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CONFESSION BOX: I want her to divorce her hubby

Not perfect: I thought I had a perfect family and now everything is lying in ruins Photo: ThinkStock
Not perfect: I thought I had a perfect family and now everything is lying in ruins Photo: ThinkStock

I AM a 35-year-old man and have been married for five years.

Our marriage was a disaster from the start. We don't have children and have always gone our separate ways.

I recently told my wife that I wanted a divorce and she agreed.

A year ago I met and fell in love with a wonderful woman. The problem is that she is also married with two children.

She has always told me that her marriage is similar to mine: that she and her husband lead separate lives.

They apparently stayed together only for the sake of their children who are under the age of six.

I have been begging her for ages to get a divorce and finally I told her that she had to make a firm decision whether she would divorce her husband or not.

She has now told me that she has spoken to him and he has asked that she give him four months for them to try and work out their marriage.

During this time she does not want me to contact or see her at all.

She says that she has to do this so she can say that they tried. We fought about this because I don't think she should give him any chances.

If they haven't been able to make things work by now, then they probably never will. I have waited too long for this and I don't see the point in waiting any longer. I have told her that I will go and speak to her husband but she has begged me not to. I am so frustrated that I feel like ignoring her and going to sort this out myself. What do you think?

In two minds, Diepkloof

I think that if you truly love this woman you would respect her wishes and give her the time she needs.

The difference between your marriages is that she has children to consider.

This is such a life changing step for her and her children.

If she gives her husband the chance he has asked for and if it doesn't work out, he will probably be more willing to accept that the marriage is over.

If this is the case she might also not feel guilty. If she decides to stay with her husband it will be painful for you, but surely it would be better than settling down with her and then she realises that it is not what she wants.

Give yourself this time to also decide if you are prepared to be involved with a woman with two children.

You also have to consider that both of you have been unfaithful in your marriages and whether this would strain your relationship in the future.

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