Thu Apr 17 11:54:01 SAST 2014
Thu Apr 17 11:54:01 SAST 2014

My husband had affair with brother's wife

Sep 21, 2012 | Dear Dudu |   400 comments

I have just had the most awful shock.

My husband told me that he had an affair with my brother's wife.

We have been married for five years and they have only been married for a year.

The only reason he told me was that another member of the family threatened that she would tell me if he didn't.

He claims that he loves me and that he had made a huge mistake. He cried and begged for my forgiveness. He promised that nothing like this would ever happen again.

I felt as if he had stuck a knife in my heart.

My brother is unaware of this and I don't know who else knows about the affair.

My husband suggested that we should move on with our lives, but I can't.

I cry a lot and ask him questions and he gets irritated with me.

Surely I should tell my brother? I am very close to him and if he knew that I had kept this from him he would never forgive me.

And how do I face his wife? I cannot act as if everything is okay between us.

As far as I am concerned she is a despicable person. If she tried to hug me I am not sure what I would do or say to her.

I am so disgusted with her that I can honestly say I hate her. It is just such a mess.

How can we all just pick up from here and carry on with our lives as if nothing has happened?

I love my husband, but I don't believe I will ever get over this. I am heartbroken.

I would never have imagined that he would do such a thing. There is no one I can talk to, so please help me and tell me what I should do? - Gutted, Diepkloof

ADVICE FROM DEAR DUDU:

I am sure you are feeling hurt, betrayed and terribly sad.

Only you can make the decision whether to tell your brother or not. If you do decide to tell him you must understand that it will probably result in further damage to your marriage and inevitably to the whole family.

You need to tell your husband that you need time and that it is impossible for you to "just get over this".

The least he can give you is time and patience. He must also be prepared to answer any questions you need answers to.

He is getting irritated because every time he sees you sad, or you ask questions, it reinforces his guilt.

When you are feeling stronger you and your husband need to speak honestly with each other and together decide how best you can move forward.

If you need help with this process consider going to the Family and Marriage Society South Africa (Famsa).

If the two of you love each other you should fight for your marriage.

It is possible to recover from betrayal, but it definitely does take a lot of time, love and patience.

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