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 I did not stand a chance because this woman was much younger than I, and more beautiful 

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We had our problems, much like any other married couple, but on the whole I believed we were very happy.

I have always loved him completely and tried to be the best possible wife and mother.

He said that he had fallen in love with another woman and wanted to be free to marry her.

My whole world fell apart. It was the worst three months of my life after he told me.

I begged and pleaded with him not to leave me but to no avail. We fought and cried, but his mind was made up.

He kept on saying I had done nothing wrong and that he still cared for me, but that he was no longer in love with me.

Eventually I realised he was determined to divorce me. I did not stand a chance because this woman was much younger than I and more beautiful. He got what he wanted and we are now divorced.

I kept our home and he provides for our son, but the divorce has left me devastated and I don't know how to go on with life on my own.

I have a very good job that I love, but I am battling to even get out of bed in the morning.

I honestly feel as if I don't want to carry on living.

Will I ever get over this? Will I ever be happy again? - Devastated Divorcée, Mpumalanga

ADVICE FROM DEAR DUDU

I am so sorry that you are going through such a painful experience.

Divorce can often lead to the same grief one would suffer if one's partner had died.

This is even worse for you because you still have strong feelings for your ex-husband.

Allow yourself the sadness over the loss of your marriage. If you try to push the pain away it will definitely resurface at some time in the future.

You must lean on friends and family. Even though it might be a big effort for you, make sure that you keep in touch with the people who care for you.

Your son is probably also suffering from the divorce. Encourage him to talk to you about his feelings.

Though he might be angry with his father it is very important that he remain in contact with him.

His father must be fully involved in his son's life on every level.

This might not happen immediately, but hopefully it can be achieved in the long run. Don't speak negatively about his father to him.

Be patient with yourself. Divorce recovery is a difficult process and can take time. Grief can be paralysing after a divorce, but given time the sadness begins to lift little by little.

But if you don't feel yourself moving forward consider asking your doctor to refer you to a therapist.

It will help you to discuss your situation with someone who is objective and who will not judge you.

When you feel a little stronger, set yourself a work routine.

You have a job that you love and your son to consider so set time aside for work, relaxation, time with your son and family and friends.

If you stick to a routine it will help to keep your life on track.

Think about taking up a new interest. Perhaps within your church, community work, a sport or gym. This will help you to start feeling independent.

It is important to know that you can and will move on, but that healing takes time.

Look after yourself and your son and you will be happy again.

Comments

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Sat May 25 03:11:17 SAST 2013 ::

Aug 3, 2012

Memme

Wow i feel for you my sister, The problem with us women is that we love tooo much but for he fact that you gave it all for your relationship just shows that you are a real woman and for that you must not blame yourself for what happend, He's got his own life and you have your own life, to me it sounds like you lost yourself to this man when you married him which is why you are not able to face life without him.
Women should never loose their individuality when they get married so that when a man cheats or wants a divorce you will not be depressed let alone stressed. This is some of the things that happens in life and we need to accept and move on, yes it's heartbreaking but it's not the end of the world. The new lady might be young or as beautiful as you say but that has got nothing to do with you. This is now your time to recover the real YOU, and you'll be amazed as to how much you have lost while you were married to him. Get up and face the world - there is no time to feel sorry for yourself this is the time to go to gym, make yourself beautiful and enjoy life to the fullest.

There is so much to life than maariage. Get up there is no time to waste.
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Aug 3, 2012

HALFWISE

I feel you pain, young will always be beautiful but if the love is gone, what's the use, move on, maybe U&I will meet one day.
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Aug 3, 2012

LMMokone

Just be strong for you and your son - Believe me time heals
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Aug 3, 2012

JB$

Time heals hun
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Aug 3, 2012

MommaC

Would she have been happier if the other woman was older or less attractive?

This is when you find out how important friends are. They hold you together when you are flying apart. Treasure them
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Aug 3, 2012

MorenaWaPolelo

Well this too shall pass!!!

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Aug 3, 2012

Eurika

Life has its ups and down remember this too shall pass. You are a very special person who deserve much better than this. Understand one thing though there is a season for every thing under the sun. Do not hurm yourself. The reason we write to you is to show you that not only do you have the family and friends you know you have us all (Sowetan Family) to count on. Believe me this too shall pass. You are more beautiful than you think and your son adores you as a loving mother. Be strong and have faith in God.


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Aug 3, 2012

Mellow

Shame I feel your pain dear however find peace in the fact that he was man enough to level with you,he was honest he didnt go behind your back treating you like a fool and lying and he still cares you were after all his wife and are the mother of his child but you cannot make someone stay when their heart says otherwise.Someday somehow you'll heal and move on its best that he left to be with the one who holds his heart instead of forcing to stay just to resent you.You cant fight agaist that unfortunately all you can do is wish him well try to focus on your wellbeing and your child stay strong and take it one day at a time.Like they say sometimes loving someone doesn't always mean keeping them. Sometimes, it also means you have to let them go...Just let go hun let it go
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Aug 3, 2012

mambozana

Trust me my dear he will one day mic u because that little lady will milk him like hell and cheat on him with younger guys. She will offer him only 20 and mic the 80 that u gave him for the whole 15 years. Sometimes you ladies are to be blamed on what we men tend to do, you become less interested in many things.....you relax after marriage....you get fat....you dont show those bums anymore..... Please go to bed naked everyday so that he can feel your warmth and your heartbeat as well. but what can we say men will always be men. Just move on my dear sister and and take care of yourself and some guy will notice you out there.
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Aug 3, 2012

truthhurt

You should have tried Korobela, it works all the time, i use it myself, i get the best results.

She cant get enough.
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