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 My mother is such an amazing woman. Why is my father cheating on her? 

I saw my father in a mall with another woman. I think I know who the woman is, because I have seen her where my father works.

They were holding hands and giving each other kisses. I followed them for a while, and was disgusted.

Then I managed to get on to his computer one evening when he was out.

It looks as if he is having many affairs because he is e-mailing many women and telling them how beautiful they are and that he is in love with them.

I am disgusted with him and I don't know what to do with the information I have.

I haven't told a soul because I am so ashamed of him. I don't know whether to confront him or not.

I don't understand it because I thought my parents were happily married.

They seem to love each other so much. They sometimes fight, but it never seems to be serious.

This happens when he is late from work, which I think is probably when he is with one of his girlfriends.

My mother is such an amazing woman. She is beautiful and successful, so why is he doing this?

I haven't been myself since I found all this out.

He always asks what is wrong because we were so close, but now I hate him.

I will never forgive him. He will destroy our family with his stupid, selfish behaviour.

I am in Matric this year and this has really affected my studies.

I feel depressed all the time and I find it hard to concentrate. Should I speak to my father? I am not sure I have the courage to do so.

Please, please help me. - Anonymous, by e-mail

DUDU'S ADVICE

I am so sorry that you are going through this on your own.

I can only imagine how painful this must be for you. There are some questions you need to think about before you do anything.

What do you want to achieve by speaking to either of your parents?

What do you want to tell your father and what do you want him to tell you?

Are you going to tell him how this situation has affected your life?

Once you have thought about this you have to decide how you want to confront him. There are many ways of doing so.

You could write him a letter or an e-mail.

You could ask a trusted relative to speak to him on your behalf or you could speak to him on the phone.

These are easier choices than facing him directly. The problem is, if you choose the easier way you will perhaps not get the outcome you are looking for.

Facing him is obviously much harder, but you will be able to explain your point of view and fears about what could happen in your family.

How will he react?

He will be embarrassed, shocked and angry that you have gone through his computer without his permission. I am sure you still love your father, it is his behaviour that has angered you and he needs to know that.

It is not up to you to tell your mother anything. It is up to your father.

Children often put their parents on pedestals, thinking they can do no wrong. The truth is that parents are just people who make mistakes and mess up in life sometimes.

Don't threaten your father, just explain how important your family is to you and how this situation has affected you. Ask him to sort it out the best way he can.

Sometimes it is difficult to understand the relationship that our parents have. There is a history between them, most of which the children will never know.

Once you have discussed this with your father it is between him and your mother and is out of your hands.

This is such a difficult situation for you to handle on your own, so I urge you to confide in a trusted friend or elder.

I sincerely wish you well for the future.

Comments

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Thu Jun 20 10:31:48 SAST 2013 ::

Jun 22, 2012

MupesuWaHayaniVenda

young Man, stay away from ur fathers' Affairs. 1 day u will grow up and u might do it as well. Be Strong!!!!
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Jun 22, 2012

Mnyakazo258

Shame boy, she is amazing in the kitchen and in the corporate world BUT in the bedroom she might be boring your father.......Tell her to find herself a BEN 10 to spice up things with your father. Dont be angry with your father, he is just exercising his pen1s rights.
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Jun 22, 2012

Cowgirl

Well here is what no one ever tells us young one, some marriage are just not built to last....no matter how amazing they look from outside....i'm still trying to figure out why people get married cause forever is a long time to be with ONE person.

Anyway, word of advise...just let them deal with their own marital problems and you concentrate on doing the best you can with your studies because whether you do well or not at school it's not going to stop the inevitable....your mother will find out eventually...she will probably still stay with his a$$...not sure why but "they" 99% of the time do....maybe for your sake....maybe for financial security...sh%t maybe your dad is just a plain good shag and mommy wouldn't wanna start over at her age.

*Sigh*
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Jun 22, 2012

LeparaThePresident

The Generation Y, alway snoopping around affairs they have no business with. If you were me and clever, you start by behaving like a child and leave adults stuff to grownups.

Or maybe just blackmail him, and remember when your son do it on you een dag jy maag nie poepol wees.
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Jun 22, 2012

Mokgaditse

Boy, kgaogana le dilo tsa batho ba bagolo o lebelele sekolo. Start by tell us truth, youca not be 16 and be in matric, you started schooling at 4? I do not believe this, you are just a cheat. Why do you have to follow your father after all, follow your mother as well and see if she is not cheating then hang yourself.
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Jun 22, 2012

Buc4life

Good Morning All
Please lets not justify infidelity. Yes, it happens. Yes, men get bored with 1 woman. Yes, the woman might be a bore in the bedroom, but there is absolutely no reason to cheat. When we marry, we say "for better, for worse".
There are children involved. See what this is doing to them, and yet we parents want to blame them when they are off the road.
Our society is falling apart because families have fallen apart. We justify our actions and it is just not right.
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Jun 22, 2012

LeparaThePresident

@Buc4life
Good Morning All
Please lets not justify infidelity. Yes, it happens. Yes, men get bored with 1 woman. Yes, the woman might be a bore in the bedroom, but there is absolutely no reason to cheat. When we marry, we say "for better, for worse".
There are children involved. See what this is doing to them, and yet we parents want to blame them when they are off the road.
Our society is falling apart because families have fallen apart. We justify our actions and it is just not right.
+++++++++++++++++++

Morning Buc4life
I want to know who said men cheat because they are bore at home?

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Jun 22, 2012

Makhosini0408

Morning All

"I don't understand it because I thought my parents were happily married."

This is a sensitive situation that you have made it you business. It was not an accident that you saw you father in a mall but you were out of order to follow them and worse of all, the invasion of privacy. You are now losing sleep and not focusing on your studies because you are now trying to understand something that will take you a lifetime to figure out.

Sometimes things that you mother do not know will not hurt her or you will find out that she knows but she is still in the marriage because of you. There are many definitions of "happily married".

Because you have made it your business confront you daddy and please when you do that, remember that he is your father and tell him how the ordeal is stressing you. I am just concerned that you are not focusing more on the things that will shape your future, your education.

Cheating is betrayal of the highest order but you are also wrong in the manner that you got some of the information that has overloaded your brain. You need to reboot. Good Luck.


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Jun 22, 2012

JB$

what if mommy is not giving daddy any? and you go around searching
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Jun 22, 2012

Dikae_difefe

LeparaThePresident
@Buc4life
Good Morning All
Please lets not justify infidelity. Yes, it happens. Yes, men get bored with 1 woman. Yes, the woman might be a bore in the bedroom, but there is absolutely no reason to cheat. When we marry, we say "for better, for worse".
There are children involved. See what this is doing to them, and yet we parents want to blame them when they are off the road.
Our society is falling apart because families have fallen apart. We justify our actions and it is just not right.
+++++++++++++++++++

Morning Buc4life
I want to know who said men cheat because they are bore at home?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
don't you think that's the reason?

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