying exactly the same thing.
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Candyboy
@Dzelyou are very selective when it comes to responding to other peeps comments.....why not answer the last part of me prev comment......my point is simple...as a man you know yourself...and if you not ready for kids, be responsible and use protection.....its as simple as that my friend.
as for abortion...I believe both parties has to give consent to the procedure, however...if the woman feels she wants to keep the child, its her right to do so...then we leave it to the legal system to clarify the terms of monetary support the father needs to give to that child....if you dont want anything to do with that kid...its your right as well...and no one can hold that against you, after you made your feelings known.....but, i beg and i pray, that after all is said and done, humanity will prevail and the father finds interest to be part of the childs life and the mother finds peace in her hearts to allow that relationship to transpire and develope into sumthing special.
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Candyboy
@somaartakeit@Candyboy
my 2 cents....if you care man enuf to take out ur pip! and make that baby...you better be man enuf
----------------------------
sometimes some men don't even know they are father and the men who are still honest are being abused, you know my brother and us by extension were paying maintenance for 3yrs to a child who wasn't even his? the girlfriend at the time was makign his life (in his marriage) very difficult by making unreasonably demands, so I advised him to have paternity test, it turned the child was not his, but still he didn't get the money he paid to that woman for the past 3yrs, so I think what is needed is honesty here and for genders to not play victim card, let us all be equally responsible for children we create but I think its important to get paternity test, but I dont' feel sorry for my brother cause he was an idiot in fact I was angry with him for the anguish his wife had to go through due to his reckless behaviour.
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your brother is stupid, finish & klaar...he never should've cheated in his marriage in da first place.....so that money is well spent.....his w!fe must leave him...and he should re-evuluate his life as a man...honesty & trust is suthing that is lost in this world.....i made up my mind amany moons ago...if a b!tch cumes to me with a child, we do a paternity test straight away...i even have a slush fund for that procedure to be paid....kikikikikikikikiki
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m'zaco'
Annmzacho khante mashangaan ba charger byang?
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is the lady educated....R 15000...extra( depends on a level...Masters level, a man is in trouble...)
is she childless...........R 9500...extra
( if it could be proven her virginity..) yhooooooooo R25000 extra
is she from a fairly affording family...R6000_extra
poor family.........well negotiable
her beauty.......R 2000 extra
what kind neighbourhood is it,......R 1500....extra
hey machangana aaa dura yerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
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Maezizsto4Sure
Annkie-Wena o tlo nkwatisa e se khale.O batla net warm klaap o thole go homola.Report Abuse
SeshegoGuY
@DzelIm glad Someone agrees with me. We once raised this in the office and people were looking at me like im a murderer--- U cannot force a Decision on someone else which will bind him forever
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Dzel
somaartakeitits true that Dzel there are sad women like that, but equally there are sad males too who simply do refuse to take responsibility, some of them can afford to but they are just being impossible, look at Shilowa's case and his son.
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Kukhona abasile, if you are going to celebrate the pregnancy and then stop being a father when things go bad then I cannot speak for you.
If you are told she is pregnant and you immediately tell her ukuthi I am not ready to share this responsibility and she goes ahead anyway completely disregarding your feelings on the matter then I have difficulty understanding how can you be blamed afterwards.
I am not promoting the use of abortion as a contraceptive but abortion is there for a reason and is not an outlet for the one sex and not the other; this is my point. We all have rights but when it comes to reproductive issues it seems men do not have rights, how can this be?
If we argue that one party did not use protection then this principle needs to apply to both and so is the available remedy (abortion), it makes no sense that we argue a man cannot advocate for abortion yet in reality they tend to bear the financial brunt. This can’t be right. I refuse.
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eKapa
SWEETYKwhy always shouting at your HUSBY?
i think wena uya-bhlasha-bhlasha, look at you cmmnts every ada words r typed well and neet, mara the word (HUSBY) is being abused.
o sure gore au mo donore daai man?
correct me if im wrong...
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Candyboy
@DzelBefore people start thinking I am an irresponsible father, I am father to two beautiful children whom I love very much, married to the mother et al.
This is not what motivates my argument, my argument is motivated by how women abuse the situation and come up with the most ludicrous ways just to have their way including bringing an innocent child to this world when they have no means to support that child.
If you unilaterally decide to have a child then surely you should be willing to carry 100% of the responsibility that is parenting since you made 100% of the decision. What happens now is a woman will make the decision knowing very well that is not what HE wants next thing you are dragging the guy to the maintenance court, what for since it was your decision?
