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 Only you can make yourself a victim 

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He said things were different with me and that he loved me more than he had ever loved any woman.

Our relationship was difficult, though. He would often arrange to meet me and not turn up. When we were with his friends he would act as if I weren't even in the room.

I often caught him flirting with other women. This caused us to fight and I would always be the one to apologise. He twisted things so that it always seemed I was at fault.

He accused me of being possessive and jealous. I am really not like that, but to keep the peace I would admit to whatever he was accusing me of.

A few weeks ago we were with some of his friends, who I really do not like, and he started shouting at me. He made me look like a fool. I was so embarrassed that I phoned a friend to come and pick me up. After that I did not hear from him for quite a while, but he has started phoning me again.

He says he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. As much as I know that he is not the right man for me, he knows how to charm me.

I still have feelings for him and I think perhaps I should give him another chance and perhaps it will work.

Could he have changed and realised his mistake? - Don't want to be gullible, Braamfontein

DEAR DUDU SAYS:

No, I don't think he has realised his mistake and, no, I don't think he has changed.

He is patently a manipulative, abusive man with no manners or sensitivity.

You said your relationship was difficult from the start and I think it just got worse as time passed.

Why should he change? If you do decide to give the relationship another chance the two of you have to discuss the problems you experienced in the past.

You need to set boundaries and explain what you both are looking for in life.

Couples who constantly fight are normally in a power struggle and it never achieves anything.

For him to verbally abuse you in public is unacceptable. It is disrespectful not only to you, but to your friends.

You are individuals and need to take responsibility for your own actions.

Differences doesn't need to lead to abusive behaviour.

If you decide to go back to him without dealing with your problems you will continue to live a life of hurt and unhappiness.

Ultimately you have to make the decision, but remember - only you can make yourself a victim.

Comments

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Thu Jun 20 08:43:21 SAST 2013 ::

Jun 15, 2012

maneater

I fail to understand why a person would even write to this forum when the unswer is right before their eyes.
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Jun 15, 2012

ApelMankotsana

@ maneater...Excatly my point. Such avery simple and straight forward issue of couples arguing over one thing or the other...Can it really be called " a problem" ?
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Jun 15, 2012

Ritz-Ritz

Leave the b! astard alone sister, once an abuser always an abuser: its not gonna work.
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Jun 15, 2012

tpaz

age difference of 1 year is always a problem.......make it 3-10years difference your mature levels balance.
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Jun 15, 2012

MATWEETWEE

"I AM 23 years old and my boyfriend is 24"you are too old for him.
in 10 years coming he will saw you as his grandmother and start looking for young girls

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Jun 15, 2012

PDreamz

1.We have been seeing each other for six months, on and off.
2.I knew when I met him that he had a reputation for being a player.
3.He would often arrange to meet me and not turn up.
4.I often caught him flirting with other women.
5.He made me look like a fool."
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And you still wondering what to do with him?! You know he's not right for you and somehow he still manages to charm your panties off oohhh yes you are gulliable if you considering giving him 5th chance
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Jun 15, 2012

sakhomba

"Don't want to be gullible",Braamfontein"
hey wena Jumaima, I know its you. ek gaan jou moer when we get home.
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Jun 15, 2012

Ann

only you can make yourself a victim, thats it
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Jun 15, 2012

Onkarabile

Gal can you pls love ua self before dis jerk nd take it from there...everything will fall into place you will see.
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Jun 15, 2012

DjEp

Madam 23, you are a fool.
why do you keep going back to this idiot, it seems like you are stuck with him so why even share this with us becuase you have already made up your mind, u love this idiot at whatever cost. your story sucks and i cant pick any common sense in both of you....
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