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Wife won't talk to me since our son's death

By Relationship Roundtable | Oct 16, 2016 | COMMENTS [ 20 ]

My wife and I lost our son two years ago, and our relationship has been sour ever since. We don't talk, she pushes me away and never wants to talk about our deceased son.

She gets irritable and angry whenever someone talks about him. I feel very lonely. How can I deal with the situation?BOITUMELO replies:What a difficult experience to go through. She is obviously still having difficulty accepting the loss. Avoiding the matter shows that she is not coping. You might need to be more patient with her. In the meantime, suggest to her to seek professional help where she can be able to open up until she is ready to talk to you. It's going to be difficult to help her by yourself. It's also ideal for you to find a space to express your own frustrations.

MOM replies: Talking about your son triggers the pain. Stop talking about him. Find ways to distract her. She is going through the five stages of a loss, which are: shock, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. She may still be stuck on anger, which may take a bit of time to get over. Be patient with her and pay her more attention.

My husband always threatens to leave me whenever we have a fight or if I try to show him things that he does that I don't like. I end up begging him to stay and going out of my way to please him so he won't leave, but I am emotionally tired from this.

BOITUMELO replies: You are trying to maintain this relationship by yourself. His commitment to you has a lot of instability and insecurity, while your actions are just perpetuating the situation. He has become egocentric because you have given him the impression that you can't survive without him. Why is he still around anyway when he acts as if he doesn't need you? The question to you is: do you believe you can't survive without him?

MOM replies:Next time when he threatens to leave, open the door and move out of the way. He is manipulating you. He has studied you and concluded that you are scared to live without him. The only way to free yourself from this bondage is to feel the fear and stand firm still. If he wanted to leave, he would have left a long time ago.

lTshenkeng is a qualified clinical psychologist. E-mail her on

lMahlobo is a seduction expert, relationship coach and author. E-mail her on mandisaomahlobo@gmail. com


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Give her another child my man, it will help move on

Oct 17, 2016 6:51 | 1 replies


But she wont have sex with him, she is pushing the poor guy. No sex for 2 years my men.

Oct 17, 2016 8:11 | 2 replies


Nope there is no mention of no sex for 2 years in this article, my suspections though is that this lady is pushing this guy away because he cant seem to forget about his deceased child, and she's sick and tired of his sht

Oct 17, 2016 8:41 | 0 replies


mxm kanti why doesnt this man just go the R5 place Tiger Stripes right at Bree Street or Germiston and get himself sexy young girls

Oct 17, 2016 9:42 | 0 replies


how did the baby die, did you cause the baby's death? give me the full story and I'll enlighten you s3xless married man.

Oct 17, 2016 8:18 | 1 replies


You are asking too much unnecessary questions now

Oct 17, 2016 10:10 | 0 replies


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Oct 17, 2016 8:32 | 0 replies


Aowi, 2 years

Oct 17, 2016 8:55 | 0 replies


Is this another "AskAMan"

Oct 17, 2016 8:56 | 0 replies


My husband always threatens to leave me whenever we have a fight or if I try to show him things that he does that I don't like. I end up begging him to stay and going out of my way to please him so he won't leave, but I am emotionally tired from this. >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
throw him to the kerb dear

Oct 17, 2016 9:10 | 0 replies


Sorry for your loss..... that must be so difficult. This seems like a double blow for you, not only did you lose your child but you might also lose your w!fe. Have you tried to broach the subject of counselling???
Loosing a loved one is not easy but your w!fe also needs to understand that it is not only her who lost a child. You both need to find common ground and salvage your marriage whilst there is still time.

May the both of you try to find closure and be each other’s comforters

Oct 17, 2016 9:18 | 0 replies


It is hard for any parent to have to bury their own child. She obviously feel he should have done more to save their child, and blames him (unfairly).

Give her space by moving out.

Oct 17, 2016 9:38 | 1 replies


you encouraging divorce

Oct 17, 2016 9:43 | 1 replies


The more he hangs around like a bad smell, the more she is going to push him away.

Absence makes heart grow fonder, or, out of sight, out of mind.

Oct 17, 2016 10:0 | 0 replies


Very few marriages survive the death of a child. There are support groups, but it isn't something that can be 'fixed'. The best is to try and redefine the relationship, as both parents are irrevocably changed forever

Oct 17, 2016 10:8 | 1 replies


its sad and painful maybe they must make another child maybe that could make them closer

Oct 17, 2016 10:17 | 1 replies


Rest - you can never replace a child - she would constantly be comparing the child with the one she lost. That would make her miserable and be unfair to the new child. Babies also strain a relationship and bringing a baby in will make the situation worse. The woman has enough depression without throwing hormones, lack of sleep and dirty nappies into it.

Oct 17, 2016 10:31 | 0 replies


He killed the child...Found out its not his. Child belongs to his step brother. Wife wont speak to him, still trying to convince him its his child. She wants to go to Loveback now but he is not interested as there is a pending murder case.

Oct 17, 2016 10:17 | 0 replies


@Marvisto kwaaaaaaaah at he killed a child.I also think he is responsible for the child's death.Maybe he was supposed to take care of that kid but accident happened while he was busy doing some sh!t thing.The woman need counselling.To those airhead who think it's easy to replace a kI'd by making other one,there is something wrong with their brains.You can't replace a child.The woman need psychological help actually both parents.

Oct 17, 2016 4:28 | 0 replies