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My husband abuses me since finding out I'm HIV positive

By Relationship Roundtable | 2017-01-26 10:22:06.0

Relationship advice from experts

I discovered three years ago that I am HIV positive, my husband is now distant and cold. He calls me names, says my body looks shapeless and does not enjoy sex with me, but he refuses to leave me.

He still wants sex with me anyway. I thought he will change in time. I am confused.

Boitumelo replies: This is what emotional and psychological abuse looks like. Someone degrading you all the time. Then making you feel like they are the only people who can love you and no one out there can love you.

You hear this for so long, you start to believe it. He still sleeps with you because he can see that you are insecure and not able to stand up for yourself. Love is supposed to protect and build you as a person, not destroy you. This is not a healthy relationship anymore. It's clear he has a problem that he's taking out on you. Both of you need help.

MOM replies: I'm picking up two problems here. Your HIV status and a disenchanted, abusive husband. Choose which problem you want to deal with first and vigilantly.

Should you choose to deal with your HIV problem - get rid of this man. He will stress you and lead you to depression.

At this point in your life you need support not abuse. Put yourself first and love yourself selfishly and unconditionally.


I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for three years, and I am three months pregnant and unemployed.

I accidentally discovered that he is in the process of a divorce, and has four children with different women. He still tries to avoid the topic and pretends nothing is wrong. I am afraid, I don't know this man anymore. I don't know what to do.

Boitumelo replies: So this becomes his fifth child with yet another woman! So much dishonesty and trickery for so long in this relationship, how many more surprises can you take? I say run! Having a child with him does not mean you are stuck with him for life.

You might be hurt and disappointed, you might still love him, but it does not mean you have to stay with him because of the child.

Is he even supporting the children. He is questionable as a man and a father.

MOM replies: For three years you have dated someone and didn't pick up that he is married and has four children with different women?

You don't know this man anymore? Have you ever known this man at all? Please ask your uncles to slaughter a goat for you. It's the only thing that makes sense to me right now. You need usiko!

Tshenkeng is a qualified clinical psychologist. E-mail her at

Mahlobo is a seduction expert, relationship coach and author. E-mail her at