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GREAT PRESSURES: Sports presenter Xolelwa Majeke knows all about the difficulties of being a single mother.

 Being a single mother can be a challenge 

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But have you ever given a thought to the women who single-handedly have to raise kids?

Zoliswa Mayende, a social worker based in Cape Town, says single mothers experience emotional pressure and that financial stress represents one powerful source of discontent for them.

"Caring for children is expensive. As they grow into new clothes, new activities, and eventually off to university, they pose a strain on a budget," she says.

"For a single mother, trying to manage the responsibilities of motherhood without the help of the father can be overwhelming."

Asiphe Ndlela, a Johannesburg-based psychologist, says financial support is the biggest problem that single women have to deal with, followed by power struggles with the fathers.

"Most men disconnect with their children because they are running away from maintaining them. Some fear that the mother might use the money for her needs and for her other children's upkeep."

Ndlela adds that the strain between the father and mother has a direct effect on the emotional welfare of the child.

"When a father leaves a child's life, it is one of the most devastating experiences. The child internalises it, thinking they did something wrong to deserve it.

"It is not something they can forget for the rest of their lives. They feel they did something terrible to make their father walk away. It's not even about finances to the child, which is the main reason parents fight. The child just knows the father is not there."

She adds that after facing rejection, a child learns at an early age their self-worth is not important. In the back of their mind they feel that if their father left, they must be an ugly person, and someone that is not worth anything."

She says most children who grow up without the care of a father go through life with abandonment issues.

"They grow up always waiting for the next person to leave.

"They sabotage their relationships and can enter into bad unhealthy relationships that inflict more abandonment because they have learned to hold on tightly, which can suffocate others, because they are so afraid of someone leaving them."

Ndlela says the baby mama woes are even worse when there is a third party involved in the form of the child's father's girlfriend or wife.

"Most women feel threatened by any form of interaction between their partner and their baby mamas. They fear that the old flame might be ignited, while most men are afraid to stand up to their women because of the fear of losing them."

• This article was first published in the printed newspaper and eEdition on 3 October 2012. Click on this link to view the eEdition

Comments

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Sun May 19 08:04:57 SAST 2013 ::

Oct 12, 2012

Virgin.after.sex

I don't have a child cos I'm not ready to sacrifice anything for a little creature and I will never marry a man who has one of those creatures (yena le baby-momma ba hlolwa keng to use contraceptives wen i can).I can only imagine why these bitter baby mommas become so dramatic... You sacrifice your body ( you get fat,saggy boobies, love handles, stretch marks) and you walk around looking like a whale for 9 months, then a man leaves you and marries a slender that doesn't have a child. But then again it goes to show that these ladies were not physically, emotionally & otherwise ready for such sacrifices hence the drama. Ladies bulang maoto mara kwalang dipopelo until he puts a ring on it, otherwise you will end up with 4 kids with different daddies.
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Oct 12, 2012

Goli

It saddens me when both adults actions end up being to a single person and affecting "kids- Angels" i dont have a kid- was unfortunate not to in marriage (widowed). I was raised by a single divorced parent, i vowed not to ever preagnant a woman if i won't there, thats a concious decision i took. some women date guys (abo Speedy) knowing very well that this guy is jst fooling around with her but bcos he's eith popular or drives a fancy car, will sell her body and soul- thats where the disaster struck.
we need to identify our needs- Ladies unless you change your attitude you're going no where, going out with a man who turns your head and not watching your back it's danger- don't be selfish: also when you get someone who loves your kid don't treat him less to the father of the kid who is not there for the Angel-

"The Best I can/will do is to love the mother of my kids"
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Oct 12, 2012

Virgin.after.sex

I agree with u Goli..."dating aboSpeedy"...knowing very well that speedy is neither a father nor a husband material. Most kids were conceived out of selfish and wrong reasons...selfish to only think about de 2 minutes pleasure than a lifetime responsibility of bringing a life that deserves love from both parents, but I hate it even more when they are poor & can't even afford to provide for the child.
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Oct 12, 2012

KukuyaLethosa

Why did Sowetan put Xolelwa Majeke's picture on such a controversial topic? We all know about his drama with Legwathi, but putting her pic here just dramatises her life.
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Oct 12, 2012

Vongsta

Heheheheheehe....Men don't stop supporting their children because they choose to do that.....True, some baby mamas are bitter and disrespectfull, while some are sweet and been taken advantage. Now, if a man is working and only has one kid, it won't be a problem to maintain. Mara if you make a kid with someone who has kids with other women, what do you think? that yours will be special? We like putting ourselves in situation and quick to point fingers. You expect 5star treatment for your kid from someone who's not working. Why o etsa bana if you not financially ok?
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Oct 12, 2012

Virgin.after.sex

Xolelwa le yena ka maVenster a tletseng ka sefahleho, di shades tseo are so not ayoba.
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Dec 3, 2012

kudi

Xolelwa ena ekare Satane - no wonder bamosiya Durban - i dont know why i really dont like her - somebody please help
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Dec 18, 2012

Vhamsanda

TROUBLE !!! Is what is written all over her face.
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