My wife's family is taking advantage of our home
MY WIFE and I have been married for six months. She comes from a very big, close-knit family.
You have to handle this very carefully so as not to upset your wife's family
MY WIFE and I have been married for six months. She comes from a very big, close-knit family.
My wife and I are both fairly well employed and we have our own home.
We have worked hard for what we have. I am getting very irritated with her family who are always at our home. Every weekend people just pitch up and we are expected to feed everyone.
My wife is the cook and waitress. We never have time to ourselves. My wife is four months pregnant and she runs around for her family all the time.
She works all week and by the weekend she is exhausted.
I sometimes go out to be with my friends because I cannot stand being with them.
Don't get me wrong, they are very nice people. But I feel they are taking advantage of us and it is making me really angry. When I go out with my friends it upsets my wife.
Her twin sister has now asked her if she can move in with us because it will be easier for her to get to varsity where she is studying.
Thank goodness my wife said that she would have to discuss it with me.
Now how do I say no without offending her family? This is not what we planned and certainly not how I see our future together.
How should I handle this? - Tired of family, Randburg
DUDU'S RESPONSE:
I am sure you must be frustrated that you have no time alone with your wife and I am sure the cost of entertaining so many people all the time is high.
I don't think it is fair for you to go out and leave your wife to look after her family, particularly since she is pregnant.
You need to seriously discuss this with your wife.
Don't say bad things about her family, but tell her that their visits need to be controlled.
Decide together on when you are prepared to entertain the family.
Start going out together on weekends and this will ensure that her family phones you before they arrive unannounced.
Depending on the relationship your wife has with her mother, perhaps she could speak to her about it.
She could say that both of you love the family, but you also need some time on your own to start building your life together.
She could also add that with the pregnancy she needs to rest, considering that she works full-time. As far as your wife's sister moving in with you is concerned - only the two of you can make that decision together.
Again, you can point out that with the baby arriving you will not have the room - nor the time - to see that the sister is sorted out.
Obviously, you have to handle this very carefully so as not to upset her family.
Mellow
Brother move far far far away from both your families i mean honestly now 6Months into your marriage and your already crowded by her family?! comeon its just morally wrong what type of in-laws are they, her parents should know better they should just all back off stop cramping your style give you both space to grow and have your time together, you're married for crying out loud hell they shouldnt be coming every weekend, which culture did you marry into people wiht no shame...should she let her sister come live you it will make things worse, i say put your foot on the ground brother you're the head of the family afterall arent you? I forsee serious problems in our marriage if you already starting to hang with your buddies to escape instead of addressing the issue its just not good, COMMUNICATE COMMUNICATE and hel tell her family to BUTT OUT if tthey want to marry her by all means this is not their marriage if you dont have problems or issues that needs family addressing then they should just stay far far farReport Abuse
takoskonvict
this is a xhoza way, you marry the whole family. i am married to a xhoza, i am experiencing the same thing. i want to divorce and get someone from my village in Limpopo.Report Abuse
BabyMntwana
Sooon the family of this wife will get riod of you from that house.Be a man and stop seeking advice from the Sowetan.
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takoskonvict
you must welcome her younger sister with both hands, make her your weekend special.Report Abuse
BabyMntwana
Sooon the family of this wife will get riod of you from that house.Be a man and stop seeking advice from the Sowetan.
Let them marry their daughter. You get your own wife. As for me,
I am single and happy.
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Sekaku
Buy one get one free. nyoka fela wena. press her sister and mamazala tooReport Abuse
Mellow
@BabyMtwana that's what about to happen sister very soon they will all move in and drive him straight to STERKFONTEIN for he failed to handle his business like a man, its foolish honestly and after 6Months iyoo i will flip, its simple he sit the wifey down and she decides if its her family or hee man...she should be focused on her hubby and new family not this nonsense@sekaku TYPICAL INDEED and disgusting i hope it wont go that far but he might he sounds very annoyed and irritated he might spite the wife eish
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vat'nsit
heeeeeeeeeeeee you will be strong chief support them you dont have a choice as you love your wife otherwise you gonna fight everyday if you push her family away or change a provinceReport Abuse
Mosquer
Ja I understand your frustration. Maybe you were afraid to mention that she hates it when your family visit.These women who comes from decent families have tendency of controlling men and want their husbands to love their(wives) families than husband's.
Motho wa gona o tla go botša gore mamago/family o/e demanda too much but when it comes to her family she will forced, and ge o gana ore ga o mo rate.
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Bluemas
In 2000 I had a similar situation. I initially discussed it with my then wife and she told me that she has a problem with that but has no guts to confront them, so, she gave me the go ahead to do what i want and she will support my decision. What I did was one morning when they were around, I went to the kitchen where they were all having a morning coffee, I just showed up fully naked and horny and grab my wife butt and said you were great last night hun, can we go back to bed. To them it was disgusting and they pack their bags but after that my wife was no longer the same as she was now the one visiting them every weekend. Seven months later we were legally seperated and finally devorce in december of that year.Report Abuse