Are we saying men don’t have rights after she falls pregnant, that’s is you are now prisoner to her decision whatever the decision is? This can’t be right.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
we men hve rights...the b@stards are just afraid to use them...!!!!
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somaartakeit
@Dzel my main point of contention is that if a man is not ready to be father then its simply he should use a condom, cause when the baby is born and paternity is proven then all involved in creating the baby must foot the parenting bill.Report Abuse
SeshegoGuY
@SomaartakeitThe Decision to use a Condom or NOT is taken by BOTH parties. U know that
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LESON.1
@SWEETYKI'm going to Rural Rural Rural areas and look for a woman who is not educated- dn't know English- dn't know what internet is, and i'm going to buy her a nice house and love her then life goes on - Tse tsa lena tsa di (G-string ) ka mo kitchen ditlo go Mpalela shame. le hlalefile toooooooo much...
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Ann
@m;zach, nna mara ga ke turi@maezi, askis my luv
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Candyboy
@SeshegoGuY@Somaartakeit
The Decision to use a Condom or NOT is taken by BOTH parties. U know that
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yup...and so is the use morning after p!lls.....the continuation of the pregnancy or the termination thereof....the parenting, upbringing, emotional & financial support......its not a forced issue here...its a joint decision...and if the one opts out....for whatever reason...find means & ways to survive....stop the blaming and try by all means to be a part of that childs life....!!!
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somaartakeit
@SeshegoGuy I accept and support that 100%.Report Abuse
Afrojoy
The thing is people want to jol too much...but when joling, guys should first think and decide gore in case of pregnancy, would you accept and want to be with the girl...if not, better put on a condom...its as simple as that...if it bursts and you find yourself with a leg warmer on yo pi*pi, you will say at least I tried.Report Abuse
Dzel
Candyboyyou are very selective when it comes to responding to other peeps comments.....why not answer the last part of me prev comment......my point is simple...as a man you know yourself...and if you not ready for kids, be responsible and use protection.....its as simple as that my friend.
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I totally agree with you, lets promote responsibility. I will admit to having sex without protection especially when I was much younger, that did not mean I wanted to have a child. Can you imagine if I had impregnated someone and I was treated as if I had no rights don’t you think that would breed resentment? Pregnancy is not the cut-off point whether one is going to have a baby or not, let’s not pretend it is.
Statement: as for abortion...I believe both parties has to give consent to the procedure, however...if the woman feels she wants to keep the child, its her right to do so...then we leave it to the legal system to clarify the terms of monetary support the father needs to give to that child...
Answer: This is my issue, the law says there is a child therefore you go 50:50. More often than not the mother is not working so the burden falls on the guy. The law is not interested what happened prior to the birth, women know this and they take advantage of it. In many cases that both parties are equally liable to raise the baby goes out of the window.
Statement: .if you don’t want anything to do with that kid...its your right as well...and no one can hold that against you, after you made your feelings known.....
Answer: My friend you will forever be called a spe.rm donor, irresponsible father, bast.ard, etc.... just look at some of the comments here. You are expected to act as if you wanted the child to begin with otherwise all these insu.lts are fitting.
A question for you; what do you think our rights are as men in cases of pregnancy, please compare that to those of the woman and tell me if it is fair unless we argue that intrinsically men have less rights than women. How do we justify the different standard based on one’s gender?
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BlackLion
m'zacoIn simpler terms I say, one is nothing without good ethics. As to who defines those ethics, I see that as irrelevant since those ethics are more important than its teacher. Think of a person with no patience standing in a long queue. Character is very important and cannot be achieved through studying science.
Education will always = knowledge in my view. I would assume that you would not put these two in the same category – Learning about creation and about making a can of coke.
We all know what is good and bad; problem starts once we put commerce or price on things. That’s when we start differentiating and assign categories to all things.
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Dzel
somaartakeit@Dzel my main point of contention is that if a man is not ready to be father then its simply he should use a condom, cause when the baby is born and paternity is proven then all involved in creating the baby must foot the parenting bill. .
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OK let’s try another approach. Suppose guy bangs girl without using protection does this mean he can force you to keep the baby even if you don’t want to?
I know what the law says but let’s think about this logically.
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Dzel
Candyboywe men hve rights...the b@stards are just afraid to use them...!!!!
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Which rights exactly?
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m'zaco'
@blacklion "Tau-e-ntsho"Points well made_sheeeeeer brilliance...
