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Not every sexual encounter as sweet as a bed of roses

SEX SENT ME TO ER: Many mishaps can happen in the bedroom before or during sex photo: thinkstock
SEX SENT ME TO ER: Many mishaps can happen in the bedroom before or during sex photo: thinkstock

When it comes to sex, not everything is a bed of roses, literally.

While most people visualise rose petals on the floor leading to the bed, scented candles, chocolate and romantic music playing in the background, the truth is, not every sexual encounter is romantic.

Yes, things can go wrong during sex as television shows like Sex Sent Me to the ER can attest to the many mishaps that can happen in the bedroom.

These individuals look back on their sexual escapades and either giggle with embarrassment or cringe in horror.

Their stories all reveal the mishaps and embarrassing moments that happened during sex.

lRefilwe Sambo, a 27-year-old Naturena, Johannesburg, resident, works as a beauty department clerk at one of the major department stores. She has a horror story to tell when it all went wrong during a steamy encounter.

"I ACCIDENTALLY USED ANOTHER CREAM INSTEAD OF LUBE!"

"I have the tendency of getting dry during sex. It's a problem I've always had."

After trying different remedies, I finally settled on keeping a tub of lubricant in my bedside drawer."

Sambo says after a night out with the new guy she had recently started seeing, they decided to go back to her place.

"Within minutes, we were ripping each other's clothes off. The lights were off, and we were ready to get intimate. While he was busy fiddling with a condom, I decided to secretly reach for the lubricant, without him noticing, as I did not want a lot of questions.

"We got busy and gradually, I noticed that something was amiss. There was a burning sensation, and I initially [thought] it [was] his flavoured condoms. Gradually, the burning got worse. It reached the point where I couldn't pretend anymore.

"I flipped him off me and jumped up to run to the bathroom. I noticed that I was covered in a white substance, which was weird because my lubricant was clear.

"I switched on the lights in the bedroom in a panic, only to find my jar of eye cream [open]. I was horrified! I jumped into the shower and scrubbed myself clean," she says.

What followed, Sambo says, was an embarrassing explanation to the puzzled guy, and an even more embarrassing visit to the chemist.

l The next sex horror victim is Jabu Mdzikwa from Nelspruit in Mpumalanga, whose lover freaked him out with her strange behaviour.

"SHE HAD TO CONSULT AMADLOZI BEFORE SEX!"

Mdzikwa says the first time he had sex with his sangoma ex left him speechless.

"We were kissing on the couch, and things started getting heavy, so we took it to the bedroom.

"Next thing she told me she had to go consult with her ancestors in the other room to find out if our intimacy was permitted, leaving me naked. That was so weird.

"She went into the other room, and started clapping hands and chanting. I think I even detected smoke at some point. I was so turned off, and it took a while to wipe out that mental picture even long after we had sex," he says.

l*Sibulele Mpanza, a call centre consultant from Umlazi, Durban, had a boyfriend who was a tad overzealous with the love bites.

"HE TURNED INTO DRACULA"

Mpanza says the problem she had with her ex was not the sex, because it was great, it was his tendency to bite her when he reached orgasm, which brought her more pain than pleasure.

"He would bite the living daylights out of me. And I'm not talking about a sexy nibble.

"I would have bite marks all over my body, from my shoulders to my back, and I was too shy to tell him to stop.

"He didn't know that my screams were of pain, not pleasure."

lXoliswa Mathebula, a resident of White City in Soweto, had a real emergency on her hands when a former lover fainted during the act.

"HE HAD AN EPILEPTIC FIT ON TOP OF ME!"

"I knew he had epilepsy, which he told me [about] when we started dating. He even wore the medical alert bracelet. One day during sex, he started making gestures, eyes rolling back and heavy gasping. I thought he was having an earth-shattering orgasm. Little did I know that he was having a fit."

But Mathebula says she noticed the situation was serious when he collapsed on top of her.

"You can imagine how embarrassing it was to answer the 'what was he doing when he had an epileptic fit?' question. He was rushed to the clinic."* Not her real name

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