My husband's secretive nature is driving me mad
I HAVE been married for many years and have grown-up children who are now married. The problem I have, and have always had, is that my husband, who is a good man generally, is extremely secretive.
He even takes his cellphone with him when he goes to the bathroom!
This used to bother me when we were younger, but because I was always very busy with the children and working too, I coped.
I am still working, but have more time now that the kids are out of the house and his secrecy is driving me up the wall.
I have raised it with him, but we always ended up arguing and fighting so I decided to just leave it alone.
I don't think that he is having an affair or anything like that, but I can't stop wondering what he is hiding?
He even takes his cellphone with him when he goes to the bathroom.
Please tell me what to do before I do something stupid. Frustrated, Alberton
DUDU RESPONDS:
I am sorry that you have had to put up with this for so long and I think you are a strong woman for having coped so well.
There are many reasons why people are secretive.
You say that your husband is a good man in many respects and you don't believe that he is hiding an affair.
Whatever the reason, if it is bothering you, he should know about it. You two have to talk about this and if he is not prepared to hear it from you, then you need to tell a good friend to talk to him or try to convince your husband to go for counselling.
We all have some secrets, which is perfectly normal. I am sure you don't tell your husband some things that you discuss with your good friends.
Couples need to give each other space.
I suggest that you first sit down with your husband and tell him how you feel. Tell him that you appreciate that he is a good husband, but can not bear his secrecy any longer. Ask him what is it that he is hiding? Tell him that it is not normal to take his cellphone into the bathroom and that it is just making you suspicious.
TupacAmaru
Wakeup mama. If he's taking his cellphone to the bathroom when it rings, he might actually be having an affair. But then again...you gave him too much space for so long you wont be able to close now.Report Abuse
Allan
Grow up old lady. You say he's been like that ever since then why do you want strangers to come to your relationship to offer you "help". You claim that it didnt bother you while you were busy raising your children. My question to you is why did you have to go as far as having kids with someone who has a behaviour that's bothering you? You should have addressed this "problem" of yours long before you even bring kids to this world.Report Abuse
tpaz
What do you want to know? Let sleeping dogs lay. What you don't know won't hurt you. Seek and you shall find.Get a life and be real. You are the kind of magogo who chase men away by too much nagging.
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miss-motsepe
''Whatever the reason, if it is bothering you, he should know about it. You two have to talk about this and if he is not prepared to hear it from you, then you need to tell a good friend to talk to him or try to convince your husband to go for counselling.everytime u advise a person is counselling mxm get a life sis dolly
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JUBJUB
But you gave him that due,he is used to it. And now you blaming him for being like this.Stop complaining.Report Abuse
Sizwe_M
Firstly Mzali dont ask questions you do not want answers to. The fact that your husband has a secret does not mean it is a bad thing, sometimes there are people who are secretive out there by nature and if that is your husbands nature then please allow him to be himself, what is the point of pushing your husband to satisfy your inquisitiveness only to lose him after that? You surely wouldn't want your husband to expect something of you that is against your nature, so let him be. If you have kept a marriage for this long in a country filled with divorce then is satisfying your inquisitiveness that important enough to ruin your marriage...? So please leave him be we all have secrets. The last part of my comment while it may be far fetched imagine if the naure of his job called for such secrecy what then? you would rather have a husband who risked your financial future because you are inquisitive?In simple Ma there is no problem here uletha amanzi endlini ngo kwa kho. Let your husband be and stop being childish, you cannot know everything about him and you definitely do not tell him everything!
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KUKU
Mama wa Sebotho - tlogela go ratharatha and concentrate on how u can improve your sex-life and how your pension money will be spent.I don't think he's got an affair - i think he has another wife and kids (second family) from KZN.
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KeRataBasadi
Because you nag nag nag nag, thats why. Shut up when he is watching a game.Report Abuse
dre10
Maybe Mama u that kind of wife who talk out all the family secrets to your neighbours and relatives. Ask your self first if its not your own doing.Report Abuse
nevus
tima ntja marago o tla bona e tla thathamolloga o kare toloki ya tlhale.Report Abuse