MY BOYFRIEND and I have been together for two years and are planning to get married. The problem I have is with his mother

He is an only child. His father died five years ago.

When we met, she took an instant dislike to me. She has remained friends with one of his former girlfriends, who apparently visits her. She continually says what a wonderful person the ex is.

She is always saying she is ill so that my boyfriend will visit her, but I am never invited. If we are in the same room, she ignores me completely, which I find very disrespectful.

My boyfriend says I am imagining things and that she will learn to love me once we are married. I doubt this.

We haven't told her yet of our plans to get married and I am dreading it when we do. I love my boyfriend so much, but I don't know whether we should go ahead with the wedding.

What do you think? Mother in-law problems, Leondale

DUDU'S ADVICE:

This is a difficult and sad situation. If she continues behaving this way, she will miss out on a possibly rewarding situation with a woman she could call her daughter in the future.

She probably feels threatened by you and thinks that you will come between her and her son. You must seriously work at allaying her fears.

Spend time with her so she can get to know you. Phone her regularly to find out how she is and whether she needs anything. When you accompany your boyfriend to see her, take flowers or a cake. Invite her to tea and make a fuss of her. Over time she will hopefully warm to you.

Tell your boyfriend about your plan to try and improve your relationship with his mother.

Impress on him that you will not be drawn into a competition with her for his affections. You two must present a united front so that she realises that your intentions are serious.

He is her only child and she is probably scared that she will see less of him and not be involved in his life if he is with you.

If she speaks about his ex just ignore it. Don't force your boyfriend to make a choice between you and his mother.