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I'm not sure if baby is my husband's

By Dear Dudu | Nov 16, 2012 | COMMENTS [ 511 ]

MY HUSBAND and I have been married for four years. He travels a lot for his job.

Once when he was away I visited a friend who was having a small party.

I met a man at the party and after a few drinks one thing led to another. I ended up having sex with him. I don't know what possessed me to do such a thing because I love my husband with all my heart.

It is no use blaming the alcohol because I wasn't that drunk. I am so ashamed and have not told a soul.

I have now found out that I am pregnant and after calculating the time I do not know whether the child is my husband or the other man's.

I am beside myself with worry and feel as if I am going to go mad.

My husband and I have waited so long for a child and I should be overjoyed. Instead I am suffering from anxiety attacks and this causes me to lose my breath.

I am also not sleeping and cannot concentrate on anything. I haven't told anyone that I am pregnant yet and I am probably only about seven weeks pregnant.

On the one hand I am considering having an abortion so that this mess will just go away and on the other hand I have always wanted to be a mother and I cannot imagine getting rid of my baby.

This goes against my beliefs and I know that if I had an abortion I would never be able to forgive myself.

I have an amazing husband and I do not want to risk losing him.

I don't know what to do. Please advise me. - Anonymous Wife, Johannesburg

ADVICE FROM DEAR DUDU

You cannot deceive your husband and he deserves to be told the truth.

If the child is not his he has the right to make an informed decision about whether he is prepared to stay married to you and accept the child as part of the family.

If you hide the truth from him it will almost certainly be revealed at some stage of the child's life.

With regard to having an abortion, only you can make this decision.

If you have an abortion you will not be left unscathed because you will probably always wonder if you did the right thing and what the child might have been like had you not terminated the pregnancy.

If you do decide to go this route I would urge you to go for counselling as soon as possible so that you can make an informed decision.

If you decide to tell your husband you must be prepared for the fact that he will be extremely hurt and angry.

But it is possible for a couple to survive an affair with the right counselling, communication and patience.

You will have to go for paternity testing to establish who the father of the baby is.

This is a test that analyses your blood group to determine whether you are biologically related to another person.

This test costs R500 and it takes between two and three weeks to get the results.

You can contact the outpatients department of the National Health Laboratory Service on 011- 489-9470 for further information.

I wish you the best going forward.

COMMENTS [ 511 ]

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A man compliment another man with a hand shake then go latele (Deep K1ss)---- Heee banna weee

Nov 16, 2012 11:46 | 0 replies

I.n.c.o.g.n.i.t.o
Heavenlydevine
I.n.c.o.g.n.i.t.o
The Badger
A holiday sounds nice...but no golf and no fishing - at least for the first week ;-)
.....................................................................................
I wouldn't go if i were u...Hint:Holiday is at his uncle hostel place....(Whispering)
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I hardly think that....The Badger is a man of fine stature *whispering back* not like these boys here who post insults to women about their "feet being to small" etc.
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Bosepa cheka this response.

Nov 16, 2012 11:58 | 0 replies

Makhosini0408

I hear your boss. Do you want to tell me that amadoda ashadile awalibambi ibhantshi baba? I am speaking about their w!ves not girlfriends?
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Of course some men do, in a marriage it is more difficult to suspect she is getting it somewhere else but I believe there are signs one should not ignore. I once related a story of a girlfriend that cheated on me and she was able to do it because I was too naive to see what was happening even when friends told me to watch out, ever since that case I believe in taking nothing for granted.

Yes some men would rather believe they cannot be cheated on by the reality is you can never be sure she won't cheat on you as in most cases there is little you can do to prevent her from being shagged outside. My policy is always be realistic about the possibilities otherwise you will get hurt. I am not saying you must stop trusting your wife; what I am saying is trust is an over valued commodity, rather be realistic about the possibilities. If she is always with her study partner for example be open to a possibility that it is not only books he is studying, truth is most men get cheated on because they assume it won''t happen to them but for every man that cheats there is a woman he is cheating with, what makes you think it is not your wife?

Nov 16, 2012 11:58 | 0 replies

@Nongoloza4sure
Ratshufi
Let's meet ko Roodepoort ko the Porter House daso Westgate ke go robe maretjana san
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Wena i must just t3ll you dud3 ... i w!ll nail your b@lls to a tree and leave them a jewe ke bo mampenyapenyane wa ntlwaela son..ke eng ke j3l3 ch3rry ya gao

Nov 16, 2012 11:59 | 0 replies

I.n.c.o.g.n.i.t.o
The Badger
Western Cape....Garden Route??!!
Let's go through the dorpies ...explore the fynbos? I've never been - and I'm eager to! A travelleing companion would be fun! How about it??
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Don't forget choice condoms, I don't want to see you writting to dudu as well.

Nov 16, 2012 11:59 | 0 replies

Nongoloza4sure
I.n.c.o.g.n.i.t.o
Heavenlydevine
I.n.c.o.g.n.i.t.o
The Badger
A holiday sounds nice...but no golf and no fishing - at least for the first week ;-)
.....................................................................................
I wouldn't go if i were u...Hint:Holiday is at his uncle hostel place....(Whispering)
+++++++++
I hardly think that....The Badger is a man of fine stature *whispering back* not like these boys here who post insults to women about their "feet being to small" etc.
``````````````````````````````````
Bosepa cheka this response.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Not fair!!!!
That comment was directed to Heavenlydevine as a joke!!!! Okay?
Why do you always want to perosnalize eveything - this has absolutely nothing to do with you!!!
And don't bring Bosepa into this....

Nov 16, 2012 12:2 | 0 replies

Nongoloza4sure

o tsere treatment this morning???

Nov 16, 2012 12:3 | 0 replies



.......................buffering.......................


Nov 16, 2012 12:3 | 0 replies

I.n.c.o.g.n.i.t.o
The Badger
Western Cape....Garden Route??!!
Let's go through the dorpies ...explore the fynbos? I've never been - and I'm eager to! How about it??
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Im down with it! name the date but december.

Nov 16, 2012 12:4 | 0 replies

@Dzel.Of course some men do, in a marriage it is more difficult to suspect she is getting it somewhere else but I believe there are signs one should not ignore. I once related a story of a girlfriend that cheated on me and she was able to do it because I was too naive to see what was happening even when friends told me to watch out, ever since that case I believe in taking nothing for granted.

Yes some men would rather believe they cannot be cheated on by the reality is you can never be sure she won't cheat on you as in most cases there is little you can do to prevent her from being shagged outside. My policy is always be realistic about the possibilities otherwise you will get hurt. I am not saying you must stop trusting your wife; what I am saying is trust is an over valued commodity, rather be realistic about the possibilities. If she is always with her study partner for example be open to a possibility that it is not only books he is studying, truth is most men get cheated on because they assume it won''t happen to them but for every man that cheats there is a woman he is cheating with, what makes you think it is not your wife?
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honest opinion.

Nov 16, 2012 12:4 | 0 replies

@!serobapipi
Nongoloza4sure

o tsere treatment this morning???
______________________________________________________
O di lebetse ale late this morning

Nov 16, 2012 12:5 | 0 replies