I lost her because my jealousy made me violent
I AM 27 years old and was in a relationship with a wonderful 25-year-old woman. She is intelligent and beautiful and sometimes I looked at her and found it difficult to believe she wanted to be with me.
I am a very jealous person and often became angry when men looked at her or talked to her.
She has never given me reason to doubt her and she says she loves me.
Three months ago we had a terrible fight and I hit her.
I don't know what had got into me, but I felt as if I were losing my mind. The moment I hit her, I regretted it.
She ended our relationship and said, though she loved me, she would never stay in an abusive relationship, that she could no longer trust me and was scared of me.
I cannot believe I was so stupid and now I have lost the only woman I will ever love.
Because we have the same friends, she said that we could be friends, but nothing more.
I cannot understand what came over me. I am not a violent person. In fact, this is the first time in my life that I hit another person.
I wish I could take all that has happened back and start over again. All I want is for her to give me another chance to prove that I am not a bad person.
How can I convince her that I will never hurt her again?
All I want is for us to be together.
She said though she loved me she broke up with me because I had become violent towards her.
I became jealous, particularly about her previous relationship, which was also abusive.
I wish I could take it all back and start all over again.
We are still friends, but I want more than just her friendship. I want her to give me another chance.
What can I do to convince her that I have realised my mistakes and that I will never hurt her again? - Remorseful, Randburg
DEAR DUDU RESPONDS:
Unfortunately I cannot tell you how to win her back. She has been a victim of abuse before and she is probably emotionally scarred.
There is a pattern in abusive relationships in terms of which the abuser continually promises that the violence will never happen again, but unfortunately it does.
It is understandable that she has ended your relationship and you are lucky that she is still prepared to be your friend.
You cannot honestly believe that she would knowingly put herself in harm's way again.
You need to seek counselling to determine what triggered the violence and to help you work through your insecurities. If you don't seek help, you will more than likely be abusive in your next relationship.
When you seek help, tell her so that she knows you are serious about changing.
Be friendly, but don't try and force the relationship. You will have to be patient if you want to win her back.