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 Your husband is a lazy, spoilt bully with a very big ego. The way he has treated you is the way he will treat his girlfriend. If she is so clever and beautiful, she will not put up with his nonsense 

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I AM a 36-year-old woman, married for 10 years and have two young children.

I am a committed teacher and put in a lot of extra work to assist the children. This often means working overtime and weekends.

My husband has never been one to help in the home or with the children.

I have never had someone to help me with housework. My husband would not allow a stranger to come into our home.

Living like this has left me exhausted, but somehow I kept pushing on.

My husband was out of work for a year and during that time I supported the family.

I never have time for myself, family or friends.

Earlier this year my husband found a new job, but the happiness did not last. He had an affair with a colleague.

He now wants a divorce because he intends marrying this woman. He has already seen a lawyer.

When I asked him what I had done wrong, he replied that this woman was beautiful, talented and clever. She is also much younger than I am.

I had a complete breakdown and ended up seeing a doctor. He booked me off work for a few weeks because I was so stressed.

My whole world has fallen apart and I feel so guilty and worthless.

What did I do wrong? - At the end of my tether, Pretoria

ADVICE FROM DEAR DUDU

I can well imagine how devastated and hurt you feel.

I am sorry to say this, but your husband sounds like a lazy, spoilt bully with a very big ego.

Your breakdown probably had just as much to do with sheer exhaustion.

One thing you did not mention is whether you love your husband.

Perhaps it is time for you to take a look at your marriage and ask yourself just how happy you were.

It sounds as if he has made up his mind and if that is the case you have to find yourself a good lawyer.

You have two children to look out for and they must not suffer during this process.

I doubt if you did anything wrong and you must stop blaming yourself.

What more could you have done?

If he had made any attempt to help you with your children or in the home, perhaps he would have had a more relaxed and happier wife. You have been under enormous pressure, did your best and remember no one is perfect. Particularly not your husband! Who is he to point a finger at you?

A leopard never changes its spots, so believe me the way he has treated you is the way he will treat his girlfriend. If she is so clever and beautiful, she will not put up with his nonsense.

It is time for you to start looking after yourself and your children.

Employ someone to help you with the housework so that when you get home you can relax and spend quality time with your children.

Start connecting with friends and family and make time to see them. Don't be scared to ask them for support.

You might think that nobody knew what was happening in your home, but let me assure you, your family were aware. Perhaps you have been overextending yourself at school, so ask for assistance.

If you think you might be suffering from depression, go to your doctor for help.

It is time to start looking after yourself and having some fun.

If your husband decides to stay with you it must happen on your terms.

You must set out conditions that are not negotiable, such as having help in your home.

You are still a young woman, so look at this as a new start irrespective of which way it goes.

.

Comments

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Wed Jun 19 16:32:50 SAST 2013 ::

Sep 28, 2012

MophemeKoPitori

This things happen, but I'm not blaming either of you but would like to highlight the fact that your hubby is a dumba$$ just by saying his new lover is more beautiful and so on. On the flipside, I ask myself as to whether you did your duties i.e. having $ex with him or you just kept yourself busy in order for you to avoid your responsibilities!

MEN love sex and if they can't have it, they want out. Give him that pu$$y
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Sep 28, 2012

Chichi7

It is good ridance. There is a saying the goes, to know the character of a wife, let the man be broke and to know the character of a man, let him have money.
A true partner is one that stands by you whether you have money or not. Most men are humble when they have no job whilst most leave their spouses when they have money, like wise most women leave their men when they are broke and most stay when there is money.
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Sep 28, 2012

warry

Haai mopheme, stop blaming this lady. My sister u did nothing ring. Let the bastard go and it won't last as he may think. I feel sorry for you but be strong you will overcome. Focus on ur life, family and kids.
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Sep 28, 2012

langman

Sometimes we marry for some reasons other than love . This is the marriage of two people who are not in love , and with only one partner who has true love . Not many women can stick around and support a jobless man .I have a friend who togethr with his three sons were supported by his lover , and when he got a job , he started telling her that he is working with eautiful women and that she was nothing compared to them
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Sep 28, 2012

MophemeKoPitori

warry
Haai mopheme, stop blaming this lady.
*************************************************************************************************************************
Please read my comment carefully before attacking me, and of of course I agree with you that the lady did nothing wrong but was just stating the fact that men want women(wives) for one thing only SEX not housewife.

If you were my wife and too committed to other things, I'll look for hankypanky elsewhere
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Sep 28, 2012

Flemza

Woman listen hear you should be happy I`m not the lawyer your husband approached you should have been divorced by now and left with nothing , if I was the lawyer , instead of running to the presss for your problems look yourself in the mirror , and find out what are you doing wrong , I have been married for more than 20 years and I married as a teen and my wife is as beautifull as ever , I will never leave her for another women , be like my wife , my lady is upto date with modern trends , going to the gym keeping fit and looking young , infact my wife looks 15 years younger than her age and when we go to bed its like she is in her early twenties , and even though we have helpers , she wants to do a lot of things herself , cooking nice meals for me at times doing my washing and all the things you complained about to my wife they are normal , so I can`t blame the poor man to divorce you , you should ashamed of yourself woman, complaining to do house choas , what kind of a mother are you.
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Sep 28, 2012

MophemeKoPitori

YOU ARE MY HERO @FLEMZA
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Sep 28, 2012

GigiMavalani

You cant control another person's mind. You did nothing wrong lady, its just that the bustard has made up his mind. Let him go than staying in unlovely marriage.
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Sep 28, 2012

MorenaWaPolelo

Lady happiness is everything so your man is persuing it, sometimes you must focus on your husband dear and you need to maitain your looks and do not loose the essence of $ex in the marriage!!!!!!!!!
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Sep 28, 2012

Shredder

A playground article for perverts :-D
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