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My father blames me for my mother's death last year

By Dear Dudu | Jun 03, 2011 | COMMENTS [ 33 ]

I AM 15 years old and a year ago my mother died of a heart attack. My father has been depressed since then and I don't know how to help him

He was angry with me and said that I could have saved my mother, but didn't.

I was at home with my mother when she died, but there was absolutely nothing I could do to help her.

Since he said those words, he has stopped speaking to me. He blames me for my mother's death.

This has made me very depressed too and I think my father would be better off without me because all I do is remind him of my mother.

Please help me. - So upset, Bosmont

DUDU RESPONDS:

I am so sorry that you have lost your mother and that you and your father are going through such terrible pain.

I am sure that your father lashed out at you in anger and pain. You were the closest one to him so he took all his suffering out on you.

Even doctors are often unable to prevent a heart attack from killing a person so I am sure that your father does not expect that his 15-year-old daughter could have saved her mother. There is nothing you could have done to save your mother so you have nothing to feel guilty about.

Don't think that your father would be better off without you. At this time, he is confused, angry and devastated at the loss of his wife.

I would strongly urge you and your father to seek grief counselling. You can either be referred by a doctor or contact Lifeline on 011-728-1347.

You could also contact Compassionate Friends, which is a support group for people who have lost a loved one. Telephone them on 011-440-6322.

COMMENTS [ 33 ]

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tell your dad that you are not GOD they was no way to save your mom

Jun 03, 2011 7:22 | 0 replies

Die ou topie is maal ! Waar was hy gedurende die hartaanval? Ek is seker hy was besig om sy lewe weg te drink. Jy kan silke kak se of doen nie. Die seun is nog 'n kind en kan nie so baie op sy skouers dra. Fok die pa and sy kak maniere !

Jun 03, 2011 9:26 | 0 replies

- Yah Neh, SOWETAN why do you write 2 yourself and answer yourself as DUDU, i really think you are making these stories up Hey!

Jun 03, 2011 9:55 | 0 replies

I pay R21000 per annum for my childs fees,and i would expect that they teach them the basic lifeskills like CPR,saving someone drowning etc

Someone should die atleast after an attempt,from my kid i would expect them to have atleast tried instead of crying for help and panicing

Jun 03, 2011 10:37 | 0 replies

Commit suicide. You are useless. You failed to save your mother.

Jun 03, 2011 10:42 | 0 replies

maybe if you take your mother's place, it will make him feel better. Just give the guy your little kuku, i tell u he'll definately forgive you. that is if you're still a virgin ofcourse.

Jun 03, 2011 10:44 | 0 replies

Your father is taking out anger on the wrong person, he just wants someone to blame. He will come arund, he just hurting a lot and cannot come to terms with the loss. Living will not be an option cause you will only be making matters worse. Wena what you have to do is concentrate on your studies...never feel guilty of something you didnt not do

Jun 03, 2011 10:45 | 0 replies

@Harenyobaneng
I pay R21000 per annum for my childs fees,and i would expect that they teach them the basic lifeskills like CPR,saving someone drowning etc

Someone should die atleast after an attempt,from my kid i would expect them to have atleast tried instead of crying for help and panicing
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Did you just make this sad situation about you? SMH its unbelievable

Jun 03, 2011 11:8 | 0 replies

Eish ya, some comments!!!

Jun 03, 2011 11:43 | 0 replies

@1851410: I wonder what you would say if the same was said to you. I see no need for you to swear so much, you are stooping very low my dear. Please do not take it for granted that you are not known, just be considerate towards others please!

Fellow bloggers, people respond differently to such shock and sudden change in their lives, therefore please do not blame the guy until you have experienced the same. All that is needed is for him and his daughter to seek counselling because without it they may destroy each other's lives. No one can prevent the death of another when it is time to go, not even doctors. If we could, all our dearly departed loved ones would be with us today. This is not a story, it is a reality as written by this girl in her letter, so stop blaming Sowetan because it is good that we know that people react differently to the same stimuli.
@Qalost, that is an irresponsible way to address someone in this situation, you certainly have a warped mind my dear. Sometimes I wonder what some people tell their kids when they have challenges!

Jun 03, 2011 11:50 | 0 replies

Robala le yena go re stress se fokotseye?

Jun 03, 2011 12:32 | 0 replies