My husband's dishonesty has broken my heart
"After a while I forgave him. The problem is that my forgiveness was just words. My heart is broken and I feel I will never recover"
MY HUSBAND and I have been married for three years and knew each other for a year before we got married.
We have a 3-year-old child. I have always believed that our relationship is perfect.
We are both professionals, employed and have close families and many friends.
We have our ups and downs and we can be very hurtful to each other like most couples, but we get over this and move on. I love him with all my heart and have always believed that he loves me unconditionally.
My sister mentioned recently that my husband seems to be obsessed with his cellphone. I watched him and I realised she was right.
A few weeks ago he was writing an SMS and I took the phone out of his hands. He went crazy. When I read the SMS, I went crazy.
It was a love message to another woman. I could not believe my eyes.
He said he was in contact with her, but had no feelings for her. He said she had reached out to him because of problems she was having in her marriage and she had threatened to commit suicide. He said he was only offering her support.
This didn't convince me because that was not the impression I got from the SMS.
Though he gave me an explanation and told me he loved me, I have lost all faith in him and I don't think he was telling me the truth.
He insists that their friendship was just over the phone and had never gone any further.
He apologised and promised he would never contact her again.
After a while I forgave him. The problem is that my forgiveness was just words. My heart is broken and I feel I will never recover.
It is in my mind all the time. I cannot sleep or eat.
My sister says I must get over myself, but it is not that easy.
I love him, but I have no doubt that if we didn't have a child I would have left him.
How will I ever get over this? Will I ever feel the same way about him? Will we ever have that feeling of love and happiness we used to have?
I am so depressed and sad.
All he wants is for things to be the way they were and I know he is getting frustrated with me. Please help me. - Disappointed and dismayed, Protea
Your husband has betrayed you and your trust. It will take a long time for you to be able to trust him again, if you ever truly can.
He hid his relationship with this woman, so of course it will make you suspicious.
If he was just helping out a friend, why be so secretive?
It is impossible to ignore what happened and the incident will be in the back of your mind for as long as it takes you to heal.
It is something you will have to learn to live with. I understand that he is frustrated, but he has to be patient and give you the time you need to heal. His actions will speak louder than his words ever can.
He has to prove to you through his actions that he is honest with you and that he is not lying to you, not talking to or having any form of contact with her.
He has to put up with the consequences his actions have caused.
You need to sit down with him and have a heart-to-heart talk so that he knows exactly how you feel and what behaviour you are prepared to put up with in your marriage.
He must know how his actions have affected you and that you cannot pretend as if nothing is wrong.
Going forward it will be his actions that speak louder than his words.
He must show you that he is committed to his marriage by being honest and communicating openly with you.
You have a child to look after and a job, so look after your health and wellbeing. If you cannot cope go and see your doctor, who can refer you to a counsellor.