Sat Apr 19 03:55:03 SAST 2014
Sat Apr 19 03:55:03 SAST 2014

I'm not sure if baby is my husband's

Nov 16, 2012 | Dear Dudu |   511 comments

MY HUSBAND and I have been married for four years. He travels a lot for his job.

 A paternity test costs R500 and it takes between two and three weeks to get the results 

Once when he was away I visited a friend who was having a small party.

I met a man at the party and after a few drinks one thing led to another. I ended up having sex with him. I don't know what possessed me to do such a thing because I love my husband with all my heart.

It is no use blaming the alcohol because I wasn't that drunk. I am so ashamed and have not told a soul.

I have now found out that I am pregnant and after calculating the time I do not know whether the child is my husband or the other man's.

I am beside myself with worry and feel as if I am going to go mad.

My husband and I have waited so long for a child and I should be overjoyed. Instead I am suffering from anxiety attacks and this causes me to lose my breath.

I am also not sleeping and cannot concentrate on anything. I haven't told anyone that I am pregnant yet and I am probably only about seven weeks pregnant.

On the one hand I am considering having an abortion so that this mess will just go away and on the other hand I have always wanted to be a mother and I cannot imagine getting rid of my baby.

This goes against my beliefs and I know that if I had an abortion I would never be able to forgive myself.

I have an amazing husband and I do not want to risk losing him.

I don't know what to do. Please advise me. - Anonymous Wife, Johannesburg

ADVICE FROM DEAR DUDU

You cannot deceive your husband and he deserves to be told the truth.

If the child is not his he has the right to make an informed decision about whether he is prepared to stay married to you and accept the child as part of the family.

If you hide the truth from him it will almost certainly be revealed at some stage of the child's life.

With regard to having an abortion, only you can make this decision.

If you have an abortion you will not be left unscathed because you will probably always wonder if you did the right thing and what the child might have been like had you not terminated the pregnancy.

If you do decide to go this route I would urge you to go for counselling as soon as possible so that you can make an informed decision.

If you decide to tell your husband you must be prepared for the fact that he will be extremely hurt and angry.

But it is possible for a couple to survive an affair with the right counselling, communication and patience.

You will have to go for paternity testing to establish who the father of the baby is.

This is a test that analyses your blood group to determine whether you are biologically related to another person.

This test costs R500 and it takes between two and three weeks to get the results.

You can contact the outpatients department of the National Health Laboratory Service on 011- 489-9470 for further information.

I wish you the best going forward.

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