Fri Jul 01 04:39:50 SAST 2016

Half-way happy in a relationship is sometimes as good as it gets

By Sapa-dpa | Jan 26, 2012 | COMMENTS [ 152 ]

"It happens again and again that good relationships break up because one of the partners has exaggerated demands"

People who get married usually believe they have found the ideal  partner for life, but sometimes after a while they discover that there are some flaws with Mr or Mrs Right.

High expectations often lead to unhappiness in a marriage, but before heading for a divorce court both parties should understand that there is no such thing as a perfect marriage.

There are marriages in which happiness, harmony, respect and affection are the dominant forces and there are some that are ruled by arguments and negative emotions.

Others lie somewhere in between — the so-called semi-happy marriages.

“Included in this definition are marriages that are neither unhappy nor happy,” said Friedhelm Schwiderski of a counselling service for couples in Germany. This status quo is a chronic emotional split and occurs more commonly in long-term relationships.

The couple’s demeanour toward each other is often very businesslike. There’s hardly any room for personal matters and the two partners don’t talk about themselves or allow each other into their lives. Tenderness and sexuality are pushed aside or were perhaps already on the margins from the beginning. The result is a hollow, dissatisfied feeling.

In addition to the absence of passion in a relationship or at least the feeling of butterflies in the stomach, unmet expectations often trigger a feeling of semi-happiness.

“Many people expect much too much from their first infatuation,” said Peter Gross of the German association of psychologists. They expect to be held in their partner’s palm forever or they are sure they are always on the same wavelength as their partner.

“Expectations such as these are of course utopian. After all what you have in a marriage is two individuals coming together, two complex systems with different genes and impressions. These can be completely different,” Gross said.

Different, however, doesn’t mean strictly incompatible.

What’s crucial is where the differences lie.

“You should think about what is really important to you in a relationship. What is utterly indispensable and what is negotiable and what is an absolute no-go,” Gross explained.

When there are grave differences between the two, it’s sometimes better to draw a line and end the relationship.

However, couples are advised not to act rashly.

To be able to judge the relationship, the degree of togetherness the couple has shared should be put into the mix.

The partners should also realize that permanent happiness all the time is unrealistic, said couples counsellor Dariush Barsfeld.

It’s an important step to accept these things because it impedes the pursuit of a dream vision of a perfect partnership and perhaps then making a wrong decision about someone.

“It happens again and again that good relationships break up because one of the partners had exaggerated demands and thought they were able to find someone who fit in every way,” said Beate Landgraf of an association of psychologists and holistic medicine practitioners in psychotherapy.

There is no universal solution to the problem. It isn’t independent from the cause of the semi-happiness. Boredom that sets in when the daily routine is always the same has to be changed.

People who feel they will not be able to have their dreams fulfilled because their partner doesn’t share them should perhaps go their own way rather than give up on them.

COMMENTS [ 152 ]

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You dont get me maan wena maan!
Sorry about not getting, but you sound like you don't want women to take financial responsibility and that's unfair.

are you men their financial responsibilities even when you work?
They can think just like you men just let her decide on her salary that is what I said brother.
You said "as a man you have to give more to her."
Yes Sir!
That encourages laziness and many women who do that end up emotionally abused.

Jan 26, 2012 1:25 | 0 replies

if i marry a man

i will get a pre nup

give him head on the weekends

cook five days a week and take aways on friday and saturday

give it to him four times a week

let him go out on thursday friday and saturday night

but then he better not expect me to stay put as well

i also wannna enjoy my life just cos we married dont mean the fun must end...nah we just legally together nothing less

Jan 26, 2012 2:2 | 0 replies

Some people let go of good partners because of selfish reasons and being inconsiderate. My partner was forcing me to have a Masters degree before he marries me and what he is forgetting is not the masters degree he is going to marry but the individual...that masters degree is not going to give him respect, give him a home, give him a meal, satisfy his sexual needs and raise his children - stupid fool

Jan 26, 2012 2:4 | 0 replies




Jan 26, 2012 2:9 | 0 replies

3. Love and Companionship

Love, respect and support u'r partner...even if he is a murder - give him support!

Jan 26, 2012 2:10 | 0 replies


chicken-dust? kere ke tshameka le wena okare otla thata ne', ketla botsa nevus ge a ofe bj!

Jan 26, 2012 2:13 | 0 replies




Jan 26, 2012 2:16 | 0 replies


Uyitshweri....lenyalo ke nyobisto. If o tswana le Sentle u batla chelete. Tsamaya o lo njala leJSE!

Jan 26, 2012 2:16 | 0 replies

4. SEX

The more Nnyo e jewa - the more e ba le taste...mara stick to one partner and spice it ka some style, environment, sex videos, using vibrator while he is watching u....have a 3-sum now and then...o tla bona wena...monna o tla go rata strong...and bo Mamgobozi and jelous friends will be saying o mo file korobela. Korobela is easy - just let him suck u'r Nnyo and swallow that pusy juice. O feditse ka yena!

Jan 26, 2012 2:18 | 0 replies

Uyitshweri....lenyalo ke nyobisto. If o tswana le Sentle u batla chelete. Tsamaya o lo njala
O maaka - Sentle is not selling Nnyo - o bona a go ganne cause o ja o na selo my brother..hahahahaha

Jan 26, 2012 2:20 | 0 replies

Dintshang today - wa tseba basad*i ba gana ka NNYO - i wonder why.

Jan 26, 2012 2:21 | 0 replies