My fiance had an affair and baby
I AM a 23-year-old woman engaged to a 29-year-old man. We have been together for two years. Until recently I thought our relationship was amazing.
He is a successful businessman and far more sophisticated than I am. I am at university. Often when I am with his friends I feel inferior. I am sure many of them laugh at me.
We went to a party three weeks ago and a woman told me that my fiance was engaged to another woman and had a six-month-old baby with her. I was shattered. I phoned my brother and he picked me up from the party. No wonder his friends laugh at me.
I never said a word to my fiance. I have cut him out of my life, completely. I deleted his numbers from my phone and I don't respond to his calls.
He sent a mutual friend to speak to me. She said that he was not engaged, but had had an affair with a woman eight months ago and the woman fell pregnant. She said he loved me a lot and was heartbroken about what had happened.
She said he felt nothing for the other woman and regretted that he had not told me about the baby.
I am the only one who did not know that he had a baby.
I did not say anything to her, but it has left me completely confused. I still love him, but I am so hurt.
Should I give him another chance? Confused and Hurt, Braamfontein
I am sorry that you have been hurt so badly and understand how shocked you must have been about the affair and baby.
Once you are feeling stronger you need to talk to your fiance and tell him to be honest with you. His friends sound as if they can be cruel and mischievous. People often behave in this way because they are jealous. You cannot make a life decision on a rumour.
If he tells you that this is all true you will have to decide whether you can forgive him and whether you want to continue the relationship.
He needs to give you time to think about what you really want. While making this decision you must consider how you will fit into each others' lives.
Will you be able to trust him again? Are you prepared to marry a man who has a child with another woman?
You must understand that he will have to spend time with and maintain his child. This can sometimes be difficult in a relationship.
If you decide to give him another chance, he must be completely honest with you about his past and make every effort to earn your trust once again.
As far as feeling inferior among his friends is concerned, it is only you allowing this to happen. You are making yourself a victim. You have nothing to be ashamed of, so if you ever socialise with them hold your head high and show them how to behave.
If you decide to leave him it will be painful and will take you time to heal. Concentrate on your studies and don't let anyone stand in your way to achieving your dreams.