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WANT LOVE IN YOUR FUTURE? Then do not lie to your parents - who only want to protect you.
The choices you make now will impact on the rest of your life - why are you rushing into marriage after 8 months? Have you discussed your life plans and common goals with each other?
If your boyfriend is a good man he will not expect you to go against your parents' wishes and would be prepared to wait for you.

 I told my family I was no longer seeing him, but I continue to meet him 

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I AM a woman aged 20 and in love with a man aged 35.

We have known each other for eight months and we adore each other.

My boyfriend wants us to get married as soon as possible and though he already has two children he would like us to start a family.

My parents are against the relationship, never mind marriage.

I am getting nervous because things are happening too quickly and I don't know what to say to them. They say he is too old for me.

Does age really matter? He served time in prison for beating up a person but that was a long time ago and he has changed.

He says with me at his side he will lead a good, honest life.

I love my family very much and I don't want to hurt them. Two months ago my father said he would disown me and stop paying for my studies if I pursued a relationship with this man.

I told them I was no longer seeing him but I continued to meet him. I hate the fact that I lied to them but I did not know what to do or say.

I feel as if this is all too much and it is stressing me terribly.

I cannot eat or sleep. All I want is to spend the rest of my life with my boyfriend and also not disappoint my parents.

What can I do to make everyone happy? - Impatient, Johannesburg

DEAR DUDU SAYS

This is not an easy situation and as things stand at present you will not be able to make everyone happy.

Fifteen years is a big age difference, particularly when the one partner is as young as you are.

Your parents are speaking with wisdom and from their own life experiences.

The problem, as I see it, is that you are rushing into marriage. Eight months is not long enough to know a person.

Why the rush? Take things a bit slower and get to know each other better. Have you discussed your life plans and common goals with each other?

How does he see his children fitting into your lives if they were to stay with you? Are you mature enough to cope with two children?

Your parents are justifiably concerned about your involvement with a man who has spent time in jail for assault. I am not saying your boyfriend hasn't turned over a new leaf.

Everyone deserves a second chance.

Your parents, however, want to protect you.

If your boyfriend is a good man he will not expect you to go against your parents' wishes and would be prepared to wait for you.

He is wrong to expect you to rush into marriage and start a family.

Don't lie to your parents.

They will find out and would be terribly hurt.

Your family are the most important people in your life, so you are going to have to be careful how you handle this situation.

Another serious consideration is your studies.

The choices you make now will impact on the rest of your life, so be careful.

Comments

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Sun May 19 08:13:37 SAST 2013 ::

Jun 1, 2012

Pointman

One thing at a time - studies first otherwise you will end up packing groceries at the spar or pick and pay - if you get the job. Guys who put pressure on girls are impatient because they want to move on to other conquests so be careful. You might find yourself holding the baby - and the phone trying to find out where he is. And by the way, did you ask him if he is caring for his kids - I guess he has a reason why not already made up.
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Jun 1, 2012

cobra

ex-convict! gal u r young and stupid. i would have disown you if you were my daughter.
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Jun 1, 2012

ApelMankotsana

If i were you... young girl, i would immediately leave the guy withiout any notice...There is an article in this paper where aformer YFM and Capricorn FM presenter was killed by her boyfriend who is an ex-convict....So please..
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Jun 1, 2012

Noir19

Because your family love u........thats all......ur bf must get a life
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Jun 1, 2012

Bodigelo

Prepare for constant beating and an unhappy life
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Jun 1, 2012

tpaz

Does your boyfriend work? At 20 years I think you still too young to get married.
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Jun 1, 2012

theMrs

my girl, i smell trouble run for your life!! he cant force you into marriage while you are studying. the SA correctional system does not rehabilitate convicts, it makes them worse. key issues for me are: 1. how are you both going to survive since you are studying and he has a criminal record attached to his name, getting a JOB wont be easy for him, 2. Who caused the assault that he was convicted of? 3. It is quite challenging for anyone to integrate back into society after serving time in prison, are you prepared for that? 4. he has manipulation tendencies, what does the statement with you on his side he will lead a good, honest life mean? why cant he lead a good and honest life on his own? 6. was he somebody else's wife in prison?
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Jun 1, 2012

MGEEZ

My parents are against the relationship, never mind marriage.
I am getting nervous because things are happening too quickly and I don't know what to say to them. They say he is too old for me.

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Dear there is a reason why they are your parents and not the other way around. They are normalyl correct and children are normally wrong even though at the time they(children) may convince one another that the parents are old fashioned and all the usual nonsense the youth normally feeds one another. If I were you I would not go against an advise of my parents because normally they have your best interst at heart!!!
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Jun 1, 2012

Tsek

Eish i wish this gal can see mpho melato's story mayb she will undetsnd gore u her family ba sa nyake this ex-prisoner, bo mornachiess ba gona wena busy le di rapist tsa ko prisner, pela that dude used to rape le ko prison..nywerenywere i have changed my middle foot maan!!
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Jun 1, 2012

cocolucho

Let go of him, he is not worth your life. You are still young and your studies will give you a better future. How has he shown you that he is a good man, does he take care of his own kids and why is he rushing you into marriage.
I also dont believe this manga manga story of his about beating someone up, he probably stole or killed someone and if you do marry him, he might end up stealing from your family or killing you. So Please let him GO.

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