I worked, looked after our home without domestic help and supported my husband when he was out of work. Now he's having an affair and wants a divorce...

I AM a 36-year-old woman, married for 10 years and have two young children.

I am a committed teacher and put in a lot of extra work to assist the children. This often means working overtime and weekends.

My husband has never been one to help in the home or with the children.

I have never had someone to help me with housework. My husband would not allow a stranger to come into our home.

Living like this has left me exhausted, but somehow I kept pushing on.

My husband was out of work for a year and during that time I supported the family.

I never have time for myself, family or friends.

Earlier this year my husband found a new job, but the happiness did not last. He had an affair with a colleague.

He now wants a divorce because he intends marrying this woman. He has already seen a lawyer.

When I asked him what I had done wrong, he replied that this woman was beautiful, talented and clever. She is also much younger than I am.

I had a complete breakdown and ended up seeing a doctor. He booked me off work for a few weeks because I was so stressed.

My whole world has fallen apart and I feel so guilty and worthless.

What did I do wrong? - At the end of my tether, Pretoria

ADVICE FROM DEAR DUDU

I can well imagine how devastated and hurt you feel.

I am sorry to say this, but your husband sounds like a lazy, spoilt bully with a very big ego.

Your breakdown probably had just as much to do with sheer exhaustion.

One thing you did not mention is whether you love your husband.

Perhaps it is time for you to take a look at your marriage and ask yourself just how happy you were.

It sounds as if he has made up his mind and if that is the case you have to find yourself a good lawyer.

You have two children to look out for and they must not suffer during this process.

I doubt if you did anything wrong and you must stop blaming yourself.

What more could you have done?

If he had made any attempt to help you with your children or in the home, perhaps he would have had a more relaxed and happier wife. You have been under enormous pressure, did your best and remember no one is perfect. Particularly not your husband! Who is he to point a finger at you?

A leopard never changes its spots, so believe me the way he has treated you is the way he will treat his girlfriend. If she is so clever and beautiful, she will not put up with his nonsense.

It is time for you to start looking after yourself and your children.

Employ someone to help you with the housework so that when you get home you can relax and spend quality time with your children.

Start connecting with friends and family and make time to see them. Don't be scared to ask them for support.

You might think that nobody knew what was happening in your home, but let me assure you, your family were aware. Perhaps you have been overextending yourself at school, so ask for assistance.

If you think you might be suffering from depression, go to your doctor for help.

It is time to start looking after yourself and having some fun.

If your husband decides to stay with you it must happen on your terms.

You must set out conditions that are not negotiable, such as having help in your home.

You are still a young woman, so look at this as a new start irrespective of which way it goes.

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