tpaz

ekasi stories: Woman's worth : reminded me of Bonang being beaten.
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Galfrend

Why do these successful women stay in abusive relationships:

- Amehlo abantu, what are people going to say
- Loving the person whole heartedly
- thinking the abuser is going to change
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beautiful4

real men dont abuse women!! but nowdays we dont have that kind of a men in our society!! its very sad indeed
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Cl!ck

If you both had more flesh on your bodies.. You wouldn't be such a push-over.. Mxm

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Papage

I so wish we can all start respecting each other, stop this abuse either way, there are men who are ill treaded by their wives too, they are scared to tell the world, some of them "ba loilwe" everything the wife says, is " Yes My Wife" they make them clean the house, cook, wash children, some of the children are not his, he does not know. it is just sad.
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Chichi7

Tlking about it does not help at all. Most police stations send the women right back home to the man that has beaten them up.
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MommaC

I disagree.

Women don't need to talk, they need to DO. We have enough 'talking' from our politicians.

Mothers need to teach their boy children that you don't raise your hand to a woman and their girl children that you don't put up with abuse in any form. The hand that rocks the cradle, rocks the world. It is up to us, as mothers, to rock the world in a different direction
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Mdav

Abanye abasingle nama divorsees bafuna ukushada 2 pay e revenge! ukube ikhona enye ndlela ngabe siyayekela nje ukuthandana, manje bantu aku khoneki. Noma sesi fake amajoyini, sishumayela, sivule namabhaybheli, siyakhohlisana sithi siyathandana. Siyaganga nje sisaba ukuthi sitshelane ngokuthontshelana kwethu.
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Mellow

@Chichi7 Morning dear so true bout police not offering any help they always dismiss this type of cases however I have noticed that some of these women are to be blamed for that as well cause they always bail out this monsters and forgive them over and over again

One cant stay in an abusive relationship out of love theres no such thing, its sad cause they are so desperate to be in relationships its crazy really mina I rather be alone than in abusive emotional draining relationship
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LeparaThePresident

@Galfrend
Why do these successful women stay in abusive relationships:

- Amehlo abantu, what are people going to say
- Loving the person whole heartedly
- thinking the abuser is going to change
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Clearly truthfull gal, it shows gore no can ever give you an advice on love matters. Even Papale says nothing sort of advice other than stressing her statistical survey.So, next time women, if man abuses you , mostly physicaly, emotionally, and financially, walk through that door and keep walking never looks back.
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LeparaThePresident

@Chichi7
Tlking about it does not help at all. Most police stations send the women right back home to the man that has beaten them up
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Its not about reporting the matter, its about a woman taking a stand. Reporting it is like adversing that you are been beaten at home. What you should do is stand up for yourself sake and walk away, after all cannot leave with someone who says he loves you by beating you to pulp and expect him to change sometime.NO,NO No NO. Leopard /Zebra will never loose its spots/stripes. And feeling that you love the person so much that you cannot live without is just plain bullshhit.
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Mosquer

beautiful4
real men dont abuse women!! but nowdays we dont have that kind of a men in our society!! its very sad indeed
**********************************************************************************
real women respect men!! but nowadays we don't have that kind of women in our society!! It's very sad indeed go ba le difefe tše stubborn
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imbabazane

MommaC
I disagree.

Women don't need to talk, they need to DO. We have enough 'talking' from our politicians.

Mothers need to teach their boy children that you don't raise your hand to a woman and their girl children that you don't put up with abuse in any form. The hand that rocks the cradle, rocks the world. It is up to us, as mothers, to rock the world in a different direction
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Not enough!

Parents need to teach both genders that violence is wrong....women do hit men too and usually with a sense of entitlement accompannying the clap...as if its not only okay, but recommended to clap your Man once in a while....is this wide spread? No !!..but certainly a growing trend, and needs to be nipped in the bud.
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Chichi7

@ Mellow- morning dear. You are right. The bigget downfall of women is that they make decisions based on the happiness of the children. They are under the impression that the children will be happy when they are with both parents irrespective of situation when in actual fact, children's happiness is based on the happiness of the parents.
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imbabazane

@ LeparaThePresident

If you are being financially abused, then its your fault and you deserve it.

What grown asss person gets financially abused this day and age? what happened to Independence ans self-sufficience
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MommaC

Mosquer

.... so women need to be subservient and obedient slaves ???
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Mosquer

MommaC
Mosquer

.... so women need to be subservient and obedient slaves ???
***************************************************************
Have I ever said that?
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MommaC

imbabazane

Part and parcel. If you can't take it, don't dish it. Same goes for verbal abuse or emotional abuse.

