Fri Apr 18 10:10:01 SAST 2014
Fri Apr 18 10:10:01 SAST 2014

Young girlfriend not ready to settle

Feb 17, 2012 | Dear Dudu |   437 comments

I am a 30-year-old man and my girlfriend is 20. We have been together for a year..

 I am desperate for us to have a child. The problem is my girlfriend says she will only consider this once she has completed her studies. Should I leave her? 

Though I am a lot older than she is, we are very happy together.

I want to spend the rest of my life with her and I think she feels the same. I have no children and I am desperate for us to have a child.

The problem is my girlfriend is studying and says she will only consider this once she has completed her studies.

I am not getting any younger and I am ready to settle down.

I have told her that if she has a baby I will ensure that a childminder is employed to look after the baby and she will not have anything to worry about. She refuses though.

I don't want to leave her because I love her so much but I don't know how to resolve this.

Have you got any suggestions? Should I leave her? - Confused, Johannesburg

DEAR DUDU OFFERS THIS ADVICE

I can understand you feel you are getting older and need to settle down.

But you cannot force your girlfriend to have a child.

She is much younger than you and obviously has goals in life that she wants to reach before she has children. If you managed to convince her to have a child she would probably end up resenting you and your relationship would probably end.

If you love her you will give her the time she needs to complete her studies and not put pressure on her to do anything she is uncomfortable with.

You will always have to bear in mind that she is much younger than you, and in certain areas of your lives this could be a challenge.

Having children is a big responsibility and, believe me, will take over your girlfriend's life even if you have a childminder.

It is not an easy job that you just hand over to someone else.

You must prepare yourself for the fact that if you love her and want to build a future with her, you might only have children in a few years' time.

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