Thu Apr 17 00:09:30 SAST 2014
Thu Apr 17 00:09:30 SAST 2014

'I feel my secretive boyfriend is just using me'

Dec 7, 2012 | Dear Dudu |   176 comments

"I hardly see him anymore and when I do, he comes to my room and we have sex"

 Do you want a part-time lover who uses you for what he can get out of you, or do you want more? 

MY BOYFRIEND is 26 and I am 19. We have been together for six months.

He is employed and I am still studying.

When we first met we saw each other all the time, but he seems to be treating me differently now.

I am really not sure where I stand with him now. I am not sure whether he loves me at all anymore.

I absolutely adore him and I dream of marrying him and having his children.

He seems to avoid my calls because he says he is too busy at work. I hardly see him anymore and when I do, he comes to my room and we have sex.

He no longer takes me anywhere. I don't know his friends or his family or where he lives.

I am not asking him to spend money on me at all, but just to spend time with me. I feel as if he is using me.

I have tried to speak about my concerns, but he says I am making a mountain out of nothing.

I tell him I love him, but he never says it back to me.

I am confused because I don't know how he feels about me. Am I wasting my time? - Lonely and Angry, Randburg

ADVICE FROM DEAR DUDU

You need to ask yourself what you want out of life. Do you want a part-time lover who uses you for what he can get out of you, or do you want more?

Don't you think you deserve the best? There are lots of things you can do together that don't cost money.

This is all part of the process of learning about each other and enjoying each others' company.

If you are in a relationship, you should want to spend quality time together.

It is very obvious from your letter that this man is using you for sex. He is making no effort to get to know you as a person and to develop a proper relationship.

The fact that you don't even know where he lives should tell you that he is not an honest man and is playing games.

Give him up and give yourself a chance to meet someone who truly cares about you. Concentrate on your studies and have fun with your friends.

Life is too short to ever settle for second best.

Your Subscription

The SowetanLIVE Network