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 A paternity test costs R500 and it takes between two and three weeks to get the results 

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Once when he was away I visited a friend who was having a small party.

I met a man at the party and after a few drinks one thing led to another. I ended up having sex with him. I don't know what possessed me to do such a thing because I love my husband with all my heart.

It is no use blaming the alcohol because I wasn't that drunk. I am so ashamed and have not told a soul.

I have now found out that I am pregnant and after calculating the time I do not know whether the child is my husband or the other man's.

I am beside myself with worry and feel as if I am going to go mad.

My husband and I have waited so long for a child and I should be overjoyed. Instead I am suffering from anxiety attacks and this causes me to lose my breath.

I am also not sleeping and cannot concentrate on anything. I haven't told anyone that I am pregnant yet and I am probably only about seven weeks pregnant.

On the one hand I am considering having an abortion so that this mess will just go away and on the other hand I have always wanted to be a mother and I cannot imagine getting rid of my baby.

This goes against my beliefs and I know that if I had an abortion I would never be able to forgive myself.

I have an amazing husband and I do not want to risk losing him.

I don't know what to do. Please advise me. - Anonymous Wife, Johannesburg

ADVICE FROM DEAR DUDU

You cannot deceive your husband and he deserves to be told the truth.

If the child is not his he has the right to make an informed decision about whether he is prepared to stay married to you and accept the child as part of the family.

If you hide the truth from him it will almost certainly be revealed at some stage of the child's life.

With regard to having an abortion, only you can make this decision.

If you have an abortion you will not be left unscathed because you will probably always wonder if you did the right thing and what the child might have been like had you not terminated the pregnancy.

If you do decide to go this route I would urge you to go for counselling as soon as possible so that you can make an informed decision.

If you decide to tell your husband you must be prepared for the fact that he will be extremely hurt and angry.

But it is possible for a couple to survive an affair with the right counselling, communication and patience.

You will have to go for paternity testing to establish who the father of the baby is.

This is a test that analyses your blood group to determine whether you are biologically related to another person.

This test costs R500 and it takes between two and three weeks to get the results.

You can contact the outpatients department of the National Health Laboratory Service on 011- 489-9470 for further information.

I wish you the best going forward.

Comments

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Mon May 20 18:41:03 SAST 2013 ::

Nov 16, 2012

TLekota

Hahahaha bloody woman, damn you were so horny. Ok also consider HIV in there and you might have also infected the wonderful husband and obviously the baby. Jy is in kak. Bokobobane ga bo patele maan.
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Nov 16, 2012

Dubul'Amanzi

How do you say you love someone but at the end you cheat?
@ Sister Dudu how ca you advice someone to do an abortion? uyi Sphukuphuku.
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Nov 16, 2012

Bongza.GP

As far as I know, the baby is not yet infected with the virus irrespective of the mother is. The virus is will be transmitted during "traumatic" delivery and breastfeeding.
I stand to be corrected.
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Nov 16, 2012

Chichi7

I do not understand how you can say you love someone and then cheat, not only that, you love the person so much that you have unprotected sex with a total stranger and possibilities of HIV are very high. You love your husband that you have not only cheated on him, slept with a total stranger, had unprotected sex and might likely be carrying the stranger's child. To add to the cherry on top, you might have given him the HIV virus.
You need to go back and understand what love is.
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Nov 16, 2012

TaOmpas

This is a heartbreaking story to most men,how many of us raise kids that we believe its ours and only to find out after 25 years ,after you lost so much and lived a lie for so many years.
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Nov 16, 2012

maneater

SHOO sisi you are in trouble i tell you!!
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Nov 16, 2012

Vhamsanda

When the baby cries non stop inside the house, take her outside and she stops crying when outside the house , then her father is somewhere else.
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Nov 16, 2012

THEmadame2B-BBEE

Vhamsanda, don't come here with your traditionalist tendencies chief, what if the baby does not cry inside the house but the baby's physical features resembles that of the other guy! Dummie
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Nov 16, 2012

JUBJUB

Shame Sesi you very hungry cause hubby always travelling mara eish that's a tough one.
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Nov 16, 2012

Mahungu

I doubt if you love your Husband. But arbotion is not an option and your Husband deserve to know the truth.
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