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 I bumped into a former girlfriend of mine a while back. We have been texting each other  

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I AM 28 years old and have been in a committed relationship for three years.

My girlfriend is 25 and we live together.

She is a fantastic person, successful, beautiful and honestly has the most wonderful personality.

We are getting married next year in July. It sounds as if everything is perfect - but it is not.

My problem is that my girlfriend is becoming more and more distant towards me.

We no longer have a physical relationship because apparently she is always tired and it seems as if she has no time for me anymore.

I have tried to speak to her about this but she says I must understand her situation. She is working, studying and also planning the wedding.

I bumped into a former girlfriend of mine a while back and we had coffee.

The attraction between us is strong. We have been texting each other since and I am tempted to start a relationship with her.

I am also having second thoughts about getting married.

If this is how married life is going to be I would be making a big mistake.

The problem is that we have spent so much money already and family and friends are all so excited about the wedding.

I feel as if I am trapped and that I have no choice but to go through with it. I am suffering from stress and not sleeping.

What should I do? - Desperate, Fourways

ADVICE FROM DEAR DUDU:

It sounds to me as if you are suffering from cold feet at the thought of getting married.

To be fair you need to break contact with your former girlfriend immediately.

Explain to her that you are getting married and that you would appreciate it if she would stop contacting you.

Have an honest discussion with your fiancée and explain your feelings.

Tell her you feel as if you are losing touch with her and try to remember what attracted you to each other in the beginning.

Relationships are hard work. They don't stay the same but, over time, change.

Tell her that, together, you have to make time for each other.

Take her to dinner or make a picnic, anything that will reignite the spark in your relationship. It won't happen immediately but with effort on both your parts it is possible to find each other again.

It is completely natural to get cold feet.

Marriage will change your life forever. You need to ask yourself what exactly is making you so nervous. Is it because you will no longer be single?

Are you worried about the money involved in getting married?

Or perhaps the actual day when you get married when there is so much focus on you?

If you have tried everything possible to ensure that you still love your fiancée and you are still having doubts, then you need to consider whether you really should be getting married.

If you feel that you are not ready then tell your fiancée.

Consider putting off the marriage for a while until you are feeling more confident, irrespective of money or what other people will think.

If you decide that you no longer love your fiancée then the right thing to do is call off the wedding entirely.

Yes, it will upset many people but you cannot go ahead with your wedding if you no longer love your fiancée and you do not see a future with her.

Think carefully before you make any decisions.
 

Comments

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Thu Jun 20 10:15:43 SAST 2013 ::

Oct 26, 2012

MophemeKoPitori

Welcome to the REAL world broer! There is nothing new here, and what you need to do is to see whether you get what you want in the whole situation but remember, there's no way you can archive this without hurting someone on the way...just like the way you are hurting.

But NEVER go back to your ex girlfriend because all your hidden happiness will go away.
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Oct 26, 2012

MorenaWaPolelo

Boet you cant call a three years fling a commitment maan, 10 years is commitement boet ask me..... any way what killed every thing here ke vat n set, she is used to your pipe and does not miss it anymore that is why the excuses, so my advise kill the wedding plans now!!!! do it now!!!!!!!!!!
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Oct 26, 2012

zuluchick

why do women not give their men p.ussy??? and when he cheats then yal complain and b.itch about how men are do.gs where as you couldnt take care of business at home.

i too an working planning on upgrading my qualifications and im f.reakin young! i dont have time for a man so i stay single cos i prefer to avoid situations such as these

ladies lets be fair, that is your man ..please him and take care of him before someone else does and he too takes care of another lady that has something that belongs to you

my brother talk to her again and if she dont change then leave cos a relationship is about respect love and compromise..
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Oct 26, 2012

Tango

I am also having second thoughts about getting married
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Relax man, u still under 30
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Oct 26, 2012

maneater

no problem here just a taste of the comming married life!!
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Oct 26, 2012

Lebitso

Never commit something you are not certain about. Make it clearly to you partner about how you feel.
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Oct 26, 2012

MorenaWaPolelo

zuluchick
My GAL
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Oct 26, 2012

DJ-Winner

Well, this is normal. The moment you promise women marriage, they change. No more sex and they get fat.

I don't know why you want to get married at such younger anger. You still have something like 50+ years left in you. Are you prepared for torture for all these years?
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Oct 26, 2012

MommaC

So why did you break up with the ex if she is so fantastic?

Postpone the wedding. If you are not 100% sure which way you want to go, then wait until you are. If you think that paying for a wedding is expensive then consider how expensive a divorce is going to be on top of that.

Marriage is marvelous BUT it is hard work and it takes complete commitment.
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Oct 26, 2012

PAPALETHABO

Mr Fourways, you are cursed. Forget about both girls. Look for another one, preferably mosione.
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