LOL,
What is the Matter, Mopheme: the teacher said
Sir you are so stupid! Matter is anything that occupies space and has mass: Mopheme replied. Report Abuse
Nov 15, 2012
Akhonto
@Sowetan-*YAWN* you all need somethin to do I see!!!!!! Report Abuse
Nov 15, 2012
Lephene
*A married Indian guy went into the confessional & said to his priest, 'I almost had an affair with another woman.'*
*The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?'*
*The Indian said, 'Well, we got undressed & rubbed together, but then I stopped.'*
*The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's & put $100 in the poor box.'*
*The Indian left the confessional, said his prayers, & then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment & then started to leave.*
*The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, 'I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!'*
*The Indian replied, 'Yeah, but I rubbed the $100 on the box, & according to you, that's the same as putting it in!'
Kelebogile was excited to know that his friend Tshepo bought a Z4 and he went to tell his other friends about the good news. When he arrived where they usually gather, there were five of them including the 31 year zulu boy by the name of Muzi and Kelebogile started telling them about Z4 of his friend and they were happy for the guy and suddenly Muzi commented by saying Kodwa mina ngi nga mshaya uma singalwa nge zandla noma anga ba ne moto entle...
a white man burns a new nelson mandela R100 note, is he a racist or izikhothane? Report Abuse
Nov 15, 2012
YOYO85
sakhomba
a white man burns a new nelson mandela R100 note, is he a racist or izikhothane?
=======================================================================
shaim on him uzothenga ngomandela ethanda engathandi uzotshisa zibengaphi...(" _ ") Report Abuse
Nov 15, 2012
kabelo110
Dad: Son what u learned today in school?
Son; We learned about Zimbabwe and Mozambique
Dad: Thats was my place boy, i was there during the struggle underground
The following day, Dad: Son what were you doing todayin school?
Son: Today we learned about Britain and USA
Dad: Ah thats was my place too son, we fought hard with the Americans and the British son
The Third day, Dad: what you did today in school, asked dad
Son: We learned about Geography
Dad: Aah Son that was my place too, i was with the MK underground fighting for this Freedom. Report Abuse
Nov 15, 2012
leShandiis
Daughter: dad am a lesbian
Dad: ok,its cool.
2nd daughter:dad, am a lesbian too.
Dad:(Angrily) Christ!!....Does
anyone in this family love a man??
a teacher one day in class was teaching about fruits:
teacher: today we are going to say the names of fruits. A fruit that starts with "B"
Thabo: Banana
teacher: Good
Benni: another banana
lol...
A balck kid says "mom I have the biggest pen!s from all grade 3's...........It's cos I'm black hey"
His mom replies "n!gger please, it's cos you're supposed to be in grade8" Report Abuse
Nov 15, 2012
Lehido
Daddylevi1*
a teacher one day in class was teaching about fruits:
teacher: today we are going to say the names of fruits. A fruit that starts with "B"
Thabo: Banana
teacher: Good
Benni: another banana
lol...
====================
Thats sounds like Julius Report Abuse
Nov 15, 2012
s.cold
Comeback
A balck kid says "mom I have the biggest pen!s from all grade 3's...........It's cos I'm black hey"
His mom replies "n!gger please, it's cos you're supposed to be in grade8"
=================================================================
lol!!! Report Abuse
Nov 15, 2012
sakhomba
what do you call an indian guy with R500 in his pocket?
= haffejee
what do you call a whiteman who does not attend church?
=van niekerk.
Sowetan deleted my two joke,but they are one who requested us to post jokes.Those joke were neither racist,tribalist nor insulting. Report Abuse
Nov 15, 2012
CONDOMLarge
A Thief broke in2 a Mad Man's house's & stole a TV. As he was running away wit d Tv, He saw a Mad man running aftr him. He ran faster nd so did d Mad man... The Thief eventually got tired nd decided 2 stop since he was nw tired anyway... The Mad man caught d Thief nd sayd 2 him *Breathin heavely*..: Tshwara abuti, o lebetsi REMOTE CONTROL... Report Abuse
Nov 15, 2012
CONDOMLarge
LITTLE OLD LADY IN COURT
Defense Attorney:
Will you please state your age?
Old Lady:
I am 94 years old.
Defense Attorney:
Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?
Old Lady:
There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm
spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch
and sat down beside me.
Defense Attorney:
Did you know him?
Old Lady:
No, but he sure was friendly.
Defense Attorney:
What happened after he sat down?
Old Lady:
He started to rub my thigh.
Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him?
Old Lady:
No, I didn't stop him.
Defense Attorney:
Why not?
Little Old Lady:
It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died
some 30 years ago.
Defense Attorney:
What happened next?
Old Lady:
He began to rub all over of my body.
Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him then?
Old Lady:
No, I did not stop him.
Defense Attorney:
Why not?
Old Lady:
His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited.
I haven't felt that good in years!
Defense Attorney:
What happened next?
Old Lady:
Well, by then, I was feeling so "spicy" that I just laid down
and told him 'Take me, young man. Take me now! '
Bra Oupa was having an affair with the woman, Sophie, from next door.
One Friday morning he lies to his wife he is going to Durban for a
seminar.
He packs his laptop and bags and tells his wife she won't find him when
she comes back from work, and slinks next door to Sophie's house.
It's now the following morning, Saturday, and he's smiling after a Lovely night with Sophie.
Wearing his gown, he goes to the bathroom and, to his surprise, through
The window he sees a man walking around his house wearing the other gown he Left at home.
He screams: "Hey, jou moer! Wat maak jy by my huis?"
The man shouts back: "F#&K YOU!!! ibhari yala iseThekwini, ukhuluma amasimba wena mhlathi ka nyoko "
Bra Oupa replies: " Uzonya umang'buyeThekwini"...... Report Abuse
Nov 15, 2012
CONDOMLarge
LOL...
A guy went for an HIV test on Friday and they told him to come back for his results on Monday .....on Sunday when he was at church the Pastor began to pray "MAY ALL THE THINGS U RECEIVE THIS WEEK BE POSITIVE" the guy stood up and shouted "UYANYA MFUNDISI"
sakhomba
a white man burns a new nelson mandela R100 note, is he a racist or izikhothane?
-----------------
Hahaha very funny. Report Abuse
Nov 15, 2012
nzaco
CONDOMLarge
LOL...
A guy went for an HIV test on Friday and they told him to come back for his results on Monday .....on Sunday when he was at church the Pastor began to pray "MAY ALL THE THINGS U RECEIVE THIS WEEK BE POSITIVE" the guy stood up and shouted "UYANYA MFUNDISI"
==========
kwaaaaaaaaaaaakwakwakwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
a reng?.......................kikikikikiki Report Abuse
Nov 15, 2012
Mellow
Dear Jacob Zuma if you also thinking that one day it will be your head on SA'n money(coins n notes) dream on ni99er your head won't fit, we dont wanna be walking around with A4 R100 notes!!! Report Abuse
Never force children to Pray. At
dinner, a little
boy was ordered to lead in
prayer...
BOY- But i dont know how to pray
...DAD- Just pray for your family
members,
friends and neighbours, the
poor, etc
BOY- "Dear Lord" he started
Thank u for our visitors and
their children,
who finished all my
cookies and ice cream.
Bless them so they wont come
again.
Forgive our neighbor's son, who
removed my
sister's clothes and wrestled
with her on her bed.
This coming Christmas, pliz send
clothes to all
those poor
naked ladies on my daddy's
blackberry
and provide shelter for the
homeless men who use mom's
room when daddy is at work..
AMEN Report Abuse
Nov 15, 2012
Ratshufi
I am waiting guys be creative now heheheheh Report Abuse
In the rape case at Pretoria high court the judge ask
What did you do after raping the young woman?
i took shower
why did you take shower?
trying to reduce HIV infection
hahahahahahahaaaaa iyoo
three 9 year old boys go under the bridge at the same time. their names are Sipho (black), Gert(white) and Gatiep ( coloured).
who will come out last at the other end?
of course it is Gatiep, he will be writing on the wall, " jou ma se....." Report Abuse
Moses came home from the pub late one Friday evening totally drunk, as he often did, and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep.
He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep.
When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe.
"Who the hell are you?" demanded Moses, "and what are you doing in my bedroom?"
The mysterious Man answered, "This isn't your bedroom and I'm St Peter".
Moses was stunned: "You mean I'm dead!!! That can't be, I have so much to live for, I haven't said goodbye to my family.... you've got to send me back straight away".
St Peter replied "Yes, you can be reincarnated but there is a catch.
We can only send you back as a dog or a hen."
Moses was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen.
A flash of light later he was covered in feathers and clucking around pecking the ground.
"This isn't so bad" he thought until he felt this strange feeling welling up inside him.
The farmyard rooster strolled over and said, "So you're the new hen, how are you enjoying your first day here?"
"It's not so bad" replies Moses, "but I have this strange feeling inside like I'm about to explode".
"You're ovulating" explained the rooster, "don't tell me you've never laid an egg before". "Never" replies Moses.
"Well just relax and let it happen"
And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time.
When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that had ever happened to him...ever!!!
The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg he felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife shouting
"Moses! Tsoga, blek_sem ee ya letagwa, o kaketse dikobo!!!" Report Abuse
Nov 15, 2012
Cool-K
A teacher was asking her pupils @ grade3, what the correct way phrase to use if want to go the bathroom when you're a date.
Steve: Can I plz go pee
Teacher: No Steve, you can't say pee @ a dinner table.
Bob: Can I plz be excused I need to go the toilet.
Teacher: Yes Bob but you can't use the TOILET @ a dinner table.
... then came Johnny.. (Take a deep breath)
Johnny: My Dear Ma'am, can I plz be excused I need to shake hands with a dear friend of mine whom I am hoping you will get to meet after dinner.
the Teacher Fainted. Report Abuse
Nov 15, 2012
Misslady
In a Bar
A guy stumbles up to the only other patron in the bar and asks "May I buy you a drink".
"Why! of course," comes the response
The 1st guy then asks, "Where ya' from?". "a'm from Ireland," replies the 2nd guy.
The 1st guy responds, "I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland."
"Of course," replies the 2nd guy, and they both pour back their drinks. Curious, the 1st guy asks,
"Where in Ireland are you from?"
