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 This has gone from bad to worse because we work together. The answer would be for me to leave the company, but I love my job 

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I ONCE read a letter in your column in which you advised a reader not to get involved with a co-worker. How I wish that I had listened to that advice.

A man I work with asked me out for a drink and I accepted.

I was attracted to him and almost immediately thought I was falling in love with him.

I can't explain what happened when we met because I had often seen him in the office and on occasion had even spoken to him.

But when we went for a drink something changed.

He said he had the same feelings for me.

We decided we would pursue our relationship, but keep it private.

As time passed, however, I realised that we had nothing in common and that we would probably be better off just being friends.

The other problem I had was with his family.

They are very wealthy and I come from a family that has never had much money.

My parents have worked hard and given my brother and I a good education.

We are a very close and happy family.

When I met his family I got the impression that they did not approve of me.

They have been very rude to me and it left me feeling uncomfortable and upset.

I don't know if they think I am after his money or something. I decided to tell him that I wanted us to just be friends.

I really did not expect his response. He told me how much he loved me and that he wanted to marry me.

This has now gone from bad to worse because we work together. The answer would be for me to leave the company, but I love my job.

I have found the situation so difficult that I sometimes lie to him and tell him that I care for him.

This is such a mess. What should I do? - Totally confused, Bertrams

DEAR DUDU SAYS:

I certainly don't think you should leave your job, though I can see it presents a special problem to you.

It is no use continuing to lie to him because it is not fair to either of you.

I think you need to have an honest discussion with him about the situation.

Tell him it was never your intention to hurt him but that, as it turns out, the relationship is really not working for you.

He obviously cares for you and will be hurt, but unfortunately there is no easy solution to this predicament.

Don't bring his family into this because if you do it will probably turn ugly, which will not help the situation in the least.

I don't think you need tell him how important it is to keep this out of the workplace and to behave in a professional manner.

If you at any time feel that you cannot cope you should speak to either your line manager or someone in your human resources department.

Have the courage to take control of your life.

Comments

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Thu May 23 09:39:05 SAST 2013 ::

Jul 20, 2012

Chichi7

As people, we always get upset when someone lies to us and we always say it is best that we hear the truth no matter how it hurts than pretend.
So why do we not apply what we want to other people as well. Tell the man you feel nothing for him rather than leading him on to nowhere.
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Jul 20, 2012

Memme

Are you serious? Did you really take your time to write to Sis Dudu about this??
You know you have to tell him sooner or later, There is no better advise than that. You are talking like a 13 year old girl who is afraid to dump a boyfriend and you definetely are not that young so please tell the poor guy so that you can both move on.

jerrrrr - osja mbora so...
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Jul 20, 2012

tpaz

Girl you have very low self -esteem. I think you love him but you are scared of his rich family. If you don't love him stop playing games.
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Jul 20, 2012

tpaz

A colleague at work has a problem how do I advise? I suggested a pillow but she can suffocate. Bloggers, MommaC, Ms Kinky:

‘My wife loves sex so much and I end up getting so worried. We have 1 child who is 6 months old. When I return from work before I do anything she asks for a quickie, even in the kitchen as she will be cooking. The major problem is that we have been evicted for about 4 times now, because she makes noise during sex.
She will be saying some vulgar stuff and no matter how much I tell her to control herself she would just not listen. What should I do with her? I'm getting so embarrassed.’

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Jul 20, 2012

malemaforpresident

Haai wena maaan leave that man alone and look for an ordinary handsome guy you need not want to push yourself in a burning fire that man is from a wealthy family he would dump you like a used tissue just fall pregnant you will see
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Jul 20, 2012

Mellow

Girl leave your job and do what? Like you said he is monied not you so you cant afford to lose your job cause you aoivd bumping into him,is it really that terrible that he makes you want to abandon your life? You just have to be honest with him and yourself truth is you dont wanna be married to someone you dont love. So free yourself, free him he'll get over the pain ultimately but he needs to understand that he cant love you for the both of you and he should respect the fact that you trying to be honest with him
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Jul 20, 2012

Bdoobs

Thats just fine by me and I'm sure its fine by him. I hate break ups, as long as you fukk me, thats just fine, you don't have to love me...
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Jul 20, 2012

CheeseBoy

memoirs of a gold digger.

seems to me you are stuck between taking this man for a ride but at the same time attracted to his WEALTH. why the need to mention money, its obvious his family can see right through you hence the hostility towards you.

STOP wasting this mans' time and let him peruse other women worthy of his affections.
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Jul 20, 2012

cocolucho

@sowetan...boring, she has to tell him sooner or later. How long have they been dating?
@tpaz, way much more interesting. Tell me, are you by any chance the wife that you're talking about?
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Jul 20, 2012

tpaz

@cocolucho.....I wish i was....
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