I don't know what community you come from but we were never brought up to believe that slapping a man around was mandatory or even acceptable. In my house, you hit your brother and he had leave to retaliate in kind - he couldn't start it though. My dad used to say 'don't bite a dog as he has bigger teeth than you'
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MommaC

Mosquer

Well what do you mean by women must 'respect men' ? Is it not necessary for men to respect women too?
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imbabazane

@ MommaC

Sounds more like an after-thought on your part. Also, legally (as far as I know) if my GF slaps me and I slap her back...i will be in more trouble than she would be.

Yes, abuse is never taught. But enabling is as good as teaching in this case. Survey's from the Western countries do show that Man-Bashing is growing with the growth in Female Freedom. Why?
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imd

@Galfrend
Why do these successful women stay in abusive relationships:

- Amehlo abantu, what are people going to say
- Loving the person whole heartedly
- thinking the abuser is going to change
===================
especially the change part ......till a woman ets tired then IT becomes an issue nxxxxxxxx
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Mosquer

MommaC
Mosquer

Well what do you mean by women must 'respect men' ? Is it not necessary for men to respect women too?
******************************************************************
The bible says men should love and women respect. And if you love someone respect should be there.
I've realist that most problem begins when men start to love and respect women and in turn women took them for granded and despise them.
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Cope

The fact of the matter is that men are abused verbally and psychologically and only physical abuse against women is talked about. Verbal abuse evetually leads to physical abuse. Men cant talk about their abuse because no one cares and it builds up. I am in no way saying that abuse is ok either verbally, physically or otherwise. I just cant undersatnd why people cant live in peace together. The marriage institution is in a mess.
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GODESS

It is really sad, im one of the abused...yet police still have the audacity to say why dont you just sort out your feud with your man and dont involve the police, he tried to hang me recently and still the police are doing nothing about it, im no longer in the relationship and sin is that why should i leave him....where does one run to if even the police cannot help you. i live in fear because of a living person....NOW THIS IS WHEN WOMEN START KILLING!
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MommaC

imbabazane

I'm sorry. Next time I comment on parenting, I'll be sure to supply a 50 page essay to cover all bases. Unfortunately, I was only commenting on the story at hand.

'Man bashing' is still a minority sport. 'Woman bashing' is still taking the gold medal. Until that changes, I think that the focus should be kept on the crime that is most prevalent - or do you think that it is more acceptable for a woman to get beaten?
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imbabazane

@ Cope

I have a theory as to why modern marriages do not work, at least I believe its one of the main reasons...not the only reasons.

Feminism tells women to abandon their traditional role, fine by me. But then Men are still expected to remain in THEIR traditional roles.

Naturally, If I do something for you, I expect something in return right? but now....As a man you are expected to "play your role" by taking care of the household bills (or a lion's share there of) then what do you get in return? Well feminism says you are wrong for expectinig anything in return, but Feminism does not teach women that they are wrong to expect you to :"take care of them"....even if they do, this part is not emphasized enough.
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RobinH

Cl!ck: Don't be such an @rsehole.
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THEmadame2B-BBEE

Euphonic missed to slap Bonang's mouth........the mouth is the problem
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MommaC

GODESS

So sorry to hear that.

Please contact POWA. They will help you.
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imbabazane

MommaC

or do you think that it is more acceptable for a woman to get beaten?

-----------------------------------------------

Really Momma? huh! did not expect that from you.

----------------------------------------------

Yes, what ever negatively affects Males, is always brushed aside. Men are "supposed to be strong" (enforcing the very patriachy that they are fighting) the thought goess....

Violence is wrong, period...partial condemnation only distorts historical trends, it does not rid society of violence.

Here is something to maul over in the meantime:

youtube.com/watch?v=gekyg7yy4Dc&feature=plcp
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LeparaThePresident

@imbabazane
@ LeparaThePresident

If you are being financially abused, then its your fault and you deserve it.

What grown asss person gets financially abused this day and age? what happened to Independence ans self-sufficience
===============some women are not working my broer, and they rely on their hubby for anything i mean everything. So men take advantage of this.
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imbabazane

@ LeparaThePresident

Some men are not working too....

why is women unemployemnt supposed to be a men's problem?

If you enter a marriage while you are unemployed, be ready to face the consequences.....people must stop putting themselves in situation where they will be victims...but then again, Victimhood sells.
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RobinH

imbabazane: Your point being?
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MommaC

imbabazane

It is WOMEN'S MONTH. There is absolutely no evidence to support the idea that women are the abusers of men throughout this country. The rape statistics, the spouse murders, the beatings, the inequality is significantly against WOMEN. Hence the use of a month in order to bring this into the public eye. Come the day that the MEN in this country are the majority on the receiving end, I promise that I will support you. Until then, could it possibly be that our sisters need some help here?

