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 The moment I hit her, I regretted it. How can I convince her that I will never hurt her again? 

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I am a very jealous person and often became angry when men looked at her or talked to her.

She has never given me reason to doubt her and she says she loves me.

Three months ago we had a terrible fight and I hit her.

I don't know what had got into me, but I felt as if I were losing my mind. The moment I hit her, I regretted it.

She ended our relationship and said, though she loved me, she would never stay in an abusive relationship, that she could no longer trust me and was scared of me.

I cannot believe I was so stupid and now I have lost the only woman I will ever love.

Because we have the same friends, she said that we could be friends, but nothing more.

I cannot understand what came over me. I am not a violent person. In fact, this is the first time in my life that I hit another person.

I wish I could take all that has happened back and start over again. All I want is for her to give me another chance to prove that I am not a bad person.

How can I convince her that I will never hurt her again?

All I want is for us to be together.

She said though she loved me she broke up with me because I had become violent towards her.

I became jealous, particularly about her previous relationship, which was also abusive.

I wish I could take it all back and start all over again.

We are still friends, but I want more than just her friendship. I want her to give me another chance.

What can I do to convince her that I have realised my mistakes and that I will never hurt her again? - Remorseful, Randburg

DEAR DUDU RESPONDS:

Unfortunately I cannot tell you how to win her back. She has been a victim of abuse before and she is probably emotionally scarred.

There is a pattern in abusive relationships in terms of which the abuser continually promises that the violence will never happen again, but unfortunately it does.

It is understandable that she has ended your relationship and you are lucky that she is still prepared to be your friend.

You cannot honestly believe that she would knowingly put herself in harm's way again.

You need to seek counselling to determine what triggered the violence and to help you work through your insecurities. If you don't seek help, you will more than likely be abusive in your next relationship.

When you seek help, tell her so that she knows you are serious about changing.

Be friendly, but don't try and force the relationship. You will have to be patient if you want to win her back.

Comments

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Mon May 20 11:36:05 SAST 2013 ::

Sep 14, 2012

warry

Patience may work but don't show desperation. Might also be worse if she starts dating again as you are friends. You have to control itself ntate. Eish that's bad. It might be better you accept and ask forgiveness and you forget. Anyway wish her luck next don't blame her, nobody trust an abusive person. Take the road to the nearest rehab Centre and might also be good to divorce drinking and smoking if you do. Sometimes churches built.
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Sep 14, 2012

tpaz

@Remorseful you have Inferiority complex, ask @RobinH , he suffers from it hence he decided to date a maid from Zim. He will reply when he gets to his Cashier job at an Internet cafe in Parklands. He has to negotiate traffic in his bicycle.

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Sep 14, 2012

madimetsha

All abuser say they will never do it again, you sound genuine, you still have another chance to have a shot at it........use the friendship and try and build the trust again..but dont force it.......hopefully she will forgive you. big up to the lady though, I wish all the ladies could stand their ground and walk out the first time like she did.......in that way they will earn respect...
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Sep 14, 2012

Mosquer

Ntlo ye e sa agego ke Morena baagi ba yona ba e tapiša ka lefeela.
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Sep 14, 2012

madimetsha

@Tpaz, Remorseful is not suffering inferiority, he was merely showing his appriciation of the lady......
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Sep 14, 2012

Mosquer

tpaz
@Remorseful you have Inferiority complex, ask @RobinH , he suffers from it hence he decided to date a maid from Zim. He will reply when he gets to his Cashier job at an Internet cafe in Parklands. He has to negotiate traffic in his bicycle
***************************************************
Hehehee!! Banna! o mpolaelang e sale vroeg so
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Sep 14, 2012

Memme

You need to seek counselling for yourself first becuase you are in denial when you say you are not that type of a person and it was a first time you hit a girl in your life. You need to stop being jealous and try to be a MAN. No woman wants to be in an abusive relationship so don't hold your breath by thinking she might come back, maybe you should accept that it's really over and focus your energy on getting your well being on track the rest will follow.

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Sep 14, 2012

Cl!ck-

Who's the real Makoya here?? Is it the legendary Sis' Dolly or the stuck DVD Auntie' DUDU??..

From Anonymous

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Sep 14, 2012

jerico

Go serve time in jail first and come back to win her. that will assure her you will never hit again.
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Sep 14, 2012

Ratshufi

How can I convince her that I will never hurt her again?

you are an idiot never ever raise your hand on a woman or i'll personally come and F%%%&*^&#@k up fool
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