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 He is a successful businessman and far more sophisticated than I am. Often when I am with his friends I feel inferior 

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He is a successful businessman and far more sophisticated than I am. I am at university. Often when I am with his friends I feel inferior. I am sure many of them laugh at me.

We went to a party three weeks ago and a woman told me that my fiance was engaged to another woman and had a six-month-old baby with her. I was shattered. I phoned my brother and he picked me up from the party. No wonder his friends laugh at me.

I never said a word to my fiance. I have cut him out of my life, completely. I deleted his numbers from my phone and I don't respond to his calls.

He sent a mutual friend to speak to me. She said that he was not engaged, but had had an affair with a woman eight months ago and the woman fell pregnant. She said he loved me a lot and was heartbroken about what had happened.

She said he felt nothing for the other woman and regretted that he had not told me about the baby.

I am the only one who did not know that he had a baby.

I did not say anything to her, but it has left me completely confused. I still love him, but I am so hurt.

Should I give him another chance? Confused and Hurt, Braamfontein

DUDU RESPONDS:

I am sorry that you have been hurt so badly and understand how shocked you must have been about the affair and baby.

Once you are feeling stronger you need to talk to your fiance and tell him to be honest with you. His friends sound as if they can be cruel and mischievous. People often behave in this way because they are jealous. You cannot make a life decision on a rumour.

If he tells you that this is all true you will have to decide whether you can forgive him and whether you want to continue the relationship.

He needs to give you time to think about what you really want. While making this decision you must consider how you will fit into each others' lives.

Will you be able to trust him again? Are you prepared to marry a man who has a child with another woman?

You must understand that he will have to spend time with and maintain his child. This can sometimes be difficult in a relationship.

If you decide to give him another chance, he must be completely honest with you about his past and make every effort to earn your trust once again.

As far as feeling inferior among his friends is concerned, it is only you allowing this to happen. You are making yourself a victim. You have nothing to be ashamed of, so if you ever socialise with them hold your head high and show them how to behave.

If you decide to leave him it will be painful and will take you time to heal. Concentrate on your studies and don't let anyone stand in your way to achieving your dreams.

Comments

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Wed May 22 18:32:01 SAST 2013 ::

Oct 28, 2011

Memme

Hell NO - Don't give him another chance..
You still love him yes, it's fine - You 'll get over as times goes on. He is a dishonest man and you cannot put your heart on the line like that. You deserve much better than this. Focus more on your studies now and i think you need to find a closure and you can only do that by talking to him. Don't avoid him when he calls you - pick up and tell him how you feel but PLEASE do not make a mistake of giving him another chance. He is going to hurt you again....

Take care of your own heart please.... Don't allow people to do what they want with it.


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Oct 28, 2011

Mellow

Iyooo your fiancé is a dog a cheating, lying good for nothing useless piece of rubbish, how can he put you through that if he really loves you? imagine being laughed at and having ppl gossiping behind your back, he is a monster but hey you love him however he failed to respect or honor let alone protect your relationship, my guess is both of you are having unprotected sex hhmmm and he went and impregnate another woman so how many other women is he having unprotected sex with? Girl your choice bear in mind that love is not selfish, doesn’t hurt and it protects so if you’re willing to settle for less your choice and goodluck and yes prepare yourself to love his child unconditionally and TRUST? hhmmm i doubt you will ever trust this bustard again I can never forgive a man who will make me a joke like that, truth is he was supposed to tell you first not his friends
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Oct 28, 2011

JahNeh

Move on babes, you deserve better. He doesn't respect you hence his friends treat you the way the do.
Respect your self and find happiness somewhere else.
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Oct 28, 2011

Hangwelani

Dear Confused & Hurt

This man cheated on you without a condom and had a baby. Who in their right mind are still sleeping around without protection in this day and age? He doesnt love you dear, if he did he would have atleast condomised to make sure he doesnt give you whatever he gets from the other woman.
When was he planning to tell you about the baby? On your wedding day? Girlie a baby is there for life, he will always be connected to the woman he cheated with. You are too young for this kind of relationship. It's not nice marrying a man who has a child with another woman, you will never have him all to yourself and the family you will ultimately have with him. You will always have to share him with her and her baby. The baby will alaways be a reminder of his betrayal and you may not accept the child into your life. Dont get me wrong, the baby is innocent in all this, but he/she will be an everyday painful reminder of his betrayal.

I know its not eays, but i would advise you to leave him, although no one is perfect and there's no guarantee that you will find someone who will be faithful, you will find someone who will love you and respect you. Focus on your studies, that's the best thing you can do for yoursefl right now. The guy is not worthy of your love and tears. You did the right thing by cutting him off, but you should have first confronted him, not that it makes any difference since it came out true. Dont answer his calls ever again, let him jump off the bridge.....
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Oct 28, 2011

DjEp

You are still young and have another 40yrs ahead of you so build something that will last that long. at this stage i will advice you to take your time dont react while you are still angry, then once you have settled you can make sensible decision. going back or not you will have to decide yourself, remember this is your life and you must shape it yourself.

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Oct 28, 2011

Patty2

Sad case indeed concerntrate on your studies give yourself time off from this relationship.It honestly does hurt I feel your pain but are you honestly ready to have a sort of open relationship since a child is involved there is just too much to consider
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Oct 28, 2011

sebariki

listen here you troll,leshilapuleng tena the man made it clear that you dont have space in his life,focus on your studies & leave businessman to prostitutes,you are stil young go eta le kwesa bohloko ke banna, why ladies like to force themselves on men;one thing for sure a man wil never tell you that is over you will just see it yourself,you can go back to him on your own accord but dont come here next time when you are dumped with three children,run as fast as you can whilst you stil don't have a child with this fool.
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Oct 28, 2011

Sgandy

thats the way of the world wena..go on with your life..Sis Dudu wont help you.
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Oct 28, 2011

RobinH

Sister, giving this deceiving SOB another chance would be the biggest mistake of your life. He is so clearly taking vicious advantage of your trust and naivete, to the extent that it seems as though he deliberately parades you in front of his uncouth mates as some sort of court jester. He couldn't keep it zipped before so rest assured, that zipper will be slipping down a lot more in future. Putting a ring on it will simply tie you to him more firmly, while he will continue to service and be serviced by other ladies. Kick him out. In no uncertain terms. As a man, I find infidelity in men utterly despicable.
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Oct 28, 2011

RobinH

Why call this poor woman a troll, sebariki? A bit rude, wouldn't you say? It seems as though you actually resent the fact that she talks about the issue. What kind of reasoning is that?
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