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 How would you feel if someone did not give you a chance and just assumed you would be hopeless? 

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I am 38 years old and my wife is 32. We have been married for six years and we have a five-year-old child. I love my wife, but I am starting to think I love her more as a friend.

She is a good homemaker and a wonderful mother, but she isn't that educated or sophisticated.

Over the years I have furthered my studies and because of my job I socialise a lot.

Most of the time my wife does not join me because I feel she might be uncomfortable and not know how to socialise. I feel as if I have moved forward and she has been left behind.

I met a woman at a company functions. She is a colleague's wife. I know this sounds stupid, but I fell in love with her as soon as I saw her. She is beautiful, intelligent and sophisticated. She seemed to be very interested in me too and we spent most of the evening talking.

She gave me her cell number and said I should contact her. I thought this was an indication that she wanted to meet me again. I phoned her, but she either doesn't take my call or says she is in a meeting and can't speak.

I am getting so frustrated. I want is to see her. I honestly believe we could have a future together.

What should I do? - Anon, Johannesburg

ADVICE FROM DEAR DUDU:

You are risking so much by pursuing this woman - your family, career and reputation. You are being so unfair and demeaning to your wife.

A marriage is a partnership. You work together to uplift each other. How is she meant to grow if you don't show her that you believe in her and give her a chance to grow. You say that you love her, but the way you are behaving shows anything but this.

If you truly cared, she would be by your side and you would be guiding her through social situations.

How can you assume she will be uncomfortable? Have you ever discussed this with her?

How would you feel if someone did not give you a chance and just assumed you would be hopeless?

I am sure she has good manners and all she needs is to be friendly.

You are heading for serious trouble if you continue pursuing your colleague's wife. If she isn't taking or returning your calls, then she doesn't want to speak to you. If you continue to harass her, she will tell her husband, if she hasn't already. The outcome of this is that you will lose your job.

If she spoke to you at a function it doesn't mean she loves you. It seems that she was simply flirting with you.

You will lose everything and hurt so many people. Put your energy in trying to fix what is wrong with your marriage.

Why are you ashamed that your wife is a good home maker and mother? You should be proud of her because, believe me, there are many women who don't have these skills and couldn't care less.

You need to think sensibly before you make mistakes that cannot be fixed.

Comments

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Sat May 18 12:21:52 SAST 2013 ::

Sep 7, 2012

Galfrend

You are a very selfish man. Why didnt you groom your w.ife when you were busy upgrading yourself?

The grass is not alkways greener on the other side,water the grass around you and put more fertiliser so it can be what you want it to be. You are just driven by lust. The other lady was just flirting with you and you have no respect for your collegue,sies!

We dont know what we have until we have lost it,you have a good woman brother, make her happy!
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Sep 7, 2012

Galfrend

always
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Sep 7, 2012

Vhamsanda

Just suppress and delete all those thoughts about your colleague's wife and rekindle your fading love life with your wife. Failure to heed this , will be catastrophic.
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Sep 7, 2012

Ompas

They say grass looks greener at the other side of the fence,wait till you get there and you will experience a different game.I cant belive that you have eyes for someones wife?I would go for someones girlfriend but i have a lot of respect for someone wife and its a no no for me.
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Sep 7, 2012

Pointman

This article will get 500 comments - easy.
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Sep 7, 2012

Intomb'omxhosa

'I am getting so frustrated. I want is to see her. I honestly believe we could have a future together.'

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You are married and still dream about having a future with a mistress, I dont blame wife's collegue for ignoring you, nobody want to be associated with losers.
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Sep 7, 2012

Chichi7

When you married your wife, did you not realise that she was not educated? You have managed to upgrade yourself and not bothered to do so for your wife. i think you are a selfish man and i have always said that there is plenty of women in the world but very few wife material.
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Sep 7, 2012

svavava

stupid man , why not take yo wife to school so she can further her studies. she took the time to make u a home. time to return the favour duffy. that other woman is married and u can see she wants nothing to do with u. get a life idiot.
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Sep 7, 2012

KGS000

You futhered your studies alone why didn't you help her further her's as well you are selfish papa, and you have no respect for your colleague whatsoever I hope he finds out and kicks your a.ss
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Sep 7, 2012

maneater

@ Anon

There are no words to describe you except to say you are a fool. a good wife is hard to find and you have her with you at home and you want to mess it up in the name of sophistication. i say carry on and i hope your collegue put a bullet in your head!!!
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