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Does he love me, or love me not?

 I am constantly worrying that I am not good enough for him and that he will cheat on me 

I AM 32 years old and my boyfriend is 34. We have been together for six months. My previous boyfriend and I were together for four years.

He broke up with me because he fell in love with another woman.

I was terribly hurt by this, but I eventually recovered and a year later I am in a relationship with a really wonderful man.

I don't know what is wrong with me, but I am behaving in such a ridiculous way and I cannot seem to help myself.

He is going away on business next month and I am dreading it.

I just want to be with him all the time and I hate it when we are apart.

I am constantly worrying that I am not good enough for him and that he will cheat on me. I feel anxious all the time and it is affecting my health.

I cannot sleep or eat. I know that he has felt the pressure of this and he has told me to calm down because he is here to stay with me.

I have never been like this before and I don't know how to get into control of my life. Please help me. - Totally distracted, Benoni

ADVICE FROM DEAR DUDU:

You obviously realise that you have fallen into a state of desperation which is having a negative effect on your life.

The first step you need to take is to start looking after yourself.

I suggest you go to a doctor and explain that you are suffering from anxiety and having problems with sleeping and eating.

You will probably be prescribed medication for a while, to break the cycle you are in.

You should also consider going for counselling to deal with your previous relationship and the effect this has had on your life.

Your feelings of insecurity, which have been triggered by the end of that relationship, are understandable. Unfortunately, it has taken over your life and you might need professional help to sort this out.

You must also try to start maintaining a healthy diet and start exercising which will help you with the stress.

You are placing an unfair burden on your boyfriend by behaving as if your whole life depends on him.

If you carry on like this you will lose him, so start working on yourself.

Instead of suffocating him with your neediness, start looking at other things in life to fulfil you. You cannot expect your happiness in life to be based on a relationship - there is so much more.

If you have other interests in life it will also not only make you a more interesting person, but will also enrich your relationship with your boyfriend.

Look out for books to help you build up your self-confidence. A very good book is Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood.

Good luck.

Comments

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Wed Jun 19 09:02:32 SAST 2013 ::

Mar 16, 2012

Ann

u need to deal with ur past issues before u could even persuade a new relationship , ur issues of insecurities can push ur present lover away. get help soon lady
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Mar 16, 2012

R18SN

you have not told us how good he is in bed. how do you expect us to give proper advice if you leave out this important piece of infomation.
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Mar 16, 2012

Ann

R18SN
you have not told us how good he is in bed. how do you expect us to give proper advice if you leave out this important piece of infomation.
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kwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...
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Mar 16, 2012

SeshegoGuY

She is desperate for Marriage---- Just like all Women

Nothing out of the ordinary
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Mar 16, 2012

McLoving

R18SN
you have not told us how good he is in bed. how do you expect us to give proper advice if you leave out this important piece of infomation.
____________________________

Hahahahahahahhha!!!!!! woza friday my darling...McLoving likes ...
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Mar 16, 2012

Buckselona

@R18SN
You are a sex freak ne.
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Mar 16, 2012

Buckselona

@R18SN

You are a sex freak ne.
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Mar 16, 2012

Buckselona

@ Confused.Dont be a chappies.

Relationships are tough why cant god just make us live single and happily after.
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Mar 16, 2012

golezwa

@Ann
u need to deal with ur past issues before u could even persuade a new relationship , ur issues of insecurities can push ur present lover away. get help soon lady
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maybe you missed this part "I was terribly hurt by this, but I eventually recovered and a year later I am in a relationship with a really wonderful man."
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@R18SN
you have not told us how good he is in bed. how do you expect us to give proper advice if you leave out this important piece of infomation.
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you're right, but from what i can gather here, Mr is good in bed, else she would not bother when he is awat
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Mar 16, 2012

dubai

SeshegoGuY
She is desperate for Marriage---- Just like all Women
o maaka maan, yena alone o desperate for marriage not all women, ka seshego we are not desperate.

R18SN
you have not told us how good he is in bed. how do you expect us to give proper advice if you leave out this important piece of infomation
..............................
kwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, eish
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