"advice" Dont purport to be Mr perfect opinion ( *wink*)
@ann!
what are you saying, behind your saying??.............beware of poor people like me who over-utilize our brains....
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Ann
@DrMashobadieta wee ska tlo ntena ka *mankosheng 's voice*Report Abuse
somaartakeit
@Dzel I get your problem you know? wena you wanna have right to have a say on the abortion issue and that you believe should the woman chose to keep the baby then you should not be expected to support that decision, at the very least this position of your argument is brutal you know? why shld a man have a right to decide on abortion when he cld have prevented possibility of impregnating a woman in the first place? Also you do know that even qualified drs may not tell a woman to abort that decision is left to her alone? why do you think that is? Please Dzel you are otherwise a smart guy but surely you must know that abortion is not just a clear cut case as that, so really you must accept that right to abort or not to abort should be left to the one carrying a baby and if a man didn't want to have a baby then he should use a condom.Report Abuse
ZuluPrincess711
How exactly does this study suggest that we support fathers to assume their role? @Tpaz - clearly you think marriage is an answer to societal family breakdown and that can be argued vastly my dear. I have been blessed with parents who have been married for a solid 36yrs. however my financee left me and cut all ties with my son despite assisting him financially (he's jobless) to be there for his son. I have tried and decided, he needs to reciprocate. The last time (2yrs ago) we spoke to him, he was landing at OR Tambo on a certain Wedenesday to see his son - we are still waiting. I even begged him before then to be there for his son even though he and i have not worked out. clearly, he is punishing his son for my moving on with my life. I stopped trying. @Ditete, Karma will deal with him whenever. Frankly, i don't care. All i care about is raising a happy child and my son is emotionally content at the moment. the day his Dad feels he wants to be in his life - i will let him. i can never deprive my child of having what i have with my parents. my son is the one who will let go when he gets tired of broken promises. sadly we (women) are all put under one blanket of using kids. a few of us are not actually. i couldn't be bothered about this man, yet he's busy settling invisible scores instead of beinig a father to his son. i have even told him, it's not about money (we have enough) but about having a relationship with his son. bright as he is, he seems to incur load shedding in this regard. some men like playing victim, just like some women. please good people, if you really want to be a father to your child - you will - money or no money!Report Abuse
Ann
@ann!what are you saying, behind your saying??.............beware of poor people like me who over-utilize our brains....
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nna ke mshaangan wa Giyane as long o le monna o feletseng never ba o turele
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Afrojoy
@DzelLets face it...the ultimate decision on whether to keep or abort the foetus rests with the girl. Even if she chooses to keep the baby against your will, the law which is an ass, will still force you to pay maintainance. And the amount you will be forced to pay is greed-based, and not need-based...the woman will in most cases use less than 30% of maintainance payouts on your child...the rest will go to her own hair, groceries and booze. I am married with a child. The money I spend per kid on a good creche, helper, clothing and food is no-where near some of the amounts I hear about. The bottom line: Men have no rights when it comes to baby issues...if you want rights, have a child inside wedlock, and keep the mom. Otherwise you'll be sc*rewed.
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somaartakeit
@Dzelsomaartakeit
"OK let’s try another approach. Suppose guy bangs girl without using protection does this mean he can force you to keep the baby even if you don’t want to?" there are no iffs and butts if a man has sex without using contraception he must take responsibility of the outcome, its a clear cut case just like that.
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Ann
LESON.1@SWEETYK
I'm going to Rural Rural Rural areas and look for a woman who is not educated- dn't know English- dn't know what internet is, and i'm going to buy her a nice house and love her then life goes on - Tse tsa lena tsa di (G-string ) ka mo kitchen ditlo go Mpalela shame. le hlalefile toooooooo much..
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hahahaaaaaaaaaaaa, ke gona byanong o tlo bona mathatha hee
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m'zaco'
@annu huma a Giyane kwihi...?
va dura hey....
matlhoma nyangweni, timfuku ta fole,.....you know very welll!! stouteeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrr...........kikikikiki
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Ann
mzaco, kwaaaaaaaaaaaaa. o sele wena shangaans are gud peopleReport Abuse
LESON.1
@Ann@LESON.1
@SWEETYK
I'm going to Rural Rural Rural areas and look for a woman who is not educated- dn't know English- dn't know what internet is, and i'm going to buy her a nice house and love her then life goes on - Tse tsa lena tsa di (G-string ) ka mo kitchen ditlo go Mpalela shame. le hlalefile toooooooo much..
