He insists I have an abortion, but I don't want to
One night, we both had too much to drink, then had sex. We did not use a condom. I have never had sex with anyone else in my life, so I know that this child is his
I AM a 23-year-old woman and in love with a 27-year-old man.
We have been together for nine months. Until recently, I thought he was the most wonderful man in the world.
Four months ago, I stopped taking the pill because it was making me gain weight and often made me feel sick. I discussed this with my boyfriend and he said we would use condoms. One night, we both had too much to drink, then had sex. We did not use a condom.
Two months later, I was pregnant.
Though I was scared, I had to tell him. He was furious. He said we had always used condoms.
When I said there was the one night that we didn't, he denied it. He accused me of having sex with many men and said I should have an abortion.
He threw money in my face and said it was for the abortion. He threatened that if I didn't have an abortion, I would never see him again.
He said he already has a child who he pays maintenance for and that he could not afford another child.
I haven't told anyone that I am pregnant or that he has treated me this way.
I have never had sex with anyone else in my life so I know that this child is his.
I walked away from him and as I did, he kept screaming at me and calling me a prostitute.
He had never told me about his other child before.
He also said I deliberately fell pregnant so that he would marry me. That is not true. I have considered having children in the future, but not now when I am still studying.
I have never met any of his family or friends during our time together. This has sometimes made me feel suspicious.
I can not believe that this is the man who I loved so much.
I cannot have an abortion because I don't believe in it and I told him so.
I know that my family and friends are all going to be disappointed with me.
None of them liked him and my friends warned me against him. They said he was a player.
I just wish I had listened to them, but now it is too late.
Strangely, I still love him though I also feel a deep hatred for him. I feel so alone and desperate and I don't know what to do.
I have started to think that it would be better if I killed myself and the baby. I feel so desperate.
I need your advice. - Tormented, Kempton Park
DUDU'S WORDS OF ADVICE:
Don't be forced into doing anything that you might regret for the rest of your life.
Your boyfriend is behaving badly at a time when he should be supporting you. I understand that you care for him, but you must ask yourself how honest he is.
If he hasn't told you something as important as the fact that he has a child, then what else is he withholding from you?
What sort of man can be so cruel to someone who he supposedly loves?
You are right, it is suspicious that you have never met any of his family or friends. It seems as if you are a secret in his life.
Your family and friends could see that he was not a good person and this should have been a signal to you that you were getting involved with a lying, untrustworthy, irresponsible man.
Condoms are not completely safe and it is entirely possible that it might have broken.
There is also the one night when you did not use protection.
Your boyfriend is equally responsible for the fact that you are pregnant because you informed him of your decision to stop using the pill and you decided together to use condoms.
If you do decide to have an abortion, would you ever be able to forgive him or yourself?
This would also not be a guarantee that he would stay with you.
You really need to find the courage to tell your parents. They will be upset and disappointed, but in time, they will give you the support you need. The same goes for your friends. They all obviously love you.
It is not an option to contemplate suicide. You would destroy all the people who love you. You will get through this.
It won't be easy being a single parent, but many people do it successfully.
When you are feeling low, please contact Lifeline at 011-715-2000, to speak to someone who will not judge you and will help you through the tough times when you feel like giving up.