I love my colleague's wife
I love my wife more as a friend. She is a good homemaker and a wonderful mother, but she isn't that educated or sophisticated
I am 38 years old and my wife is 32. We have been married for six years and we have a five-year-old child. I love my wife, but I am starting to think I love her more as a friend.
She is a good homemaker and a wonderful mother, but she isn't that educated or sophisticated.
Over the years I have furthered my studies and because of my job I socialise a lot.
Most of the time my wife does not join me because I feel she might be uncomfortable and not know how to socialise. I feel as if I have moved forward and she has been left behind.
I met a woman at a company functions. She is a colleague's wife. I know this sounds stupid, but I fell in love with her as soon as I saw her. She is beautiful, intelligent and sophisticated. She seemed to be very interested in me too and we spent most of the evening talking.
She gave me her cell number and said I should contact her. I thought this was an indication that she wanted to meet me again. I phoned her, but she either doesn't take my call or says she is in a meeting and can't speak.
I am getting so frustrated. I want is to see her. I honestly believe we could have a future together.
What should I do? - Anon, Johannesburg
ADVICE FROM DEAR DUDU:
You are risking so much by pursuing this woman - your family, career and reputation. You are being so unfair and demeaning to your wife.
A marriage is a partnership. You work together to uplift each other. How is she meant to grow if you don't show her that you believe in her and give her a chance to grow. You say that you love her, but the way you are behaving shows anything but this.
If you truly cared, she would be by your side and you would be guiding her through social situations.
How can you assume she will be uncomfortable? Have you ever discussed this with her?
How would you feel if someone did not give you a chance and just assumed you would be hopeless?
I am sure she has good manners and all she needs is to be friendly.
You are heading for serious trouble if you continue pursuing your colleague's wife. If she isn't taking or returning your calls, then she doesn't want to speak to you. If you continue to harass her, she will tell her husband, if she hasn't already. The outcome of this is that you will lose your job.
If she spoke to you at a function it doesn't mean she loves you. It seems that she was simply flirting with you.
You will lose everything and hurt so many people. Put your energy in trying to fix what is wrong with your marriage.
Why are you ashamed that your wife is a good home maker and mother? You should be proud of her because, believe me, there are many women who don't have these skills and couldn't care less.
You need to think sensibly before you make mistakes that cannot be fixed.