"Dublin," comes the reply.
"Oh My!, I can't believe it", says the 1st man.
"I'm from Dublin too Let's have another drink to Dublin!" the men both continue drinking.
Curiosity strikes again and the 1st guy asks, "What school?"
"St. John's," replied the 2nd guy. "I graduated in '64."
"That's unbelievable," the 1st guy says. "I went to St. John's and I graduated in '64, too!"
About that time, in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.
"What's been going on?" curiously, he asks the bartender.
"Nothing much" the bartender responded. "the O'Mally twins are drunk again."
>>Should we not complete the cycle and put Julius on our toilet paper?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Good one :-)
@Doctor247
"Moses! Tsoga, blek_sem ee ya letagwa, o kaketse dikobo!!!"
=================================================
hihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihih
hihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihi.
this is a killer. jealous down.
hihihihihihi Report Abuse
Nov 15, 2012
Mellow
Husband: I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
Wife: You wear briefs, don't you?
The pastor dipped Jabu in water 3 times and on the 3rd time the pastor said: "You are now baptized, from today you are a new creation, the old is gone, no more alcohol for u. So you will now be called Samuel." Arriving at home Jabu, now Samuel, headed straight to the fridge gets a very cold beer, dips it in water 3 times and says: "You are now a new creation and from today you are orange juice!!!" Report Abuse
Nov 15, 2012
Mellow
Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
''What about the red one?'' the man asks.
The assistant says, ''That one's R10,000.''
The man says, ''What does HE do?''
The assistant says, ''I don't know, but the other two call him boss.''
==============================================================================
Said but true South african story!!!! Report Abuse
Nov 15, 2012
kabelo110
THEmadame2B-BBEE
@Kabza 110...that aint funny
==========================
Morning frnd, come up with new material gal, im sure as a Rhodes graduate you have something under ur belt. Report Abuse
Nov 15, 2012
Ratshufi
@Mellow
Husband: I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
Wife: You wear briefs, don't you?
_________________________________________________________
Hahahaha Mellow so he has nothing to pu in them heheheh Report Abuse
Nov 15, 2012
Doctor247
@Mellow
Husband: I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
Wife: You wear briefs, don't you?
*******************************************************************************
OUCH!!! That's all I can say. Demolishing a man's ego like that! Yho!!! Report Abuse
Daddylevi1*
a teacher one day in class was teaching about fruits:
teacher: today we are going to say the names of fruits. A fruit that starts with "B"
Thabo: Banana
teacher: Good
Benni: another banana
lol...
=======================
Mxm, People if you dont know what to type just keep quite and read. This aint funny mn. Report Abuse
Nov 15, 2012
Popeye
Gareth interviewed Sticks in Idols
Gareth: What is your name?
Sticks: Sticks.
Gareth: Where do you work?
Sticks: I’m selling fruits in the street.
Gareth: Oh! are you a vendor?
Sticks: No…I’m a Zulu.
….based on a true story….
lol lol ,keep them coming good people ,you are all funny except Kabelo110 Report Abuse
Nov 15, 2012
kabelo110
sakhomba
>>Mandela is now on our paper money.
>>Jacob is always in our news paper.
>>Should we not complete the cycle and put Julius on our toilet paper?
==================================
Mxm, you started well but now you are a bit out of order, Plz if you are out of material, just read and lol.
@comtsotsi
Maaka you are TheMadam2B-BEE Report Abuse
Nov 15, 2012
Mellow
Three men were drunk and they stopped a taxi.....the taxi driver figured that they were not in their right minds......so, he just switched on the engine and switched it off and told them: "we have arrived"......
The first man gave him money.....
the second one thanked him.....but the third one....he slapped the taxi driver.....
The taxi driver was stunned because he was hoping that none of them would have realized that the car didn't move an inch.....
So, he asked the third man : "what was that for?"
The third man replied : "control your speed next time .....you almost killed us....."
The priest asks Johnny if he's not scared of meeting Satan. Little Johnny says, "You are the one that must be scared. You talk s#it about him every Sunday."
@Mellow
The priest asks Johnny if he's not scared of meeting Satan. Little Johnny says, "You are the one that must be scared. You talk s#it about him every Sunday."
============================
The 1st above was super, but this one wa lora gal. Just read others if you are out of material my sista. Report Abuse
Nov 15, 2012
Misslady
ONE NIGHT 4 UNIVERSITY STUDENTS WERE BOOZING TILL LATE NIGHT AND DIDN'T
STUDY FOR THE TEST WHICH WAS SCHEDULED FOR THE NEXT DAY.
IN THE MORNING THEY THOUGHT OF A PLAN. THEY MADE THEMSELVES LOOK AS
DIRTY AND WEIRD AS THEY COULD WITH GREASE AND DIRT.
THEY THEN WENT UP TO THE DEAN AND SAID THAT THEY HAD GONE OUT TO A
WEDDING LAST NIGHT AND ON THEIR RETURN THE TYRE OF THEIR CAR BURST AND
THEY HAD TO PUSH THE CAR ALL THE WAY BACK AND THAT THEY WERE IN NO
CONDITION TO APPEAR FOR THE TEST.
THE DEAN WAS A JUST PERSON SO HE SAID THAT YOU CAN HAVE THE RE-TEST
AFTER 3 DAYS. THEY SAID THEY WILL BE READY BY THAT TIME.
ON THE THIRD DAY THEY APPEARED BEFORE THE DEAN. THE DEAN SAID THAT THIS
WAS A SPECIAL CONDITION THAT ALL FOUR WERE REQUIRED TO SIT IN SEPARATE
CLASSROOMS FOR THE TEST.
THEY ALL AGREED AS THEY HAD PREPARED WELL IN THE LAST THREE DAYS. THE
TEST CONSISTED OF 5 QUESTIONS WITH TOTAL OF 100 MARKS:
MID SEMESTER COURSEWORK EXAMINATION
INSTRUCTIONS:
All questions are compulsory.
Any inconsistencies on any of the questions among the four students will
result in all the candidates getting a zero mark.
Q.1. Write down your name----- (2 MARKS)
Q.2. Write the name of the bride and bridegroom at the wedding you attended----- (30 Marks)
Q.3. What type of a car burst a tyre. ------ (20 Marks)
Q.4. Which tyre burst ------- (28 marks)
Q.5. Who was driving---------- (20 marks)
@Misslady
=================
This is what we call jokes. Ha ha hiiii u killd me gal. Cleva Dean, probably from UP lol. Report Abuse
Nov 15, 2012
WordofGod
Teacher: Ha. Ke bitsa le bitso la hao, o responde neh? Thabo!
Thabo: Sponde Report Abuse
Nov 15, 2012
Nongoloza24
Comeback
A balck kid says "mom I have the biggest pen!s from all grade 3's...........It's cos I'm black hey"
His mom replies "n!gger please, it's cos you're supposed to be in grade8"
````````````````
lmao hahahahahaha Report Abuse
Nov 15, 2012
Mellow
Three men just got out of a mental institution.
They were taking a stroll when this car pulled up beside them to ask for directions. Two of them told the driver they do not know.
The third one had been left behind tying his shoe laces.
When he caught up with his friends, he wanted to know what the driver wanted.
They told him the driver was looking for directions.
He chases the car, "Emisa koloi! Ema moo driver"
When he gets there out of breath he tells the driver.....
"O seke wa makala ke go tibisa so die bra, ne ke batla go go botsa gore lenna AKITSI"
WordofGod
Teacher: Ha. Ke bitsa le bitso la hao, o responde neh? Thabo!
Thabo: Sponde
======
lol........kwakwakwa...joke ya pre-school! lol...............
Dumela Wordy-licious....kikikikiki Report Abuse
that is stupendous :)) *well thought through_____ Report Abuse
Nov 15, 2012
YOYO85
Misslady
MID SEMESTER COURSEWORK EXAMINATION
INSTRUCTIONS:
All questions are compulsory.
Any inconsistencies on any of the questions among the four students will
result in all the candidates getting a zero mark.
Q.1. Write down your name----- (2 MARKS)
Q.2. Write the name of the bride and bridegroom at the wedding you attended----- (30 Marks)
Q.3. What type of a car burst a tyre. ------ (20 Marks)
Q.4. Which tyre burst ------- (28 marks)
Q.5. Who was driving---------- (20 marks)
=========================================================================
HAHAHAHAHAHAH yhooo shaim Report Abuse
Nov 15, 2012
Naked
N'Z ACO de cided to comm it s uicide by jumping up from 18th st orey bldng
as he was abt to jump he saw a man w ithout h ands cl!ck danci ng on the st reet.
he dec ided nt to k'ill himself bt find out what make s Cl!ck so happy d espite his ph ysical challenge
nzaco:mfet hu w ajaiva k angaka..yini le ek uhambela k ahle e mpilweni
cl!ck: mase..akho wena sani! im not da ncing im s 'cratching my b 'um !! Report Abuse
Nov 15, 2012
Mellow
Sipho goes to the post office.
He asks for an envelope from the cashier.
He screams into the envelope,
the cashier scared asks “WHY ARE YOU SCREAMING IN THE ENVELOPE”
Sipho answers
Mellow
Dear Jacob Zuma if you also thinking that one day it will be your head on SA'n money(coins n notes) dream on ni99er your head won't fit, we dont wanna be walking around with A4 R100 notes!!!
```````````````````````
That's a lame joke I must admit sies. Report Abuse
Nov 15, 2012
Mellow
Lost & found
A guy called Metro FM radio & said "I’ve found a purse with R 15 000 & a credit card & ID Book of Mrs Ramsay in Sandton." Radio DJ responds: "How honest, so you want to return her purse?" The guy responds: "Hell NO...! I just wanted to dedicate a song for her: Hanthe Jesu o na mpona hake lela jwalo ampitsa are etlo hona ofole matswalo... Report Abuse
hhhaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaa. kikikikiki.................
ke tlo ho booooooooooooooooolayaaaaaaaaaaaa kakakakakaka
wena Nake'd!!............kwakwaaaaaaaaakwakwaaaaaaaaa Report Abuse
Nov 15, 2012
Doctor247
A husband and a wife were sitting watching TV program about psychology and explaining the pgenomenon of "MIXED EMOTIONS".
