His mother's hatred is making me miserable
His mother invited his ex-fiancee on purpose! She is a wicked woman and I have really had enough of her
MY FIANCE and I have been together for two years and have been engaged for six months.
He was engaged before, but that ended four years ago.
The problem I have is that his mother absolutely hates me.
I have tried everything to win her over, but our relationship just gets worse and worse.
Once when my fiance and I went to his mother's house she walked into the kitchen when he was kissing me and kicked me out of the house. I apologised, but she turned her back on me.
Since then she has tried everything to break us up. She often will not greet me and will look at me and sigh loudly, as if to say I am a big disappointment in her life. It is not as if we are small children, my fiance is 32 and I am 28.
I am well educated and have a successful career.
I once tried to speak about this to my fiance and he told me I was too sensitive and that she would eventually love me.
Well that was two years ago, but it just gets worse every time I am in her company.
She is a single parent and she adores her son as much as he loves her, so I would not dream of driving a wedge between them.
Recently she invited us. I was surprised because she often only invites her son and he then insists that I go with him.
When we arrived at her house there was another woman with his mother. I realised that my fiance knew the woman and when he introduced her to me, I realised she was the woman he had been engaged to before.
Needless to say it was extremely awkward.
His mother had done this on purpose! She is a wicked woman and I have really had enough of her.
My fiance wants us to get married next year, but I cannot see that happening under the present circumstances.
I don't know if I can stay in this relationship if his mother continues to behave the way she does. I don't know what to do or say anymore, so please help me.
Hurt and Unhappy, Pretoria
DEAR DUDU RESPONDS
This is such a sad situation. I suggest that you have a serious discussion with your fiance. Tell him that you understand how difficult it is for him to be in the middle between his mother and you.
He must understand that this is becoming intolerable for you, particularly when she is so disrespectful as to invite his ex-fiancee and you to her house at the same time.
Obviously you cannot expect him to stop seeing his mother. But possibly, if you face her united when you speak to her, you could explain to her that she cannot carry on behaving in this manner.
She doesn't have to be a close friend of your's but as long as you behave properly towards her you should be able to expect the same treatment from her.
Together you need to show an interest in her life, what she is doing and possibly where you share the same interests.
Phone her just to ask her how she is and sometimes on weekends the two of you can take her out somewhere. She might be insecure, fearing that once you are married she will not see her son as much.
If you and your fiance make her a part of your life, she will be more secure and unafraid of your taking her son away from her.
Don't ever be tempted to turn this into "it's either me or your mother" proposition.
Having to choose one or the other would make his life miserable.
I am not suggesting that you be rude to her, but stand up for yourself sometimes and say to her: "When you treat me like this, you hurt me ."
It might make her think twice before she is nasty to you and might also make your fiance aware of your unhappiness.
Don't take her unkindness to heart because she is a small part of your life - not the whole.