He lied, forced me to abort, then dumped me
I feel guilty that I killed my baby and heartbroken that this man is so heartless
I feel guilty that I killed my baby and heartbroken that this man is so heartless. I don't know what to do with myself, so can you please help me?
I AM 21 years old and my boyfriend is 29. We have known each other since we were little children, but after he left school we lost touch.
Our families live in the same area, but he moved to Durban to study and work. I never stopped thinking about him because I have always loved him.
He then got married and had two children.
Although I was heartbroken, I decided to move on with my life. In June last year, he returned to his family home.
He is in the process of getting a divorce. We met and while we were talking, he mentioned that he had always loved me and that he should have married me.
We met a few times and then he returned to Durban.
I then found out that I am pregnant. I contacted him and told him. He was very quiet and said he would see me at the weekend.
When he arrived, he was very angry. He said he was trying to work out his marriage because he had two children to consider and that he was not prepared to complicate his life any further.
He then said he had made arrangements for me to have an abortion and that he was taking me immediately.
I did not have a chance to discuss this with him at all. He took me to a woman and the next thing I knew I was walking out of her home.
By the time he dropped me at home, I was bleeding badly. I told my mom that I was not feeling well and went to bed.
This happened three weeks ago and I am still bleeding and I am suffering from terrible stomach aches.
There are times when I can hardly move because I am in such pain.
I have been hiding this from everyone, even friends. I don't want anyone to find out because it will cause trouble between our families and I know that my mom will probably never talk to me again.
I have tried to phone this man and he will not take my calls. He sent me a message saying he never wants to see or talk to me again.
I am trying to go about my life as if nothing is wrong, but I feel so alone and so sick.
I feel guilty that I killed my baby and heartbroken that this man is so heartless.
I don't know what to do with myself, so can you please help me? Broken and sad, Kempton Park
DUDU RESPONDS:
I am sorry that you have suffered so terribly and I can understand how helpless and sad you are feeling.
I urge you to talk to your mom and tell her what has happened to you. Yes, it will be hard and she probably will be angry, but only because she loves you and wants the best for you.
If you feel that you cannot talk to her, then you must confide in another adult whom you trust, someone in your church, at a clinic or hospital.
You have had a serious medical procedure under questionable circumstances and by someone who is certainly not qualified to undertake this.
All sorts of complications could arise from this, so you need to be checked by a doctor.
Don't waste another minute of your time on this man.
He is an absolutely irresponsible and unfeeling scoundrel. He cheated on his wife, lied and treated you as if you were worthless.
One thing I do know about life is that the way you treat other people is the way you will be treated, so I am sure he will have his day!
The only thing you are guilty of is that you were naïve and too trusting and I am sure you have learnt valuable lessons from this experience.
It won't be easy getting through this and that is why you need the support of your mom, so please talk to her.
You must also go for counselling and possibly should be referred by a doctor.
You could be suffering from depression and you need medical help to overcome this.
Ask the doctor to refer you to a psychologist for help in coming to terms with the guilt and grief you are suffering. You need to forgive yourself so that you can start living your life again.
maneater
sorry sisi now you will get +- 400 advices from expects on this blog before the end of the day consider them carefully and choose the one that will suit you..........................good luck!!Report Abuse
pik_it_up
yoh girl i feel sorry for youyour are a victim of selfish men out there that want a few minutes of pleasure and leave a life time of scaring
go see a docter and attend to the bleeding
forget about that guy and move on, me personally id advice to stay away from men until you have a degree and a good paying job cos thats where you have the most confidence and independance that no man can ever take away from you
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Limpopoist
IF a man still sorting out his divorce paper does not mean ,he is FULLY ready for new relationship,Regardless of that ,you still have job build that relationship with guy afresh,before even you can consider mirrage ,kids etc.poor 21 year,it seems you are too tjatjarag (asnd loose) ,RULE of thumb take time to know her/him...
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Memme
What happened to you is really terrible and no woman deserves that ever. The only advise i can give you is that you just have to accept that the baby is gone, then please go to a doctor for this bleeding that does not stop. You are still young and you have a whole life ahead of you. Forget about him and move on, try to do things that will distratct you from thinking about you. We do learn from our mistakes and i hope you have learned from yours as well. Please stop feeling guilty - that will not help at all.Good Luck Girl and don't forget that God loves you very much.
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SeshegoGuY
Eish!! mare some Men are giving all of us a bad name. I really feel for u my sister cos it looks like u did love him for real.Go see a therapist
@Maneater LOL I predict 800 comments
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Zoe56
Askies sisi, this is very sad. You need to go and see a doctor as asap. You need to forgive yourself for trusting this man and accept that the baby is no more. At 21 you still very young you will be able to concive again (i just hope the stupid women didnt mess up your womb). if not u will concive again with someone who trully loves you. And dont forget to pray and ask for forgiveness from God, he will forgive u n remember he loves..Report Abuse
Mosquer
mara le lena le a phapha. We always advice you to never run after a married man, even if he can try to convience you.Report Abuse
Printa
U should have negotiated a better place to have the abortion. No reason 4 u 2 loose a Man and a baby. Be careful next time, that is, if u still have anything worthy 2 offer another Man.Report Abuse
