'I can't help wanting to be with him constantly'
"Your feelings of insecurity have taken over your life"
I AM 32 years old and my boyfriend is 34. We have been together for six months. My previous boyfriend and I were together for four years.
He broke up with me because he fell in love with another woman.
I was terribly hurt by this, but I eventually recovered and a year later I am in a relationship with a really wonderful man.
I don't know what is wrong with me, but I am behaving in such a ridiculous way and I cannot seem to help myself.
He is going away on business next month and I am dreading it.
I just want to be with him all the time and I hate it when we are apart.
I am constantly worrying that I am not good enough for him and that he will cheat on me. I feel anxious all the time and it is affecting my health.
I cannot sleep or eat. I know that he has felt the pressure of this and he has told me to calm down because he is here to stay with me.
I have never been like this before and I don't know how to get into control of my life. Please help me. - Totally distracted, Benoni
ADVICE FROM DEAR DUDU:
You obviously realise that you have fallen into a state of desperation which is having a negative effect on your life.
The first step you need to take is to start looking after yourself.
I suggest you go to a doctor and explain that you are suffering from anxiety and having problems with sleeping and eating.
You will probably be prescribed medication for a while, to break the cycle you are in.
You should also consider going for counselling to deal with your previous relationship and the effect this has had on your life.
Your feelings of insecurity, which have been triggered by the end of that relationship, are understandable. Unfortunately, it has taken over your life and you might need professional help to sort this out.
You must also try to start maintaining a healthy diet and start exercising which will help you with the stress.
You are placing an unfair burden on your boyfriend by behaving as if your whole life depends on him.
If you carry on like this you will lose him, so start working on yourself.
Instead of suffocating him with your neediness, start looking at other things in life to fulfil you. You cannot expect your happiness in life to be based on a relationship - there is so much more.
If you have other interests in life it will also not only make you a more interesting person, but will also enrich your relationship with your boyfriend.
Look out for books to help you build up your self-confidence. A very good book is Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood.