I AM 24 years old and I last had a boyfriend when I was 20. The relationship ended very badly because he cheated on me. Now I have met someone new and we have started seeing each other.

I am totally in love with him. I find it very difficult when we are apart for too long. I get very tempted to contact him several times a day.

I start thinking that he is going to end the relationship or that he does not love me as much as I love him. I seem to be crying a lot because I am so scared he will leave me. It's such a weak and desperate feeling and I don't like it.

Though I know that my behaviour is not right, I just cannot seem to control my thoughts and feelings.

I sometimes feel as if I will go mad.

How can I learn to be calm and take things slowly? Lovesick, Berea

Dudu says:

Your desperation for love is making you anxious and desperately unhappy.

You cannot carry on like this because you will not only hurt yourself, you will probably lose your boyfriend. You should consider going to your doctor and asking to be referred to a psychologist or counsellor to help you learn how to deal with your abandonment issues.

There is no doubt that your last relationship has hurt you and caused great damage to your self-confidence and ability to trust. You need to understand that no one person can make another happy.

You need to love yourself and ensure that you have other friends and interests apart from your boyfriend. This is what makes a person whole. If everything is centered on a relationship it results in your being a boring, needy person.

It is unrealistic and unfair to put the burden of your happiness on your boyfriend. Make sure you stay in contact with your friends and families and take part in other activities apart from him.