Maybe he is not the one for you
I AM a successful woman of 25 and my boyfriend is 28. We have been together for a year. We both have good, steady jobs. I think we are perfectly matched. I would like to get married soon because I want to start a family.
My boyfriend does not hit me, but he calls me names and says horrible things
- We are in love, but we have different religions
- Boyfriend has time for friends, but not for me
- Brother says the man I love drinks, womanises
- I am concerned about first wife's illness and son
- Boyfriend has become controlling and he hit me
- My child has become a brat since I got pregnant
- I am devastated by my husband's love affair
- Scared to tell hubby ex-lover is our daughter's father
- Girlfriend is putting pressure on me to get married
- I've found out my boyfriend is engaged - what now?
When I started talking about this he changed completely towards me. We have started fighting and he gets really nasty. He does not hit me but he calls me names and says horrible things, that really hurt me.
It often leaves me wondering whether what he is saying is true. We used to spend all our free time together. Now he is always making excuses not to see me. I am devastated and don't know what to say or do.
Should I tell him that my dreams of marriage and children no longer matter or should I just ignore his behaviour and hope that he will eventually come around to my way of thinking. Was it so bad of me to tell him how I felt?
Dudu responds:
Perhaps your timing was premature. He might not have been ready and could have felt that it was too soon to make plans for the future. But, this is no excuse for his behaviour. He has no right to call you names or belittle you in any way.
In a relationship you need to be able to speak openly and honestly with your partner without fear. You should not give up on your dreams but perhaps you should consider that he might not be the right person.
You also should not ignore his bad behaviour because that is just unacceptable. Tell him how you feel and ask for his thoughts on your relationship.
It will be hard for you if he says he no longer wants to be in a relationship with you, but believe me it will be harder if you were to stay in an emotionally-abusive relationship.
If you stay with him you will lose your self-confidence eventually the love and respect you have for him. If he cannot give you what you need he is not for you.
IF YOU NEED HELP:
Powa (People Opposing Women Abuse) offers counselling, advice, shelter and support for abused women.
Contact Powa on 011-642-4345/6 or write to them at PO Box 93416, Yeoville, 2143. Other branches include 667 Mnisi Section, Katlehong on 011-860-2858; 1620 Ditshego Street, Vosloorus Rehabilitation Centre on 011-906-4259; Room 10 Nthabiseng Centre, Chris Hani-Baragwanath Hospital on (011) 933-2333.
For information on HIV and Aids, phone The National Aids Toll-Free Aids Line 0800-012-322 and Childline on 080-005-5555. You can also call Lifeline on toll-free line 0861-322-322.
HottyTotty
Lady weeee, u need to remember that Women mature early than Men, so this guy is not ready, yes u feel like u r so ready to tackle the marrieage life, but u shud gv people space to breathe, u hv a right to raise that issue so that you can know where you stand, but in life, you dont always get what you want, and if this guy is behaving this way, then he is not ready and does'nt luv u, so move on and stop wasting nako ya gago. Everybody has someone waiting out there so go get your prince charming, this things of marriage comes natural in a relationship, no one should raise an issue for discussion, when the guy is ready then it has to be natural not force force, u sound so desperate, grow up woman............Report Abuse
Asta
I recommend a cool off period, stay away from him a couple of weeks and if he doesn't come for you, leave him.Report Abuse
Ann
kgane mara why bana ba matsatsi a ba rata lenyalo so?? haaai i wonder. if only they knew gore lenyalo ga se papadiReport Abuse
Mellow
Haai some WOMEN whats wrong with them, what advise to you even give to such a person? Really she doesnt know what to do? Whats confusing her? Is it the fact that she is in love with the monster or the fact that she is desperately crying to get married that she is even contemplating settling down with a loser? Or the fact that she doesnt value herself that much?! Grow-up womanReport Abuse
bongi1
He does not hit me but he calls me names and says horrible things, that really hurt me.Ke yona thupa e botlhoko eo go fetwa go betwa,ke Abuse e serious,wake up babe i dnt no y u are hurting urself 4 motho asenang nako ya gago,lenale marato a go tshameka maan sies nxa!!!Report Abuse
mottomotto
life is short people lets mke the most of it whilst we can,if you really love your man try n make him see reason,coz he mite jst be scared of taking that step,bt let him knw that none of you are getting any younger any time soon.Report Abuse
Warrenton
Huhhh lady im available huh and it looks like we both want the same thing coz i also want to get married and start a family hmmmmm but dont worry im sure Sowetan can hook me up with you.Report Abuse
tsayaya
No one deserves to be called names, to be insulted, scorned. Identify want u need and check whether is it want you are getting, then do the honourable thing, GET OUT OF THE ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP!Report Abuse
spokowee
sesi weee wa tseba wa tena since when o bona a woman proposing a guy, ga o fetsa ore wa go tshabela? lenna if i was the guy i was going to run for my life. chill sesi le tlatla lenyalo why o le jaga so nxa sehlaela.Report Abuse