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We are like two ships passing in the night

By Dear Dudu | Jan 27, 2012 | COMMENTS [ 469 ]

MY WIFE and I have been married for eight years and we have two children aged five and three. I have always believed that our marriage was a happy one, though over the past year we seem to have grown apart.

We are both employed and, of course, when we get home we try to give our children some quality time.

On weekends we always seem to be visiting friends and family. My wife seems to always be exhausted, which I understand because she has a lot on her plate.

We hardly have a physical relationship and when we talk it seems to be either about work or the kids. I feel so sad because we had so much in common and always seemed to have fun.

Someone commented recently that we are like two ships passing in the night. I am starting to feel that it has gone too far and I don't know how we could ever connect again.

In my loneliness I have met another woman who is also married. But she is also stuck in a very unhappy marriage and wants to leave her husband. Nothing has happened between us but we both feel that to end our marriages would be too traumatic for our children. We would hurt too many people.

We have tried to be just friends but the attraction is too great. I am scared that if we continue our spouses or friends will find out. I know that this sort of thing always seems to come out. Is it so bad that I want to find some happiness in my life? Does that make me such a bad person? I am starting to resent my wife. What should I do? LJT, Randburg

DUDU RESPONDS:

Don't expect me to condone or give you permission to have an affair. You are looking for justification and behaving like a spoilt child. If you can't have your way you will punish your wife - what sort of behaviour is that?

You have two young children and you need to ask yourself whether by behaving like this, you would be a role model for them. All marriages go through ups and downs and you have to have the character and will to get through the hard times.

There is no reason why you should not find the magic in your marriage again.

What you must understand is that most marriages lose some of the passion as time passes. Friendship between the spouses grows stronger and this is the foundation of a good marriage but of course should also include a good physical relationship.

This doesn't just happen but takes effort from both of you. You really need to talk to your wife honestly and tell her how you feel about your marriage.

Marriage is hard work and both of you must make the effort to find what you once loved about each other.

If you cannot resolve this together then seek counseling. If you decide to have an affair and, as you point out, get found out it would impact not only on your spouses and children but also on extended family and friends. Both of you owe it to your families to try and rebuild your marriages.

COMMENTS [ 469 ]

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@ pierre2000
Chocolate box ke kwai ka maragong.

@JUBJUB
Never say never...hahahahaha.....

Jan 27, 2012 12:17 | 0 replies

27 Jan 2012eKapa
@Onu-

wa phapha sisi at the Age of 40? still wana blog..mxm Mzansi ppl even Satan cant stand
___________________________________________________________

Who the hell is Satan??

Jan 27, 2012 12:29 | 0 replies

@Kukuu
O tsamaya bjang o sa mpetola na ?

Jan 27, 2012 12:33 | 0 replies

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
some guys do only Rainbow chicken style,
but ask any Gay here i can tell you who you may ask

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whats Rainbow chicken style?

Jan 27, 2012 12:34 | 0 replies

Buys
27 Jan 2012eKapa
@Onu-

wa phapha sisi at the Age of 40? still wana blog..mxm Mzansi ppl even Satan cant stand
___________________________________________________________

Who the hell is Satan??
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
good question..Satan is Hell Master

Jan 27, 2012 12:36 | 0 replies

@mornachies

o ko nntshwaare moo mchana
wakawaka@galmail.co.za

Jan 27, 2012 12:37 | 0 replies

LEEZO
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
some guys do only Rainbow chicken style,
but ask any Gay here i can tell you who you may ask

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
whats Rainbow chicken style?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
lay on you back,lift up your knees,open your thighs wide,lift up your hands like a boxer

Jan 27, 2012 12:43 | 0 replies

I have a problem with the way this guy talks. Why does he use the word "SEEMS" like someone watching from a distant. This is a make up story. I suspect the writer is writing about his friend' situation in marriage. He is watching the situation from a distance. If it was him in the situation, he would say we always argue,we dont agree,etc. Otherwise,the woman must be having a position of power in the house, that is why he cannot tackle his family matters headon.

Jan 27, 2012 12:55 | 0 replies

eKAPA@ There’s NO! Such kak!! I usually listen to people saying Satan made me do it’ well..... If that was the case, almost all Criminals would be set out!! I believe people make their own preference from a large sum of alternatives.... Its all about “CHOICE”. This Guys decided to Cheat on his wif, its a choice that he alone made. I would believe you if you say to me; Satan is a ‘bad choice’.........

Jan 27, 2012 12:57 | 0 replies

he already has an affair (like a proper coward he is) maybe this marriage deserves to end, cause his wf3 deserves to have a man, who is supportive and is a friend, not someone who dashes off and grabs a mistress at the first sign of problem without thinking about consequences of his actions not only on the marriage but to his children, when that marriage has to succumb to this affair which he has, I feel sorry for his wif3 cause she deserve much more than this.

Jan 27, 2012 12:58 | 0 replies

Motabolapasa
@mornachies

o ko nntshwaare moo mchana
wakawaka@galmail.co.za
_________________________________________
Checka inbox warra ....

Jan 27, 2012 12:58 | 0 replies