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He was married for 14 years and he has two children, 14 and 16. He divorced his wife three years ago and the children live with her.

He apparently loved her very much and she cheated on him. They tried to make the marriage work, but she chose her lover over him.

I am his first relationship since his divorce.

When we met he told me that his children come first in his life. He has been honest with me from the start.

He said it would be very difficult for him to fall in love again because his ex-wife hurt him so much.

He also told me that he would only be able to focus on our relationship when his children were older.

He said he cared for me, but was not in love with me.

I had a feeling that he might still be in love with his ex-wife.I asked him once about this and he got angry with me. He said that she had devastated his life and he hated her.

His boys stay with him every second weekend and I have not met them yet.

When they are with him I do not see him.

I see him during the week, so all in all I don't see him often.

I know he would help me with any problem if I asked him. We enjoy each other's company, but I find it very difficult.

I want to spend more time with him and I want to meet his children.

Am I asking too much? It hurt me when he said he was not in love with me.

I often tell him that I love him and it is sad that he cannot say it back to me.

How much longer Kempton Park

.

Dudu responds

Your boyfriend has been honest with you from the start.

It is also admirable that he is devoted to his children, who might have suffered because of the divorce.

It is obvious that he was devastated by the divorce and it is taking time for him to recover, even if he no longer loves his wife.

The fact that he is involved in his children's lives does not mean he is still in love with his ex-wife.

All it means is that he loves his children and they come first in his life.

The question you need to ask yourself is whether you are prepared to put your life on hold and wait for him? If you are, the next question is, how long are you prepared to wait?

He has given you no time frame of, say, one, two or 10 years. I do not think that he is being very fair to you.

If he is afraid of getting into a relationship, why did he start one with you?

If he really cares for you he would never expect you to put your life on hold on the off chance that in a few years' time he might be ready to commit to you.

To move forward he would probably need counselling, otherwise he faces the possibility of never recovering from the mistakes of the past.

If he is comfortable to continue living with his present mind-set I don't see how you can build a future with him. Will he ever let you meet his children?

When will the time be right? It is very hurtful that he cannot tell you he loves you or that he might ever love you.

I understand that you are in love with him, but you are young and should not put your life on hold for anyone.

Comments

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Tue Jun 18 23:45:01 SAST 2013 ::

Feb 8, 2013

Dubul'Amanzi

For the first time agree with DuDu,well done.
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Feb 8, 2013

madimetsha

He also told me that he would only be able to focus on our relationship when his children were older.

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you just a booty call
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Feb 8, 2013

Selfmade100millionaire

You really pursuing him like a dream. Don't you think you deserve better.
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Feb 8, 2013

Flemza

This is so funny, why are you telling this, who cares what your feelings are , catch a call and wake up lady, be mature and be able to solve your own affairs and life , at 28yrs, you are shame to all 28 year old women out there, stop being a cry babe, and wake up axa!!!!!!
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Feb 8, 2013

Helang!

Poor guy has a situation. He explained it to you fully. He is being very fair to you when he tells you how he feels about you. He doesnt love you. He loves his kids and he is finding it hard to trust a woman again. How do you expect him to handle this situation? Do you want him to dump his kids and ignore how he feels about women just because wena you want a man? Go looking for other men who are ready to give you a relationship and let the poor soul handle his life.

Sis Dudu is being a typical woman when she says the guy is not being very fair with you. When she says he expects you to wait for him and that he shouldnt have started a relationship with you if he didnt want one.

The poor guy met you and didnt start the kind of relationship you want because of the reasons he has explained to you. He is not saying wait for him. Would you prefer he tells you to F*@k off?

A woman as stuborn as you would never make a good partner for this guy. Just leave him and dont make his life more hell than it is right now. What makes you think he wants you?

This poor guy divorced 3 years ago, he would have been about 33. He was married for 14 years, which means he was married at 19. He sacrificed his young adult life for marriage, a noble idea but look where it's gotten him now? His life is messed up! Goes to show what women do to a good man.

Dear lady, please stop being a nuisance to the guy. If you think you deserve him just because he beds you, think again. You were bedded by many before him. Go demand that they marry you too.
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Feb 8, 2013

MorenaWaPolelo

Sesi this man is not ready for the cuddly cuddly business, so stop irritating him and letting yourself down...if you wanna wait forever goodluck, he told you he is not in love with you are you waiting for him to tell you that he is in love with your friend or someone else? I sense some stalker tendencies in your letter why do you wanna meet the kids? It is clear he does no want you in his life (yet) so leave it!!is clear Stevie Wonder's song "As" does not suit your situation so move on dear!!!
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Feb 8, 2013

Dubul'Amanzi

@Helang! and MorenaWaPolelo
Amen!!!
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Feb 8, 2013

Capegal

HE CAN'T EVEN TELL U HE LOVE U, SO Y R EVEN THERE! Y R EVEN ASKING SIS DUDU THIS #WAISTEOFTIME
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Feb 8, 2013

SetlaboswanaBoy07

Wa longwa ke selwana seswana, o tshaba le megokolodi...Monna wa Modimo o lomilwe

Kgaetjedi[Dudu] o opile kgomo lenaka
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Feb 8, 2013

Mosquer

Wa gapeletša sesi
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