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 Your boyfriend's behaviour is typical of an abusive person 

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For the most part he is a wonderful person and everybody loves him. He is very popular with friends. Our families have known and respected each other for many years.

We have even spoken about marriage and children. I know he loves me and I feel the same way about him.

At the beginning of this year I noticed a change in him. He wanted to know my every move, who I was with and what I was doing. It started becoming irritating. To keep the peace, I went along with all his demands, but found myself with fewer and fewer friends.

He even got it into his head that I was having an affair. He should know me better than that by now because I am not the sort of person to cheat.

We went to a party recently and I caught him kissing another woman.

I asked a friend to take me home and when I was leaving, he grabbed my arm and hit me in the face. I was so hurt and humiliated. The next day, he phoned and apologised and said he was drunk. I know he had not had one drink.

I am now having serious doubts about our relationship. I cannot see myself living with a man I do not trust and who I am scared of.

The problem is that so many people are hoping that we will get married. For our parents it will be a dream come true. They always pressure us for a date. I honestly don't know if I can disappoint them all. I haven't seen him since this happened, but he continually phones me, apologises and says how much he loves me.

What should I do? Sad and Scared, Johannesburg

Dudu responds,

You are wise to consider this relationship very carefully before getting married. I am sorry but your boyfriend's behaviour is typical of an abusive person. He is a cheat and a liar.

Being in a controlling relationship is stressful enough and once it escalates to physical abuse, it will get worse. He is charming at first but slowly becomes domineering and before you know it you are not in contact with anyone else in your life who loves you.

He will knock your confidence right out of you, verbally and physically. Eventually you will believe you are ugly and worthless and that this is the sort of relationship you deserve. Someone who supposedly loves you should not hurt you.

You don't need to give reasons to anyone if you decide to end the relationship. All you need say is that it was not working out. You can't sacrifice your life to make others happy. They might be disappointed but they will get over it.

If he treats you this way now, how will he treat you after marriage?

Comments

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Wed Jun 19 04:34:15 SAST 2013 ::

Jun 10, 2011

asaowe

why man have to resolt in abusing their loves one, i fail to understand nxa, guyz if u feel u no longer love a person just leave her, nd carry on wth yo life, problem wth sum guyz (izishimane) a afraid to be dump, mina i alwayz blive plenty fish in da ocean, 1day u wll get your soul mate.
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Jun 10, 2011

19851410

Ga o kgeke sesi? bolela nnete mo.
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Jun 10, 2011

TSHEPAAAAAA

why are u telling us this leave him mos,what a waste of sowetan's paper.
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Jun 10, 2011

Mamadmama

hlala ntja onke motho, what i can tell you is that it will never stop
askies nunu!
i hate it when a guy moer a girl..nx!
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Jun 10, 2011

Mosquer

What did you do to make him suspicious?
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Jun 10, 2011

Mellow

Girl run, run as fast as you can do not ignore the alarm system its ringing so loud. Remember you are the one who will be marrying him and having his kids not your parents or your friend for that matter so sorry to disappoint them i think you come first and once they start the beating they dont stop no matter how much they apologise, you really sound like a smart woman do whats best for you and only you those who love and respect you will understand and support you no matter what. We already sitting with a high volume of abused women please break them chains.

Brothers please love and care for us whats with the beating, love is not love if it hurts:
1 Corinthians 13:4–8a
Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance ... love will last forever
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Jun 10, 2011

Mellow

Mosquer
What did you do to make him suspicious?
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Your kidding right?
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Jun 10, 2011

Bodigelo

run, run, faster !!!!
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Jun 10, 2011

NewKidOnTheBlock

Reasons for his insecurity is because he is the one who is cheating. Whatever he is doing he knows someone else can do it with you the very same way he is doing with his side-kick(s). In short cheaters are the most insecured people ever because they know the tricks of cheating.
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Jun 10, 2011

Ritz-Ritz

Follow your heart Girl!
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