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hahahaaaaaaaaaaaa, ke gona byanong o tlo bona mathatha hee
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Mathata jwang ? Mathata ke lena maan bo Baby please wake up, i want a Burger when i check the time is 10:30pm.......(Hikhona sesi)
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Afrojoy
@somaartakeit@Dzel
somaartakeit
"OK let’s try another approach. Suppose guy bangs girl without using protection does this mean he can force you to keep the baby even if you don’t want to?" there are no iffs and butts if a man has sex without using contraception he must take responsibility of the outcome, its a clear cut case just like that.
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I think you meant to say the man must SHARE responsibility...its not like the man was shagging a brainless stooge...the woman is equaly responsible...unless she was raped.
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m'zaco'
@Annndza yi tiva Giyani...where!!! but dont answer if i make u nervous.....
wena u swi tiva kahle leswi ndzi swi vulaka.....kikikikikiki
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DrMashobaadieeta
ANNo buwa so, o galletse go bula dirope
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Dzel
somaartakeit@Dzel I get your problem you know? wena you wanna have right to have a say on the abortion issue and that you believe should the woman chose to keep the baby then you should not be expected to support that decision, at the very least this position of your argument is brutal you know? why shld a man have a right to decide on abortion when he cld have prevented possibility of impregnating a woman in the first place?
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If an alien were to read this he would swear that contraceptives are the responsibility of both parties. If the couple fails to use protection then they are equally guilty and therefore we should say both failed to use protection, not just the guy.
Statement: Also you do know that even qualified drs may not tell a woman to abort that decision is left to her alone?
Why is that, why does the woman have more rights when we agree both parties are equally to blame, in business there is what is called jointly and severally responsible but when it comes to reproduction the woman can still take the morning after pill and after that she can decide to abort and does not even need the consent of the guy. I am not saying he should be allowed to block the process but we have different markers depending on race and that is my issue.
The guy’s options end at conception, the woman’s four months after that. How do we justify this point and please answer my question, same goes for Cheeseboy.
Statement: Please Dzel you are otherwise a smart guy but surely you must know that abortion is not just a clear cut case as that, so really you must accept that right to abort or not to abort should be left to the one carrying a baby and if a man didn't want to have a baby then he should use a condom.
Answer: What is odd is a pregnancy lasts 9 months. Raising a child or the responsibility thereof lasts a lifetime for most, 20 years or so at best. Let’s weigh the two, 9 months vs. 20 years.
Which one do you think carries more weight?
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Candyboy
@DzelCandyboy
we men hve rights...the b@stards are just afraid to use them...!!!!
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Which rights exactly?
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the right to think before we act......most men are afraid to use their brains before they eat that pumpum...being fully aware what the consequences will be for their actions.
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Dzel
Candyboythe right to think before we act......most men are afraid to use their brains before they eat that pumpum...being fully aware what the consequences will be for their actions.
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No, the OPTION to think before we act, an option equally applicable to both party by the way.
Both parties have an option to raise the issue of contraception and women have a right not to be penetrated without protection, do they not?
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LESON.1
Banyana ba tla go botsa gore abuti nna ke lev1rgin, se neng neng ge o mo Nny0ba le v1rgin le la setse le go nametse ka go dimo lere take it baby take it ...................Report Abuse
Candyboy
@DzelIn response to your prev comment regarding the laws of our country.
i will keep it short......we all know the laws are in place to protect the infant, by having their (baby) best interest at heart.......if you dont want a child as a man...condomise, or face up to the responsibility that is cuming ur way....why is that so hard to do...u can argue all you want....but if that stupid b@stard does not use protection...he must pay up.....!!!
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somaartakeit
Correct Afrojoy the man must share responsibility,@Dzel wrt to abortion decision, there are health/psychological effects post abortion and there is no estimated price to it, if there was, then if you agree to share the mental anguish costs to the woman who has to abort cause you don't want to be a father then maybe as a man you should have a right to decide.
Also you need to take into effect even in countries such as ours where abortion is legal, there is a time frame within which such can be carried out, so what if the woman found out abt her pregnancy after the legal allowed to abort time frame? Really Dzel I think the doctors know best hence they leave this decision with the woman, I still contend when a bloke doesn't want to be a father then he must use a condom or if you like nyama-to-nyama then go for a stitch, apparently its reversible.