A video from America isn't going to change the current systematic harm to women in South Africa,
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imbabazane

@ RobinH, what point?


@ Momma, there is no evidence yes, but hen again nobody is there looking for it...and we definitely do not have a Ministry for healthy Adult Males.

the video meant to show what happens when we have partial condemnations....also, if we want to get rid of violence, let us condemn it in all forms.


Ohh, and by the way...on "Women's month"....if the contribution of women to the struggle was as good and as valuable as that of Men...why do we then need to celebrate it specially? were there no women in sharpville? Congresss of the people? If ts because it was a women only event...then why not have Men's Day to comemmorate the treason trial (no women there) ?

Is Woman's Day not patriarchal in its motivation? i.e. woman are weak and should not be expected to lead any boycot....bu ohh now because they did, lets over emphasize their contribution and have a special day for them.
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Cope

GODESS
It is really sad, im one of the abused...yet police still have the audacity to say why dont you just sort out your feud with your man and dont involve the police, he tried to hang me recently and still the police are doing nothing about it, im no longer in the relationship and sin is that why should i leave him....where does one run to if even the police cannot help you. i live in fear because of a living person....NOW THIS IS WHEN WOMEN START KILLING!

@GODESS,

Interesting, she got me arrested by claiming that I abuse her, no evidence or witness. You get abused for real and the man is not locked up? How on earth is this working?

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RobinH

MommaC: I was subjected to violent abuse by my ex-wife and could only prevent it by holding her hands tight and holding her at a distance in order for her not to be able to kick me. I never once felt inclined to raise my hand to her, as 1stly violence solves nothing, and 2ndly, I know I am capable of doing a lot more damge to her than she could do to me, if I had retaliated, and 3rdly, because I just don't believe it acceptable for man to hit a woman or subject her to abuse of any form. So I left the marriage. End of story. Oddly enough, adept marketting and propaganda demonised me to my sons for "leaving them", and it took several years of hard work to overcome that perception. It still lingers with the younger one to some extent. Yet I will NOT vilify their mother to them. I will not lower myself to combat propaganda with propaganda, so I let actions speak for me.
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Bhugaluv

Really men don’t abuse. Why abuse someone who you claim to love. If I remember, nothing in the disruption of love, states that you need to moer someone, verbal abuse them, financial abuse them and prevent them from achieving things in life. If he/she smacks you, that still doesn’t give you the right to retaliate. Anger is no longer an excuse to us when abusing someone. “O! I was angry so I smacked her” That is b*llsh*t! Get out of the relationship before he/she kills you. A few years ago, my friend and I came across a guy hitting his girlfriend with a hockey stick in the middle of the street. We decided there and then to help the woman but when we intervened, the woman was begging us not to moer her boyfriend. What was shocking to me is that, a few minutes ago, this guy who claims to love you, was busy killing you. The question that we need to ask is what we can do as a society? We need to teach our boy child to respect women. A woman is not a sexual object for a men’s amusement. If she is wearing a short skirt, it doesn’t mean that she is loose or she wants to have sex with anyone. The same goes for the girl child; a man is not a money cow. He has feeling just look you have. Respect him and he will respect you. Shouting is not talk. Don’t repeat things because he has heard you the first time. He doesn’t need a second mother because he already has one all of his life. He doesn’t needs a supervisor but a partner.
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MommaC

imbabazane

Don't get me started on that completely useless excuse for a crony hiring facility that is the Ministry of Everything Except Healthy Males. It is a disgrace and an affront to every female, child and disabled person in the world.

Are you really saying that only being on trial for treason makes you a worthy contributor to the struggle?

Would you like me to go looking for a Youtube video of what happens in other countries? I'm pretty sure that the situation in Iran, Afghanistan, DRC etc is a little bit different to that in America. Just the same as SA is different to all of them. It is comparing apples and pears. We don't have the same situation here and this is where I live so this is where my primary focus is.
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imbabazane

@ RobinH

I just don't believe it acceptable for man to hit a woman or subject her to abuse of any form.
----------------------------------------------------

No, violence is wrong all round...it is precisely this partial condemnation that I speak of. Also, I do not see what is the point of not telling your children that their mother is was abusive? were your the one doing the abusing, would she have not told them that you are a Wife Basher?
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Cope

imbabazane
@ Cope

I have a theory as to why modern marriages do not work, at least I believe its one of the main reasons...not the only reasons.

