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The ex factor causes confusion, resentment

Relationship advice from experts.

QUESTION: My ex-boyfriend, who dumped me while I still loved him, just got married. He keeps calling and texting me saying he wants me back. The love for him is still there, but now I also have anger towards him. Please guide me.

MOM replies: That man is married, stay away from him. He just wants to use you to stave off boredom. He may also be gunning for sexual favours. If you go back to him, you will be wasting your time and lowering your standards. Find your own man who will not leave you and marry someone else.

BOITUMELO replies: You have the right to feel angry. Who does he take you for to ask you to be his side chick? But my question is why does he think he can get you to be his mistress? Why are you even entertaining it? Remember your worth. It's a married man who chose someone over you. He already showed you that your love for him was never enough. Why didn't he marry you at that time?

Walk away because he didn't see you as fit to be his lifetime partner. Someone will.

QUESTION: The father of my child, who is my ex, and my current boyfriend don't get along. They fight at every available opportunity. This is putting a strain on my current relationship. How can I cut my ex off, without destroying his relationship with our child?

MOM replies: You need to get a restraining order against your ex. It must stipulate exactly how the two of you will interact. He is using the fact that you have a child with him to frustrate you and your new guy. Tell your new man not to engage him. He must just support you as you go the court route.

BOITUMELO replies: It looks like he is destroying it all by himself by failing to be civil and mature. Both think their territory is being threatened or undermined by the other. Clarify and affirm their position.

Your ex should know no one will replace him as a father. Your boyfriend must know his boundaries because he can't be part of the reason for destroying your child's opportunity to have a relationship with their father.

You need to come up with a plan for meeting and discussing your child with your ex without your boyfriend until both have adjusted to the fact that this is how things will be.

Tshenkeng is a qualified clinical psychologist. E-mailtumi.tshenkeng@gmail.com

Mahlobo is a seduction expert, relationship coach and author. E-mailmandisaomahlobo@gmail.com

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