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 I caught my husband sending a SMS love message to another woman 

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MY HUSBAND and I have been married for three years and knew each other for a year before we got married.

We have a 3-year-old child. I have always believed that our relationship is perfect.

We are both professionals, employed and have close families and many friends.

We have our ups and downs and we can be very hurtful to each other like most couples, but we get over this and move on. I love him with all my heart and have always believed that he loves me unconditionally.

My sister mentioned recently that my husband seems to be obsessed with his cellphone. I watched him and I realised she was right.

A few weeks ago he was writing an SMS and I took the phone out of his hands. He went crazy. When I read the SMS, I went crazy.

It was a love message to another woman. I could not believe my eyes.

He said he was in contact with her, but had no feelings for her. He said she had reached out to him because of problems she was having in her marriage and she had threatened to commit suicide. He said he was only offering her support.

This didn't convince me because that was not the impression I got from the SMS.

Though he gave me an explanation and told me he loved me, I have lost all faith in him and I don't think he was telling me the truth.

He insists that their friendship was just over the phone and had never gone any further.

He apologised and promised he would never contact her again.

After a while I forgave him. The problem is that my forgiveness was just words. My heart is broken and I feel I will never recover.

It is in my mind all the time. I cannot sleep or eat.

My sister says I must get over myself, but it is not that easy.

I love him, but I have no doubt that if we didn't have a child I would have left him.

How will I ever get over this? Will I ever feel the same way about him? Will we ever have that feeling of love and happiness we used to have?

I am so depressed and sad.

All he wants is for things to be the way they were and I know he is getting frustrated with me. Please help me. - Disappointed and dismayed, Protea

DUDU RESPONDS:

Your husband has betrayed you and your trust. It will take a long time for you to be able to trust him again, if you ever truly can.

He hid his relationship with this woman, so of course it will make you suspicious.

If he was just helping out a friend, why be so secretive?

It is impossible to ignore what happened and the incident will be in the back of your mind for as long as it takes you to heal.

It is something you will have to learn to live with. I understand that he is frustrated, but he has to be patient and give you the time you need to heal. His actions will speak louder than his words ever can.

He has to prove to you through his actions that he is honest with you and that he is not lying to you, not talking to or having any form of contact with her.

He has to put up with the consequences his actions have caused.

You need to sit down with him and have a heart-to-heart talk so that he knows exactly how you feel and what behaviour you are prepared to put up with in your marriage.

He must know how his actions have affected you and that you cannot pretend as if nothing is wrong.

Going forward it will be his actions that speak louder than his words.

He must show you that he is committed to his marriage by being honest and communicating openly with you.

You have a child to look after and a job, so look after your health and wellbeing. If you cannot cope go and see your doctor, who can refer you to a counsellor.

Comments

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Sun May 26 03:32:43 SAST 2013 ::

Aug 24, 2012

Dismooi

Make sure that every night you give him a blow job then he will tell you the truth. My sister you must know on how to play your card, please go out and smell the coffer.
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Aug 24, 2012

MommaC

So what did the SMS say?

Figure out what it will take to get closure and do it. Making him miserable is not the best way of making sure he doesn't start SMS-ing someone else soon
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Aug 24, 2012

januswanus

Hang him dead dead and get insurance policy monies and go ravaza it with your Ben10. Lady men do these things at some point in their lives. Look at where you might have loose the point and encourage him to do just that.
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Aug 24, 2012

maneater

why is your sister always looking at your husband to notice things you did not notice? you need to be very carefull of her and she needs to mind her own business.
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Aug 24, 2012

Nice1

He said he was in contact with her, but had no feelings for her. He said she had reached out to him because of problems she was having in her marriage and she had threatened to commit suicide. He said he was only offering her support.
______________________________________________________________________________________

Who is he, Dr Phil? bloody lier.

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Aug 24, 2012

Mosquer

"After a while I forgave him. The problem is that my forgiveness was just words."

Your forgiveness is not complete.
As for your sister, she must mind her own business. Kgane yena nako ya batho ba gagwe o e hwetša neng ge a no dula a šetše taba tša monna yo mongwe morago.
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Aug 24, 2012

KejaKuKu_yadibloggers

just live with consequences of the sms, i'm telling u if u leave him u won't find ani beta man.....at least u haven't found them in bed.

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Aug 24, 2012

ntshware-ke-yawa

I have always believed that our relationship is perfect.
*******************************************************************

That was your first mistake girl.Can someobody tell me why is it that when men buy women flowers,teddybear,lunch,clothes,women will normally conclude that the relationship is perfect,I mean for me nothing has ever been perfect under the sun we are living.
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Aug 24, 2012

Memme

" I love him, but I have no doubt that if we didn't have a child I would have left him."

Seriously????? This is your life and you must never feel oppresed to do something that your heart does not want and all because you are sharing a child. You know what you want out of life, for a moment stop thinking about anything else and focus on what you really want to do in this case, I mean sh!t happens, men do cheat everyday my sister and it's up to you to decide to live with a cheating man or you deserve better. I am not sure if he is only talking to that lady via SMSs & we'll never know the truth , he is the only one who knows what's really going on. Listen to that little voice at the back of your head and do what it says because it's never wrong.

It's your life and you desrve to be happy.. Never setlle for what you get, Ask yourself if he would have forgiven you if it was you who has done that.. Men are so heartless not all of them though.


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Aug 24, 2012

Danger1985

This other ladt reached out to yur hubby, so the question is why did yur man easily allow this other woman to access him?clearly sumtin has bin wrong in yur relationship, dats why he found it very easy to help another woman secretly...and u yur stroy isnt str8 at one tym u sayu hev a peferct relationship, aaah there isnt anything like a perfect relatiosnhip...then u say u do hurtful tings 2 each otha n au move on...woman u dont do hurtfuul tings 2 yur partner and move on just like that...there is no smoke woithout fire and clearly u have been living in a fantsy thinkin u hev moved on and yet u havent @ ol...it has taken yur sister 2 show u the light of the way...but then again we cant also rule out that even yur sister can be involvd wit yur man who knows its carzy world out there...u move our she moves in...2 address this my sister...like dudu sed hev a heart 2 heart and ascertain wer he stands...either u kip him n olwes hev in mind that there will olwes be a probability that he will cheat again...or u dump him n move life is 2 short...and if u kip him pliz address the issues that led him 2 be comforter of another woman...u told us half the story in any case so ol the best
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