Feminism tells women to abandon their traditional role, fine by me. But then Men are still expected to remain in THEIR traditional roles.

Naturally, If I do something for you, I expect something in return right? but now....As a man you are expected to "play your role" by taking care of the household bills (or a lion's share there of) then what do you get in return? Well feminism says you are wrong for expectinig anything in return, but Feminism does not teach women that they are wrong to expect you to :"take care of them"....even if they do, this part is not emphasized enough.


@imbabazane,

I agree, faminism have distroyed the marriage institution and family structures. more and more children are growing up without fathers and are becoming a problem when reaching adulthood. Government is trying to come up with legislation that will encourage men to get involve in child raring. But how do you do that when the marriage institution is being distroyed by faminism?

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imbabazane

MommaC

Are you really saying that only being on trial for treason makes you a worthy contributor to the struggle?

----------------------------------------------------

My point exactly, why then are we commemorating that March by women?
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MommaC

imbabazane

Why do we commemorate ANY of it?

The march by the women was the beginning. Just like Sharpville was the beginning of the end.
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MOTHUBANNYO

Banna ye - basadi ha ba shapuwe kapa ho otluwa ka letsoho
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MommaC

RobinH

That is the problem. Many men don't realise that a grade 2 slap by a woman should not be countered with a grade 12 punch. Unfortunately, nobody today seems to realise that taking it to a physical level is simply stupid as it solves nothing at all.

It is admirable that you don't slagg off your ex in front of your kids but, to say to them that she used to resort to physical confrontation and you walked away before you were tempted to respond in kind, that isn't slagging someone off. Kids need a certain level of honesty. If nothing else, it teaches them how to handle similar situations if they should ever arise in their lives
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MakgwebelakaKokoYaManoti!

Ba-sa-di ha ba ke ba tlohele ho tella le bona.Ho na jwale ho thwe ke kgwedi ya bona,ha ba telle -ha ba telle ba ya hulana.
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LESON.1

Aiiih nyeeee nyeeee nyeee nyeee nyeeee nyeee- nxaaaa
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MakgwebelakaKokoYaManoti!

@MOTHUBANNYO

Banna ye - basadi ha ba shapuwe kapa ho otluwa ka letsoho.
=============================================
Mo-sa-di ha a sa mamele molomo kgosi o tlameha ho utlwa molamu wa thekeng,ntho ya bi teng ................!

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RobinH

Imbabazane and MommaC; They know that much. They could see some of it. I prefer, however, not to go into huge detail. I don't believe I need to justify my departure to the extent of laying it on thick.
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thabiso992000

No people, financial dependent woman are respectful, that is why in some countries, muslim countries, they do not have to work or drive. Jaanong egoestic B...ts when u say one, she say two. They think because they townhouses and fancy big car, they can be disrespectful. Ladies stop messsing with our ego and with balls and dont yyyyyyer
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areboleleng

What about women that abuse men. I mean I know one woman that is always forcing her husband to do washing and bath a baby girl. If he doesn't do that she gets angry. She pretents that this guy is abusing her. She is lion in sheep's skin. I you meet her arround the colliques you will think she is good person but I am telling you is a bustard. She is even negotiating promotion at Municipality with her thighs. She is a gold digger.
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imbabazane

MommaC
imbabazane

Why do we commemorate ANY of it?

The march by the women was the beginning. Just like Sharpville was the beginning of the end.

----------------------------------

Why then Celebrate the march on the basis of Gender? as if their contributioon was more special or more effective?
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zino

beat the f**k out of the arrogant woman...
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MommaC

imbabazane

Why celebrate June 16 on the basis of age?
Was their contribution more significant than Sharpville?
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imbabazane

@ MommaC

yes, why indeed. Then we get back to the treason trial, since it was men only...why not commamorate it and call it "Men's Day" ?
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MommaC

imbabazane

..... because, in SA, it is 'Men's Day' 364 days a year?

