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My boyfriend got me pregnant, then dumped me

By Dear Dudu | Mar 02, 2012 | COMMENTS [ 457 ]

"He said I was a gold digger and all I wanted was his money. Then he hit me.."

MY BOYFRIEND and I have been together for a year. I am 24 and he is 29.

Though we sometimes fight, we are very happy together for the most part. I am in my last year at university and he has a good job.

I have been on the pill for four years and he is aware of this. He has seen me taking the pill.

I have found out that I am pregnant. I cannot tell you how shocked I was.

I am sure I haven't forgotten to take the pill at any time. I was so scared, I didn't know what to do or who to turn to.

Eventually I decided to tell my boyfriend. I did not expect the reaction I got.

He lost his temper. He said I had planned to become pregnant and that I had tricked him and lied.

He said I was a gold digger and all I wanted was his money. When I tried to defend myself he hit me across the face. He hit me so hard that I had the marks of his fingers.

He said I had to abort the child and that if I had it then I would be on my own. He also said for all he knew this could be any man's child.

I could not believe he would say such cruel things to me and it broke my heart. I don't want to have an abortion because I am just starting off my life and I don't think I could live with myself.

I haven't seen him since and this happened two months ago.

I spoke to him on the phone and he said he didn't want to see or speak to me until I told him I have had the abortion. I was almost tempted to say that I would give him what he wanted.

I feel so confused. Now I have to find the courage to tell my parents. Hopefully they will not be too cross with me. I don't know how this happened and I feel so worthless.

How could I have messed up my life so badly?

I feel so alone. - Dejected, Florida

ADVICE FROM DEAR DUDU

I am sorry that you have been treated so badly.

No one can force you to have an abortion. If you decided to do it just to please him you might in time regret it and resent him forever.

It is your body and no one can dictate to you what you should do.

No matter what you decide, the next step you need to take is to tell your mother.

She will probably be angry and disappointed but hopefully in time she will accept the pregnancy. You cannot cope with this on your own and you will certainly need her support.

You haven't messed up your life. You have made a mistake. Yes, it will be different if you keep the baby but you will manage and you will get through this.

Though you feel so alone you are probably better off without this man in your life. He has abused you mentally, emotionally and physically and in your situation this is unforgivable.

You are not worthless because you made a mistake. Your boyfriend has made you feel this way. He is a coward who cannot stand up to his responsibility.

He is as responsible as you for the pregnancy. But if you are still unsure about your decision, speak to a counseller at university, church or at a hospital.

COMMENTS [ 457 ]

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FlirtyRob
@Galfriend,

How you doing babes??? Hit me up on FlirtyRob@gmail.com
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What for??????

Mar 02, 2012 12:58 | 0 replies

GODESS
you wrote to sowetan ,so that u can get helped mos ....nou why o le tjatjarag ?
......................................................................................................................
@ monarchies kganthe keng ka wene nou? akere they did not want to publish my comment.
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Ok ,sorry it just that i thought you are the one who wrote to Sisi Dolly or whatever her name is .

Mar 02, 2012 1:11 | 0 replies

@ALL Dumelang..

where is this Tedu character mara?

@Mornachies....o grand bozza?

@Galfrend.....o grand love?
where is KUx2 bathong?

has any one heard from velo????

Mar 02, 2012 1:13 | 0 replies

Sowetan knows very well that most of black ppl especially youth log in on sowetan live, but look at the topics of stories they bring thats really undermine most of the majority who read sowetan live. Some of us are more interested in reading post by fellow SA youth regarding politics.


I am not sure why Sowetan give us this kind of stories....................................

Mar 02, 2012 1:14 | 0 replies

LoL @SeshegoGuy, I don't blame you dude for being pro-active just in case the other half forgets to take the pill:-) and honestly in this day of aids and herpetitis ppl shld take extra precautions to safeguard their health,

Mar 02, 2012 1:15 | 0 replies

@MommaC

Ok Marriage is a different matter altogether But with couples there's no excuse, even if the 2 of them have been going out for years NO EXCUSES

he he Old Men don't even know how to use Condoms LOL

Mar 02, 2012 1:18 | 0 replies

I think it`s time we review the constitution ya Mzansi.
1) it should be a criminal offence to mpregnent someone or fall pregnant when you don`t have a salary or your salary is not being taxed.
2) termination of pregnency should remain legal but a clause should be added that allows men to take women to court if they refuse to abort. In the list of possible punishments, a sentance of 12month community service of distributing condoms to public places.
3) It should be illegal to use babies as a tool to secure longterm relationships (trapping).
4) The law that prohibits men from buying morning after pills on their own is k*k n must be scraped.

Mar 02, 2012 1:18 | 0 replies

Boggers le rata menyobano, thats all

Mar 02, 2012 1:20 | 0 replies

Dear Sis Dudu,

Whilst your advice is always appreciated I think you are being a bit simplistic bordering on reckless when you say, “It is your body and no one can dictate to you what you should do”.

This issue is not about her body; it is about a pregnancy and in a few months time a human being who needs the love and support of both parents, who needs to be fed, clothed, and taken care of in every respect. Having a child is not a decision that should be taken by one party or one of the parents for when he or she is born both parents are equally liable to raise this child. It is therefore reckless to suggest that the father has no say in the matter, clearly he has made it clear he does not want to have the child and once the child is born and he keeps his distance he will be accused of all sorts of things including being an irresponsible father. Then you would have forgotten that you advocated that he be forced into fatherhood when that was not his desire. Your advice suggests the father has no option after conception and he is held hostage by the decision taken by the mother alone, does he not have rights too? We need to be very careful of using our rights to suppress or override his right of choice and or self-determination.

DEJECTED, this is a very big decision you have to make and in making that decision you need to respect the fact that your boyfriend has made it clear where he stands on the matter. You need to look at this situation from his point of view as well because the decision you will take will have lifelong consequences for him as well. The last thing you want is for him to think you are using this baby to trap him or put him in a situation where his opinion is not valued this would only serve to validate the suspicion that the pregnancy was deliberate.

It is always difficult to give advice in a situation like this as there are many factors involved. The last thing you want is to have this baby and then spend the rest of your life chasing maintenance money. This is not just about having the baby but also what happens after you have had the child, how will you raise the child etc and will he or she have both parents who will love him or her unconditionally and be there for him or her physically, financially and emotionally. You should be able to stand behind the decision you will make on your own as his actions are indicative of a man who does not want to have this kid, he is not likely to change his mind so be very careful.

Mar 02, 2012 1:20 | 0 replies

@Galfrend
Eish some guys niyabora niyaz, cant a male and a female just be friends without being lovers or whatever.. hayi man, niyabhora.
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No,no,no my sista I never intended uk'kphazamisa kanje emoyeni, am simply saying should I have indulged in some adult, innocent but naughty talk with you, you might have mistaken me for these opportunistic vultures on the blog hence I opted for clean conversations.

Please forgive me if I came across as an irritating, childish & perverted blogger!!!I It was not intentional.

Mar 02, 2012 1:20 | 0 replies

SeshegoGuY

LOL
Why do you young people always think that you invented sex?
I am a product of the 1960;s. You guys don't even want to know wild life was like before HIV and the condom has been around for centuries.

Mar 02, 2012 1:23 | 0 replies