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A grandmother comforting her granddaughter. Image: Essence.com

 Adults should put their feelings aside for the sake of the child 

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I had always got on with my daughter-in-law and I think we had a close relationship.

I never got involved in their problems at all and never took sides. I know that my son was in the wrong because he had been caught cheating.

After the divorce she often brought the baby to see me, which I really appreciated.

Once my son let the baby spend the weekend with me. When my daughter-in-law found out she was furious. She said the baby was meant to spend time with her father and he had not informed her of any change in plans.

Since then she has not allowed him to see his child.

I love my little grandchild with all my heart and I miss her so much. I cannot imagine never seeing her again.

My daughter-in-law doesn't have family so I am the little one's only grandparent.

I don't know what to do to solve this and it is breaking my heart. - Grieving Grannie, Primrose

ADVICE FROM DEAR DUDU

This is a very sad situation and I can only imagine how distressing it is for you. I am sure that your daughter-in-law is still very hurt, angry and upset over the divorce.

Her reaction to the baby staying with you was probably a result of the emotions she is experiencing at the moment.

Is there any mutual friend you could ask to intervene? Alternatively, you might write to her.

Explain that you certainly did not want to upset her and that you were under the impression that she knew the baby was spending time with you. Apologise to her and tell her you would never intentionally hurt her.

Ask her if, when she is stronger, you could meet to reassure her that you have no bad intentions.

In fact, you would like to be in contact with her and to play a part in your granddaughter's life.

Bearing in mind that you are the only grandparent, you would like to strengthen your relationship with the baby.

If at all possible, you could form part of the support system for your grandchild. She might not be open to this yet because of the pain she is going through.

If she says that she doesn't want to, tell her you will be available if she needs your help.

Then phone her regularly to find out how she is and ask about the baby.

Buy some baby clothes and tell her you want to drop them off. I am sure she will eventually understand that you only have the best intentions and all you want is to be a part of the baby's life.

It might not be easy until she feels more stable, so you will have to be patient.

I truly hope the adults are able to put their feelings aside for the sake of the child.

Good luck.

Comments

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Tue May 21 05:20:28 SAST 2013 ::

Aug 10, 2012

maneater

this is one of the better letters i have seen in a while. its a real issue and dear dudu has provided a real solution.
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Aug 10, 2012

imd

I never got involved in their problems at all and never took sides. I know that my son was in the wrong because he had been caught cheating.
================================
REALLY now????? you did choose.............
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Aug 10, 2012

Vhamsanda

Divorce has nothing to do with the feelings of the children but financial benefits thereof.
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Aug 10, 2012

tpaz

Kidnap the grand child.

Your son is a weakling.....
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Aug 10, 2012

Memme

Etswa mo dilong Gogo, You will see the child when her mother wants you to other than that there is definetely nothing you can do about that.
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Aug 10, 2012

TDK

Makoti is maal. How can she expects the daughter to be with the father at all hours. If the child visits his father there is nothing wrong if the father takes her to her grandmother. She needs her grandmother too.
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Aug 10, 2012

zino

relax gogo your granddaughter will come looking for you in few years to come as for your son is,he is weak in negotiating for his daughter ....no one will stop me from seeing my daughter even her grandfather from her mother s side.



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Aug 10, 2012

Bhekikhaya

The divorce laws in this country should separate or exclude giving rights of children to one party, especially to the female spouses, because they use poor kids to melt punishment to the father for cheating or any other reasons resulted into the divorce, so this story tells,


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Aug 10, 2012

Punkies

Fact is divorce is ugly especially to the little one who usually have no say about who they want to visit or not. It is only fair that the mother of this child let her visit her granny cause she has a right to know all her family.
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Aug 10, 2012

2nevvy4u

thanks God i dont believe in this marriage thing.
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