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10 ways to know if you are in an abusive relationship

By Bongiwe Sithole | 2013-05-03 08:14:51.0

Abuse in relationships can take form verbally, physically or emotionally, they are characterized by violence, jealousy and trying to access control over everything you partner does.

In relationships both men and women can be the abusers. It is easy to miss the little signs that can pin point whether your relationship is abnormal because abusers play on your self esteem.

Below are the ten basic signs that can help alert if you in an abusive relationship. If your partner exhibits one or more of these signs, it may be time to reevaluate your relationship.


  • Manipulative partners- Tells you you're crazy or stupid so the blame is turned on you. Tries to make you think that it's your fault he is abusive. Says he or she can't help being abusive so you feel sorry for him and you keep trying to 'help' him. Even goes to the extreme of telling others you are unstable.
  • Mood Swings – His or her mood switches from aggressive and abusive to apologetic and loving after the abuse has occurred. Their temper is uncontrollable.
  • Actions don't match words- He or she breaks promises, says they love you and abuses you at the same time.
  • Control freak- Abusive partners tend to be overly demanding of your time, creating an environment where you can’t do anything without their approval. They want to partake in everything you do even finances.
  • Verbal abuse- Your partner may like to use inappropriate words at you swears and curses every now and then. It does not matter what the reason is but if your partner uses bad language, you need to give this a serious thought.
  • The physical touch- If your partner raises his hands and slaps you now and then, it is an issue. Don’t put up with it. It’s a physically abusive person’s way of weaning you and breaking you down.
  • Has a History- An abusive partner has a history, they sometimes make mention of it during the good stages of the relationship. One way or another an abuser will show you signs if they don’t tell you about their abusive nature in some kind of way.
  • Lies- If your partner is getting good at lying just to make you stay or feel some sympathy for them they are emotionally abusing you. They will lie about feelings or situation that they see ‘weak’ to gain sympathy.
  • Jealous and possessive- He or she gets jealous when you happy, or out with friends and family. They want to own you and deprive you off your freedom, instead of allowing you to have some fun they constantly calling. Jealousy is not cool.

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