I do agree that males (specifically male children) are not getting the support that they need but it doesn't change the fact that women in SA are not having an easy time of it. Gender based violence is unacceptably high and women are the ones who are the vast majority on the receiving end.
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Droooooza

MommaC

Gender based violence is unacceptably high and women are the ones who are the vast majority on the receiving end.
*********************************************************************************************************************
And you base that on what? since men abuse is not reported
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sgubhusenkwishi

The thing is both parties are not prepared to tell the trueth straight away, face reality, sit down and face the problems in our relationship. Both genders are getting abused, males normally they dont report abuse because of the stigma attached and ego problem. On the other side women are playing victimology instead of coming up on a negotiation table with a substantive solution. They go public for political correctness and point scoring, which as well doesnt solve the problem.At the same time our govt is just biase to women cover to please the western ideation, without looking for the course of a problem with a broader mind. Out of all these hoola baloo the outcome is the same, we still get more divorces than ever before, which sends a very clear message that we are in no win no loose situation.
But at the same time as africans , we have abandoned our values, under which the previous marriage unions succeded. And all our endevours are to retain what our elders has afforded to maintain in the past, but we dont wanna approve their methodology and approach cause we think they were less civilised or westernised, but at the same time we forget that part of success they manage to enjoy, in comparison with our failures when it comes to relationship.
Having said so , I cant understand why should our women counterparts keep on making news with these issues, when they are free to walk out of a union. The issue that am looking forward to is a report when one is saying ,she was kept a hostage by a man against her will. That one must be reported to police and get prosecuted as such, but the rest is just a waste of our time , useless publicity attention seeking stunt, by women.
Relationship is not a theory or fantacy,hence people involved have to be realistic and practical to earn the good outcome.The western world cannot be a role model on this issue , cause they have a worst record when it comes to divorces, so we have to look somewhere for a solution if we want to win on this.
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imbabazane

My on this one Momma is....

sometimes we do things trying to affirm women, while overlooking unintended consequences.

Overplaying the significance of the march (like the women only awards in various fields) has two such negative consequences for women:

A) it lowers the bar for them, i.e. a woman does something small (Or mediocre achievement)...then what we do? Hoorey you are so good, so strong, so this...so that. So we are grooming a culture of celebrating mediocrity among women folk.

B) it still in my view perpetuates the same patriarchy that we are trying to rid society of, i.e. (like I said) ohh honey just sit there and be pretty, we do not really expect much from you....but should you as much as lift a finger to help, we will patronize you and celebrate you as much as the guy who lost his limb in the fight.
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Shenene

ba bethwa kgante a ba kgone go betha back? , thats why i carry a weapon around me all the time cause you dont now when it will strike lol
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RobinH

zino: Grow a brain. If that sterile space between your ears can manage.
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MommaC

Droooooza

So report it and give us other data. We can only go on the data that we have to hand
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sgubhusenkwishi

Some of these women, despite them being successful and independent, don't have confidence and they feel worthless, says Nomsa Papale from Lifeline.

@ Nomsa, the concept of being economical successful and independent, for an individual either male or female , gives a credit to that individual and is good for his/her well being. But when it comes to a relationship or marriage union , we have to look further than that and forecast our attention more to the respect, dignity and welfare of a union than oneself achievement. Why because we are in a marriage not business partnership which is driven by economical compass. If as a female or male , you note that your partner in that union is expecting a wife/husband and embrace and honour that despite your economical independency status. I promise you , no one would touch your union and the outcome would be outstanding.
But the confusion arising from this two entities is the one that we have to blame for our failures the most. We all know that the environment that favours economy succes is dominated by capitalism, which exploits the inequalities of humans to the capitalist favour. That is never challenged because of how spoilt our world has become in that area, but when it comes to family foundation, we have to undo that kind of thinking and embrace the family values more than acquired comodities, that are human friendly and socially based.
Yes having said so, I know from the research how far has those nations who had more access to bread and butter means , has manipulated the world of the needy to hum their tune.
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MommaC

imbabazane

Same could be said for the awards for black entrepreneurs or black writers etc. Fact of the matter is that the playing fields are not level and the number of role models is less so the awards have a function within the greater scope.

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MakgwebelakaKokoYaManoti!

@Shenene

ba bethwa kgante a ba kgone go betha back? , thats why i carry a weapon around me all the time cause you dont now when it will strike lol
==================
O bolela ho re o ka otla mo-tho le wena ?lo
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GODESS

@Cope
He got arrested and in my case i have a lot of witnesses but he got out on bail, soon as he got out he came after me, th
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GODESS

@ Cope
He got arrested (although i was interrogated by the police saying i should sort it out instead of getting him arrested) and in my case i have a lot of witnesses, he got out on bail and soon as he did that he came after me.
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Nice1

MommaC
I disagree.

Women don't need to talk, they need to DO. We have enough 'talking' from our politicians.

Mothers need to teach their boy children that you don't raise your hand to a woman and their girl children that you don't put up with abuse in any form. The hand that rocks the cradle, rocks the world. It is up to us, as mothers, to rock the world in a different direction
____________________________________________________________________________________

Well said.

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SexEveryday

really now, bayashwaywa then they become heroes, how many location girls have been traped out there. bangazosibhora please. give us something better
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