The husband turned to his wife and said: "Honey, that's a bunch of crap. I bet you can't tell me anything that will make me happy and sad at the same time."
The wife said: "Out of all your friends, you have the biggest peni.s." Report Abuse
Nov 15, 2012
nzaco
MeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeLoooooooooooooooooow
wa di betsa ngwanana__ helele
WENA @Naked!!! I am WaTCHinG YoU liKE aN OOOoooooWwwwwwWWLLL...lol Report Abuse
Dear sis Dolly
I'm a 70 year old man with 20 kids & 6 wives, recently had a child wth my frends daughter, should i marry her??? from anonymous - eNkandla
Sis Dolly replied "voetsek Zuma! i knw its you. Report Abuse
Nov 15, 2012
Ma'dreds
Ring Ring!!
Kamo: luv kekopa onrekele Debonairs...
Orlando Pirates is as valuable as having clothes on your body. Report Abuse
Nov 15, 2012
Tibub
A father talks to his son about his plans after high school
Dad : What do you want to do after finishing your schooling ?
Son : I want to be a Banker
(to his dad it sounded like he wants to be a BONKER)
Dad : Surprised , what the f**k did you say ?
Son : I said Banking
Dad : Breathing a sigh of relief , that's a very good choice now go tell your mom to join me in the bedroom Report Abuse
Nov 15, 2012
BEAUTYPRINCESS
@sakhomba
a white man burns a new nelson mandela R100 note, is he a racist or izikhothane?
-----------------------------
KWAAAAAAAAAH! Report Abuse
Nov 15, 2012
Naked
@nzaco :)
english translation of Z ulu names.
Dumisani - rev the car
Nomthandazo - pray-non-stop
Tholakele - she-was-lost-but-now-she -is-found
Ncedisi - (PA) personal assistant
siyabonga - thank you
menzi - maker
mongezi - If u don't come
Mathanzima- heavy saliva
Madlopha-eat while u b leed
Ntombifuthi -girl-again
SENZENI-WHT HAVE WE DONE
Zine--4
Fikile - arrived
Meraai is in court testifying that Gatiep rap.ed her.
Prosecutor: So Meraai, tell us how it happened.
Meraai: Djor honor, Gatiep broke into my house and pushed me into the bedroom.
Prosecutor: Is that where he rap.ed you.
Meraai: No djor honor. I got away and ran to the lounge.
Prosecutor: Is that where he rap.ed you?
Meraai: No djor honor, I got away and ran to the kitchen, and that is where he rap.ed me.
Prosecutor: What did he do to you?
Meraai: First he took out the kitchen knife, and put it on the table. Then he took out the bread knife and put it on the table. Then he took out the meat knife and put it on the table. Then he took out his thing and laid it on the table and then he said " Meraai, vi djou gat ek stiek...choose djor wêpon." Report Abuse
Nov 15, 2012
DJ-Winner
Gender of Items
What gender is it? If you're like most people, common everyday items look inert to you. But what you may not know is that many of them have a gender. For example...
1. Ziploc Bags -- Male, because they hold everything in but you can see right through them.
2. Copier -- Female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm up. It's an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed.
3. Tire -- Male, because it goes bald and often it's over inflated.
4. Hot Air Balloon -- Male, because to get it to go anywhere you have to light a fire under it...and, of course, there's the hot air part.
5. Sponges -- Female, because they're soft and squeezable and retain water.
6. Web Page -- Female, because it's always getting hit on.
7. Subway -- Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.
8. Hourglass -- Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.
9. Hammer -- Male, because it hasn't evolved much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.
10. Remote Control -- Female...Ha! You thought it'd be male. But consider that it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying
Joe wanted to buy a motorbike.
He doesn't have much luck until one day,
he comes across a Harley with a 'for sale' sign on it..
The bike seems even better than a new one, although
it is 10 years old. It is shiny and in absolute
mint condition.
He immediately buys it, and asks the seller how he
kept it in such great condition for 10 years.
'Well, it's quite simple, really,' says the seller,
'whenever the Bike is outside and it's gonna rain,
rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain.'
And he hands Joe a jar of Vaseline.
That night, his girlfriend, Sandra, invites him over to
meet her parents. Naturally, they take the bike there.
But just before they enter the house,Sandra stops him
and says, 'I have to tell you something about my family
before we go in.'
'When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the first
person who Says anything during dinner has to do the
dishes.'
'No problem,' he says. And in they go.
Joe is shocked. Right smack in the middle of the living
room is a Huge stack of dirty dishes.
In the kitchen is another huge stack of dishes. Piled up
on the stairs, in the corridor, everywhere he looks,
dirty dishes.
They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one
says a word.
As dinner progresses, Joe decides to take advantage
of the situation.
So he leans over and kisses Sandra.
No one says a word.
So he reaches over and fondles her breasts.
Still, nobody says a word.
So he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes off, throws
her on the table, and screws her right there, in front of
her parents. His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is
obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back
down, but no one says a word.
He looks at her mom..
'She's got a great body,' he thinks. So he grabs the
mom, bends her over the dinner table, and has his
way with her every which way right there on the dinner
table.
Now his girlfriend is furious and her dad is boiling, but
still, Total silence.
All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it
starts to rain.
Joe remembers his bike, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline
from his pocket...
Suddenly the father shouted....
'I'll do the f****** dishes!!!
Miscommunication between Smit (in London) and
Abdul (in Afghanistan)
(Kriii…kriii x 3)
Smit: What’s your name?
Abdul: Abdul Al-Rhazib
Smit: Se.x?
Abdul: 3 to 5 times a week.
Smit: -No, no, no…I mean male or female?
Abdul: Male, female…sometimes camel.
Smit: Hol.y cow…?
Abdul: Yes cow, sheep, animals in general…
Smit: But isn’t ho.stile…?
Abdul: Ho*s style, d*gy style any style.
Smit: Oh! My dear.
Abdul: -No, no dear run to fast…
A guy went for an HIV test on Friday and they told him to come back for his results on Monday .....on Sunday when he was at church the Pastor began to pray "MAY ALL THE THINGS U RECEIVE THIS WEEK BE POSITIVE" the guy stood up and shouted "UYANYA MFUNDISI"
***********************************************************************************************************************
Ungibulaleni kangaka, lol Report Abuse
Nov 15, 2012
Mellow
You are going to love this one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
English: Take this one. Shangaan: Teka le shiwane
English: Hello Sir Shangaan: Haelosheni.
Sound similar doesn't, and they have the same meaning as well.
People always say that; isiShangaani-iSilungu, here's proof.
Early in those years, remember the Coca-Cola people came to advertise a
nice cold drink without a name. Non could name it until they gave it to
an OLD SHANGAAN lady.
After drinking, the Shangaan lady said, Aahhhhhhh, E koka nkola - meaning it pulls the throat, and they named it: COCA COLA.
Now the beer guys used the same concept to give their beer a name,
Shangaans are getting popular in naming drinks, Read below:
This beer makers wanted a unique name for their beer...they then came to S.A. and they asked this group of Africans(Shangaans) to taste their beer and to give name for it.
The shangaans downed the beer but said
nothing...till they were very drunk.. the beer makers stopped supplying
the beer... ...then the Shangaans protested and begged for more "
hinikeni!!!hinikeni!!!hinikeni!!!" (....give us please...)
aaaaaaaaaha!!! HEINEKEN......and the rest is history.
One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone
in tiny Jonestown wakes up early and goes to
their local church. Before the service starts, the
townspeople sit in their pews and talk about their lives and their families.
Suddenly, at the altar, Satan appears!!
Everyone starts screaming and running for
the front entrance, trampling each other in
their determined efforts to get away
from Evil Incarnate. Soon, everyone is
evacuated from the church except for one man,
who sit calmly in his pew, seemingly oblivious to
the fact that
God's ultimate enemy is in his presence.
This confuses Satan a bit. Satan walks
up to the man and says,
"Hey, don't you know who I am?"
The man says, "Yep, sure do."
Satan says, "Well, aren't you afraid of me?"
The man says, "Nope, sure ain't."
Satan, perturbed, says, "And why aren't you afraid of me?"
The man says, "Well, I've been married to your sister for 25 years."
We all know there are bossy girls in our communities & ba donora
So my friend proposed love to one of them
Babes ke a go rata, he said
What did you just say, The girl asked angrily
Kere ke tla go raga, he replied in fear. Report Abuse
Nov 15, 2012
Mellow
Man walks past a beggar every day and gives him R10.00 and that continues For a year. Then suddenly the daily donation changes to R7, 50. "Well," the beggar thinks, "it's still better than nothing."
A year Passes in this way until the man's daily donation suddenly becomes R5.00
"What's going on now?" the beggar asks his donor. "First you give me R10.00 Every day, then R7, 50 and now only R5.00 What's the problem?"
"Well," the man says, "last year my eldest son went to university. It's very expensive, so I had to cut costs. This year my eldest daughter also Went to university, so I had to cut my expenses even further."
"And how many children do you have?" the beggar asks.
"Four," the man replies.
"Well," says the beggar, "I hope you don't plan to educate them all at My expense!!!
WordofGod
Teacher: Ha. Ke bitsa le bitso la hao, o responde neh? Thabo!
Thabo: Sponde
**********************************************************************************
Lol , this is a joke of the day Report Abuse
Nov 15, 2012
Mellow
A little girl asked her mother: 'How did the human race appear?' The mother answered, 'God made Adam and Eve; they had children; and so was all mankind made.' Two days later the girl asked her father the same question. The father answered, 'Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.' The confused girl returned to her mother and said, 'Mum, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?' The mother answered, 'Well, Dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family, and your father told you about his.' Report Abuse
Nov 15, 2012
Mellow
In a rural program for farmers, a female TV reporter seeking the main cause of Mad Cow disease, arranged for an interview with a farmer who may have some theories on the matter....
The interview was as follows: ....
The lady reporter: "I am here to collect information on the possible sources of Mad Cow Disease.. Can you offer any reason for this disease ? "
The farmer stared at the reporter and said: ...............
"Do you know that a bull mounts a cow only once a year ? "
Reporter (obviously embarrassed): "Well, sir, that's a new piece of information.but what's the relation between this phenomenon and Mad Cow disease?"
Farmer: "And, madam, do you know that we milk a cow twice a day ? "
Reporter: "Sir, this is really valuable information, but what about getting to the point ? "
Farmer: "I am getting to the point, madam. Just imagine, if I was playing with your t!ts twice a day.... and only screw!ng you once a year, wouldn't you get mad ? "
ZAKHELE: Why are all these people running?
Man - This is a race, the winner will get the cup
ZAKHELE - If only the winner will get the cup, why others running?
Naked
GIRLFRIEND: BABY whats your star sign I read it for you.
BF: Anginaso
GF: When is your birthday?
BF: 03 JULY
GF: OOOOHHH its cancer
BF: UYANYA!! ESAKHO YI AIDS!!
*****************************************************
Mellow
Sipho goes to the post office.
He asks for an envelope from the cashier.
He screams into the envelope,
the cashier scared asks “WHY ARE YOU SCREAMING IN THE ENVELOPE”
Sipho answers
I am sending a voice mail wena!!!!!!
*******************************************************
Heeeeeeeeeeee! la mpolaya guys yoooooooooh u have made my day, le funny straight. Report Abuse
Nov 15, 2012
Mmabunang
Everything is made in China. Except for babies. They are made in VaChina. Report Abuse
Nov 15, 2012
Mokwepa
@WordofGod
Teacher: Ha. Ke bitsa le bitso la hao, o responde neh? Thabo!
Thabo: Sponde
--------------------
you are a winner Report Abuse
Nov 15, 2012
gazalovespells
X : I am looking for love
Y : Use a Gaza Love spells by Chris Gaza at www.lovespells.me
Sdindi's father passed away a year ago and he asked for a leave at work so that he can prepare some rituals as his mother was about to pass the mourning process. The discussion between him and his boss was as follows:
Sdindi: You know mos boss my father died last year
Boss: Yea I remember that and that was a very sad moment
Sdindi: so boss I need leave
Boss: Your father died last year and you need leave this year?
Sdindi: Yes boss, I have to go home and undress my mother and do my father's job.
Boss (shocked): But why would you do such a horrible thing
Sdindi: All black people do it.
The confused boss granted the leave anyway. On Monday when Sdindi came back the boss asked what happened.
Boss: How did your father's job go?
Sdindi: It went well, it was a little bit hard for my mother when it started because it's been a year since my father died, mother cried a little bit but after a while was smiling and she was very proud of me, she said I did my father's job exactly the same way my father did my grandfather's job.
In an alcohol factory the regular taster died and the director started looking for a new one to hire.
A drunkard with ragged, dirty look came to apply for the position.
The director of the factory wondered how to send him away.
They tested him.
They gave him a glass with a drink. He tried it and said,
"It’s red wine, a muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers."
"That’s correct", said the boss.
Another glass.
"It’s red wine, cabernet, eight years old, a south western slope, oak barrels."
"Correct."
The director was astonished.
He winked at his secretary to suggest something.
She brought in a glass of urine. The alcoholic tried it.
"It’s a blonde, 26 years old, pregnant in the third month. And if you don’t give me the job, I’ll also tell who’s the father!"
Sipho worked for his w'hite boss for a long time and had become close friends.
The boss's w'ife died and Sipho went to pass his heartfelt condolences to friend (the boss)
Sipho asked his friend how he was feeling after the loss of his w.ife in which his friend clearly still in pain ,cried hysterically.In a bid to comfort his friend Sipho slowly rubbed his Friend's back and said "Shut up my friend,shut up ,kuzolunga,just shut up wena Jesus knows". Report Abuse
Nov 15, 2012
nzaco
haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! haikhonaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.............
Naked!!!!!!!!!!! ......*shaking ze head* kikikikikikikikikikik..................
kikikikik.......................kwakwakwakwa.....
You scared of the owl! ....
ngizokuthooooooooooooolaaaaaa!! *wink* Report Abuse
Nov 15, 2012
Mellow
@nzaco
Dont get me wrong me lovesssssssssss SHAAGANS hey please remove the spell now Report Abuse
Nov 15, 2012
Mokwepa
@Naked
Sipho worked for his w'hite boss for a long time and had become close friends.
The boss's w'ife died and Sipho went to pass his heartfelt condolences to friend (the boss)
Sipho asked his friend how he was feeling after the loss of his w.ife in which his friend clearly still in pain ,cried hysterically.In a bid to comfort his friend Sipho slowly rubbed his Friend's back and said "Shut up my friend,shut up ,kuzolunga,just shut up wena Jesus knows".
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
this is not a joke,its just rubbish.....its a turn off. Report Abuse
Nov 15, 2012
Dithabana
@Naked.. That's a hit! "Shut up wena" @Mokwepa. Report Abuse
Mellow
hinikeni!!!hinikeni!!!hinikeni!!!" (....give us please...)
aaaaaaaaaha!!! HEINEKEN......and the rest is history.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oh my eyes are full of tears tjo!!! u k!lled me :-)
Worried Khaphela Mbimbi went to bar for a shot…he saw three men ordered their favorite whiskies.
1st man: Double shot…Jack Daniels
2nd man: Single shot…Jonnie Walker
3rd man: Double shot…Glen Morey
Khaphela: Double shot…Khaphela Mbimbi
To all bloggers…you made my day…good medicine is to make people laugh. Nginithanda nonke emakhaya.
@Mellow
hinikeni!!!hinikeni!!!hinikeni!!!" (....give us please...)
aaaaaaaaaha!!! HEINEKEN......and the rest is history.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The best by far. And original too. Report Abuse
Nov 15, 2012
knobkirrie
a bear and a rabbit are sitting in the bushes and having a s**t. The bear asks a rabbit: 'do you have trouble with s**t getting stuck on your fur??' 'No', said the rabbit. The bear quickly grabbed the rabbit and wiped his arse. Report Abuse
Nov 15, 2012
mruniatz
Harry has a problem to find work because he is very very slow. Finally the zoo keeper takes pity on him and gives him a job to look after the 50 turtles in an enclosure.Later the morning, the manager goes to check on Harry and finds all the turtles are gone and Harry stands leaning on his broom.
"Harry, what the hell happened? Where are all the turtles?"
"Sir, you won't believe it! I just opened the gate to get in and WHOOOOSHHHHH!!!!" Report Abuse
Nov 15, 2012
mruniatz
A very dirty and stoned beggar with a filthy overcoat gets into a bus and takes a seat next to a very stiff lipped madam. She frowns at him and squeezes herself as far away from the stinking wretch as she can. He reaches inside his overcoat and takes out a half eaten motley hamburger, looks at it and offers it to her, saying:;" Widdjoo..... wouldyou.....like a bite, sweedhart?" "No, you filthy man! Get away from me!" the madam replies. He eats the hamburger, reaches into his overcoat and produces a half bottle of methylated spirits. He looks at her and offers the bottle: "C'mon sweedhart, would you like.... a drink...., a drink!" "No you awful disgusting wretch! Go and sit somewhere else!" she replies with a frown. He takes a deep swig, empties the bottle and burps loudly. After a few moments, he looks at her and says: "You dun want my food, you dun want my booze, so I shuppose sleeping with you is out of the queshtion" Report Abuse
A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on the freeway. Nothing is moving.
Suddenly a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down his window and asks, “What's going on?
“E Toll protestors have kidnapped the ANC political leadership. They're asking for a $300 million ransom, otherwise they're going to douse them with petrol and set them on fire. We're going from car to car, taking up a collection.”
The driver asks, 'How much is everyone giving, on average?'
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Comments
MophemeKoPitori
LOL,What is the Matter, Mopheme: the teacher said
Sir you are so stupid! Matter is anything that occupies space and has mass: Mopheme replied.
Report Abuse
Akhonto
@Sowetan-*YAWN* you all need somethin to do I see!!!!!!Report Abuse
Lephene
*A married Indian guy went into the confessional & said to his priest, 'I almost had an affair with another woman.'**The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?'*
*The Indian said, 'Well, we got undressed & rubbed together, but then I stopped.'*
*The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's & put $100 in the poor box.'*
*The Indian left the confessional, said his prayers, & then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment & then started to leave.*
*The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, 'I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!'*
*The Indian replied, 'Yeah, but I rubbed the $100 on the box, & according to you, that's the same as putting it in!'
Report Abuse
Tlakenyobehle!
Nkoko o goelela motlogolo are: “iphithle morutabana ke yo o tsena fa lapeng and wena o lofile beke yohle kwa sekolong”,Motlogolo a araba a re: “iphitlhe le wena ke rile o tlhokafetse”.
Report Abuse
Tlhagaraga
Kelebogile was excited to know that his friend Tshepo bought a Z4 and he went to tell his other friends about the good news. When he arrived where they usually gather, there were five of them including the 31 year zulu boy by the name of Muzi and Kelebogile started telling them about Z4 of his friend and they were happy for the guy and suddenly Muzi commented by saying Kodwa mina ngi nga mshaya uma singalwa nge zandla noma anga ba ne moto entle...Report Abuse
sakhomba
a white man burns a new nelson mandela R100 note, is he a racist or izikhothane?Report Abuse
YOYO85
sakhombaa white man burns a new nelson mandela R100 note, is he a racist or izikhothane?
=======================================================================
shaim on him uzothenga ngomandela ethanda engathandi uzotshisa zibengaphi...(" _ ")
Report Abuse
kabelo110
Dad: Son what u learned today in school?Son; We learned about Zimbabwe and Mozambique
Dad: Thats was my place boy, i was there during the struggle underground
The following day, Dad: Son what were you doing todayin school?
Son: Today we learned about Britain and USA
Dad: Ah thats was my place too son, we fought hard with the Americans and the British son
The Third day, Dad: what you did today in school, asked dad
Son: We learned about Geography
Dad: Aah Son that was my place too, i was with the MK underground fighting for this Freedom.
Report Abuse
leShandiis
Daughter: dad am a lesbianDad: ok,its cool.
2nd daughter:dad, am a lesbian too.
Dad:(Angrily) Christ!!....Does
anyone in this family love a man??
Son:I do dady
Report Abuse
MAWARAWARA
Hello this garmin i believe we were disconnected.........kwaaaaaaa...........this lady killsReport Abuse
YOYO85
Dad:(Angrily) Christ!!....Doesanyone in this family love a man??
Son:I do dady
===========================================================================
krkrkrkrkrkrkrk LMAO
Report Abuse
MAWARAWARA
@sakhombasakhomba? wena mkhethwa akuleso bakho la akusonyiswa kuya gwadazwa la
Report Abuse
Daddylevi1*
a teacher one day in class was teaching about fruits:teacher: today we are going to say the names of fruits. A fruit that starts with "B"
Thabo: Banana
teacher: Good
Benni: another banana
lol...
Report Abuse
Comeback
A balck kid says "mom I have the biggest pen!s from all grade 3's...........It's cos I'm black hey"His mom replies "n!gger please, it's cos you're supposed to be in grade8"
Report Abuse
Lehido
Daddylevi1*a teacher one day in class was teaching about fruits:
teacher: today we are going to say the names of fruits. A fruit that starts with "B"
Thabo: Banana
teacher: Good
Benni: another banana
lol...
====================
Thats sounds like Julius
Report Abuse
s.cold
ComebackA balck kid says "mom I have the biggest pen!s from all grade 3's...........It's cos I'm black hey"
His mom replies "n!gger please, it's cos you're supposed to be in grade8"
=================================================================
lol!!!
Report Abuse
sakhomba
what do you call an indian guy with R500 in his pocket?= haffejee
what do you call a whiteman who does not attend church?
=van niekerk.
in SA,
where do you find most tswanas
=mafikeng,
and Vhendas
=in Makhado
the Zulus
= at bree taxi rank
Report Abuse
Lephene
Sowetan deleted my two joke,but they are one who requested us to post jokes.Those joke were neither racist,tribalist nor insulting.Report Abuse
CONDOMLarge
A Thief broke in2 a Mad Man's house's & stole a TV. As he was running away wit d Tv, He saw a Mad man running aftr him. He ran faster nd so did d Mad man... The Thief eventually got tired nd decided 2 stop since he was nw tired anyway... The Mad man caught d Thief nd sayd 2 him *Breathin heavely*..: Tshwara abuti, o lebetsi REMOTE CONTROL...Report Abuse
CONDOMLarge
LITTLE OLD LADY IN COURTDefense Attorney:
Will you please state your age?
Old Lady:
I am 94 years old.
Defense Attorney:
Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?
Old Lady:
There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm
spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch
and sat down beside me.
Defense Attorney:
Did you know him?
Old Lady:
No, but he sure was friendly.
Defense Attorney:
What happened after he sat down?
Old Lady:
He started to rub my thigh.
Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him?
Old Lady:
No, I didn't stop him.
Defense Attorney:
Why not?
Little Old Lady:
It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died
some 30 years ago.
Defense Attorney:
What happened next?
Old Lady:
He began to rub all over of my body.
Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him then?
Old Lady:
No, I did not stop him.
Defense Attorney:
Why not?
Old Lady:
His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited.
I haven't felt that good in years!
Defense Attorney:
What happened next?
Old Lady:
Well, by then, I was feeling so "spicy" that I just laid down
and told him 'Take me, young man. Take me now! '
Defense Attorney:
Did he take you?
Old Lady:
Hell, no! He just yelled, "April Fool!"
And that's when I shot him, the little bastard.
Report Abuse
Lephene
Bra Oupa was having an affair with the woman, Sophie, from next door.One Friday morning he lies to his wife he is going to Durban for a
seminar.
He packs his laptop and bags and tells his wife she won't find him when
she comes back from work, and slinks next door to Sophie's house.
It's now the following morning, Saturday, and he's smiling after a Lovely night with Sophie.
Wearing his gown, he goes to the bathroom and, to his surprise, through
The window he sees a man walking around his house wearing the other gown he Left at home.
He screams: "Hey, jou moer! Wat maak jy by my huis?"
The man shouts back: "F#&K YOU!!! ibhari yala iseThekwini, ukhuluma amasimba wena mhlathi ka nyoko "
Bra Oupa replies: " Uzonya umang'buyeThekwini"......
Report Abuse
CONDOMLarge
LOL...A guy went for an HIV test on Friday and they told him to come back for his results on Monday .....on Sunday when he was at church the Pastor began to pray "MAY ALL THE THINGS U RECEIVE THIS WEEK BE POSITIVE" the guy stood up and shouted "UYANYA MFUNDISI"
Report Abuse
Tsatsatsa
sakhombaa white man burns a new nelson mandela R100 note, is he a racist or izikhothane?
-----------------
Hahaha very funny.
Report Abuse
nzaco
CONDOMLargeLOL...
A guy went for an HIV test on Friday and they told him to come back for his results on Monday .....on Sunday when he was at church the Pastor began to pray "MAY ALL THE THINGS U RECEIVE THIS WEEK BE POSITIVE" the guy stood up and shouted "UYANYA MFUNDISI"
==========
kwaaaaaaaaaaaakwakwakwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
a reng?.......................kikikikikiki
Report Abuse
Mellow
Dear Jacob Zuma if you also thinking that one day it will be your head on SA'n money(coins n notes) dream on ni99er your head won't fit, we dont wanna be walking around with A4 R100 notes!!!Report Abuse
THEmadame2B-BBEE
@Kabza 110...that aint funnyReport Abuse
MRR
Never force children to Pray. Atdinner, a little
boy was ordered to lead in
prayer...
BOY- But i dont know how to pray
...DAD- Just pray for your family
members,
friends and neighbours, the
poor, etc
BOY- "Dear Lord" he started
Thank u for our visitors and
their children,
who finished all my
cookies and ice cream.
Bless them so they wont come
again.
Forgive our neighbor's son, who
removed my
sister's clothes and wrestled
with her on her bed.
This coming Christmas, pliz send
clothes to all
those poor
naked ladies on my daddy's
blackberry
and provide shelter for the
homeless men who use mom's
room when daddy is at work..
AMEN
Report Abuse
Ratshufi
I am waiting guys be creative now hehehehehReport Abuse
Cool-K
@Sowetan, where are my comments nxaaReport Abuse
Cool-K
Kungcono isXhosa"Thabiso:"Molo mfana, ndicela ugcwalise ngo Unleaded
"Attendant: "How much?
"Thabiso:"Yigcwalise.
"Attendant: "I only speak the English!
"Thabiso:"Noooo problem.... Good day to you, Sir.I currently feel a profound
desire to replenish the propellant of my motorized vehicle.Therefore, I
cordially request you to transfer, from your subterranean reservoir, a
sufficient quantity of combustible fluid of the highest octane rating to fill
the appropriate receptacle of the said means of perambulation to the brim.
"Attendant: "Hau?
"Thabiso:"Do you have a problem Sir? I thought you said you spoke English?
"Attendant: "English..... that, she is not English!
Thabiso:"My dear Sir, are you veritably attempting to insinuate that you do
not even recognize the language which you allege to be your singular means
of communication?
"Attendant: "Hau?"
Thabiso:"Let me attempt to elucidate in the most elementary terms your
paltry grasp of the English vernacular is frittering away the time at my
disposal, or, as I would put it, In a more civilized, intelligible
language....
Kucacile ukuba akhonto uyaziyo ngekaka yesiNgesi le uthi uyasithetha, gcwalisa lemoto ndingekehli kule moto ndikukhabe unye emnqundu! iyavakal'ityuwa ?!!
"Attendant: "Ewe bhuti, ndizoyigcwalisa ingathi singcono isiXhosa
Report Abuse
malemaforpresident
In the rape case at Pretoria high court the judge askWhat did you do after raping the young woman?
i took shower
why did you take shower?
trying to reduce HIV infection
hahahahahahahaaaaa iyoo
Report Abuse
sakhomba
three 9 year old boys go under the bridge at the same time. their names are Sipho (black), Gert(white) and Gatiep ( coloured).who will come out last at the other end?
of course it is Gatiep, he will be writing on the wall, " jou ma se....."
Report Abuse
I.n.c.o.g.n.i.t.o
@CondomLargeLOOOOOOOOOOOL!!! Good ones!
Report Abuse
sakhomba
>>Mandela is now on our paper money.>>Jacob is always in our news paper.
>>Should we not complete the cycle and put Julius on our toilet paper?
Report Abuse
Doctor247
Moses came home from the pub late one Friday evening totally drunk, as he often did, and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep.He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep.
When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe.
"Who the hell are you?" demanded Moses, "and what are you doing in my bedroom?"
The mysterious Man answered, "This isn't your bedroom and I'm St Peter".
Moses was stunned: "You mean I'm dead!!! That can't be, I have so much to live for, I haven't said goodbye to my family.... you've got to send me back straight away".
St Peter replied "Yes, you can be reincarnated but there is a catch.
We can only send you back as a dog or a hen."
Moses was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen.
A flash of light later he was covered in feathers and clucking around pecking the ground.
"This isn't so bad" he thought until he felt this strange feeling welling up inside him.
The farmyard rooster strolled over and said, "So you're the new hen, how are you enjoying your first day here?"
"It's not so bad" replies Moses, "but I have this strange feeling inside like I'm about to explode".
"You're ovulating" explained the rooster, "don't tell me you've never laid an egg before". "Never" replies Moses.
"Well just relax and let it happen"
And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time.
When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that had ever happened to him...ever!!!
The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg he felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife shouting
"Moses! Tsoga, blek_sem ee ya letagwa, o kaketse dikobo!!!"
Report Abuse
Cool-K
A teacher was asking her pupils @ grade3, what the correct way phrase to use if want to go the bathroom when you're a date.Steve: Can I plz go pee
Teacher: No Steve, you can't say pee @ a dinner table.
Bob: Can I plz be excused I need to go the toilet.
Teacher: Yes Bob but you can't use the TOILET @ a dinner table.
... then came Johnny.. (Take a deep breath)
Johnny: My Dear Ma'am, can I plz be excused I need to shake hands with a dear friend of mine whom I am hoping you will get to meet after dinner.
the Teacher Fainted.
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Misslady
In a BarA guy stumbles up to the only other patron in the bar and asks "May I buy you a drink".
"Why! of course," comes the response
The 1st guy then asks, "Where ya' from?". "a'm from Ireland," replies the 2nd guy.
The 1st guy responds, "I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland."
