Wed Apr 23 16:51:22 SAST 2014
Wed Apr 23 16:51:22 SAST 2014

My father blames me for my mother's death last year

Jun 3, 2011 | Dear Dudu |   33 comments

I AM 15 years old and a year ago my mother died of a heart attack. My father has been depressed since then and I don't know how to help him

 I think my father would be better off without me 

He was angry with me and said that I could have saved my mother, but didn't.

I was at home with my mother when she died, but there was absolutely nothing I could do to help her.

Since he said those words, he has stopped speaking to me. He blames me for my mother's death.

This has made me very depressed too and I think my father would be better off without me because all I do is remind him of my mother.

Please help me. - So upset, Bosmont

DUDU RESPONDS:

I am so sorry that you have lost your mother and that you and your father are going through such terrible pain.

I am sure that your father lashed out at you in anger and pain. You were the closest one to him so he took all his suffering out on you.

Even doctors are often unable to prevent a heart attack from killing a person so I am sure that your father does not expect that his 15-year-old daughter could have saved her mother. There is nothing you could have done to save your mother so you have nothing to feel guilty about.

Don't think that your father would be better off without you. At this time, he is confused, angry and devastated at the loss of his wife.

I would strongly urge you and your father to seek grief counselling. You can either be referred by a doctor or contact Lifeline on 011-728-1347.

You could also contact Compassionate Friends, which is a support group for people who have lost a loved one. Telephone them on 011-440-6322.

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