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 Since this man entered her life, she has changed completely 

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She met her boyfriend at the end of last year and since then she has changed beyond recognition.

She is such a beautiful girl and has always been a happy person, so full of life. She was a leader and had many good friends.

Since this man entered her life she has changed completely. She has no friends and if she is not with him, she is alone. She is no longer happy and doesn't really look after herself the way she used to.

Last week I noticed that she had bruises on her arm and marks on her throat and cheeks.

When I asked her about it she said she had fallen when she was hurrying to a class.

I don't believe her because the marks distinctly look like fingers.

She is so sulky and unhappy that it is breaking my heart.

I tried to ask her about her boyfriend, but she would not open up to me. All she says is that she loves him and doesn't want to discuss her relationship with me.

What should I do? - Concerned Mother, Benoni

DUDU'S ADVICE:

This is a painful and challenging situation you find yourself in. Watching your daughter suffer at the hands of an abusive man, and not being able to help her, must be unbearable.

She is not the same person because, as is typical in an abusive relationship, he has probably stripped her of all her self-worth and self-confidence.

The thought of leaving him might be so difficult for her that she will withdraw from the support system of friends and family.

She will probably defend him, say she loves him and direct her anger and resentment at you.

An abuser controls his victim by isolating her and, as you pointed out, the result is that your daughter no longer has any friends.

You need to keep on trying to talk to her to help her understand the seriousness of the situation she is in. Tell her that you are concerned for her wellbeing and safety.

If she tries to make excuses for him or blame herself, do not entertain it at all. Remind her of the person she once was and point out how she has changed.

Show her you are willing to listen to her without judging her. Make her feel comfortable about confiding in you without giving her advice.

Try to educate yourself about abuse and give her information on the consequences of emotional and physical abuse.

If she doesn't want to talk to you, ask her if she would talk to a trained counsellor.

Tell her how much you love her and that no matter what she decides, you will always support her.

Comments

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Sat May 25 07:52:21 SAST 2013 ::

Jun 8, 2012

Mzalaz

Again! nkm no comments
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Jun 8, 2012

BaleliM

The only person who can put an end to an abusive relationship is the person being abused.
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Jun 8, 2012

DjEp

@ Concerned Mother
Trying to talk to your child bore not fruit, i think is time you find out who this monster is and deal with him instead. He may be threating your child in case she dumps him. So dont give up you can stil change the situation around get this blo.ody taxi driver thats abusing your child.
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Jun 8, 2012

PDreamz

Shame being a parent is so hard really, dont give up on her and yes keep reminding her of what a beautiful happy loving free person she use to be. She needs help and support and hopefully she'll snap out of it before its too late its sad that at such a young age she's a victim of abuse one day she'll be stronger to know that its sometimes best to be alone than to be in love with someone who doesnt care and hurts her emotionally and physically and that the only person she can love truly and wholeheartedky is herself, be strong mama your daughter needs you
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Jun 8, 2012

maneater

i know people who can make the the boyfriend dissapear. just give give me the adress and i will make it happern.
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Jun 8, 2012

sakhomba

what did you expect from Benoni guys. the bastard probably drives a FORD Cortina or SIERRA XR6 with a huge boot spoiler.
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Jun 8, 2012

DJWinner

Maybe she fell and she says, we don't know. Maybe they are having rough sex, we don't know. Some women like to be slapped during sex.

It is normal for a woman to lose friends when she gets a boyfriend. She has to spend more time with her madafcuker. Again, if she was a vrigin then, it is normal for her to change attitude after she loss her virginity.
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Jun 8, 2012

PDreamz

@DjWinner you sound like the man abusing this child damn
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Jun 8, 2012

Bizzabo

@DJWinner
Maybe she fell and she says, we don't know. Maybe they are having rough sex, we don't know. Some women like to be slapped during sex.

It is normal for a woman to lose friends when she gets a boyfriend. She has to spend more time with her madafcuker. Again, if she was a vrigin then, it is normal for her to change attitude after she loss her virginity
-------------------
Dude???
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Jun 8, 2012

Kaylae

wow new South Africa indeed,gone are the days girls were scared to let their parents know ukuthi ba ya jola.

mommy since you know that your child get bonked and beaten snoop around get his phone number contact him and tell him where to go fly a kite
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