"Of course," replies the 2nd guy, and they both pour back their drinks. Curious, the 1st guy asks,
"Where in Ireland are you from?"
"Dublin," comes the reply.
"Oh My!, I can't believe it", says the 1st man.
"I'm from Dublin too Let's have another drink to Dublin!" the men both continue drinking.
Curiosity strikes again and the 1st guy asks, "What school?"
"St. John's," replied the 2nd guy. "I graduated in '64."
"That's unbelievable," the 1st guy says. "I went to St. John's and I graduated in '64, too!"
About that time, in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.
"What's been going on?" curiously, he asks the bartender.
"Nothing much" the bartender responded. "the O'Mally twins are drunk again."
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Popeye
Teacher: Why are you late?Learner: I saw a road sign written “SCHOOL AHEAD GO SLOW”
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Misslady
sakhomba>>Mandela is now on our paper money.
>>Jacob is always in our news paper.
>>Should we not complete the cycle and put Julius on our toilet paper?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Good one :-)
Report Abuse
Misslady
*Yo mama so poor that she is the chairman of the beggar association of your neighborhood!* Yo mama is so old she was a waitress at the Last Supper.
* Yo mama so fat she stepped on the scale and it said "To Be Continued....."
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sakhomba
@Doctor247"Moses! Tsoga, blek_sem ee ya letagwa, o kaketse dikobo!!!"
=================================================
hihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihih
hihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihi.
this is a killer. jealous down.
hihihihihihi
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Mellow
Husband: I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.Wife: You wear briefs, don't you?
Report Abuse
Doctor247
The pastor dipped Jabu in water 3 times and on the 3rd time the pastor said: "You are now baptized, from today you are a new creation, the old is gone, no more alcohol for u. So you will now be called Samuel." Arriving at home Jabu, now Samuel, headed straight to the fridge gets a very cold beer, dips it in water 3 times and says: "You are now a new creation and from today you are orange juice!!!"Report Abuse
Mellow
Why do men want to marry virgins?They can't stand criticism.
Report Abuse
MGEEZ
''What about the red one?'' the man asks.The assistant says, ''That one's R10,000.''
The man says, ''What does HE do?''
The assistant says, ''I don't know, but the other two call him boss.''
==============================================================================
Said but true South african story!!!!
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kabelo110
THEmadame2B-BBEE@Kabza 110...that aint funny
==========================
Morning frnd, come up with new material gal, im sure as a Rhodes graduate you have something under ur belt.
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Ratshufi
@MellowHusband: I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
Wife: You wear briefs, don't you?
_________________________________________________________
Hahahaha Mellow so he has nothing to pu in them heheheh
Report Abuse
Doctor247
@MellowHusband: I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
Wife: You wear briefs, don't you?
*******************************************************************************
OUCH!!! That's all I can say. Demolishing a man's ego like that! Yho!!!
Report Abuse
Missjoy
Sowetan PleaseReport Abuse
kabelo110
Daddylevi1*a teacher one day in class was teaching about fruits:
teacher: today we are going to say the names of fruits. A fruit that starts with "B"
Thabo: Banana
teacher: Good
Benni: another banana
lol...
=======================
Mxm, People if you dont know what to type just keep quite and read. This aint funny mn.
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Popeye
Gareth interviewed Sticks in IdolsGareth: What is your name?
Sticks: Sticks.
Gareth: Where do you work?
Sticks: I’m selling fruits in the street.
Gareth: Oh! are you a vendor?
Sticks: No…I’m a Zulu.
….based on a true story….
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comtsotsi
lol lol ,keep them coming good people ,you are all funny except Kabelo110Report Abuse
kabelo110
sakhomba>>Mandela is now on our paper money.
>>Jacob is always in our news paper.
>>Should we not complete the cycle and put Julius on our toilet paper?
==================================
Mxm, you started well but now you are a bit out of order, Plz if you are out of material, just read and lol.
@comtsotsi
Maaka you are TheMadam2B-BEE
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Mellow
Three men were drunk and they stopped a taxi.....the taxi driver figured that they were not in their right minds......so, he just switched on the engine and switched it off and told them: "we have arrived"......The first man gave him money.....
the second one thanked him.....but the third one....he slapped the taxi driver.....
The taxi driver was stunned because he was hoping that none of them would have realized that the car didn't move an inch.....
So, he asked the third man : "what was that for?"
The third man replied : "control your speed next time .....you almost killed us....."
Report Abuse
Mellow
The priest asks Johnny if he's not scared of meeting Satan. Little Johnny says, "You are the one that must be scared. You talk s#it about him every Sunday."Report Abuse
kabelo110
@MellowThe priest asks Johnny if he's not scared of meeting Satan. Little Johnny says, "You are the one that must be scared. You talk s#it about him every Sunday."
============================
The 1st above was super, but this one wa lora gal. Just read others if you are out of material my sista.
Report Abuse
Misslady
ONE NIGHT 4 UNIVERSITY STUDENTS WERE BOOZING TILL LATE NIGHT AND DIDN'TSTUDY FOR THE TEST WHICH WAS SCHEDULED FOR THE NEXT DAY.
IN THE MORNING THEY THOUGHT OF A PLAN. THEY MADE THEMSELVES LOOK AS
DIRTY AND WEIRD AS THEY COULD WITH GREASE AND DIRT.
THEY THEN WENT UP TO THE DEAN AND SAID THAT THEY HAD GONE OUT TO A
WEDDING LAST NIGHT AND ON THEIR RETURN THE TYRE OF THEIR CAR BURST AND
THEY HAD TO PUSH THE CAR ALL THE WAY BACK AND THAT THEY WERE IN NO
CONDITION TO APPEAR FOR THE TEST.
THE DEAN WAS A JUST PERSON SO HE SAID THAT YOU CAN HAVE THE RE-TEST
AFTER 3 DAYS. THEY SAID THEY WILL BE READY BY THAT TIME.
ON THE THIRD DAY THEY APPEARED BEFORE THE DEAN. THE DEAN SAID THAT THIS
WAS A SPECIAL CONDITION THAT ALL FOUR WERE REQUIRED TO SIT IN SEPARATE
CLASSROOMS FOR THE TEST.
THEY ALL AGREED AS THEY HAD PREPARED WELL IN THE LAST THREE DAYS. THE
TEST CONSISTED OF 5 QUESTIONS WITH TOTAL OF 100 MARKS:
MID SEMESTER COURSEWORK EXAMINATION
INSTRUCTIONS:
All questions are compulsory.
Any inconsistencies on any of the questions among the four students will
result in all the candidates getting a zero mark.
Q.1. Write down your name----- (2 MARKS)
Q.2. Write the name of the bride and bridegroom at the wedding you attended----- (30 Marks)
Q.3. What type of a car burst a tyre. ------ (20 Marks)
Q.4. Which tyre burst ------- (28 marks)
Q.5. Who was driving---------- (20 marks)
END OF PAPER
GOOD LUCK
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kabelo110
@Misslady=================
This is what we call jokes. Ha ha hiiii u killd me gal. Cleva Dean, probably from UP lol.
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WordofGod
Teacher: Ha. Ke bitsa le bitso la hao, o responde neh? Thabo!Thabo: Sponde
Report Abuse
Nongoloza24
ComebackA balck kid says "mom I have the biggest pen!s from all grade 3's...........It's cos I'm black hey"
His mom replies "n!gger please, it's cos you're supposed to be in grade8"
````````````````
lmao hahahahahaha
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Mellow
Three men just got out of a mental institution.They were taking a stroll when this car pulled up beside them to ask for directions. Two of them told the driver they do not know.
The third one had been left behind tying his shoe laces.
When he caught up with his friends, he wanted to know what the driver wanted.
They told him the driver was looking for directions.
He chases the car, "Emisa koloi! Ema moo driver"
When he gets there out of breath he tells the driver.....
"O seke wa makala ke go tibisa so die bra, ne ke batla go go botsa gore lenna AKITSI"
Report Abuse
nzaco
WordofGodTeacher: Ha. Ke bitsa le bitso la hao, o responde neh? Thabo!
Thabo: Sponde
======
lol........kwakwakwa...joke ya pre-school! lol...............
Dumela Wordy-licious....kikikikiki
Report Abuse
!#Sinudeity#!
I started a band called "1023 megabytes"...We havent done a gig yet.
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nzaco
Mellow takes the crownHers are real jokes...................lol, hahahaha!
bring'em Mellow mzaco's is enjoying here...lol
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WordofGod
honey!! what is mamepe ka sekgowa?Report Abuse
SetlaboswanaBoy07
@Miss LadyNice One
Report Abuse
Naked
GIRLFRIEND: BABY whats your star sign I read it for you.BF: Anginaso
GF: When is your birthday?
BF: 03 JULY
GF: OOOOHHH its cancer
BF: UYANYA!! ESAKHO YI AIDS!!
Report Abuse
Doctor247
@NakedBF: UYANYA!! ESAKHO YI AIDS!!
_______________________________
Nice one!!! Loved it
Report Abuse
Mellow
A kid wrote in his maths answer sheet.Dear algebra
I am sick & tired of finding your X.
Just accept the fact that she's gone.
Move on dude, find someone else.
Don't even ask Y!!!
Report Abuse
nzaco
missLady!that is stupendous :)) *well thought through_____
Report Abuse
YOYO85
MissladyMID SEMESTER COURSEWORK EXAMINATION
INSTRUCTIONS:
All questions are compulsory.
Any inconsistencies on any of the questions among the four students will
result in all the candidates getting a zero mark.
Q.1. Write down your name----- (2 MARKS)
Q.2. Write the name of the bride and bridegroom at the wedding you attended----- (30 Marks)
Q.3. What type of a car burst a tyre. ------ (20 Marks)
Q.4. Which tyre burst ------- (28 marks)
Q.5. Who was driving---------- (20 marks)
=========================================================================
HAHAHAHAHAHAH yhooo shaim
Report Abuse
Naked
N'Z ACO de cided to comm it s uicide by jumping up from 18th st orey bldngas he was abt to jump he saw a man w ithout h ands cl!ck danci ng on the st reet.
he dec ided nt to k'ill himself bt find out what make s Cl!ck so happy d espite his ph ysical challenge
nzaco:mfet hu w ajaiva k angaka..yini le ek uhambela k ahle e mpilweni
cl!ck: mase..akho wena sani! im not da ncing im s 'cratching my b 'um !!
