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Your significant other not tagging you on social media? You might be being stashed

By Nivashni Nair | 2017-08-30 12:01:52.0

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You are a few weeks into a romance‚ with promises of a golden future — so why are there no pictures of you on your new love interest’s social media?

You don’t even get a mention. Your partner’s WhatsApp profile picture is still a dog and his Facebook relationship status is still single. You have not met a single friend and there is no talk of meeting the family.

You are being stashed.

Stashing‚ the sly dating trend coined recently‚ suggests that people are not just hiding their partners from their real life friends and family but are keeping them offline too.

“Stashing is a trendy new term for an age old thing called secret love affairs. The conscious motives are clear and obvious: you don’t want people to know that you are dating someone or that specific someone‚” clinical psychologist Bradley R. Daniels said.

Unconsciously‚ perhaps the person is ambivalent about the potential of the relationship and may be searching for the next best thing.

“Hence‚ they are not ready to commit publicly. However‚ this is not cast in stone and one would have to understand the nuances in each and every situation or relationship‚” Daniels explained.

Perfect Partners and MatchVIP matchmaker Shannon Davidoff said the stasher may “be married‚ dating many others‚ playing the field or have something serious to hide“.

“Or they are ashamed of you out there — you’re only good enough to take care of their primal needs on their terms‚ behind the curtain of lies! They could be embroiled with the ex‚ be in another relationship‚ or still hunting for better‚” she said.

Davidoff said if a couple has agreed to become exclusive‚ the right time-frame to go public is usually three weeks.

“See the red flags. Do not waste another moment. You must wake up and realise you have been had‚ gather up your pride‚ and move on‚ fast.”

Love coach Bonita Grobbelaar said newly separated or divorced singles with kids usually stash their new partner to spare their children and the ex the heartache or humiliation of seeing how quickly they have moved on.

“Both men and women do this. It depends rather on personality type and how more likely they are to be ready to tell the world that they are in a new relationship. It usually goes hand in hand with being emotionally available as a partner. If you’re not‚ you are more likely to stash. Narcissists also have a strong tendency to stash people‚” she explained.