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Galfrend
Afrojoy@Dzel
Lets face it...the ultimate decision on whether to keep or abort the foetus rests with the girl. Even if she chooses to keep the baby against your will, the law which is an ass, will still force you to pay maintainance. And the amount you will be forced to pay is greed-based, and not need-based...the woman will in most cases use less than 30% of maintainance payouts on your child...the rest will go to her own hair, groceries and booze. I am married with a child. The money I spend per kid on a good creche, helper, clothing and food is no-where near some of the amounts I hear about. The bottom line: Men have no rights when it comes to baby issues...if you want rights, have a child inside wedlock, and keep the mom. Otherwise you'll be sc*rewed.
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well said.
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somaartakeit
@Candyboy you are a good man:-) now I see why Jaja simply melts in your hands!Report Abuse
Dzel
CandyboyIn response to your prev comment regarding the laws of our country.
i will keep it short......we all know the laws are in place to protect the infant, by having their (baby) best interest at heart.......if you dont want a child as a man...condomise, or face up to the responsibility that is cuming ur way....why is that so hard to do...u can argue all you want....but if that stupid b@stard does not use protection...he must pay up.....!!!
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You accused me of selective answers ... just wanted to point out you are avoiding the points I have made but ja, according to you using protection is the guys responsibility.... got it. But I would have thought it falls equally on both parties which should use the condom argument moot.
Be that as it may, I understand the point you are making I just don't agree with you.
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SWEETYK
eKapaSWEETYK
why always shouting at your HUSBY?
i think wena uya-bhlasha-bhlasha, look at you cmmnts every ada words r typed well and neet, mara the word (HUSBY) is being abused.
o sure gore au mo donore daai man?
correct me if im wrong...
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Guys banna ga ba tshwane, eskare wena ge ba go tsipa ditsebe o be nagana ba bangwe ba abuzwa. Ha o wrong wa pota.
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Galfrend
CandyboyIn response to your prev comment regarding the laws of our country.
i will keep it short......we all know the laws are in place to protect the infant, by having their (baby) best interest at heart.......if you dont want a child as a man...condomise, or face up to the responsibility that is cuming ur way....why is that so hard to do...u can argue all you want....but if that stupid b@stard does not use protection...he must pay up.....!!!
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High 5
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Dzel
somaartakeit"OK let’s try another approach. Suppose guy bangs girl without using protection does this mean he can force you to keep the baby even if you don’t want to?" there are no iffs and butts if a man has sex without using contraception he must take responsibility of the outcome, its a clear cut case just like that.
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I like how you guys are standing firm on the same point. You did not use protection therefore its your fault.
I could also want to sound politically correct and repeat these lines but reality is we have babies that are abandoned after birth, kids who grow up without fathers and ATM fathers as they are called.
If we want to change the situation then we need to understand the drivers and educate communities accordingly hopefully with a view to reduce the problem.
Who does the condom argument help and how does it reduce high incidents of absent fatherhood?
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Candyboy
@DzelCandyboy
the right to think before we act......most men are afraid to use their brains before they eat that pumpum...being fully aware what the consequences will be for their actions.
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No, the OPTION to think before we act, an option equally applicable to both party by the way.
Both parties have an option to raise the issue of contraception and women have a right not to be penetrated without protection, do they not?
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my brother....we know most woman (not all woman) gets into sexual acts to fall pregnant, so you as the guy need to ensure you practice safe sex at all times....after its your life, so take responsibility for what you do as the guy.......take the lead in that aspect of your relationship...if she insists on having no protection....walk away from that b1tch finish & klaar......dont let a woman dictate to you, think for yourself and do what is right for you....but the smell of pumpum takes away all logic in us men....if i know I wana get laid tonite...its MY RESPONSIBILITY to make sure I have adequate protection...!
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somaartakeit
No Dzel you misunderstood me completely, I said, we both didn't use contraception so its both our fault, mna ndi fair in that respect am not about to use my gender to pull a victim card cause I know we are equals,I agree that we must educate our girls and boys about sexual values most importantly about responsibility, secondly we must allow gay parents to adopt these unwanted kids that way a kid can have a loving home alas not perfect but a home regardless.
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SeshegoGuY
@CandyBoyThat is Bull. Responsibility of protection rests with BOTH Partners. We all know people have Sex all the time and they don't want babies
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SWEETYK
LESON.1@SWEETYK
I'm going to Rural Rural Rural areas and look for a woman who is not educated- dn't know English- dn't know what internet is, and i'm going to buy her a nice house and love her then life goes on - Tse tsa lena tsa di (G-string ) ka mo kitchen ditlo go Mpalela shame. le hlalefile toooooooo much...