Report Abuse
Mellow
Sipho goes to the post office.He asks for an envelope from the cashier.
He screams into the envelope,
the cashier scared asks “WHY ARE YOU SCREAMING IN THE ENVELOPE”
Sipho answers
I am sending a voice mail wena!!!!!!
Report Abuse
Nongoloza24
MellowDear Jacob Zuma if you also thinking that one day it will be your head on SA'n money(coins n notes) dream on ni99er your head won't fit, we dont wanna be walking around with A4 R100 notes!!!
```````````````````````
That's a lame joke I must admit sies.
Report Abuse
Mellow
Lost & foundA guy called Metro FM radio & said "I’ve found a purse with R 15 000 & a credit card & ID Book of Mrs Ramsay in Sandton." Radio DJ responds: "How honest, so you want to return her purse?" The guy responds: "Hell NO...! I just wanted to dedicate a song for her: Hanthe Jesu o na mpona hake lela jwalo ampitsa are etlo hona ofole matswalo...
Report Abuse
YOYO85
Naked hahahahahahh nice oneReport Abuse
nzaco
hhhaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaa. kikikikiki.................ke tlo ho booooooooooooooooolayaaaaaaaaaaaa kakakakakaka
wena Nake'd!!............kwakwaaaaaaaaakwakwaaaaaaaaa
Report Abuse
Doctor247
A husband and a wife were sitting watching TV program about psychology and explaining the pgenomenon of "MIXED EMOTIONS".The husband turned to his wife and said: "Honey, that's a bunch of crap. I bet you can't tell me anything that will make me happy and sad at the same time."
The wife said: "Out of all your friends, you have the biggest peni.s."
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nzaco
MeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeLoooooooooooooooooowwa di betsa ngwanana__ helele
WENA @Naked!!! I am WaTCHinG YoU liKE aN OOOoooooWwwwwwWWLLL...lol
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Doctor247
erratum: "PHENOMENON"Report Abuse
Ma'dreds
Dear sis DollyI'm a 70 year old man with 20 kids & 6 wives, recently had a child wth my frends daughter, should i marry her??? from anonymous - eNkandla
Sis Dolly replied "voetsek Zuma! i knw its you.
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Ma'dreds
Ring Ring!!Kamo: luv kekopa onrekele Debonairs...
Senzeni: On one condition baby.
Kamo: What now my luv?
Senzeni: Spell debonairs first!
Kamo: Aaai kea tshameka!! Tjo... reka KFC geh...
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Treble_1937
Orlando Pirates is as valuable as having clothes on your body.Report Abuse
Tibub
A father talks to his son about his plans after high schoolDad : What do you want to do after finishing your schooling ?
Son : I want to be a Banker
(to his dad it sounded like he wants to be a BONKER)
Dad : Surprised , what the f**k did you say ?
Son : I said Banking
Dad : Breathing a sigh of relief , that's a very good choice now go tell your mom to join me in the bedroom
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BEAUTYPRINCESS
@sakhombaa white man burns a new nelson mandela R100 note, is he a racist or izikhothane?
-----------------------------
KWAAAAAAAAAH!
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Naked
@nzaco :)english translation of Z ulu names.
Dumisani - rev the car
Nomthandazo - pray-non-stop
Tholakele - she-was-lost-but-now-she -is-found
Ncedisi - (PA) personal assistant
siyabonga - thank you
menzi - maker
mongezi - If u don't come
Mathanzima- heavy saliva
Madlopha-eat while u b leed
Ntombifuthi -girl-again
SENZENI-WHT HAVE WE DONE
Zine--4
Fikile - arrived
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antie
Meraai is in court testifying that Gatiep rap.ed her.Prosecutor: So Meraai, tell us how it happened.
Meraai: Djor honor, Gatiep broke into my house and pushed me into the bedroom.
Prosecutor: Is that where he rap.ed you.
Meraai: No djor honor. I got away and ran to the lounge.
Prosecutor: Is that where he rap.ed you?
Meraai: No djor honor, I got away and ran to the kitchen, and that is where he rap.ed me.
Prosecutor: What did he do to you?
Meraai: First he took out the kitchen knife, and put it on the table. Then he took out the bread knife and put it on the table. Then he took out the meat knife and put it on the table. Then he took out his thing and laid it on the table and then he said " Meraai, vi djou gat ek stiek...choose djor wêpon."
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DJ-Winner
Gender of ItemsWhat gender is it? If you're like most people, common everyday items look inert to you. But what you may not know is that many of them have a gender. For example...
1. Ziploc Bags -- Male, because they hold everything in but you can see right through them.
2. Copier -- Female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm up. It's an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed.
3. Tire -- Male, because it goes bald and often it's over inflated.
4. Hot Air Balloon -- Male, because to get it to go anywhere you have to light a fire under it...and, of course, there's the hot air part.
5. Sponges -- Female, because they're soft and squeezable and retain water.
6. Web Page -- Female, because it's always getting hit on.
7. Subway -- Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.
8. Hourglass -- Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.
9. Hammer -- Male, because it hasn't evolved much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.
10. Remote Control -- Female...Ha! You thought it'd be male. But consider that it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying
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Mellow
Joe wanted to buy a motorbike.He doesn't have much luck until one day,
he comes across a Harley with a 'for sale' sign on it..
The bike seems even better than a new one, although
it is 10 years old. It is shiny and in absolute
mint condition.
He immediately buys it, and asks the seller how he
kept it in such great condition for 10 years.
'Well, it's quite simple, really,' says the seller,
'whenever the Bike is outside and it's gonna rain,
rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain.'
And he hands Joe a jar of Vaseline.
That night, his girlfriend, Sandra, invites him over to
meet her parents. Naturally, they take the bike there.
But just before they enter the house,Sandra stops him
and says, 'I have to tell you something about my family
before we go in.'
'When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the first
person who Says anything during dinner has to do the
dishes.'
'No problem,' he says. And in they go.
Joe is shocked. Right smack in the middle of the living
room is a Huge stack of dirty dishes.
In the kitchen is another huge stack of dishes. Piled up
on the stairs, in the corridor, everywhere he looks,
dirty dishes.
They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one
says a word.
As dinner progresses, Joe decides to take advantage
of the situation.
So he leans over and kisses Sandra.
No one says a word.
So he reaches over and fondles her breasts.
Still, nobody says a word.
So he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes off, throws
her on the table, and screws her right there, in front of
her parents. His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is
obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back
down, but no one says a word.
He looks at her mom..
'She's got a great body,' he thinks. So he grabs the
mom, bends her over the dinner table, and has his
way with her every which way right there on the dinner
table.
Now his girlfriend is furious and her dad is boiling, but
still, Total silence.
All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it
starts to rain.
Joe remembers his bike, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline
from his pocket...
Suddenly the father shouted....
'I'll do the f****** dishes!!!
Report Abuse
Popeye
Miscommunication between Smit (in London) andAbdul (in Afghanistan)
(Kriii…kriii x 3)
Smit: What’s your name?
Abdul: Abdul Al-Rhazib
Smit: Se.x?
Abdul: 3 to 5 times a week.
Smit: -No, no, no…I mean male or female?
Abdul: Male, female…sometimes camel.
Smit: Hol.y cow…?
Abdul: Yes cow, sheep, animals in general…
Smit: But isn’t ho.stile…?
Abdul: Ho*s style, d*gy style any style.
Smit: Oh! My dear.
Abdul: -No, no dear run to fast…
Report Abuse
Missjoy
CONDOMLargeLOL...
A guy went for an HIV test on Friday and they told him to come back for his results on Monday .....on Sunday when he was at church the Pastor began to pray "MAY ALL THE THINGS U RECEIVE THIS WEEK BE POSITIVE" the guy stood up and shouted "UYANYA MFUNDISI"
***********************************************************************************************************************
Ungibulaleni kangaka, lol
Report Abuse
Mellow
You are going to love this one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!English: Take this one. Shangaan: Teka le shiwane
English: Hello Sir Shangaan: Haelosheni.
Sound similar doesn't, and they have the same meaning as well.
People always say that; isiShangaani-iSilungu, here's proof.
Early in those years, remember the Coca-Cola people came to advertise a
nice cold drink without a name. Non could name it until they gave it to
an OLD SHANGAAN lady.
After drinking, the Shangaan lady said, Aahhhhhhh, E koka nkola - meaning it pulls the throat, and they named it: COCA COLA.
Now the beer guys used the same concept to give their beer a name,
Shangaans are getting popular in naming drinks, Read below:
This beer makers wanted a unique name for their beer...they then came to S.A. and they asked this group of Africans(Shangaans) to taste their beer and to give name for it.
The shangaans downed the beer but said
nothing...till they were very drunk.. the beer makers stopped supplying
the beer... ...then the Shangaans protested and begged for more "
hinikeni!!!hinikeni!!!hinikeni!!!" (....give us please...)
aaaaaaaaaha!!! HEINEKEN......and the rest is history.
I just wonder what's next...?
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leShandiis
One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyonein tiny Jonestown wakes up early and goes to
their local church. Before the service starts, the
townspeople sit in their pews and talk about their lives and their families.
Suddenly, at the altar, Satan appears!!
Everyone starts screaming and running for
the front entrance, trampling each other in
their determined efforts to get away
from Evil Incarnate. Soon, everyone is
evacuated from the church except for one man,
who sit calmly in his pew, seemingly oblivious to
the fact that
God's ultimate enemy is in his presence.
This confuses Satan a bit. Satan walks
up to the man and says,
"Hey, don't you know who I am?"
The man says, "Yep, sure do."
Satan says, "Well, aren't you afraid of me?"
The man says, "Nope, sure ain't."
Satan, perturbed, says, "And why aren't you afraid of me?"
The man says, "Well, I've been married to your sister for 25 years."
Report Abuse
SetlaboswanaBoy07
We all know there are bossy girls in our communities & ba donoraSo my friend proposed love to one of them
Babes ke a go rata, he said
What did you just say, The girl asked angrily
Kere ke tla go raga, he replied in fear.
