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CONFESSION BOX: My husband of six months is cheating

My husband and I have been married for six months.

We are both professionals and lead very busy lives. We had a wonderful wedding but our relationship changed soon afterwards. My husband seems to spend a lot of time working overtime or travelling. This has driven a wedge between us.

We are no longer intimate and I sometimes feel like I am his enemy. I don't think he loves me anymore. I still love him and I am finding the situation unbearable.

I started suspecting that he was having an affair when he received calls at all times of the night. He leaves the room to take calls. Once when I asked him who called, he said that it was a business associate. When he was having a shower one evening I picked up his cellphone and went through it. My suspicions were confirmed. My husband is deeply in love with another woman and she feels the same about him. He has never expressed his love for me in the same way and it breaks my heart. I tried to speak to him about it and he was very defensive.

He said that I am talking rubbish and if I am unhappy in the marriage, I should get out.

Confused, Polokwane

The signs are there that your marriage is in trouble. You will only be able to move forward if the two of you have honest, open communication.

He needs to tell you what is going on if he wants to remain married to you. Unless this happens, the situation between the two of you will continue to deteriorate. If he still loves you and wants to make things work, he would have to prove to you that he has ended the affair with this woman.

He would also have to understand that it would take time for you to trust him again.

It is certainly possible to re-build a marriage after an affair, but it takes commitment, time and patience. Together you must decide to either speak to someone who you both trust or go to a marriage counsellor.

If there is any chance that you can save your marriage, then you must both do everything in your power to sort out your problems.

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