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kwa akwak wakwak wakwwaaa O tla reka bank stoel le Mpaola ko furnisher shop o tla ikutlwa.
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Galfrend
The point i've been trying to make all morning. Its up to the mother to decide whether to abort or not. Abortion comes with physcological effects than can affect one's well being for he rest of their lives.man up.simple.
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Dzel
somaartakeit@Dzel wrt to abortion decision, there are health/psychological effects post abortion and there is no estimated price to it, if there was, then if you agree to share the mental anguish costs to the woman who has to abort cause you don't want to be a father then maybe as a man you should have a right to decide.
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This emotional / psychological effect is also true to the potential fathers. Both are deciding to forego having a child for whatever reason, guys have emotions too.
If she finds out after the prescribed period then it is something else but most women find out they are pregnant in the first two months of pregnancy which leaves enough time to make a decision.
You are just coming up with excuses sommar,you need to be honest with yourself.
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Dzel
GalfrendThe point i've been trying to make all morning. Its up to the mother to decide whether to abort or not. Abortion comes with physcological effects than can affect one's well being for he rest of their lives.
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My best friend at varsity made his then g-friend pregnant and did not know about it until after she terminated, he was livid.
I too once made my then g-friend pregnant, I did not know about the pregnancy and we broke up soon afterwards without knowing what was happening. She later had a miscarriage(or at least that is what she said) and one day we had a long chat and only then did I find out. I was livid with her because she denied me that opportunity to be part of the pregnancy even when it did not end well.
In both cases men who wanted to keep the child but were not even informed of the pregnancy. Please don't talk about emotions and psychological impact as if men are incapable for feeling that pain.
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somaartakeit
@Dzelsomaartakeit
@Dzel wrt to abortion decision, there are health/psychological effects post abortion and there is no estimated price to it, if there was, then if you agree to share the mental anguish costs to the woman who has to abort cause you don't want to be a father then maybe as a man you should have a right to decide.
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"This emotional / psychological effect is also true to the potential fathers. Both are deciding to forego having a child for whatever reason, guys have emotions too" Hayi mara Dzel yhazi the pain for the woman (after abortion) is not only physical but its emotional, you can never understand it Dzel so ke ngalamazwi ke ntoyakuthi ndithi masohlukana kulendawo.
"If she finds out after the prescribed period then it is something else but most women find out they are pregnant in the first two months of pregnancy which leaves enough time to make a decision" Interesting point you make, do you have start to support that 'most women' find within legally prescribed abortion time? Also Dzel you know when a woman finds out about pregnancy she doesn't jump up and say aha I am pregnant and I am going to abort or keep the baby, really why do you not understand this?
"You are just coming up with excuses sommar,you need to be honest with yourself" I thought I have conducted myself honest through this discussion wena nje have chosen to be disagreeable, I don't know why..
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Galfrend
DzelIn both cases men who wanted to keep the child but were not even informed of the pregnancy. Please don't talk about emotions and psychological impact as if men are incapable for feeling that pain.
Well earlier you made it sound just that. You made it sound like abortion is an easy process wherbey you just pop in the pills then viola...its a human life we are talking about. Still going back to my point,if it so happens that a child is born,whether you wanted it or not - the manly thing to do is to own.! Dont force her to abort out of your own selfish reasons!
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Skomoro99
I need help,the last time i saw my son was last year just for a day only.We r no longer 2getha wit the mother but sumhow i always get stories when i need to c him.i pay maintanance evry month n i now i m thinkin of just stopin this.If the courts cant help me then i wil stop payin child suport n rather put the money on investment for my son n he can claim it later when he can make his own choices.I want to b part of my sons life in al aspects but this woman n her parents r just makin it dificult for me n i sumtimz think of gettin a gun n shoot the entire family coz its very painfull 2 bond wit a kid n b denied access bcoz i broke up wit the mother.Anyone who can help or direct me the right way email skomoro99@yahoo.com.Women r the coz of al this wit the help of their families.
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chipshot
Annno.. they are just sper*m donors...
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I disagree with you
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chipshot
GalfrendHappy Belated father's day to all the great dads whoare there for their kids and do not need to be dragged to court so they can support their kids.
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on behalf of all fathers, we are saying thank you as responsible dad's.
I like your attitude though!
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