Report Abuse
Mellow
Man walks past a beggar every day and gives him R10.00 and that continues For a year. Then suddenly the daily donation changes to R7, 50. "Well," the beggar thinks, "it's still better than nothing."A year Passes in this way until the man's daily donation suddenly becomes R5.00
"What's going on now?" the beggar asks his donor. "First you give me R10.00 Every day, then R7, 50 and now only R5.00 What's the problem?"
"Well," the man says, "last year my eldest son went to university. It's very expensive, so I had to cut costs. This year my eldest daughter also Went to university, so I had to cut my expenses even further."
"And how many children do you have?" the beggar asks.
"Four," the man replies.
"Well," says the beggar, "I hope you don't plan to educate them all at My expense!!!
Report Abuse
Missjoy
WordofGodTeacher: Ha. Ke bitsa le bitso la hao, o responde neh? Thabo!
Thabo: Sponde
**********************************************************************************
Lol , this is a joke of the day
Report Abuse
Mellow
A little girl asked her mother: 'How did the human race appear?' The mother answered, 'God made Adam and Eve; they had children; and so was all mankind made.' Two days later the girl asked her father the same question. The father answered, 'Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.' The confused girl returned to her mother and said, 'Mum, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?' The mother answered, 'Well, Dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family, and your father told you about his.'Report Abuse
Mellow
In a rural program for farmers, a female TV reporter seeking the main cause of Mad Cow disease, arranged for an interview with a farmer who may have some theories on the matter....The interview was as follows: ....
The lady reporter: "I am here to collect information on the possible sources of Mad Cow Disease.. Can you offer any reason for this disease ? "
The farmer stared at the reporter and said: ...............
"Do you know that a bull mounts a cow only once a year ? "
Reporter (obviously embarrassed): "Well, sir, that's a new piece of information.but what's the relation between this phenomenon and Mad Cow disease?"
Farmer: "And, madam, do you know that we milk a cow twice a day ? "
Reporter: "Sir, this is really valuable information, but what about getting to the point ? "
Farmer: "I am getting to the point, madam. Just imagine, if I was playing with your t!ts twice a day.... and only screw!ng you once a year, wouldn't you get mad ? "
Report Abuse
INCOGNITO2
ZAKHELE: I am Proud, coz my son is in Medical College.Friend: Really, what is he studying.
ZAKHELE: No, he is not studying, they are Studying him.
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INCOGNITO2
ZAKHELE: Why are all these people running?Man - This is a race, the winner will get the cup
ZAKHELE - If only the winner will get the cup, why others running?
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INCOGNITO2
Teacher: 'I killed a person' convert this sentence into future tenseZAKHELE: The future tense is 'u will go to jail'
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INCOGNITO2
ZAKHELE told his servant: 'Go and water the plants!'Servant: 'It's already raining.'
ZAKHELE: 'So what? Take an umbrella and go
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Pabi
NakedGIRLFRIEND: BABY whats your star sign I read it for you.
BF: Anginaso
GF: When is your birthday?
BF: 03 JULY
GF: OOOOHHH its cancer
BF: UYANYA!! ESAKHO YI AIDS!!
*****************************************************
Mellow
Sipho goes to the post office.
He asks for an envelope from the cashier.
He screams into the envelope,
the cashier scared asks “WHY ARE YOU SCREAMING IN THE ENVELOPE”
Sipho answers
I am sending a voice mail wena!!!!!!
*******************************************************
Heeeeeeeeeeee! la mpolaya guys yoooooooooh u have made my day, le funny straight.
Report Abuse
Mmabunang
Everything is made in China. Except for babies. They are made in VaChina.Report Abuse
Mokwepa
@WordofGodTeacher: Ha. Ke bitsa le bitso la hao, o responde neh? Thabo!
Thabo: Sponde
--------------------
you are a winner
Report Abuse
gazalovespells
X : I am looking for loveY : Use a Gaza Love spells by Chris Gaza at www.lovespells.me
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Popeye
Umsebenzi kababa – My father’s jobSdindi's father passed away a year ago and he asked for a leave at work so that he can prepare some rituals as his mother was about to pass the mourning process. The discussion between him and his boss was as follows:
Sdindi: You know mos boss my father died last year
Boss: Yea I remember that and that was a very sad moment
Sdindi: so boss I need leave
Boss: Your father died last year and you need leave this year?
Sdindi: Yes boss, I have to go home and undress my mother and do my father's job.
Boss (shocked): But why would you do such a horrible thing
Sdindi: All black people do it.
The confused boss granted the leave anyway. On Monday when Sdindi came back the boss asked what happened.
Boss: How did your father's job go?
Sdindi: It went well, it was a little bit hard for my mother when it started because it's been a year since my father died, mother cried a little bit but after a while was smiling and she was very proud of me, she said I did my father's job exactly the same way my father did my grandfather's job.
And the boss fainted!
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Dithabana
In an alcohol factory the regular taster died and the director started looking for a new one to hire.A drunkard with ragged, dirty look came to apply for the position.
The director of the factory wondered how to send him away.
They tested him.
They gave him a glass with a drink. He tried it and said,
"It’s red wine, a muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers."
"That’s correct", said the boss.
Another glass.
"It’s red wine, cabernet, eight years old, a south western slope, oak barrels."
"Correct."
The director was astonished.
He winked at his secretary to suggest something.
She brought in a glass of urine. The alcoholic tried it.
"It’s a blonde, 26 years old, pregnant in the third month. And if you don’t give me the job, I’ll also tell who’s the father!"
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Naked
Sipho worked for his w'hite boss for a long time and had become close friends.The boss's w'ife died and Sipho went to pass his heartfelt condolences to friend (the boss)
Sipho asked his friend how he was feeling after the loss of his w.ife in which his friend clearly still in pain ,cried hysterically.In a bid to comfort his friend Sipho slowly rubbed his Friend's back and said "Shut up my friend,shut up ,kuzolunga,just shut up wena Jesus knows".
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nzaco
haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! haikhonaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.............Naked!!!!!!!!!!! ......*shaking ze head* kikikikikikikikikikik..................
ngizokuthoooooooooooooooooolaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...........kikikikiki
@mellow : tlohela machanki asseblief.....otherwise!! utaxikuma lexi u xi lavaku :-)
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Naked
@NZAco lol lol im sorryReport Abuse
nzaco
Naked@NZAco lol lol im sorry
kikikikik.......................kwakwakwakwa.....
You scared of the owl! ....
ngizokuthooooooooooooolaaaaaa!! *wink*
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Mellow
@nzacoDont get me wrong me lovesssssssssss SHAAGANS hey please remove the spell now
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Mokwepa
@NakedSipho worked for his w'hite boss for a long time and had become close friends.
The boss's w'ife died and Sipho went to pass his heartfelt condolences to friend (the boss)
Sipho asked his friend how he was feeling after the loss of his w.ife in which his friend clearly still in pain ,cried hysterically.In a bid to comfort his friend Sipho slowly rubbed his Friend's back and said "Shut up my friend,shut up ,kuzolunga,just shut up wena Jesus knows".
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this is not a joke,its just rubbish.....its a turn off.
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Dithabana
@Naked.. That's a hit! "Shut up wena" @Mokwepa.Report Abuse
Naked
@Dithabana :)Report Abuse
Misslady
Mellowhinikeni!!!hinikeni!!!hinikeni!!!" (....give us please...)
aaaaaaaaaha!!! HEINEKEN......and the rest is history.
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Oh my eyes are full of tears tjo!!! u k!lled me :-)
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Popeye
Worried Khaphela Mbimbi went to bar for a shot…he saw three men ordered their favorite whiskies.1st man: Double shot…Jack Daniels
2nd man: Single shot…Jonnie Walker
3rd man: Double shot…Glen Morey
Khaphela: Double shot…Khaphela Mbimbi
To all bloggers…you made my day…good medicine is to make people laugh. Nginithanda nonke emakhaya.
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Doctor247
@Mellowhinikeni!!!hinikeni!!!hinikeni!!!" (....give us please...)
aaaaaaaaaha!!! HEINEKEN......and the rest is history.
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The best by far. And original too.
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knobkirrie
a bear and a rabbit are sitting in the bushes and having a s**t. The bear asks a rabbit: 'do you have trouble with s**t getting stuck on your fur??' 'No', said the rabbit. The bear quickly grabbed the rabbit and wiped his arse.Report Abuse
mruniatz
Harry has a problem to find work because he is very very slow. Finally the zoo keeper takes pity on him and gives him a job to look after the 50 turtles in an enclosure.Later the morning, the manager goes to check on Harry and finds all the turtles are gone and Harry stands leaning on his broom."Harry, what the hell happened? Where are all the turtles?"
"Sir, you won't believe it! I just opened the gate to get in and WHOOOOSHHHHH!!!!"
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mruniatz
A very dirty and stoned beggar with a filthy overcoat gets into a bus and takes a seat next to a very stiff lipped madam. She frowns at him and squeezes herself as far away from the stinking wretch as she can. He reaches inside his overcoat and takes out a half eaten motley hamburger, looks at it and offers it to her, saying:;" Widdjoo..... wouldyou.....like a bite, sweedhart?" "No, you filthy man! Get away from me!" the madam replies. He eats the hamburger, reaches into his overcoat and produces a half bottle of methylated spirits. He looks at her and offers the bottle: "C'mon sweedhart, would you like.... a drink...., a drink!" "No you awful disgusting wretch! Go and sit somewhere else!" she replies with a frown. He takes a deep swig, empties the bottle and burps loudly. After a few moments, he looks at her and says: "You dun want my food, you dun want my booze, so I shuppose sleeping with you is out of the queshtion"Report Abuse
Tcee
@MellowO mpolayelang ka ditshego
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MasheleJ
Universal ranking of common attributes:Stupidity; ignorance; bliss; morning breath; selfishness; lust; fear; money; luck; incompetence; indifference; dishonesty; foolish optimism; love...
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MasheleJ
A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on the freeway. Nothing is moving.Suddenly a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down his window and asks, “What's going on?
“E Toll protestors have kidnapped the ANC political leadership. They're asking for a $300 million ransom, otherwise they're going to douse them with petrol and set them on fire. We're going from car to car, taking up a collection.”
The driver asks, 'How much is everyone giving, on average?'
“About a litre“!
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