Sun Apr 20 15:20:16 SAST 2014
Sun Apr 20 15:20:16 SAST 2014

My girlfriend makes me uncertain about marriage

Oct 26, 2012 | Dear Dudu |   369 comments

My problem is that my girlfriend is becoming more and more distant towards me. We no longer have a physical relationship because apparently she is always tired...

 I bumped into a former girlfriend of mine a while back. We have been texting each other  

I AM 28 years old and have been in a committed relationship for three years.

My girlfriend is 25 and we live together.

She is a fantastic person, successful, beautiful and honestly has the most wonderful personality.

We are getting married next year in July. It sounds as if everything is perfect - but it is not.

My problem is that my girlfriend is becoming more and more distant towards me.

We no longer have a physical relationship because apparently she is always tired and it seems as if she has no time for me anymore.

I have tried to speak to her about this but she says I must understand her situation. She is working, studying and also planning the wedding.

I bumped into a former girlfriend of mine a while back and we had coffee.

The attraction between us is strong. We have been texting each other since and I am tempted to start a relationship with her.

I am also having second thoughts about getting married.

If this is how married life is going to be I would be making a big mistake.

The problem is that we have spent so much money already and family and friends are all so excited about the wedding.

I feel as if I am trapped and that I have no choice but to go through with it. I am suffering from stress and not sleeping.

What should I do? - Desperate, Fourways

ADVICE FROM DEAR DUDU:

It sounds to me as if you are suffering from cold feet at the thought of getting married.

To be fair you need to break contact with your former girlfriend immediately.

Explain to her that you are getting married and that you would appreciate it if she would stop contacting you.

Have an honest discussion with your fiancée and explain your feelings.

Tell her you feel as if you are losing touch with her and try to remember what attracted you to each other in the beginning.

Relationships are hard work. They don't stay the same but, over time, change.

Tell her that, together, you have to make time for each other.

Take her to dinner or make a picnic, anything that will reignite the spark in your relationship. It won't happen immediately but with effort on both your parts it is possible to find each other again.

It is completely natural to get cold feet.

Marriage will change your life forever. You need to ask yourself what exactly is making you so nervous. Is it because you will no longer be single?

Are you worried about the money involved in getting married?

Or perhaps the actual day when you get married when there is so much focus on you?

If you have tried everything possible to ensure that you still love your fiancée and you are still having doubts, then you need to consider whether you really should be getting married.

If you feel that you are not ready then tell your fiancée.

Consider putting off the marriage for a while until you are feeling more confident, irrespective of money or what other people will think.

If you decide that you no longer love your fiancée then the right thing to do is call off the wedding entirely.

Yes, it will upset many people but you cannot go ahead with your wedding if you no longer love your fiancée and you do not see a future with her.

Think carefully before you make any decisions.
 

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