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The men I date bore me to tears in no time at all

By Boitumelo Tshenkeng and Mandisa O. Mahlobo | 2016-11-24 07:39:15.0

I seem to have a problem with dating. I get bored and annoyed by men very quickly. It gets worse if a man doesn't communicate. I feel like he doesn't love me enough. What must I do?

MOM replies: You need to set your relationship goals very clearly. Don't just date by default. Date the kind of men you want to end up with.

Men are not very good at communicating with words, they talk action. So, it would work in your favour to listen to his actions.

The reason you get bored quickly may be because you are not dating who you really want to date.

Boitumelo replies: It sounds like you know what you want and anything that does not resemble that starts to bore or annoy you. Avoid giving every Tom, Dick and Jerry a chance of a relationship.

I often hear men say they can't read between the lines when it comes to women and relationships.

They want to hear exactly what you like or dislike from you rather than assume they know, so be clear about your expectations.

Also be secure in yourself. If your man does not respond to every WhatsApp or does not tell you his deepest desires or concerns, it does not mean he loves you less.

I broke up with my baby daddy a month ago but I can't stop thinking about him.

He has put me and my child through a lot of hardship but when I feel lonely, I miss him. I'm confused and frustrated.

MOM replies: Dahlink, start by playing sport. I find sport very therapeutic. You will let off steam.

There are people there you will socialise with. Who knows, maybe you will meet your next man there. A bonus! You will look sexy.

You are lonely because you are motionless. Get moving.

Boitumelo replies: It's normal to miss him, he was a part of your life. It doesn't mean you have to run to him when you are lonely.

It's just reality hitting you that your life has changed and you have to adjust.

Sometimes relationships end because of circumstances that make it difficult to keep it going but the love and feelings towards the partner might still be there.

This raises a lot of emotions. You can feel like you need your ex back but if you give yourself a chance to heal and adjust to this different life, you will realise you didn't actually need him back.

You have to trust yourself that in due time you will be okay.

lTshenkeng is a qualified clinical psychologist. E-mail her on tumi.tshenkeng@gmail.com

lMahlobo is a seduction expert, relationship coach and author. E-mail mandisaomahlobo@gmail.com

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